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| A Successful Failure | [[Aaron and Harold are sitting in the forest at dusk.]]
/ Harold: How do I know if I'm a failure or not? / Aaron: If you're asking that question, then you probably know the answer. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=271 |
| Philosophy is Dead | [[Aaron is talking to an obvious philosopher. You can tell because of the pretentious ponytail, and the lack of a tie.]]
/ Aaron: Hey postmodern philosopher. What's up?
/ Philosopher: Just the usual... / Philosopher: ... misapplying the theory of relativity, misappropriating Heisenburg's uncertainty... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=272 |
| That's Why There's Reader's Digest | [[Alp and Harold are looking at a bookcase in Alp's bathroom.]]
/ Harold: What's with all the books in the bathroom?
/ Alp: I used to be impatient because I hated wasted time in here. / Alp: So I put a little bookcase by the toilet. Now I can go to my heart's content! I actually get smarter the more I'm... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=273 |
| The Crackpot Conundrum | [[Aaron and Harold are walking outside in some sort of weird area with red -leaved tress and strange rock formations.]]
/ Aaron: There are so many crazy ideas to debunk. Creationism. Astrology. Aliens. The future survival of newspapers. / Harold: But is it even worth engaging in debates on non-sensical... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=274 |
| Paradox Resolved | [[Aaron and Harold are walking through a park or forest.]]
/ Harold: Consider the following, if someone says, "I always lie," are they telling the truth or lying? / Harold: There's no way to know without creating a paradox.
/ Aaron: No, obviously he's lying. You're assuming he can only tell the truth... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=275 |
| Paradox Created | [[Ferdinand is standing near Harold at the table. Harold is arranging different previous comic strips from Calamities of Nature.]]
/ Ferdinand: What the heck are you dong? / Harold: Ferd, you're known for making ridiculous remarks, so I'm helping the readers by organizing the strips you appear in. / Harold:... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=276 |
| Maybe He'd Like a Churro | [[Aaron is walking down the street, eating a churro. A man is standing on the sidewalk with a sign reading "Stop the invasion! Secure our borders" The man is wearing dark sunglasses, has a plaid shirt, and a Dale Earnhardt hat. The sign has two American flags attached.]]
/ Man: You know why the economy... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=277 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 1 | [[Alp and Ferdinand are in Alp's house. A phone is sitting on a nearby table.]]
/ Alp: You know how chicks want to weigh less and have bigger breasts? I have the perfect invention to solve both problems at once!
/ Ferdinand: What's that? / Alp: Helium-filled breast implants!!
/ Ferdinand: Spiffy!
/ [[The... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=278 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 2 | [[Raymond and Alp are standing in Alp's lab. Alp is hold two helium-filled breast implants in either hand.]]
/ Raymond: So this is the invention everyone's talking about? Helium-filled breast implants?
/ Alp: Yup, you can go to a size double D and lose 20 pounds. / Alp: In fact, these are my very first... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=279 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 3 | [[Harold and Alp and standing in Alp's lab. Alp is holding two helium-filled breast implants, suspended on strings. On the lab bench sits a hammer, a beaker with pink liquid in it, and a telephone.]]
/ Harold: Helium-filled breast implants?! That's your new invention?! I hope you realize how offensive... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=280 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 4 | [[Harold and Aaron are walking along a hill above a lake. The tree leaves are red and orange on this cool autumn day.]]
/ Harold: Alp's helium-filled breast implants are selling like crazy.
/ Aaron: Yup, people can't get enough breasts. / Harold: It makes me wonder if people have the same fascination... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=281 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 5 | [[Raymond and Ferdinand are walking through the forest. Ferdinand still has his helium-filled breast implants. The trees are turning red on this autumn day.]]
/ Ferdinand: Ever since Alp gave me helium implants, it's weird having people stare at my chest. / Ferdinand: I'm beginning to think there's a... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=282 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 6 | [[Raymond and Ferdinand are standing on a grassy plain. Purple hills sit in the background. Ferdinand still has his grossly over-sized, helium-filled breast implants.]]
/ Raymond: Still enjoying your breast implants?
/ Ferdinand: They're only the best thing ever! / [[The two characters stare at each other... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=283 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 7 | [[Raymond and Alp are talking in Alp's lab. Thousands of helium-filled breast implants are suspended on strings in the background.]]
/ Raymond: Congrats on your helium-filled breast implant invention. I heard they're selling like crazy!
/ Alp: Yeah, too bad I had to stop production. / Raymond: Really?... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=284 |
| An Uplifting Invention, Part 8 | [[Harold and Alp are sitting out on an island on a cool, autumn day. The tree leaves are a bright red.]]
/ Harold: Too bad your helium-filled breast implant invention didn't work. How's Ferd taking the loss of his breasts?
/ Alp: He's still crying and rocking in the fetal position / Alp: Oh well, at least... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=285 |
| Part of Me, Part of You | [[Aaron and Ferdinand walk along with a sunset in the background.]]
/ Aaron: It's hard to believe we've known each other for 20 years. / Aaron: Since we're continually being replenished as we eat, what fraction of the material that makes up our bodies is the same as 20 years ago? It's like we're completely... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=286 |
| One Too Many Worlds | [[Alp and Ferdinand are sitting at a bar with a woman having drinks. The woman has a martini and Alp and Ferdinand are drinking bears.]]
/ Ferdinand: Hey baby.
/ Woman: What do you want? / Ferdinand: You know, according to the many worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, right now there's a universe... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=287 |
| What Goes Up Must Come Down | [[Raymond walks in on Ferdinand sitting in a cushy chair and watching TV.]]
/ Raymond: I ate way too much corn last night.
/ Ferdinand: Why do you say that? / Raymond: Let's just say that this morning it made a return visit.
/ Ferdinand: Interesting... / [[Ferdinand sits at kitchen table, eating glitter.... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=288 |
| Preventive Medicine | [[Harold sits in a doctor's office, talking to a nurse with a syringe]]
/ Harold: Okay doctor, I'm ready for my shot. / Doctor: Good thing you're doing this. It'll protect you from the epidemic that's currently going on. / [[Outside shot of the clinic that Harold is leaving from. Sign says: Get your... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=289 |
| The Future is Messy | [[Harold is sitting in a chair, reading, when Ferdinand jumps at him.]]
/ Ferdinand: AHHHH!! / [[Ferdinand rips Harold's book in two, breaks his reading glasses, and knocks over his cup of tea.]] / [[Ferdinand then breaks the lamp, and uses it to knock over Harold's chair.]] / [[Harold lays on the... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=290 |
| Lil' Calamities and the Future | [[The younger versions of Harold and Ferd are talking, with the header "LIL' CALAMITIES" explaining their appearance.]]
/ Lil' Harold: Isn't it great being young? we have our whole lives ahead of us.
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Yup, we can do or be anything we want. / Lil' Harold: Just think, someday soon it'll... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=291 |
| Being Agreeable | [[Aaron sits at a doctor's office]]
/ Doctor: You blood pressure is too high. You need to reduce your stress by not arguing so much.
/ Aaron: You mean I have to be... agreeable? / [[Aaron talks to a man]]
/ Man: Evolution never happened.
/ Aaron: You're right! *You* clearly never evolved from being a monkey. / [[Aaron... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=292 |
| The Real Giving Tree, Part 1 | [[Raymond and Aaron are walking through the forest.]]
/ Raymond: There are so many good reasons to become a vegetarian. / Raymond: There's the moral issue of killing and eating another creature. / Raymond: And there's the environmental consideration because raising animals as food is resource intensive. / [[Ferdinand... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=293 |
| The Real Giving Tree, Part 2 | Ferdinand: You made some good arguments about the negatives of eating meat. / Ferdinand: So I'm going to become a vegetarian.
/ [[Ray puts both thumbs up]]
/ Raymond: That's great! / [[We see Ray and Ferd standing in the archetypical countryside. Behind Ray we see a tree. Ray is looking away from the... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=294 |
| The Real Giving Tree, Part 3 | [[Ferd and Raymond are standing in front o f the pig tree]]
/ Ferd: See! And you thought I couldn't be a vegetarian!
/ Raymond: Vegetarian? This doesn't count! / Raymond: where did this come from anyway? How does a pig-growing tree just spring up in the middle of nowhere? / Alp: Just doin' my part to... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=295 |
| The Real Giving Tree, Part 4 | [[ Pigs growing on a tree. ]]
/ Aaron: What happens when a pig gets ripe and falls from your piggy tree?
/ Alp: I didn't think of that, this could get ugly! / Aaron: Maybe you should have grown helium-filled pigs, like your breast implant invention. Then they'd just float away. / Alp: Roger Waters would... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=296 |
| The Real Giving Tree, Part 5 | [[Aaron and Harold consider the pig tree.]]
/ Harold: When deciding which animals to eat, should intelligence be a factor? / Harold: Is it more morally reprehensible to eat a dolphin than a shark? Is there a certain level of intelligence above which we should never eat an animal? / A pig on the tree:... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=297 |
| The Real Giving Tree, Part 6 | [[Alp stands in front of his lightning-struck pig tree, where all the pigs have X's for eyes]]
/ Alp: Oh my! Lightning hit my piggy tree! / Ferdinand (singing): Alright! I want my baby back baby back, ...Chili's baby back ribs! / Alp: Ferd, how can you joke at a time like this? / Alp: We don't even... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=298 |
| It's Sickening | [[Harold and Aaron walking in the woods.]]
/ Harold: Remember when people used to believe in witches? / Harold: Hasty decisions were made based on hearsay and rumors, leading to a lot of innocent people getting hurt. / Harold: Good thing those days are in our past. Now we have the scientific process... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=299 |
| Number 300 | Ferd: Did you hear the big news?! This is our 300th comic strip!
/ Aaron: Whoop de freakin' doo. / Aaron: Charles Schulz worked on "Peanuts" for fifty years, drawing 17,897 comic strips. Plus, his were actually good! / Ferd: *How did we get stuck with a lazy bastard for a creator?!*
/ Aaron: Don't... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=300 |
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