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| It Came from the Drain, Part 6 | [[Aaron and Ferdinand, watching TV. Harold rushes in.]]
/ Harold: *Aaron!* *Ferd!* A monster has kidnapped Alp! We hafta do something! / Aaron: Is his life in peril?
/ Harold: *YES!* / Aaron: Does every second we waste put Alp in further jeopardy?
/ Harold: *Definitely!* / Aaron: Okay, we'll help as soon as this "Perfect Strangers" rerun is over.
/ Ferdinand: I *cannot* get enough of the Dance of Joy.
/ Harold: *GUYS!* http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=151 |
| It Came from the Drain, Part 7 | Harold: The toxic waste monster is holding Alp in the room behind this door. We have to break in and save him.
/ Ferdinand: This better not take long, I'm missing "Golden Girls". / Harold: Since the rescue with be *extremely* dangerous, I've made armor to protect us. / [[They don the armor.]] / [[Aaron's armor appears to have been designed for someone of the opposite sex.]]
/ Aaron: Can't I at least die with *dignity?* http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=152 |
| It Came from the Drain, Part 8 | [[ Armor is gone now...]]
/ Ferdinand: Okay, on the count of *3* we break down the door and attempt to save Alp from the *deadly* monster. / Ferdinand: 1... / Ferdinand: 2... / Ferdinand: 2 and one half...
/ Harold: *Ferd!* *Quit Stalling!!*
/ Ferdinand: e / {{note: e = 2.7182818284590... }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=153 |
| It Came from the Drain, Part 9 | Ferdinand: BREAK DOWN THE DOOR HAROLD! GO!
/ < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=154 |
| It Came from the Drain, Part 10 | Ferdinand: BREAK DOWN THE DOOR HAROLD! GO!
/ < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=155 |
| It Came from the Drain, Part 11 | [[Santa appears holding a sack]]
/ Santa: Did any of you boys ask for a can of whup ass on your Xmas list? / Ferdinand, Harold, Alp, and Aaron: Yeah!! Santa's saving us!! / Santa: I'll show you why they call me the crimson fists of fury!
/ [[Santa wrestles the monster]] / Harold: Wow, Santa's amazing!
/ Aaron: Well, I guess if you can beat Jesus for your own holiday, you can bring the heat.
/ Alp: But what's with the stupid hat? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=156 |
| It Came from the Drain, Part 12 | [[Santa holds a sack with the still-struggling toxic monster over his shoulder]]
/ Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! That's the last of them! Given my experience with Chinese-made toys and their chemicals, those toxic waste monsters were no match. / Harold: Thanks for the rescue, Santa!
/ Ferdinand: Hey, since you're here anyway, could we get our Christmas presents now? / Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! sure, why not? I'll just be giving you the usual! / [[All are holding lumps of coal]]
/ Alp: Why did Santa give us reindeer turds?
/ Aaron: Shuddup Alp! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=157 |
| Guest Comic by Dawn Griffin | Aaron: Y'know, when you said you were hired to invent something for the president of the United States, I figured you meant something that would make a big difference for the country. / [[Alp stands with a plastic shield in front of his face marked SHOE SHIELD while Ferdinand throws a shoe at his head for it to deflect]]
/ Alp: Oh, please. I'm not that good.
/ Ferd: Size 10, baby! / {{other keywords: George W. Bush, Iraq, quagmire}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=158 |
| Guest Comic by Carl Ackerson | {{this comic is drawn in the style of Diesel Sweeties}}
/ Harold: Could you imagine dying of "The Bends?" / Ferdinand: That's when you get bubbles in your blood, like when scuba sivers rise too fast, right? / Harold: Yeah, it can cause brain damage and sometimes even death. / Ferd: Hey, I wonder if you can get the same effect by injecting soda into your blood. / Harold: That would be an ironically appropriate death penalty method for the U.S. / Ferd: Hmmm, lethal injection via Dr. Pepper. It's just what the doctor ordered. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=159 |
| Guest Comic by Stephanie O'Donnell | [[Harold walks with Aaron in the desert]]
/ Harold: Between the economy and global violence, there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. / Harold: How do you manage to keep yourself together?
/ Aaron: With the help of "Shodden Froyd". / Harold: "Shodden Froyd"?!
/ Aaron: Yeah, he knows a lot of people that'll help improve your mood and overall self esteem. Great at referrals. / Aaron: In fact, he referenced me to you.
/ Harold: Really? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=160 |
| Tolerance | [[Harold and Aaron are walking along some rolling hills.]]
/ Harold: Aaron, I want to be tolerant of other people's beliefs, but should that include being tolerant of people who are intolerant? / Harold: If I'm not, then I'm being a hypocrite. / Harold: If I am, then aren't I just validating views that will nullify the tolerance I'm trying to promote? / Aaron: Be like me. I can't tolerate anyone.
/ Harold: That doesn't help me!
/ Aaron: But are you tolerant of that? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=161 |
| A New Look | Ferdinand: I need a new look. What do you think about a beard?
/ Aaron: you can't grow a beard, you're hairy everywhere! / Aaron: Idiot! / [[Ferdinand stands with a razor in hand, and a bald circle around his mouth in the shape of a beard.]]
/ Ferdinand: I call it the reverse beard! ...patent pending. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=162 |
| The Difference | [[Harold and Aaron are walking through the forest.]]
/ Harold: Everywhere I look, I see people with confidence and their lives together. / Harold: Every time I look at myself, all I see is self-doubt and imminent failure. / Harold: What's the difference between me and everyone else? / Aaron: The facade. / {{fun fact: this is the first comic that was inked with a brush instead of a crowquill like usual}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=163 |
| Our Generation | [[Aaron and Harold are walking through the forest on a cool, winter day. The sun is setting behind them.]]
/ Aaron: Sometimes I worry that our generation has ruined any future prospect for artistic expression from popular media. / Aaron: Take movies for example. There were so many deep and interesting films in the 60s and 70s. / Aaron: Then Star Wars is released, and the industry has been dominated by summer popcorn movies ever since. / Aaron: Experimentation in music was exploding at about the same time. Then hair bands and pop music came along and made it more about image than expression. / Aaron: Even cartoons turned into thirty minute toy commercials in the 1980s. / Harold: I guess it makes you feel guilty about your childhood, huh? / Aaron: Yeah right, I still love that stuff. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=164 |
| The Bistro Liaison | [[Aaron and Ferdinand are sitting at a desk. Ferdinand is reading from the phone book.]]
/ Aaron: Where do you want to eat?
/ Ferdinand: How 'bout the Bistro Liaison? / Aaron: No Ferd, it's pronounced Lee-aye-zon. / Ferdinand: How can you hear if I pronounced it wrong? This is a comic strip.
/ Aaron: I don't have much faith in our readers' intelligence. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=165 |
| Wannabe Carnivores | [[Aaron and Alp are grocery shopping, currently in the vegetarian section.]]
/ Aaron: What do they have in the vegetarian section?
/ Alp: Let's see... Vegi-burgers, vegi-sausage, meatless ribs, tofurkey... / Aaron: Who are these vegetarians trying to fool?! Clearly they must be desperate for meat, otherwise they wouldn't masquerade all their food as meat products! / [[They are now at Alp's invention table at Alp's lab, Alp holding a carrot on a skewer]]
/ Alp: Behold, the next big thing in health food! Fried lard and bacon bits in the shape of a wholesome carrot!
/ Aaron: It doesn't work both ways! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=166 |
| Quiet Confession | [[Harold and Aaron sit resting against a tree]]
/ Harold: People compliment me for being mild-mannered and agreeable... / Harold: ... They say I'm sort-spoken and patient.. / Harold: ... But really, I'm just defeated. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=167 |
| Fighting for the Cause, Part 1 | [[Ferdinand is holding a clipboard out to Harold.]]
/ Ferdinand: Wanna sign my petition? I think I've found a cause that I can dedicate my life to!
/ Harold: Sure! It's nice to see you finally work for a greater good! / Harold: Does it have something to do with the environment?
/ Ferdinand: Not really. / Harold: Is it a humanitarian cause?
/ Ferdinand: Sorta... / [[Harold takes the petition and looks at it.]]
/ Harold: Petition to make Groundhog Day a federal holiday!!!
/ Ferdinand: Hey, it's about time people think about someone beyond themselves, namely me! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=168 |
| Fighting for the Cause, Part 2 | Harold: Are there any states you think'll be resistant to your idea of making Groundhog Day a federal holiday? / Ferdinand: Maybe Arizona, they didn't even want to give MLK his own day.
/ Harold: Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
/ {{For search engine inclusion, I note that MLK stands for Martin Luther King}} / Harold: It's amazing what people have done when you look back at history.
/ Aaron: History?! It was 1990 for cryin' out loud! / Harold: At least we've come a long way since then.
/ Aaron: S. Carolina didn't make it a state holiday until 2000! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=169 |
| Fighting for the Cause, Part 3 | [[Ferdinand is working at a computer and Aaron is looking over his shoulder.]]
/ Aaron: You want to Groundhog Day to be a national holiday, but do they deserve it? How accurate are they at predicting spring? / Ferdinand: Let's see... According to wikipedia (i.e. the word of God) they're right 40% of the time! / Aaron: That's horrible! We'd be better off guessing!
/ Ferdinand: Hey it's better than the local weatherman, who's basically always wrong! / Aaron: But if he's always wrong, can't you just expect the opposite?
/ Ferdinand: It's the principle that counts! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=170 |
| Fighting for the Cause, Part 4 | Harold: How's your campaign to make Groundhog Day a federal holiday going?
/ Ferdinand: Good! I have over 10,000 signatures on my petition. / Harold: Already?! That's great news Ferd! How did you get so many signatures so fast? / [[Harold reads from the signature sheets.]]
/ Harold: Ferdy F. Ferdinand? Ferdanando Ferdo?! Ferdanista Ferferdanda?!
/ Ferdinand: Funny coincidence, huh? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=171 |
| Fighting for the Cause, Part 5 | Ferdinand: I've done all I can at home and on the internet. It's time to take my crusade to make Groundhog Day a federal holiday to the streets. / Aaron: Oh no, you're not going to become one of those guys that preaches on the street corner?
/ Ferdinand: No, it's a protest. It'll be me and my throngs of supporters! / [[Ferdinand stands on a sidewalk holding a sign which reads "Give groundhogs their due! Make Feb 2nd a national holiday!" Next to him is a man, barefoot, bearded, and with somewhat tattered trousers, who carries a sign which reads "REPENT the end is near."
/ Man: Slow day, huh? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=172 |
| Fighting for the Cause, Part 6 | [[Ferdinand is watching television and Harold walks in.]]
/ Harold: Why so mopey? Today's your big day -- why aren't you celebrating?
/ Ferdinand: My efforts to make Groundhog Day an official holiday have failed. / Ferdinand: No one cares about the plights of groundhogs. I even contacted the Obama administration with no luck. I guess my dream of always having Feb 2nd off from work will never come true. / Harold: But Ferd, you don't even work. You have every day off! / [[Ferdinand stands before Harold and Aaron with his arms loaded with champagne bottles spewing their bubbly goodness.]]
/ Ferdinand: Woo hoo! Happy Groundhog Day! Who's ready to party?!?! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=173 |
| Slurpee Bong | [[Alp is holding what looks like a beer bong in his hand. Harold and Ferdinand stand next to him.]]
/ Alp: Check out my newest invention!
/ Harold: That's not what I think it is? / Alp: It's a slurpee bong! There's no spiffier way to chug slurpees! The tube is made of a special, top-secret material to ensure the slurpee is extra cold! / [[Ferdinand reaches for the slurpee bong.]]
/ Ferdinand: Awesome! Let me try! Let me try! / [[Ferdinand is passed out on the floor. Stars float above his head. Alp and Harold are standing above him.]]
/ Alp: Now that's some #@%* serious brain freeze! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=174 |
| Those Crazy Amish! | [[Aaron and Harold sit around a table reading a newspaper.]]
/ Harold: Did you know that there's a city in Pennsylvania with the name Intercourse? / Aaron: Why's that strange? It's named after the famous pilgrim Jonathan intercourse. / Harold: Wow, really?
/ Aaron: Just kidding. It's a town full of perverts. / {{title text: Those Crazy Amish!}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=175 |
| The Californian Accent | Harold: The U.S. has so many different regional accents, like in the South, Boston, or Chicago. But would you say that Californians speak with an accent?
/ Ferdinand: Interesting. There's only one way to find out. / [[Ferdinand goes to the airport and gets on a plane.]] / [[The plane flies to its destination.]] / [[The plane lands in a nondescript southern state.]] / Ferdinand: Excuse me sir. I'm from California, and I was wondering, Would you say I speak with an accent? / Southern Man: Tarnation! Kalyfonia?!? Sty bak ya gay-lovin' metroseksual homo!!! Mary Sue!!! Fetch me ma shot gun!!! / [[Ferdinand boards another plane, flying him back home.]] / Ferdinand: Apparently we speak "Gayese." http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=176 |
| Lovable | [[Harold and Aaron walk through the forest]]
/ Harold: Aaron, do you think anyone will ever love me? / Aaron: I don't know. Have you ever done something that was lovable? / Harold: What does that have to do with anything? / {{will someone ever love me}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=177 |
| Michelangelo | [[Ferdinand is sitting on the cushy chair watching television. Aaron is resting on the back of the chair.]]
/ Ferdinand: Wow, Michelangelo sure was prolific. Did you know he painted sixteen chapels? / Aaron: It's the Sistine Chapel. / Ferdinand: You really should do something about that lisp. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=178 |
| A New Friend, Part 1 | [[Harold sits alone against a tree]]
/ Ahhh... after a stressful day, there's nothing more relaxing than some peaceful time alone. / Harold: I can sit and talk about all of my deepest fears and anxieties, without worrying that anyone will overhear me, with the exception of the gentle wind. / Voice from tree: That's what you think!
/ Harold: ! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=179 |
| A New Friend, Part 2 | [[Harold stands below a tree, looking up into the densely packed leaves.]]
/ Harold: Who was that? Who's up there? / [[Raymond sticks his head down out of the leaves.]]
/ Raymond: Hey, what's up?
/ Harold: What? How? Have you always been up there? / Raymond: Just the last few months, and let me tell you, I've heard all the things you've been sayin'. You need to gain some confidence! You're a good guy and you shouldn't always worry if others like you! / Harold: Wanna be my friend? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=180 |
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