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Fishin' [[Ferdinand and Harold sitting at the edge of a pond. Ferd is fishing.]] / [[Fishing-- Ferdinand seems to have a bite...]] / [[Ferdinand's caught a good-sized fish.]] / [[Fishing, another bite. ]] / [[Another fish. ]] / [[Fishing, yet another bite. ]] / [[A third fish. ]] / Harold: *Wow Ferd*, I've never seen someone catch so many fish! What's your secret? / Ferdinand: Hey, some people just have *the gift*! / [[ The view pulls back, we see a billboard: "Welcome to SEA WORLD". A police helicopter and a scuba diver are closing in...]
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=91
Addicts [[ Aaron and Ferdinand, watching TV. ]] / Ferdinand: Man, gas prices are through the *roof!* The government needs to help a brotha out and *stop* rising costs! / Aaron: Since *when* have you been so concerned about the price of gas? / Ferdinand: Since I exercised my God-Given Rights as an American, and bought a 32 gallon tank, 13 mile per gallon(*) Hummer. / [[ (*) - EPA estimates may have *nothing* to do with reality!]] / [[Aaron is struck speechless, and seems to have a bit of a headache!]] / Aaron: It's like cigarettes. No matter how high their taxes get, it doesn't stop the addicts from buying. / Ferdinand: Tell me about it! Between *cigarettes* and *gas*, I barely have enough money for *satellite TV!*
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=92
Guest Comic by Jerry Benedict [[Exterior view of Alp's house]] / [[ Sign over door: "Alp's Lab" ]] / [[ Signs in lawn: "Stay Out!" and "DANGER" ]] / Alp: It's important that you touch *nothing* while I'm gone... / Alp: ... I'll be back in about *10 minutes!* / [[ Interior. Alp with a box labeled "Rubber Chickens"]] / Alp: Now if you'll excuse me, I have to drop this package off at the Henny Youngman Institute. / Aaron: Geez, Ferd! You'd figure he'd trust us a little more than that! / Ferd: He must be on edge, or somethin'! / Ferd: Well,... Let's see if he has any beef jerky or other delicious dried meat snacks! / Ferd: Hey! lookit that! Whaddya think it does? / Aaron: One way to find out! / [[ Ferd throws a knife switch...]] / <> / <> / Ferd: *Holy Crap!* It's a little me! / Little Ferd: Yo! / Ferd: It's like some sort of copy machine! / Aaron: Kewl!... Now try it with both of us! / Ferd: You're the boss! / Alp: Hey guys... I'm back! I... / Alp: AY CARUMBA! / [[ Ferd and Aaron, surrounded by 6 or 8 or more smaller copies of themselves...]] / Aaron: Um... Hi Alp! We discovered your copier! / Aaron: But I don't get it... Why are our copies so small? / Alp: You have it set to reduce by 50%!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=93
The Big Little Problem, Part 1 Alp: Now that those half-sized copies of you guys have been exterminated we can *finally* relax. / Ferdinand: *WHAT?!* *Exterminated?!* / Aaron: *ALP!* *How could you?!* / Alp: *Me?!* I thought I told *you guys* to do it! / Ferdinand: No way man! / Aaron: Our mini-copies were too cute! / Alp: *Oh NO!* That means that mini-Ferdinands and mini-Aarons are running loose! / (Ferdinand or Aaron? from off panel): Chill man! What's the *worst* that could happen? / [[ A mini-Aaron running a "Soft Serve" ice-cream machine directly into a mini-Ferdinand's open mouth]] / [[ A mini-Aaron and mini-Ferdinand riding on a pair of small dogs.]] / [[ A mini-Ferdinand mini-Aaron tormenting a baby (stealing candy or a rattle?)]] / [[ A mini-Aaron flushing a mini-Ferdinand down a toilet.]] / <> / [[ A mini-Aaron and mini-Ferdinand looking up a lady's dress. ]]
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=94
The Big Little Problem, Part 2 Alp: *What have we done?!* Mini-Ferdinands and mini-Aarons are running rampant and terrorizing the city!!! / Aaron: But they sure are cute! / Ferdinand: Spit the truth brotha! / Alp: We *gotta* track them down before they cause too much trouble! / Aaron: Unless they're beating up mimes! / Ferdinand: Yeah #@*% mimes! / Alp: *First* we need to recall how many mini-copies were made. / Aaron: Let's see... 1, 2, 3... Hmm... ...6, yeah 6 of each of us. / Alp: Okay good, now we know to search until *12 copies* are found... / [[ But meanwhile, the minis have found "Alp's Copy Machine!" ("Do not touch!!") ]] / [[ A pair of mini-Aarons are gambling with dice. A mini-Ferdinand is licking a baby's sucker. A mini-Ferdinand and mini-Aaron are watching TV, while another pair arm wrestle. One mini-Ferdinand is trying to smoke a full-size cigarette...]] / Mini-Aaron: Once we double our numbers a bunch of times, our army will be large enough to take over the world!! / Mini-Ferdinand: Yawn! / Another mini-Aaron: Man, this guy thinks he knows everything! / Another mini-Ferdinand: I got dibs on all the babes!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=95
 
The Big Little Problem, Part 3 Mini-Aaron: Alright guys, are you ready to begin our plan?! / Mini-Ferdinands: For Sure! / Another mini-Aaron: Yeah! / [[A door slams open, the full-size originals appear...]] / <> / Aaron: AH HA! We found you!! / Alp: What are you guys doin' messing with my copying invention? / Mini-Aaron: We're making an army to *enslave* the world! / Mini-Ferdinand: Yeah, and *I* get dibs on all the babes! / Full-size Aaron and Ferdinand: Ahhh, how cute! / Alp: Well your plan has failed! / Alp: There may be a lot of you, but you're *too small* to fight us! / Mini-Aaron: Oh yeah?! *MINIS UNITE!* / [[ The minis combine to form a single large being, about double the size of the originals, and wielding a large sword. ]] / Mini-Aaron in the head position: Small, huh? *Who's your daddy now?!* / Full-size Aaron, Ferdinand and Alp: #@*%!!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=96
The Big Little Problem, Part 4 [[ The combined mini-Aarons and mini-Ferdinands face off against Alp and the full-sized originals.]] / Head mini-Aaron: Do your have any *last words* you'd like to say? / Aaron: Who could have known we'd meet our end at the hands of an army of mini copies of ourselves?! / [[Scene shifts to Ferdinand's memories. We see a Gypsy fortune teller with a crystal ball...]] / Gypsy: I can see your future in my crystal ball... / Ferdinand: Will I ever get the peck implants I want? / Gypsy: Shhh! Listen! / Gypsy: You will meet your end at the hands of an army of mini-Ferdinands and mini-Aarons! They will unite to form Ultimate Ferdinand/Aaron, and crush you like the insignificant speck of dust that you are! *The horror!* *The horror!* / [[Scene returns to the present.]] / Ferdinand: (thinking) Hmmm... Lucky guess...
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=97
The Big Little Problem, Part 5 Alp: I have an idea that will save our butts! Follow my lead. / [[behind Alp is a door, with a sign: "Nachos (free)"]] / Alp: *Hey Pip-squeaks!* Did your see what we have over here? / Head mini-Aaron: *Nachos?!* / Head mini-Aaron: *Minis*, uncombine! / mini-Ferdinand: Yum! / [[As the minis march out the door...]] / Alp: *Quick*, pull the lever Ferd! / mini-Ferdinand: Nachos! / another mini-Ferdinand: Outta my way! / <> <> / mini-Aaron: What's that sound? / Another Mini-Aaron: What's goin' on? / mini-Ferdinand: Where's the Nachos? / <> / [[ Outside Alp's house, a rocket launches from underground!]] / Aaron: Alp, you *launched* them into outer space! / Alp: Yup. Well, I hope you learned a lesson from this fiasco! / Ferdinand: *Sure Did!* Fortune tellers are full of crap! / Aaron: Hey *look*, they're waving at us! / Ferdinand: How cute! Let's wave back! / [[Minis, peering out a window in the rocket...]] / Minis: #@%*!! / [[Fin?]]
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=98
Guest Comic by Steve Ogden, Part 1 [[ On a porch outside a house on a hill top.]] / Harold: Aaron! I finally *did* it! I wrote the Great American Novel! / Aaron: Isn't that an oxymoron? / Harold: *What* kind of moron? / Aaron: Never mind. / Harold: I really hope you like it! I've spent *years* finding and honing my unique voice. / Harold: I wanted to write something different... Something with a heart... Something that would touch people and really *change their lives!* / Aaron: Ok. Let's have a look. / [[ Harold passes over a manuscript, the title appears to read "The Prince of Chagrin" by Harold]] / Aaron: (reading) "It was a dark and stormy night..." / Aaron: You've *got* to be kidding. / Harold: I know! It's a real *grabber*, isn't it? / {{Guest comic - Steve Ogden - www.steveogden.com}} / {{Thanks to Steve Ogden, creator of the masterful webcomic Croaker's Gorge for providing today's update.}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=99
Guest Comic by Steve Ogden, Part 2 [[Harold is running across a bridge toward Aaron.]] / Harold: I can't believe it! Aaron!! / Harold: I sent the publisher the manuscript for my Great American Novel, and they *wrote* me *back! / Aaron: Well, what did they say? (As if I couldn't guess...) / Harold: I don't know. I haven't opened it up, yet... / Aaron: Well, you *have* to open it!! / Harold: I... I dunno. I *can't!* You open it. / Aaron: Ok. Prepare for the worst. / Harold: JUST OPEN IT!! / Aaron: Dear Harold... Blah blah blah... Regret to inform you... Blah blah blah... Don't call us, we'll call you. / Harold: oh my gosh. / Aaron: Dude. Don't take it personally. They probably get, like, thousands of submissions. / Harold: I know!! And out of all of those... They said they's call me!! *ME!* Can you *believe* it!? / Aaron: Oh, I can believe it... / {{ Guest comic - Steve Ogden - www.steveogden.com }} / {{Another guest comic from Steve Ogden? Please visit Croaker's Gorge to thank Steve for his great work.}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=100
 
Airport Security [[Ferdinand and Harold are waiting in line at the airport.]] / Ferdinand: I hate waiting in the airport security line! / Harold: Yeah, is this really supposed to make us feel safer? / Security Worker: Excuse me sir, can we inspect your bag? / Ferdinand: What?! This is #*@% ridiculous!! / Ferdinand: This is profiling! You're discriminating against groundhogs! I am an American citizen! This is an outrage! / Security Worker: Are these your machetes? / Ferdinand: How's a guy supposed to practice juggling around here?!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=101
Modern Music Ferdinand: Ragtime? / Aaron: Yup. / Ferdinand: Gospel? / Aaron: Uh huh. / Ferdinand: Jazz. / Aaron: Yeah. / Ferdinand: Blues. / Aaron: Sure. / Ferdinand: Rock'n'roll. / Aaron: Yep. / Ferdinand: Soul. / Aaron: Indeed. / Ferdinand: Funk. / Aaron: You bet. / Ferdinand: Rap. / Aaron: Of course. / Aaron: See, basically all modern music is thanks to African Americans. / Ferdinand: Barbershop quartet. / Aaron: I said music.
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=102
Bowling [[Alp and Ferdinand are in a bowling alley. Ferdinand is in the motion of trowing a ball on the lane. Alp is watching Ferd.]] / Ferdinand: Man, BOWLING is the best exercise! / Alp: Really? It seems like you're only working out ONE ARM. / [[close-up of Alp]] / Alp: You better be careful how much you bowl. You don't want to become a LOPSIDED MOCKERY of your former self! / [[close-up of Ferd]] / Ferdinand: YOU'RE RIGHT! I'll bowl with the opposite hand to even myself out. / [[Ferd is making himself ready to bowl]] / Ferdinand: Okay, here we go... / [[The ball is airborn]] / Ferdinand: -- OOPS!! WHOA!! / [[We see Ferd with clenched teeth looking at the object and/or person that has been hit by the ball]] / <> / [[We see Alp and Ferd. Ferd starts to run while he looks over his shoulder at his victim. The victim is standing outside the panel.]] / Victim: Who the #@* did that!! I'm gonna rip them to shreds! / Ferdinand: Uh... I'm going to run away now! / Alp: I guess bowling COULD be good exercise after all! / {{Aug 25, 2008 - Bowling}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=103
Breakups [[Harold and Aaron are walking through the woods.]] / Harold: Dating wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the breakups. / Aaron: Why? You had some pretty tough ones? / [[Harold stands talking to a woman]] / Woman: I'd just like to be friends... long lost friends. / [[Harold stands in the rain, talking to a women with an umbrella]] / Woman: Have a nice life... once you get one. / Harold: Could I have my umbrella back? / Woman: no. / [[He stands talking to yet another woman]] / Woman: We have nothing in common, and frankly, I can't stand you. / Harold: But I can't stand me either! / [[Harold sits with a woman on a park bench]] / Woman: I have to go away. / Harold: When will I see you again? / Woman: The doctor recommends I don't communicate with anyone I know from before the procedure. / [[Back to Aaron and Harold in a field]] / Aaron: I didn't know those procedures could go in that direction. / Harold: And I really thought Carla, oops I mean Carl, was the one!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=104
Thinking Cap [[Instead of his traditional cap Alp wears a contraption that looks vaguely like a colander with antennae poking out of all the holes.]] / Alp: With my thinking cap invention I know the answer to any question! / Aaron: How do seedless grapes reproduce? / [[Alp scrunches up his eyes, and holds his fingers against his temples. The machine on his head gives off steam and buzzes.]] / <> / [[The thinking cap explodes.]] / <><> / Alp: No fair. / Aaron: Hey, I could have asked what happens when you plan to fail and succeed.
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=105
 
A Ticklish Question [[Ferdinand and Aaron walk through the forest. The trees are a deep shade of orange.]] / Ferdinand: Have you ever noticed that it's impossible to tickle yourself? What's up with that? / Ferdinand: Would it really be that bad if I could give myself a little giggle every now and then when no one else is around? / Aaron: God is quite the party pooper! / Ferdinand: Or at least let me hiccup on cue! Throw me a bone!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=106
Tattoo Time Harold: Wow! You got a tattoo? / Ferdinand: Yeah, it's my demonstration of individuality. / Ferdinand: It's a permanent reminder of who I am at this stage of my life. / Harold: What's it of? / Ferdinand: I don't remember. I can't see it through my fur.
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=107
Life's a Play [[Aaron and Harold are sitting at the base of a tree with a sunset in the background.]] / Aaron: Life's a play and all the world's a stage. / Harold: And I've been incorrectly typecast.
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=108
Tough Pairings [[Harold and Aaron sit at a table, reading newspapers.]] / Harold: It must be hard to be Catholic and gay. / Aaron: It's easier than being a Jehovah's Witness and a Vampire. / {{title text: Catholics, gays, Jehovah's Witnesses, and Vampires all in one comic. What could be better?}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=109
Traffic Stop [[Harold and Aaron are standing at a street corner. Harold is looking off in the distance.]] / Harold: Whoa, what's going on over there? / Aaron: It must be an African American that the police are pulling over. / Harold: How can you tell? / Aaron: The number of cops used for a routine traffic stop is proportional to the darkness of the person's skin.
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=110
 
Tasty Harold: Isn't it weird how smell and taste are so intimately related? It makes one wonder how all the senses influence each other. / Harold: For example, since I've had a cold and stuffed nose, I don't taste as good. / [[Alp licks Harold on the cheek]] / <> / Alp: You don't taste that bad to me! / {{Sept 10, 2008 - Tasty}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=111
Joke Wrecker Ferdinand: You know what *Star Trek* and *toilet paper* have in common? / Ferdinand: They both travel around Uranus wiping out Klingons! *Get it?!* / Harold: You realize it's pronounced "yoor-a-nus" and not "your-anus?" / Ferdinand: *This* is why I can't invite you to parties. / {{alt text: A new take on the classic Star Trek, toilet paper, Klingon, Uranus joke that you used to tell in grade school.}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=112
Guest Comic by Keong Chan Alp: My ingenuity knows no bounds! I've hatched a *brilliant* plan to plant us on the pedestal of Fame and Fortune! / Alp: I'm turning your lives into a *ruthless* new reality TV show! Help me put up these cameras in strategic spots! / Harold: But... but reality TV audiences lust for *scandals* and *controversy!* / Ferd: Our lives are too *mundane* to satiate their appetites! / Aaron: This is just another one of your *hare-brained* schemes, Alp! / [[ Camera being installed by application of a hammer to its lens]] / Alp: Trust me boys! This idea is a *winner!* / Alp: I've thought it over for *hours!* / Alp: We just need to *spice up* your personalities! / Alp: We'll pump steroids in Ferd.. / Alp: Drown Aaron in coffee... / Alp: Feed Harold libido enhancers... / Alp: Violence! Seductions! Nervous breakdowns! It's the *perfect* recipe for a stereotypical reality series! / [[ 10 months later...]] / Alp: Congrats, Aaron! You're the ultimate *winner!* / Aaron: Heck... I'll share the prize with you guys... / Alp: Here's your prize... The chance to star in your very own *reality show*!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=113
The Soda Enthusiast, Part 1 [[Aaron and Ferdinand are sitting by the water.]] / Aaron: Lunch is served! Here's the Chinese take-out, and here's your coke! / Ferdinand: *A coke?!* Don't your know that the sweet sauce on orange chicken *clashes* with the syrupy taste of coke?! / Aaron: What are you talking about?! / Ferdinand: You know how there are people who are experts on choosing which *wines* and *foods* go best together? Well, I've decided to become... / Aaron: Oh no... / Ferdinand: A *soda* connoisseur! / {{ alt text: The first in a series of comics that explorers what it means to be a soda connoisseur.}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=114
The Soda Enthusiast, Part 2 Aaron: How can you be a *soda connoisseur*? America's obsession with soda is a leading cause of the current obesity crisis! / Ferdinand: As a soda connoisseur you don't *drink* the soda. / Aaron: No? / Ferdinand: You just *swish* it around and *savor* the experience on your palate. / Ferdinand: Unlike wine, soda is carbonated, so you get a nice *tingly* feeling on your tongue. / Ferdinand: <> <> <> Oh yeah, this was an *excellent* year for corn syrup. / Aaron: Great! / {{ alt text: The second in a series of comics that explorers what it means to be a soda connoisseur.}}
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=115
 
The Soda Enthusiast, Part 3 [[A subpanel at the top of the first panel explains "Ferd: soda connoisseur"]] / [[Ferdinand and Aaron are sitting on a hill in the autumn. The tree leaves are orange.]] / Aaron: So what are the rules for matching the correct food and soda? / Ferdinand: There are two main soda groups. / Ferdinand: First there's the lights, which includes ginger ale, Sprite, and 7-Up. You should drink these with fish and various types of asian food. / Ferdinand: Then there's the darks, which includes Coke, root beer, and Dr. Pepper. These go best with spicy or greasy foods, like pizza or buffalo wings... / Aaron: I must be going crazy! That almost makes sense. / Ferdinand: There's also the fruity sodas, but no self-respecting soda drinker would be caught dead with those.
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=116
The Soda Enthusiast, Part 4 [[Ferdinand is slouched down in an easy chair watching TV. Aaron brings him a drink.]] / Aaron: Here's the root beer you asked for. / [[Ferdinand drinks through a straw.]] / <><><><> / [[Ferdinand hurls the drink at the TV breaking either the TV, the glass, or both.]] / Ferdinand: Is this a joke?! Never serve soda from a 2 liter! It goes flat and loses all of its vibrance! / <> / [[Aaron stalks off.]] / Aaron: #@*% soda connoisseurs!
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=117
The Soda Enthusiast, Part 5 [[Aaron walks up to Ferdinand who is eating pizza at the dining room table.]] / Aaron: You're drinking water with pizza?! Have you given up on your soda connoisseur ways?! / Ferdinand: Yup! Some people go through life pushing their elitist opinions on others. They use it as a way to inflate their own egos while bringing others down. I realized that life is too short for that. / Aaron: Wow, I've never heard you sound so mature. / Ferdinand: Just kidding! I've been diagnosed with diabetes. If I drink too much soda I die.
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=118
Whose Money? [[Harold sits and watches TV.]] / TV: This is a pivotal moment for America's economy. Problems... in the credit markets and ... in subprime mortgages have spread throughout our financial system... / TV: We must ... pass legislation approving the federal government's purchase of ... troubled mortgages from banks ... / TV: ... In this difficult time ... many Americans are wondering about the security of their finances. Know that the federal government continues to protect your money... / [[A mother and three kids (one a baby) sit on a sidewalk with a sign that reads "Lost Home Anything Helps"]]
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=119
That's Not What it Means! [[Ferdinand and Harold are walking through an area with strange rock formations in the background.]] / Ferdinand: I wanna learn yoga but I don't practice Hinduism. / Harold: That's okay. A lot of yoga classes are nonsectarian. / Ferdinand: What do they have against secretaries?
http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=120
 

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