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| Anywhere But Here - Monday, June 12, 2006 | Chris: Thanks for last night, it was awesome.
/ Dude: Yeah, uh... about that. Is there anything you want to talk about? / Chris: Like what?
/ Dude: Like the whole "waking up to you crying in my arms" bit. / Chris: Pshaw... I just had a bad dream / Dude: Ho-kay... / [[Chris and Dude looking at each other]] / [[Chris and Dude looking at each other]] / Chris: So, Kappa Kappa Rho is having a party next week...
/ Chris: If you come I promise I won't get durnk and flash everyone this time. / Dude: For the record, the flashing I was fine with... it was the pole dancing that got to me last time.
/ Chris: Do you HAVE to take the fun out of everything I do? http://abh-comic.com/d/20060612.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, June 13, 2006 | [[The Dude's apartment]] /
/ The Dude: Honey, I'm... /
/ The Dude: < http://abh-comic.com/d/20060613.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, June 14, 2006 | Luke: Well chief, we got it cleaned up... mostly. / Luke: But it looks like this stuff is some sort of new radioactive sulpher.
/ Luke: So it could be a good year before this place is decontaminated enough to live in. / Luke: Any idea where we could get more of it? I'm sure the boys at Narbonic would love a sample.
/ Jay: Sorry Luke, it's a secret family recipe / Bill: You should KNOW better than to eat something that's not kosher!
/ Mongo: Sorry... http://abh-comic.com/d/20060614.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Thursday, June 15, 2006 | Dude: So, what's the word? / Jay: Well, the cleanup is done, but due to the radioactivity I've got to call in OSHA in order to get a clean pass in order for you to move back in.
/ My boys inside are telling me that this stuff has a half-life of about 90 days... / Jay: But if I toss the OSHA guys a couple of grand, you and the other tenants would be clear to move back in at the end of the week. / Dude:Remind me to thank you properly when my sixth finger starts growing in.
/ Jay: You know, I bet we could clean up with a line of "so I heard you mutated" line of greeting cards! http://abh-comic.com/d/20060615.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Friday, June 16, 2006 | The Dude: Yeah, Uncle Jay has us holed up in a motel. It's not exactly the roomiest place but it will work I guess. /
/ The Dude: The guys are handling it pretty well... all things considered. I mean, we haven't been this cramped since we moved out of the dorms. /
/ Mongo: WE-HE-HE HE HE HE!!! BRUSH TICKLES!!
/ Mozillias: < http://abh-comic.com/d/20060616.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Monday, June 19, 2006 | Uncle Jay: Well kids, I think I've got good news concerning the... /
/ Uncle Jay: Gah... what smells like wet yak? /
/ Bill: Would you please stop fidgeting! I didn't spend all this time conditioning your hair just so you can get it knotted up again. /
/ Uncle Jay: Are you sure the limey isn't a fruit?
/ The Dude: Pretty sure.
/ Bill: I don't even have jumblies in my undies. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060619.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, June 20, 2006 | The Dude: So, why didn't you tell me that you were Jewish?
/ Bill: Wouldn't you rather we just watched "The Tonight Show?" /
/ The Dude: I'm sorry, but I just don't find Jay Leno to be that intellectually stimulating.
/ Bill: Well... I do, so good day to you, sir. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060620.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, June 21, 2006 | Bill: What makes you think that I'm Jewish? /
/ The Dude: Well, you know... that whole... "It's not kosher" comment earlier today. It does raise some questions. /
/ Bill: Ah, yes... well, there's a perfectly logical explanation behind that. /
/ Bill: And I shall get to it right after this fascinating "Man on the Street" segment.
/ The Dude: If you don't start revealing the inner workings of reality or I switch the channel and we all suffer Jimmy Kimmel's failed abortion of late night humor. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060621.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Thursday, June 22, 2006 | Bill: You see, Mongo and I don't have the luxury of "free will"... /
/ Bill: Therefore, where you can pick and choose which commandments you get to follow... we, by our nature must obey all of them. /
/ The Dude: OK, so ... there's, like, ten rules you have to abide by? /
/ Bill: Ten? There are six hundred and thirteen of them.
/ The Dude: Are you sure you aren't counting a few of them more than once?
/ Bill: Quite. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060622.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Friday, June 23, 2006 | The Dude: Where do you come up with 613? /
/ Bill: Because there are. There were six hundred and thirteen commandments doled out and jotted down. /
/ Bill: Why you people think that only ten of them are important enough to make a movie about I have no idea. /
/ The Dude: Maybe DeMille just really liked those ten.
/ Bill: Well, if he had to carry down all 613 Heston would have collapsed from exhaustion after the first take. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060623.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Monday, June 26, 2006 | The Dude: So you have no choice but to follow the commandments?
/ Bill: Well, they are commandments after all. It's not like they're called the 613 "suggestions." /
/ The Dude: So does that mean you're circumcised? /
/ Bill: GOOD HEAVENS NO!
/ The Dude: Oh... okay. /
/ Bill: I don't even have genitals!
/ The Dude: Why do I even ask these questions? http://abh-comic.com/d/20060626.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | The Dude: WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A PENIS?
/ Bill: Why WOULD I have a penis? /
/ Bill: I wasn't born, I was created. I'm immortal, and have no need to procreate. What good is it to have sex organs if you're not even going to bloody use them? /
/ The Dude: So, if you've got nothing to hide... why do you spend all day running around in boxers and a wife beater? /
/ Bill: Because SOMEBODY'S taste in lounge wear is absolutely hideous!
/ The Dude: If you wanted a robe you should have asked. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060627.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, June 28, 2006 | The Dude: So, no free will.
/ Bill: None. /
/ The Dude: And no dangly bits.
/ Bill: Hung like a Ken doll. /
/ The Dude: So... what's the deal with shellfish?
/ Bill: God's not so big on clams.
/ The Dude: Ah. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060628.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Thursday, June 29, 2006 | Dude: So, if you know that you don't have free will... why didn't you realize that you were actually working for the big man until I pointed it out to you last spring? / [[Bill and Dude stare at each other]] / Bill: You know, your kind couldn't even deduce that menstrus and ovulation were connected until the mid 1800s.
/ Dude: Never even stopped to think about it, huh? / Bill: :sigh: no
/ Dude: Happens to the best of us http://abh-comic.com/d/20060629.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Friday, June 30, 2006 | Bill: So, do you have any other questions for me?
/ The Dude: I don't think so... /
/ The Dude: Hmmm... /
/ The Dude: Where did you get those pajamas?
/ Bill: I found them! / The Dude: Where... on a corpse?
/ Bill: Possibly... http://abh-comic.com/d/20060630.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Monday, July 3, 2006 | [[Uncle Jay driving and on a cell phone]] /
/ Uncle Jay: Joey, it's Jay. The party was a complete success... /
/ Uncle Jay: Our funding is secure, and the buzz is already building... /
/ Uncle Jay: Project "Jurassic Pork" is a go. /
/ Joey: Excellent. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060703.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, July 4, 2006 | [[At Uncle Jay's ranch]] / Ernie: How'd the trip go ,boss?
/ Uncle Jay: Outstanding, Ernie.
/ Ernie: We's got dat pen built like ya asked.
/ Uncle Jay: Well, let's see it. /
/ Uncle Jay: Nope, that's not going to work.
/ Ernie: Whet? Whaynut? /
/ Uncle Jay: It's got to be BIGGER, Ernie.
/ Ernie: WHAT? How much bigger?
/ Uncle Jay: Much... MUCH bigger. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060704.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, July 5, 2006 | The Dude: Why are we watching this?
/ Mozillias: It's the Discovery Channel.
/ The Dude: It's porn.
/ Mozillias: It's educational. /
/ The Dude: It's lizard porn.
/ Mozillias: It's EDUCATIONAL porn. /
/ The Dude: Honestly, you need to stop watching this :explitive deleted:. This stuff is warping your mind.
/ Mozillias: Pffft... I'm fine. /
/ << knock knock knock>> /
/ The Dude: God, I hope that's the pizza.
/ Mozillias: If it's the cute driver that looks like Tina Fey, tell her there's an extra $20 if she takes off her top. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060705.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Thursday, July 6, 2006 | Ken: DUDE! You had SEX with CHRIS?!? / Ken: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!!
/ Ken: I had to hear this from BUNNY?!? What the ***** man!!! I'm your best friend, I can't believe that
/ Dude (overlapping): KEN / Mozillias: Holy ****
/ Mozillias: Homeboy hit it / Ken: Soooo... uh you wanna go for a walk?
/ Dude: Yeah, let me just grab my jacket
/ Mozillias: Nobody leaves this hotel room till I get details http://abh-comic.com/d/20060706.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Friday, July 7, 2006 | Ken: So you didn't have sex? You just spent the night together in Beth's bath tub? Well, that's a lot more innocent than what I heard. /
/ The Dude: Well, we did fool around a bit. But it wouldn't even get an "R" rating.
/ Ken: Well, that's a relief. /
/ Ken: And here I was worried that Chuck won the pool. /
/ The Dude: THERE'S A :EXPLITIVE DELETED: POOL?!? http://abh-comic.com/d/20060707.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Monday, July 10, 2006 | Ken: So... you know... like... after a few beers, you get these wacky ideas... and given Chris' history... the guys and I knew it was just a matter of time. /
/ Ken: So we thought... ya know... they're gonna do it some time. So why not make a little money by betting when you'ld get around to it. /
/ Ken: That's all there is to it. Honestly. /
/ Ken: Sooo... can I come down off the flag pole now?
/ The Dude: I know that there's something you're not telling me.
/ Ken: Honestly Dude, you got it all. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060710.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, July 11, 2006 | Chris: I missed...
/ Dude: THEY'RE BETTING ON OUR SEX LIFE CHRIS!!! / Chris: We have a sex life?
/ Dude: What type of SICK ****S make a pool about when two people are going to have sex? / Dude: I can't BELIEVE my FRIENDS are doing THIS!
/ Chris: Baby, the whole school is in on this / Dude: ...what? The whole school?
/ Chris: Yeah, Sarah said she'll split the jackpot with us if you give it up on February 11th
/ Dude: Well... that's... rather... kind of her http://abh-comic.com/d/20060711.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, July 12, 2006 | Dude: So, how long has this been going on?
/ Chris: Ever since we got back together a few weeks ago / Dude: Why didn't you tell me about this?
/ Chris: I thought you knew
/ Dude: No... I just found out about... / Peaches: MROWL!
/ Dude: Futhermucker / Dude: SHE DIDN'T DO THIS THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE!!!
/ Chris: The last time you were here she was at the vet getting fixed!
/ Dude: Well tell them she's still ***** BROKEN! http://abh-comic.com/d/20060712.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Thursday, July 13, 2006 | Chris: Listen baby, I know you're bothered by this whole... "bet" thing. /
/ Chris: But people talk. And there's nothing we can do about it now. /
/ Chris: So let's just laugh it off. I don't care what people think.
/ The Dude: Chris, I don't mean to be rude... /
/ The Dude: ...But when do you think Peaches is going to let go?
/ Chris: I don't know. Maybe she'll lay some eggs in your esophagus and just fall off on her own. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060713.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Friday, July 14, 2006 | The Dude: I'm serious, Chris. I don't take this stuff lightly.
/ < http://abh-comic.com/d/20060714.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Monday, July 17, 2006 | Chris: Why are you so bothered by this, baby?
/ The Dude: Because I hate this gossip bull:explitive deleted:. /
/ The Dude: Because I care about you a lot Chris. And I hate that people have turned our private affairs into some sort of stupid joke. Or even worse... a sick :explitive deleted: bet. You deserve better than that. And that's what pisses me off the most. /
/ Chris: You know, we wouldn't even have this problem if you just put out. /
/ The Dude: I thought you were cool with the whole "No Goinking" thing.
/ Chris: Just pointing out the obvious, babe. http://abh-comic.com/d/20060717.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, July 18, 2006 | The Dude: Are you alright with the "No Goinking" thing?
/ Chris: Baby, I love the vanilla kink. /
/ Chris: It just feels weird for me not to be sexual with a guy. I like this a lot... and I'm cool with you just... I'm cool with vanilla. But, the last time I had a relationship like this I was in junior high school. /
/ Chris: All right... elementary school.
/ The Dude: I said nothing! http://abh-comic.com/d/20060718.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, July 19, 2006 | Dude: I didn't know you were unhappy with the way things are
/ Chris: Pumpkin... / Chris: Honestly, I'm ok with it... it's DIFFERENT for me. But whatever you want to do... it's your call / Dude: Thanks...
/ Chris: No problem baby / Dude: Sooo... I was thinking... I'm not really being fair to you... and maybe it's time that we tried some rocky road. / [[Chris, wide-eyed and quiet]] / Chris: Baby, I don't know WHAT you've heard about me... but I won't do **** / Dude: ****!?! I was talking about HEAVY PETTING
/ Chris: Oooohhhh... / Chris: Well that's a relief... here I thought you were some sort of sick-o http://abh-comic.com/d/20060719.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Thursday, July 20, 2006 | Chris: Are you serious about getting more... physical?
/ Dude: Absolutely. / Chris: HOLY CRAP! I finally get hot monkey loving?!?
/ Dude: Well, I wouldn't say hot MONKEY loving. / Dude: But I could see some ring tailed lemur action
/ Dude: I mean, we're definitely talking primate, but I'm not 100% certain I'm ready for howler-monkey... / Chris: Less TALKY TALKY more NOOKIE NOOKIE!!!
/ Dude: My pleasure.... http://abh-comic.com/d/20060720.html |
| Anywhere But Here - Friday, July 21, 2006 | [[Druid sitting in snow, drinking something steaming from a cup]] / < http://abh-comic.com/d/20060721.html |
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