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| A New Friend, Part 3 | [[Raymond and Harold are walking through the forest]]
/ Harold: So Raymond, you think I'd be happier if I ignored what people think of me? / Raymond: Yeah, you always conform to society's pressures instead of being true to yourself. / Raymond: I think it was Neitzsche who said, "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened, but no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." / Harold: On the other hand, Huey Lewis said "It's hip to be square."
/ Raymond: Yes, he does make a good point too. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=181 |
| A New Friend, Part 4 | [[Harold and Raymond walk through the forest]]
/ Harold: Wow Raymond, I can't believe all of the places you've traveled.
/ Raymond: Hey, I'm a raccoon of the world! I want to experience all that life has to offer. / Harold: What's your favorite place to visit?
/ Raymond: Definitely Amsterdam. / Harold: Really? Is it all of the museums, or the food? Is it the way that history is all around you? / Raymond: It's Amsterdam... you don't get out much, do you? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=182 |
| A New Friend, Part 5 | [[Ferdinand and Aaron sit watching television.]]
/ Aaron: Have you seen Harold lately?
/ Ferdinand: Not today. He's always so depressed and lonely. Sometimes I worry about that guy. / [[Harold walks by, Raymond in tow]]
/ Harold: Hey guys! I just made a new friend! / Ferdinand: And now he's imagining things. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=183 |
| A New Friend, Part 6 | [[Harold is presenting Raymond to Aaron and Ferdinand.]]
/ Harold: Hey guys, this is Raymond. He doesn't really have a place to stay. Could he live here awhile? / Aaron: It's already pretty crowded in this house. I don't know if we can spare the space. / Raymond: Well, I guess I'll have to find somewhere else to store the lifetime supply of Twinkies I won from Hostess. / Ferdinand: ?Mi casa es su casa! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=184 |
| Eighties Education | [[Ferdinand and Harold are Standing, watching the sun set]]
/ Ferdinand: Did you know glass is made from melting sand?
/ Harold: How the heck do you know that? / Ferdinand: He-Man! He needs to trap a scorpion, so he vigorously rubs his hands over sand to melt it and make a glass cage. / Harold: Don't you have any knowledge that wasn't derived from 1980's cartoons? / Ferdinand: Did you know that bird crap can be used as an ingredient in gunpowder? Transformers, "A Decepticon Raider in King Arthur's Court." http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=185 |
| Oils Versus Acrylics | [[Raymond stands holding a palette in front of a painting of a tree on an easel while talking to Harold]]
/ Harold: Cool, you paint too? Are you using oils?
/ Raymond: Yup, but it's always a conundrum choosing between oils and acrylics. / Raymond: Acrylics are easy to clean, but the colors are less vibrant and change hue as they dry. / Raymond: Oils have beautiful, rich colors, but are incredibly messy. They also have a strong odor. / Harold: That's why you should only use oils in a well-ventilated area.
/ Raymond: No, it's a good thing. I find the fumes inspiring. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=186 |
| Let It Snow | [[Harold and Aaron are walking outdoors. They both wear scarves around their necks and it is starting to snow.]]
/ Harold: Wow, it's starting to snow! Nature never ceases to amaze! / Harold: When it's cold out, water could just fall as boring ice, but instead it floats to the ground in the form of magical, individualized, and delicate crystals. / Harold: < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=187 |
| Reader Mailbag, Part 1 | Harold: Time for a new feature, reader mailbag, where we answer questions from real readers just like you. / Aaron: Our first letter is from Chris in Dallas, "It's unfair that you always make fun of religion, in particular Christianity. What's the deal?" / Aaron: You have a good point. I guess we have been hard on religion.
/ Harold: Finally, a chance to apologize. / Aaron: A handful of comics versus thousands of years of persecution. How unfair is that?
/ Harold: < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=188 |
| Reader Mailbag, Part 2 | [[Aaron stands holding a sheet of paper,]]
/ Aaron: The next reader mailbag question is from Andrew in Goleta, CA. He asks, " You've finally added a new cast member to Calamities. Does this mean you've jumped the shark?" / Aaron: Well, Aaron, we feel it's important to change things up to keep it fresh. This in no way means we're desperate for comic strip ideas. / Raymond: Like my new leather jacket? AYYYY!!!
/ Aaron: Thanks, that couldn't have come at a worse time. / {{other keywords: fonzie, happy days}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=189 |
| Reader Mailbag, Part 3 | Ferdinand: Our *final* reader mailbag question is from Helen in Albany. She asks, "I can't tell *What the heck* you guys are. Couldn't you at least look like *recognizable animals*?" / Aaron: Well Helen, do you *really* think it would improve the comic if we were *realistic* looking animals? Guys, play the clip. / [[Interior of a car. Aaron, driving, is drawn like a real mole; Ferd like a real groundhog.]]
/ Aaron/mole: This restaurant has parking in the rear.
/ Ferdinand/groundhog: *Ha!* That's what she said! / Aaron/mole: I never got why that phrase is supposed to be funny. Who does "she" refer to anyway? / Ferdinand/groundhog: Eleanor Roosevelt.
/ Aaron/mole: Great. I'm glad we got that straight.
/ Ferdinand/groundhog: That's what she said! / [[Back to normal.]]
/ Ferdinand: Actually that was kinda funny.
/ Aaron: You also think Gallagher is funny!! / {{alt text: Ferd and Aaron imagine what it would be like if they looked like real animals, and they throw in some Gallagher and and that's what she said jokes for good measure.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=190 |
| Dinosaur Discourse | [[Harold and Aaron sit on a park bench, with birds at their feet]]
/ Harold: It's amazing to think that birds evolved from dinosaurs. / Harold: I like to watch birds and imagine them as dinosaurs, but with all the same mannerisms associated with birds. / [[A bird dropping lands on Harold's head]] / Aaron: Thank God for evolution. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=191 |
| Throwing Signs | Ferdinand: Remember when we were younger and all the kids were wannabe gangsters? / Raymond: Sure, we'd throw up our gang signs and be like "west siiide!"
/ Ferdinand: Or we'd be gettin' a burger and then ask for... / [[Ferdinand holds up the fingers of one hand and covers the back of that hand with his other.]]
/ Ferdinand: ... Fries on da siieede!!! / Raymond: What the hell is that supposed to be?
/ Ferdinand: See, one hand is the carton, and the other is the fries sticking up. / {{other keywords: gang signs, keeping it real}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=192 |
| Shower Musing | [[Harold stands in the shower wearing a pink shower cap and holding a large brush, musing to himself]]
/ Harold: Nothing can beat a shower. I get all my best thinking done in here. The relaxing sensation of the hot water combined with with the ambient noise from the faucet... / Harold: It blocks out all distractions and makes it so easy to get lost in thought... / Harold: ...I could stand in here all day.
/ [[Aaron wears a green towel and also holds a large brush. Ferdinand is holding a bucket full of ice.]]
/ Aaron: Is he going to stand in there all day?
/ Ferd: Just give the word and this bucket of ice goes right over. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=193 |
| Going Down, Part 1 | [[Ferdinand stands with a skateboard in hand]]
/ Ferdinand: Trying to go uphill with a skateboard is such a drag. / Ferdinand: From now on, I'm only going downhill! / Harold: That's impossible! How will you do that?!
/ Ferdinand: Oh, I have my ways. / {{Caption: Inevitably..}}
/ [[Ferdinand is in Hell, with Satan and a few tortured souls present]]
/ Ferdinand: So... does anyone know a way own from here? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=194 |
| Going Down, Part 2 | [[Ferdinand is in a fiery cave.]]
/ Ferdinand: Wow, it sure is #@%$ hot in Hell! / Ferdinand: Well, look at the bright side. At least it's a dry heat! Am I right? Ha! Ha! / [[We now see that he is talking to a group of the damned, they are variously hanging in chains or shackled to balls and chains.]] / Ferdinand: This is where, you're supposed to say, "It's funny 'cause it's true." http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=195 |
| Going Down, Part 3 | [[Aaron and Ferdinand are standing at a brick wall.]]
/ Aaron: I heard you were in Hell.
/ Ferdinand: Yeah, they said it wasn't my time (yet), so they sent me back. / Aaron: What was it like?
/ Ferdinand: Super crowded! It has every lustful, lying, gluttonous, and covetous person who's ever lived. / Aaron: I guess that confirms my suspicion.
/ Ferdinand: What's that? / Aaron: Heaven is full of all the boring people. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=196 |
| Caption Contest | {{This single panel strip was the product of a contest where Tony Piro drew the panel but left it uncaptioned. Readers submitted potential captions and the winner was Rachel Degelbeck.}}
/ [[Harold has just entered a room in complete disarray. There are holes punched in the wall, broken boards with nails pointing up lying on the floor, wiring pulled out of the electrical sockets, broken mirrors and windows, large holes in the floor, an axe stuck in the wall smashed tables, chairs, glassware and a vase. There is also a chainsaw, a banana peel and fire. Alp stands on the far side of the room holding one of his invented contraptions.]]
/ Alp: Watch out for that banana peel. It's slippery! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=197 |
| Canadian Currency Scam | [[Ferdinand and Aaron are walking through the forest.]]
/ Ferdinand: Canadians are scamming Americans!
/ Aaron: How? By making us thing hockey is a legitimate sport? / Ferdinand: No, their currency! All their coins are the same size and color as the U.S. equivalent! Their dime is the same as our dime. Their penny is the same as our penny! / Ferdinand: Clearly, their plan is to mint a bunch of coins, go to the U.S., and trick us into giving them our more valuable currency! / Aaron: You'd have a point if American currency were actually worth something nowadays.
/ Ferdinand: Exactly!! Who do you think's devaluing it?!?! Canadians!! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=198 |
| Jesus Fish in a Barrel | [[Harold and Aaron are in a bookstore.]]
/ Harold: Hey, Barnes & Noble is having a sale!
/ Aaron: Let's see, Programming for Dummies, Guitar for Dummies, Math for Dummies... / Harold: Religion for Dummies. / [[They stare at each other.]] / Aaron: If God didn't want me to make fun of religion, why does he keep lobbing me soft balls? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=199 |
| Contagious | [[Harold and Alp are sitting at the dining room table.]]
/ Harold: < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=200 |
| A Sixth Sense | [[Harold and Aaron are walking through the forest. Harold is balancing on a fallen tree.]]
/ Harold: We take it for granted that all of our experiences are filtered through our five sense. / Aaron: I wonder what other ways we could be experiencing the world, but we don't even know it. / Harold: What if we had the ability to sense magnetic fields?
/ Aaron: That'd be cool. Some birds can do that. / Harold: Some people say I have a magnetic personality.
/ Aaron: That doesn't count. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=201 |
| Easter Time | [[Ferd and Raymond sit on a blanket, with a basket at their feet]]
/ Raymond: Ah Easter, a time to celebrate the seminal event that gives hope to Christians everywhere. / Raymond: A time to rejoice that spring is here--the season of rebirth and rejuvenation, and everything that's good in the world. / Raymond: What did you bring for the picnic?
/ Ferd: Deviled eggs. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=202 |
| Real Coca-Cola Classic | [[Alp and Harold stand at a table with various flasks and bottles; Alp is holding a glass with a straw. They're at Alp's lab.]]
/ Alp: I'm experimenting with making Coca-Cola from scratch. Wanna try?
/ Harold: Sure. / [[Harold is drinking the concoction.]]
/ < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=203 |
| Coca-Cola Classic Revisted | Aaron: Our previous comic implied that Coca-Cola used to have cocaine in it.
/ Harold: So we'd like to issue a formal apology. / Aaron: This may or may not be related to a notice we received from Coca-Cola's lawyers.
/ Harold: Again, we are EXTREMELY sorry! / Aaron: Of course, these days Coca-Cola gets its coca leaves from Stepan Co., the only company authorized to import coca plants and extract cocaine.
/ Harold: What?! Aaron!! / Aaron: So maybe we should have implied that Coca-Cola uses cocaine now.
/ [[Harold has nervous sweat beads coming from his face.]]
/ Harold: Please! Don't sue us out of existence! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=204 |
| Boringball | [[Aaron and Ferdinand are watching television. Ferdinand is sitting in a cushy chair, while Aaron is standing behind the chair.]]
/ Aaron: Baseball season's underway?
/ Ferdinand: Yup. / Aaron: Today's final score was 2-0?
/ Ferdinand: Yup. / Aaron: Any home runs?
/ Ferdinand: Nope. / Aaron: Damn I miss steroids.
/ Ferdinand: Yup. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=205 |
| Bear-ly Funny | [[Ferdinand is standing across from a polar bear.]]
/ Polar Bear: Oh man, I'm so depressed. Everything's hopeless. / Polar Bear: I'm feeling manic! Let's do something, now! I gotta get this energy out!
/ Ferdinand: Jeez, what's your deal? / Polar Bear: I'm a bi-polar bear! Ha ha! Get it?
/ Ferdinand: Does that mean you do both guy and girl polar bears? / {{title text: Bear-ly Funny}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=206 |
| Intelligence | [[Harold and Aaron are walking out toward the beach.]]
/ Aaron: How much of intelligence is environmental versus being intrinsic to that person? / Aaron: Society celebrates some people for being smart and holds the physicist on a higher pedestal than the plumber. / Aaron: But in a sense, both are merely experts in their limited circle of experience. If the plumber had the same opportunities and interest in learning physics, couldn't he be a physicist too? / Harold: So you're saying everyone is equally smart?
/ Aaron: Either that or everyone's equally dumb. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=207 |
| It's the Economy | [[Harold is standing. Ferdinand is sitting at a table and holding a pen]]
/ Harold: Classifieds? Are you looking for a job NOW?
/ Ferdinand: Sure, why not? / [[close-up of Harold]]
/ Harold: In the current economic environment WHO could possibly be hiring? / Ferdinand: The unemployment office. / {{Apr 24, 2009 - It's the Economy}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=208 |
| It's All About the Bacon | Alp: I'm ready for the day! I have my bacon chewing gum, I have my bacon belt... / Alp: ...my bacon cologne, my bacon wallet, my bacon lip balm, and even my bacon dental floss! / Aaron: When will this insanity end? Isn't it enough to just eat bacon?! / Alp: It's not a food, it's a lifestyle!
/ Aaron: If you die of cardiac arrest, how can it be called a LIFEstyle?! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=209 |
| Hugs Not Drugs | [[Harold and Ferdinand look at a sign that says DON'T DO CRACK]]
/ Harold: Will the war on drugs ever end? / Ferdinand: Drugs? I thought it was an anti-gay slogan. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=210 |
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