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| And That's Just Part of the Collection | Harold: Did you watch the Michael Jackson funeral? I heard it was rather touching.
/ Aaron: #%@* that! / Aaron: Do I really need to spy in on some personal, somber event like a peeping tom? Let people grieve! Why can't the media stop prying into people's lives for once?! / [[Ferdinand enters carrying a huge load of magazines.]]
/ Ferdinand: Check it out! I finally completed my collection of magazines featuring Michael Jackson's death! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=241 |
| 21st Century Cavemen, Part 1 | [[ Exterior view of Aaron and Harold in a car, Harold driving.]]
/ < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=242 |
| 21st Century Cavemen, Part 2 | [[Harold and Arron, sitting on a dock at a lake.]]
/ Harold: It's amazing to think that people really haven't evolved much in the last 200,000 years. / Harold: Doesn't that mean evolution has basically optimized humans for foraging for food, reproducing and avoiding being eaten by lions? / Aaron: Yup, and now these same people are expected to work 40 hour a week, sitting in front of a computer all day. / Harold: How do people cope with this?
/ Aaron: Drugs and therapy...
/ Aaron: And more drugs. / {{alt text: A discussion about how humans haven't really evolved much in the last 200,000 years, therapy, and drugs.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=243 |
| 21st Century Cavemen, Part 3 | [[Harold and Aaron walking in the woods. The sun is setting in the background.]]
/ Harold: If the human mind hasn't evolved in 200,000 years, will problems arise in society that can't be solved because of inherent intellectual limitations / Harold: Furthermore, are there fundamental truths about the universe that'll never be known because they're impossible for the mind to comprehend? / Aaron: Well, if so, people will just do what they always do when they don't know something.
/ Harold: What's that? / Aaron: Fake it. / {{alt text: A discussion about whether the human intellect is great enough to actually know all that it desires to know.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=244 |
| Short But Not Sweet | [[Ferdinand and Harold are walking through the forest.]]
/ Harold: It's a soundbite society. Nobody wants details. / Harold: How will people make educated decisions if they don't take the time to learn the full inform--
/ [[Ferdinand has his hand raised at Harold.]]
/ Ferdinand: STOP! Only 140 characters or less please! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=245 |
| Half Baked | [[Ferdinand is mixing a bowl of cookie dough.]]
/ Harold: Wow Ferd! I didn't know you cook. What are you making?
/ Ferdinand: Chocolate chip cookies. / Harold: How do you make that?
/ Ferdinand: Let's see...flour, salt, baking soda, butter, sugar, eggs, and chocolate chips. / [[Close of up Harold.]]
/ Harold: What do you bake it at, like 400 degrees? / [[Ferdinand tosses a small ball of dough into his mouth.]]
/ Ferdinand: Bake it? You want to RUIN it?!? / {{Title text: There's one key way to ruin chocolate chip cookies: bake them.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=246 |
| Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Wrong Color | [[Harold and Aaron are sitting and reading a newspaper]]
/ Harold: Jeez, a black Harvard professor was arrested when a white woman reported he was breaking into--his own house! / Harold: At least the police eventually dropped the charges.
/ Aaron: Yeah, but what happens when you're not a Harvard professor? / Harold: The cops probably send you a hand-written apology and a bouquet of flowers.
/ Aaron: Where? To your funeral? / {{title text: Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Wrong Color}}
/ {{other keywords: Henry Louis Gates Jr., race, racism}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=247 |
| Mental Dental, Part 1 | [Harold and Ferdinand walking outside]
/ Harold: This toothache is killing me! I gotta get to a dentist.
/ Ferdinand: Dentists are for SHMUCKS! / Ferdinand: They're goin' to charge you like two grand, and for what? Drilling a few teeth? I can do the same work for twenty bucks! / Harold: Hmm... I don't know if that's a good idea...
/ Ferdinand: DON'T WORRY, I'll go get my goggles. Gotta watch out for flying shards! / [Ferdinand has left the panel]
/ Harold: SHARDS?!
/ Ferdinand: OF COURSE! I'll also get my jackhammer! EVERY respectable dentist has one of THOSE! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=248 |
| Mental Dental, Part 2 | [[Ferdinand approaches Alp who is working on his inventions at this workbench in Alp's lab.]]
/ Ferdinand: Hey Alp, do you have a welding torch?
/ Alp: Is this for the dental work you're doing on Harold? / Ferdinand: That's right! I'm goin' to save him a ton of money he would have wasted on some crock dentist! / Alp: But is that a good idea? Is it safe?
/ Ferdinand: Of course it's safe! I'm an expert! / Alp: I didn't even know you used to be a pert. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=249 |
| Mental Dental, Part 3 | [[Harold sits in a dental chair while Ferdinand probes at him with instruments.]]
/ Ferdinand: Harold, you're smart to let me do your dental work. This'll save you a bundle! / Ferdinand: I'm almost done, and then -- OOPS!!
/ Harold: Oops?! What do you mean oops?! / Ferdinand: Hmm ... These are your baby teeth, right?
/ Harold: Baby teeth?!? I'm a full grown adult!!! / Ferdinand: Then maybe you can grow them back, you know, like a shark...
/ Harold: FERD?!! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=250 |
| Mental Dental, Part 4 | [[Harold has a metal brace around his head]] / Harold: Some hentist ya ah! Ih coss ee $5000 to hix ahl the hamage ya hid! (Some dentist you are! It cost me $5000 to fix all the damage you did!)
/ Ferdinand: Hey, it's not my fault you can't stay still when I'm using a bandsaw! / Ferdinand: Besides, I got screwed over by our dental arrangement too!
/ Harold: Why's thad? / Ferdinand: You never paid me my twenty bucks! / [[Ferdinand is chased out of the room. You can just see Harold's arms trying to wring Ferdinand's neck.]] http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=251 |
| Beauty is T-Shirt Deep | Harold: Aaron, I don't understand why you're always so cynical about people. / Harold: At the end of the day we all share the same values and everyone basically has a good heart. / [[Two people walk by. One wears a shirt that reads "Free Sperm Samples" and has an arrow pointing down to his groin. The other wears a shirt that says "Shut Up You're Stupid."]] / Aaron: You were saying?...
/ Harold: Maybe they can't read English?!? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=252 |
| It's Essentially the Same Experience | [[Aaron stands next to a man trying to feed money to a scratcher machine].]
/ Man: This darn machine won't take my money. / Aaron: Here, let me help you with that.
/ Man: Thanks kind sir. / [[Aaron rips the dollar into shreds and walks away]] / Aaron: See, wasn't that more satisfying than a scratcher? / {{other keywords: lottery, gambling, waste of money}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=253 |
| Media is the Opiate of the People | [[Aaron and Ferdinand walk along a tropical beach.]]
/ Ferdinand: Blogs, podcasts, satellite TV, radio, and more -- isn't the 21st century fantastic? / Ferdinand: There's so much media, no matter where I go, I can find a niche that reinforces my beliefs! / Ferdinand: I'll never have on of my thoughts challenged! I'll never have to feel bad for my prejudices! / Aaron: So it's basically the intellectual equivalent of eating ice cream for every meal, every day.
/ Ferdinand: Gimme another scoop!! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=254 |
| It's Always Sad When They Go So Young | [[Aaron sits on a park bench next to a man and his child, who sits on his father's lap. The man holds a large book.]]
/ Man: Hey little guy, let's read a story together. / Man: 6,000 years ago, there was no Earth or sky. Then God said "Let there be light!" and it was good. / [[Aaron leans over and talks to the child.]]
/ Aaron: Sorry kid, you never really stood a chance. / {{other keywords: religion, creationism, evolution, bible, literalist}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=255 |
| Don't Be Sick | [[Ferdinand and Harold are walking through the woods]]
/ Harold: The health care debate sure is getting heated.
/ Ferdinand: Well, for a good reason! / Ferdinand: It's socialist to let the government dictate our docters. Not to mention the death panels and mandatory euthanasia for everyone over 60! / Harold: Ferd, those are lies propagated to trick people into irrationally fighting much needed reform.
/ Ferdinand: Really? That's disappointing. / Ferdinand: I was hoping old people could be a good substitute for pork if the swine flu gets out of control. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=256 |
| Guest Comic by David Wilborn | {{Guest comic by David Wilborn.}}
/ Alp: I've finally done it, Ferd -- my ultimate invention!
/ Ferdinand: Oh, yeah? / Alp: Behold -- the baconator! I can transform anything into bacon with the press of a button!
/ Ferdinand: Fire it up! / < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=257 |
| Guest Comic by Audra Furuichi | {{Guest comic by Audra Furuichi and Scott Yoshinaga.}}
/ [[Harold and Aaron sit at a table reading newpapers.]]
/ Harold: This woman claims her dog saved her life. She says the dog told her to get out of the house because there was a gas leak.
/ Aaron: Heh! / Aaron: Ridiculous! You can't believe everything you read, Harold! / Aaron: We both know that animals can't really talk!
/ Harold: Heh heh heh! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=258 |
| Guest Comic by Jeff Schuetze | {{Guest comic by Jeff Schuetze, creator of the geek and video game webcomic JEFbot}}
/ [[Alp sits reading a book with Ferdinand looking over his shoulder, while Harold, Aaron, and Raymond are playing cards]]
/ Ferdinand: I was thinking: if those mini copies of Aaron and I could combine to form a fearsome, Voltronesque sword-wielding giant, imagine how awesome it would be if the five of us combined!
/ Alp: Not happening.
/ Ferdinand: C'mon guys, let's assemble!
/ Harold: Uh-uh.
/ Aaron: Bad idea.
/ Raymond: Sounds dirty. / [[Ferdinand is in midair with lightning behind him]]
/ Ferdinand: ASSEMBLE! / [[All five are in a figure consisting of Harold, Ferdinand, and Alp as the body, and Raymond and Aaron as the arms. Harold is holding a spork.]]
/ Ferdinand: Not exactly what I had in mind.
/ Harold: I formed the head!
/ Aaron: Not awesome.
/ Raymond: I think we formed a tree.
/ Alp: Awkward. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=259 |
| Comic Strip Syndication | [[Ferd in a seat, is handed a "Congrats!" document]]
/ hander: Congratulations! You're out winner!
/ Ferd: What?! What's this? / Ferd: I've won a comic strip syndication contract?! I've hit the jackpot! / [[View pulls back, Ferd is riding in a train car]]
/ Ferd: I've finally made it! I'm on the fast track to success!! / [[View pulls back. Train is heading off the edge of a cliff]] / {{alt text: Ferd is offered the ultimate prize: comic strip syndication. Unfortunately, this is like winning a ticket on the Titanic.}}
/ {{other keywords: comic strip superstar contest, amazon, universal syndicate}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=260 |
| Galileo's Finger, Part 1 | [[Aaron is holding a box.]]
/ Aaron: Harold, I just got a strange package from Florence.
/ Harold: I wonder what it could be. / Aaron: Oh my God! Do your know what this is? It's *Galileo's middle finger!*
/ Harold: His middle finger is preserved in a glass egg? / Aaron: The History of Science museum in Florence must have sent it by mistake.
/ Harold: Wow, Galileo has been giving man the finger for 400 years! / Aaron: < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=261 |
| Galileo's Finger, Part 2 | [[Aaron is holding Galileo's middle finger in a glass egg.]]
/ Harold: It's amazing to thing the Catholic Church fought so hard against the heliocentric viewpoint. At least those days are behind us. / Aaron: Actually, as recently as 1990, Cardinal Ratzinger said the church was "rational and just" in punishing Galileo. / Harold: But that's just some random Cardinal, right? What's the big deal?
/ Aaron: Actually, he's Pope Benedict XVI now. / Harold: Well, at least that's his only crazy belief.
/ Aaron: He also thinks condoms cause AIDs.
/ racoon?: Don't worry, there are *only* one billion Catholics. / {{alt text: A comic about Galileo's middle finger, Cardinal Ratzinger, Pope Benedict XVI, condoms, AIDS, and one billion Catholics.}} / {{keywords: astronomy, religion}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=262 |
| Galileo's Finger, Part 3 | Harold: Do you think Aaron's spending a little too much time with Galileo's middle finger?
/ Alp: What makes you say that? / [[Aaron driving in a car, the finger strapped in in the passenger seat.]] / [[Aaron in a restaurant, candle-lit dinner with the finger.]] / [[Aaron in bed, snuggling the finger.]] / {{alt text: Aaron's relationship with Galileo's middle finger starts to get serious.}} / {{keywords: astronomy, religion}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=263 |
| Galileo's Finger, Part 4 | Aaron: I've decided to return Galileo's middle finger back to the History of Science museum in Florence.
/ Harold: Good for you! That's really where it belongs. / Aaron: Yeah, with all the crap the Catholic Church put him through, Galileo deserves to have his finger appreciated by everyone! / Harold: Wait, where is the finger?
/ [[Aaron points to the mantle off panel.]]
/ Aaron: I had it on the mantle-- someone must have stole it.
/ Harold: But *who?!* / [[Ferd driving in traffic, signals another driver with Galileo's middle finger in a glass egg.]]
/ Ferd: *UP YOURS!!!* / {{alt text: What better way to say screw you than using a 400 year old middle finger from Galileo?}} / {{keywords: astronomy, religion}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=264 |
| Galileo's Finger, Part 5 | [[Harold and Arron at a park. Harold is pointing off in the distance.]]
/ Harold: Hey look, there's Ferd!
/ Aaron: That bastard! I can't believe he stole Galileo's middle finger from me! / Aaron: Hey Ferd, give me the finger! *GIVE ME THE FINGER!!* / [[Everyone stops and stares at Aaron.]] / Aaron: What the #@*% are all you lookin' at?!
/ [[Harold hides his face.]] / {{alt text: Aaron and Harold try to get Galileo's middle finger back from Ferdinand.}} / {{keywords: astronomy, religion}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=265 |
| Galileo's Finger, Part 6 | Raymond: Aaron returned Galileo's middle finger this morning.
/ Ferdinand: Too bad. There's nothing better to say #@*% you, than using a 400 year old finger. / Ferdinand: Well, at least I still have this.
/ [[Ferdinand holds up a glass encased finger]]
/ Raymond: What?! How do you still have the finger? / Ferdinand: I had an exact replica made. In fact, you can have one too for only $19.95! / Raymond: Is nothing sacred anymore?
/ Ferdinand: Order now and I'll throw in Tycho Brahe's severed nose. You can even pick it with Galileo's finger! / {{alt text: Galileo's middle finger and Tycho Brahe's nose. The perfect pair.}} / {{keywords: astronomy, religion}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=266 |
| Tetrachromatic Dreams | [[Ferdinand and Raymond are sitting in a field. The sun is setting in the background.]]
/ Raymond: Most people are trichromatic. They use three different cone cells to perceive color. / Raymond: But a mutation can give some women an extra cone, making them tetrachromatic. They may actually see completely new colors! / Ferdinand: I wish I had six types of cone cells.
/ Raymond: Is that so you could see an even greater variety of colors? / Ferdinand: No, I want people to call me sexachromatic!
/ Raymond: Actually, "tri" and "tetra" are Greek. "Sexa" is Latin.
/ Ferdinand: Okay, then I'll be a Latin sexachromatic! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=267 |
| Tetrachromatic Women | [[Raymond and Aaron it on a swing in a tree. They are both reading books. The tree has red autumn leaves.]]
/ Raymond: It's fun to think that some women have a mutation that makes them tetrachromats. I wonder if they see entirely new colors... / Raymond: ...or if they are just better at distinguishing between similar colors.
/ Aaron: Either way, I think it's pretty unfair that women have this ability and not men. / Raymond: Why's that?
/ Aaron: Women are already criticizing their significant other's clothing. / Aaron: These tetrachromats can now criticize clothing colors even men can't see! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=268 |
| Drunken Personalities | [[Harold and Aaron are walking on beach at night.]]
/ Harold: Why do certain people always become aggressive when they drink? Is it purely due to the alcohol?... / Harold: ...Or does it reflect some real aspect of the person that only shows through once they have been released from their inhibitions? / Aaron: If it's the latter, I wonder what we could learn about our friends by getting them drunk?
/ Harold: Yeah, I wonder... / [[Ferdinand is obviously drunk, surrounded by empty beer bottles and reading from a book.]]
/ Ferdinand: For every w-consistent recursive class K of formulas, there are recursive class signs (symbol for root), such that neither V gen (symbol for root) nor neg (Vgen(symbol for root)) belong to FLG(K). *HIC* http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=269 |
| The 21st Century Experience | [[Ferdinand and Aaron are standing in front of the kitchen counter. Aaron is cutting some chicken thighs. Some tomatoes also sit on the counter.]]
/ Ferdinand: Ew! why's that chicken bloody?
/ Aaron: It's raw meat! Sometimes there's blood. What do you expect? / Ferdinand: Well, I don't like it! It reminds me that the meat is from a living, breathing animal. I don't want my food to make me feel bad. / Ferdinand: As a member of the 21st century, I demand the sanitized, guilt-free experience that I'm entitled to! / Aaron: Kinda how America likes its wars, huh?
/ Ferdinand: There's a war going on? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=270 |
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