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A New Friend, Part 3 [[Raymond and Harold are walking through the forest]] / Harold: So Raymond, you think I'd be happier if I ignored what people think of me? / Raymond: Yeah, you always conform to society's pressures instead of being true to yourself. / Raymond: I think it was Neitzsche who said, "The individual has always...
A New Friend, Part 4 [[Harold and Raymond walk through the forest]] / Harold: Wow Raymond, I can't believe all of the places you've traveled. / Raymond: Hey, I'm a raccoon of the world! I want to experience all that life has to offer. / Harold: What's your favorite place to visit? / Raymond: Definitely Amsterdam. / Harold:...
A New Friend, Part 5 [[Ferdinand and Aaron sit watching television.]] / Aaron: Have you seen Harold lately? / Ferdinand: Not today. He's always so depressed and lonely. Sometimes I worry about that guy. / [[Harold walks by, Raymond in tow]] / Harold: Hey guys! I just made a new friend! / Ferdinand: And now he's imagining...
A New Friend, Part 6 [[Harold is presenting Raymond to Aaron and Ferdinand.]] / Harold: Hey guys, this is Raymond. He doesn't really have a place to stay. Could he live here awhile? / Aaron: It's already pretty crowded in this house. I don't know if we can spare the space. / Raymond: Well, I guess I'll have to find somewhere...
Eighties Education [[Ferdinand and Harold are Standing, watching the sun set]] / Ferdinand: Did you know glass is made from melting sand? / Harold: How the heck do you know that? / Ferdinand: He-Man! He needs to trap a scorpion, so he vigorously rubs his hands over sand to melt it and make a glass cage. / Harold: Don't...
 
Oils Versus Acrylics [[Raymond stands holding a palette in front of a painting of a tree on an easel while talking to Harold]] / Harold: Cool, you paint too? Are you using oils? / Raymond: Yup, but it's always a conundrum choosing between oils and acrylics. / Raymond: Acrylics are easy to clean, but the colors are less vibrant...
Let It Snow [[Harold and Aaron are walking outdoors. They both wear scarves around their necks and it is starting to snow.]] / Harold: Wow, it's starting to snow! Nature never ceases to amaze! / Harold: When it's cold out, water could just fall as boring ice, but instead it floats to the ground in the form of...
Reader Mailbag, Part 1 Harold: Time for a new feature, reader mailbag, where we answer questions from real readers just like you. / Aaron: Our first letter is from Chris in Dallas, "It's unfair that you always make fun of religion, in particular Christianity. What's the deal?" / Aaron: You have a good point. I guess we...
Reader Mailbag, Part 2 [[Aaron stands holding a sheet of paper,]] / Aaron: The next reader mailbag question is from Andrew in Goleta, CA. He asks, " You've finally added a new cast member to Calamities. Does this mean you've jumped the shark?" / Aaron: Well, Aaron, we feel it's important to change things up to keep it fresh....
Reader Mailbag, Part 3 Ferdinand: Our *final* reader mailbag question is from Helen in Albany. She asks, "I can't tell *What the heck* you guys are. Couldn't you at least look like *recognizable animals*?" / Aaron: Well Helen, do you *really* think it would improve the comic if we were *realistic* looking animals? Guys,...
 
Dinosaur Discourse [[Harold and Aaron sit on a park bench, with birds at their feet]] / Harold: It's amazing to think that birds evolved from dinosaurs. / Harold: I like to watch birds and imagine them as dinosaurs, but with all the same mannerisms associated with birds. / [[A bird dropping lands on Harold's head]] / Aaron:...
Throwing Signs Ferdinand: Remember when we were younger and all the kids were wannabe gangsters? / Raymond: Sure, we'd throw up our gang signs and be like "west siiide!" / Ferdinand: Or we'd be gettin' a burger and then ask for... / [[Ferdinand holds up the fingers of one hand and covers the back of that hand with...
Shower Musing [[Harold stands in the shower wearing a pink shower cap and holding a large brush, musing to himself]] / Harold: Nothing can beat a shower. I get all my best thinking done in here. The relaxing sensation of the hot water combined with with the ambient noise from the faucet... / Harold: It blocks out...
Going Down, Part 1 [[Ferdinand stands with a skateboard in hand]] / Ferdinand: Trying to go uphill with a skateboard is such a drag. / Ferdinand: From now on, I'm only going downhill! / Harold: That's impossible! How will you do that?! / Ferdinand: Oh, I have my ways. / {{Caption: Inevitably..}} / [[Ferdinand is in Hell,...
Going Down, Part 2 [[Ferdinand is in a fiery cave.]] / Ferdinand: Wow, it sure is #@%$ hot in Hell! / Ferdinand: Well, look at the bright side. At least it's a dry heat! Am I right? Ha! Ha! / [[We now see that he is talking to a group of the damned, they are variously hanging in chains or shackled to balls and chains.]] / Ferdinand:...
 
Going Down, Part 3 [[Aaron and Ferdinand are standing at a brick wall.]] / Aaron: I heard you were in Hell. / Ferdinand: Yeah, they said it wasn't my time (yet), so they sent me back. / Aaron: What was it like? / Ferdinand: Super crowded! It has every lustful, lying, gluttonous, and covetous person who's ever lived. / Aaron:...
Caption Contest {{This single panel strip was the product of a contest where Tony Piro drew the panel but left it uncaptioned. Readers submitted potential captions and the winner was Rachel Degelbeck.}} / [[Harold has just entered a room in complete disarray. There are holes punched in the wall, broken boards with...
Canadian Currency Scam [[Ferdinand and Aaron are walking through the forest.]] / Ferdinand: Canadians are scamming Americans! / Aaron: How? By making us thing hockey is a legitimate sport? / Ferdinand: No, their currency! All their coins are the same size and color as the U.S. equivalent! Their dime is the same as our dime....
Jesus Fish in a Barrel [[Harold and Aaron are in a bookstore.]] / Harold: Hey, Barnes & Noble is having a sale! / Aaron: Let's see, Programming for Dummies, Guitar for Dummies, Math for Dummies... / Harold: Religion for Dummies. / [[They stare at each other.]] / Aaron: If God didn't want me to make fun of religion, why does...
Contagious [[Harold and Alp are sitting at the dining room table.]] / Harold: <> / Alp: <> / Harold: <> / Harold: Did you guys catch it too? / Alp: <>
 
A Sixth Sense [[Harold and Aaron are walking through the forest. Harold is balancing on a fallen tree.]] / Harold: We take it for granted that all of our experiences are filtered through our five sense. / Aaron: I wonder what other ways we could be experiencing the world, but we don't even know it. / Harold: What...
Easter Time [[Ferd and Raymond sit on a blanket, with a basket at their feet]] / Raymond: Ah Easter, a time to celebrate the seminal event that gives hope to Christians everywhere. / Raymond: A time to rejoice that spring is here--the season of rebirth and rejuvenation, and everything that's good in the world. / Raymond:...
Real Coca-Cola Classic [[Alp and Harold stand at a table with various flasks and bottles; Alp is holding a glass with a straw. They're at Alp's lab.]] / Alp: I'm experimenting with making Coca-Cola from scratch. Wanna try? / Harold: Sure. / [[Harold is drinking the concoction.]] / <> / Alp: It's made just like in the good...
Coca-Cola Classic Revisted Aaron: Our previous comic implied that Coca-Cola used to have cocaine in it. / Harold: So we'd like to issue a formal apology. / Aaron: This may or may not be related to a notice we received from Coca-Cola's lawyers. / Harold: Again, we are EXTREMELY sorry! / Aaron: Of course, these days Coca-Cola gets...
Boringball [[Aaron and Ferdinand are watching television. Ferdinand is sitting in a cushy chair, while Aaron is standing behind the chair.]] / Aaron: Baseball season's underway? / Ferdinand: Yup. / Aaron: Today's final score was 2-0? / Ferdinand: Yup. / Aaron: Any home runs? / Ferdinand: Nope. / Aaron: Damn I miss...
 
Bear-ly Funny [[Ferdinand is standing across from a polar bear.]] / Polar Bear: Oh man, I'm so depressed. Everything's hopeless. / Polar Bear: I'm feeling manic! Let's do something, now! I gotta get this energy out! / Ferdinand: Jeez, what's your deal? / Polar Bear: I'm a bi-polar bear! Ha ha! Get it? / Ferdinand:...
Intelligence [[Harold and Aaron are walking out toward the beach.]] / Aaron: How much of intelligence is environmental versus being intrinsic to that person? / Aaron: Society celebrates some people for being smart and holds the physicist on a higher pedestal than the plumber. / Aaron: But in a sense, both are merely...
It's the Economy [[Harold is standing. Ferdinand is sitting at a table and holding a pen]] / Harold: Classifieds? Are you looking for a job NOW? / Ferdinand: Sure, why not? / [[close-up of Harold]] / Harold: In the current economic environment WHO could possibly be hiring? / Ferdinand: The unemployment office. / {{Apr...
It's All About the Bacon Alp: I'm ready for the day! I have my bacon chewing gum, I have my bacon belt... / Alp: ...my bacon cologne, my bacon wallet, my bacon lip balm, and even my bacon dental floss! / Aaron: When will this insanity end? Isn't it enough to just eat bacon?! / Alp: It's not a food, it's a lifestyle! / Aaron:...
Hugs Not Drugs [[Harold and Ferdinand look at a sign that says DON'T DO CRACK]] / Harold: Will the war on drugs ever end? / Ferdinand: Drugs? I thought it was an anti-gay slogan.
 

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