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| Print vs. Web | [[Alp and Ferdinand are sitting at a table.]]
/ Alp: The future of comics is online!
/ Ferdinand: You can't make money on the web! Print comics will always be king! / Raymond: Instead of arguing, why don't you just ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" / [[Alp and Ferdinand pause to think...]] / [[The last two panels appear on a single slice of toast...]]
/ [[Calamities of Nature -- Toast Edition]]
/ Alp: I think web and print can co-exist. / Ferdinand: Are you just trying to butter me up? / {{I'm excited to announce that the print vs. web debate has finally been resolved. Scott Kurtz, Ted Rall.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=331 |
| Groundhog Day Forecast | [[ In a meadow, near a hole in the ground...]]
/ Newscaster: Now's the big moment! If the groundhog sees his shadow-- Six more weeks of winter! Otherwise early spring! / Newscaster: The excitement in the air is palpable!
/ [[Ferdinand has appeared in the hole, stretches...]]
/ Ferdinand: *Yawn* / [[ Ferdinand looks right...]]
/ Newscaster: He appears to be making a decision. We're on the edge of our seats! / [[Ferdinand looks left...]]
/ Ferdinand: Get bent. / Newscaster: So... Um, does anyone know what that means for the weather?
/ [[Ferdinand is gone again. Snoring is heard from the hole.]]
/ {{alt text:Happy Groundhog Day, the most important holiday of the year!}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=332 |
| Any One Thing | [[Alp and Raymond out walking]]
/ Alp: If you could have *any one thing*, what would that be?
/ Raymond: A basket of puppies. Everyone loves puppies. / Alp: A basket of puppies is *multiple* things. I said *one* thing only.
/ Raymond: Okay, just *one* puppy then. / Alp: Technically, puppies are composed of a billion billion billion atoms, so that's not one thing.
/ [[Raymond throws up his hands.]]
/ Raymond: Okay, give me one measly atom!! / Alp: But atoms are made of--
/ Raymond: Then *nothing*, I'll take *nothing!!*
/ Alp: Actually, there's still quantum fluctuations...
/ {{Alt text: What would you want if you could have any one thing in the world?}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=333 |
| Something to Chew On | [[Harold and Ferdinand are talking. Ferdinand is chewing on something.]]
/ Harold: What kind of gum is that?
/ Ferdinand: Gum? I'm chewing my cud. / Harold: What are you talking about? You're not a cow! / [Ferdinand stops chewing]
/ Ferdinand: Oh, I guess that's my tongue. / [Ferdinand resumes chewing]
/ Ferdinand: At least it's high in protein. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=334 |
| The Boundaries Are Set | [[Ferdinand and Harold are walking]]
/ Harold: The boundaries are all drawn. The countries of the world are set. / Harold: As members of the first-world, we expect the status quo will last forever, but how fair is that? / Harold: What about countries with less land or resources? What if they want a better life for their citizens? / Ferdinand: You hate peace, don't you. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=335 |
| Time to Do Something | [[Harold and Aaron out for a walk.]]
/ Harold: I always feel burdened with all these complex and confusing emotions. Self-doubt, self-loathing, anxiety. / Harold: It's like they're bubbling inside me, just waiting to bust out. / Aaron: Maybe it's time you do something about this.
/ Harold: Are you saying I should see a psychologist? / Aaron: No, you should become an artist. Why solve your problems when you can use them as raw material? / {{alt text: When life gives you lemons, do art. Then you'll have even more lemons. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=336 |
| The Food Pyramid | [[Harold and Ferdinand at a table indoors.]]
/ Harold: The U.S. Government provides the food pyramid as a recommendation of what should be eaten for a balanced diet. / Harold: But really, it's largely determined by politics. Groups lobby intensely because changes to the pyramid can have a huge effect on sales. / Ferdinand: That's why I have my own pyramid.
/ [[Behind Ferdinand we see a huge pyramid of bacon!]] / {{alt text: The food guide pyramid was published by the USDA (United States Department of Agriculture) in 1992 to suggest optimal nutrition guidelines for each food category.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=337 |
| Passionate Beliefs | [[Raymond and Aaron out for a walk]]
/ Raymond: Aaron, you always criticize religious people for adhering to their beliefs... / Raymond: ... But the beliefs you have about evolution, global warming, or the lack of God are just as passionate as any fundamentalist. / Raymond: How are you any better?
/ Aaron: There's one big difference. / Aaron: I know what it would take for me to change my mind. / {{alt text: Even though everyone is equally passionate, it doesn't make all views equally valid.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=338 |
| Bandana Wearing Gangsters | [[Ferdinand confronts a fellow wearing a bandana.]]
/ Ferdinand: Get outta here! We don't want any punk ass, bandana wearing gangsters causing trouble! / Bandana-wearing fellow: The bandana hides my loss of hair. I'm a chemotherapy patient. / [[Silence.]] / Ferdinand: Get outta here! We don't want any punk ass, bandana wearing chemotherapy patients causing trouble! / [[Harold confronts a fellow wearing a bandana.]]
/ Harold: Could you please leave? We'd rather not have any bandana wearing gangsters causing trouble around here. / Bandana-wearing fellow: The bandana hides my loss of hair. I'm a chemotherapy patient. / Harold: Oh, I'm so sorry! / [[Bandana guy produces a gun...]]
/ Bandana-wearing fellow: And I need money to pay for my treatments!! Hand it over BIATCH!! / {{alt text: The alternative title of this strip is Regulate, like the Warren G song.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=339 |
| Life Stinks | [[ Raymond and Harold leaning on a brick wall.]]
/ Harold: Life stinks. I went to the coffee shop, and a lady cut in front of me because she didn't realize I was in line. / Harold: Then the cashier charged me too much for my drink. / Harold: And to top it all off, they gave me a Latte when I ordered a Mocha. / Raymond: In each case, you could have solved the problem if you just spoke up.
/ Harold: But then it wouldn't feed my neurosis / {{alt text:I don't know who this comic is referring to, but I hope it's not me... }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=340 |
| Lil' Calamities and Spiffy Ideas | [[Lil' Alp and Lil' Ferdinand are talking. Lil' Ferdinand is wearing yellow Hammer pants and a purple sequin jacket.]]
/ Lil' Alp: I've come up with my spiffiest idea yet!
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Hit me with it. / Lil' Alp: A network that will connect all of the computers in the world together, allowing everyone to share information and communicate! / Lil' Ferdinand: Dude, that's bogus! Why would people sit in front of their computers all day instead of talking to real live people?! / Lil' Alp: Yeah, I guess it is a silly idea.
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Later, I gotta water my Chia Pet. Now _that's_ a bodacious invention! Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia! / {{alt text: And you thought Al Gore invented the Internet.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=341 |
| Lil' Calamities and Priorities | Lil' Alp: How's school Harold?
/ Lil' Harold: It feels like everyone's priorities are all screwed up. / Lil' Harold: Instead of worrying about what they learn, students are more concerned with what brands they're wearing and whether they fit in with the cool crowd. / Lil' Alp: I'm sure people will stop being so superficial when we become adults. / {{ alt text: If only all the crap ended after school was over...}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=342 |
| Lil' Calamities and Cartoons | [[ Lil' Ferdinand and Lil' Harold watching TV]]
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Saturday morning! Nothing better than wholesome cartoons!
/ Lil' Harold: Alright! / Lil' Ferdinand: Okay, this one's titled "Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips", sounds amusing!
/ Lil' Harold: What? No! What else? / Lil' Ferdinand: Here's a cartoon with Tom and Jerry doing their best Al Jolson impression, how cute!
/ Lil' Harold: Change it! / Lil' Ferdinand: Alright, Disney's Dumbo! We can learn to talk Jive from Jim Crow himself!
/ Lil' Harold: If this is for children, what are the adults watching? / {{ alt text: Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips: if only I was making this up.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=343 |
| Starving Artist | [[ Ferdinand and Harold sitting on an island.]]
/ Harold: On one extreme we have the starving artist, suffering for the creation he loves. / Harold: In the other extreme is the sell out, the successful artist who has abandoned his pure vision in pursuit of the almighty dollar. / Harold: Is the reason why we're so acutely aware of this dichotomy because strife is so important for providing artistic inspiration? / Ferdinand: That's why I never spread the word about my favorite bands. I don't want them to get soft. / {{ alt text: So would it be hypocritical is I asked you to share this comic on Facebook, Twitter, Digg, Reddit, etc.?}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=344 |
| Wikipedia | [[ Ferdinand in front of a computer, Aaron looks on. ]]
/ Ferdinand: Wikipedia is such a funny name. Where do you think it came from? / Aaron: Well, "wiki" is a Hawaiian work for "quick". / Aaron: And "pedia" is short for "encyclopedia." / Ferdinand: What's an encyclopedia? / {{alt text: I know this must be true because I looked it up on Wikipedia.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=345 |
| Just Another Day on the Bus | [[A long panel showing a bunch of riders on a bus, mostly all packed in sitting close together. Nearly everyone has headphones and a personal music device of some sort. Lyrics, From left to right: ]]
/ Rider-1: Marvin Gaye used to sing to me, he had me feelin' like Black was the thing to be...
/ Rider-2: I'm out for dead presidents to represent me...
/ Rider-3: Can't truss it!...
/ Ferdinand: Rat-tat-tat-tat and like that...
/ [[ Ferdinand is Rider-4.]]
/ Rider-5: That's that crack music... That real Black music...
/ Rider-6: Cash rules everything around me, cream!...
/ [[ At this point there's a gap and, Rider-7, the one person without headphones or any music player, sits physically isolated from everyone else. ]]
/ Rider-8: When they reminisce over you...
/ Rider-9: / {{alt text: Digital high five to anyone that can name all the songs in today's comic. No using Google!}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=346 |
| Strong Foundation | [[Harold and Ferdinand relaxing against a tree trunk. ]]
/ Ferdinand: I think it's important to have a strong foundation of religious beliefs. / Harold: Is that so you can use it to guide your decisions and actions? / Ferdinand: No, so that I can justify what I've already done. / {{alt text: It's convenient that almost anything can be justified in the Bible.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=347 |
| Tails | [[ Ferdinand and Raymond taking a walk. ]]
/ Ferdinand: If people had tails, would it be considered a private part? Would it be taboo to show a tail in public? / Ferdinand: Or would people cut holes in their pants and let their tails wag free? / Raymond: I guess it depends on the size of the tail... / Raymond: ...in my case it doesn't even fit in my pants.
/ [[ Ferdinand throws his hands up in the air...]]
/ Ferdinand: Jeez, you don't have to brag! / {{alt text: Raise your hand if you've ever wished you had a tail.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=348 |
| North Face | [[ We see a man finishing up a purchase, the clerk hands the man a bag... ]]
/ Clerk: Thank you for your purchase. / [[ The view pulls back a little and we see the man now standing on a pair of skis...]]
/ Man: Hey, what's this?! I don't know how to ski! / [[ The view pulls way back, we see the clerk and the man at the top of a very tall mountain, the man rapidly skiing towards the edge... ]]
/ Man: AHHHHHHHH < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=349 |
| Scientists Need to Get Out More | [[ Aaron and Ferdinand out for a walk. ]]
/ Aaron: The Origin of Life on earth is still an interesting mystery. / Aaron: Some scientists argue that life originated near warm deep sea vents that would allow beneficial chemical reactions. / Aaron: Others favor panspermia, the idea that organic compounds first formed on other celestial bodies, which then delivered life to our planet. / Ferdinand: So what you're saying is that scientists like the picture of panspermia spread all over the globe.
/ Aaron: No. / {{alt text: A discussion about panspermia, the idea that life originated on other celestial bodies which then seeded the Earth.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=350 |
| Vintage Calamities and Bicycling | [[ Non-anthropomorphic Ferdinand and Harold, looking like old fashioned wood-cut illustrations of a ground hog (with a cap) and hamster, on something... ]]
/ Harold: Ferd, they say that bicycling is one of the best ways to stay in shape.
/ Ferdinand: But we've been at this for over an hour Harold, and I've hardly broken a sweat. / [[ The view pulls back and we see Harold and Ferdinand standing on the seats of a pair of penny-farthing high-wheeler style bicycles. ]]
/ Harold: Maybe it would help if we could reach the pedals. / {{ alt text: Ever wonder what Calamities of Nature was like in the 19th century? Inspired by Wondermark by David Malki. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=351 |
| Vintage Calamities and a Phone Call | [[ Non-anthropomorphic Ferdinand talking on an old-fashioned phone. ]]
/ Ferdinand: Wassup?
/ Phone: Hello, what you doin'?
/ Ferdinand: Nuttin', just kickin' it. / Ferdinand: What you gonna do today?
/ Phone: Um, pick up my clothes from the cleaner, I'm going to get my nails done. / Ferdinand: Hey, did what's his name get back to you?
/ Phone: Who? / Ferdinand: DEEEZ NUUUTS!
/ [[ Ferdinand holds up a pair of extra large acorns ]]
/ Phone: Aw, shut up-- / {{ alt text: Deeez nuuuts! }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=352 |
| Vintage Calamities and the Bacon Machine | [[ Non-anthropomorphic Ferdinand and a fairly oddly dressed, human-shaped creature, probably Alp, look at a machine any Victorian-age Steam-punk type would be justifiably proud of. A large pig prepares to enter a somewhat smaller door at the left-hand side of the machine. ]]
/ < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=353 |
| What's Your Sign? | [[ Aaron and a women sit on a park bench, each individually reading a paper. ]]
/ Woman: Alright, time to check our my Horoscope! / Woman: "Aquarius: Today opportunity will come knocking at your door, and it will be up to you to open it." / Woman: Oh, I wonder what my opportunity will be, how exciting!
/ [[ Aaron appears to be getting a headache. ]] / Woman: Hey, what's your sign?
/ Aaron: My sign is "Do Not Disturb." / {{Alt text: Is astrology so obviously bogus that it's not even worth making fun of?}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=354 |
| Misplaced Outrage | [[ Aaron and man at a bar. ]]
/ Man: That Tiger Woods is such a bum! First he offers a half-hearted apology for blatantly cheating on his wife. / Man: Then, in no time at all, he announces he'll be playing in the Masters. I'm outraged! / Aaron: Then you must *really* be angry at the Pope for failing to act on sexual abuse by priests against children. / Man: He shouldn't be intimidated by "petty gossip."
/ Aaron: So I've heard. / {{Alt text: Sexual abuse cases by Catholic priests. Absurd denial. Maybe Pope Benedict's goal is to make satire obsolete.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=355 |
| Cadbury Eggs | [[ Ferdinand, Harold, and Easter Candy ]]
/ Ferdinand: The best part of Easter is undeniably Cadbury Creme Eggs: Chocolate candies housing a white and yellow filling that looks like and egg. / [[ Harold cracks open his Cadbury egg... ]] / [[ and out pops a marshmallow chick! (also known as a peep)]]
/ << Peep peep peep peep peep peep >> / Ferdinand: I guess that one was fertilized.
/ {{Alt text: Cadbury Creme Eggs are undeniably the best thing about Easter.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=356 |
| Now in 3D | Harold: Is today's comic in 3D to create a more immersive experience?
/ Ferdinand: No, we just like to discriminate against one-eyed people.
/ {{alt text: Calamities of Nature joins the 3D craze, move over Avatar!}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=357 |
| The Happy Atheist | [[ Harold and Aaron taking a walk. ]]
/ Harold: You believe that there's no God, no Higher Authority, and no Moral Absolutes. / Harold: We're just hurtling through space, making up the rules as we go, with no one to blame but ourselves. / Harold: Don't you think that's just a little unsettling? / Aaron: Actually, I find it empowering. / {{alt text: Really, is there anything more comforting than knowing that God doesn't exist?}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=358 |
| Generational Protesting | [[ Two panels, each featuring a row of sign-carrying protesters. First panel is about 20 years ago.]]
/ [[ Woman-1: Sign: Education is a right, not a privilege!]]
/ [[ Man-1: Sign: Save the Schools]]
/ [[ Woman-2: Sign: *NO* Tuition hikes]]
/ [[ Man-2: Sign: Stop raising tuition]]
/ [[ Ferdinand: Sign: No Cuts!]] / [[ Second Panel: "Twenty Years later..." We see apparently the same set of
/ protesters, but aged... ]]
/ [[ Woman-1: Sign: It's my money, not the government's!]]
/ [[ Man-1: Sign: Stop tax hikes ]]
/ [[ Woman-2: Sign: Leave my home alone]]
/ [[ Man-2: Sign: Don't raise property taxes]]
/ [[ Ferdinand: Sign: Cut taxes]]
/ {{alt text: Everybody has the same interest: themselves! }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=359 |
| A Penny For Your Thoughts | [[ Harold and Ferdinand sitting under a tree. ]]
/ Harold: What would you do if you were as rich as Bill Gates?
/ Ferdinand: I would buy up every penny in the world. / Ferdinand: Then, when there's a global penny shortage, people would have to beg me for pennies so they can make exact change. / Ferdinand: I would charge a nickel for each penny, which would increase my wealth so I could hoard even more pennies. / Ferdinand: Eventually I would own the entire world.
/ Harold: That's diabolical.
/ Ferdinand: I don't mess around. / {{alt text: This is what they mean when they say that the rich just keep getting more rich. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=360 |
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