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Anywhere But Here - Friday, December 17, 2004 The Dude: I LOVE that book! Are you planning on seeing the film? / / Woman: Two words. / / Woman: Holey bat-nipples! / / The Dude: Eight bloody years and he's still a date killer. / Woman: Right, and Bad Company was a masterpiece of modern cinema?
Anywhere But Here - Monday, December 20, 2004 The Dude: Some days, I just wonder if my life is this dull because God has a severe case of writers block ...
Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, December 21, 2004 Karen: Oh wow! I love that book! / / The Dude: I know! The creature is the best part! / Karen: Totally, he's so misunderstood, you gotta feel for him. / / Hank: KAREN? / Karen: Over here sweetie! / The Dude: Sweetie? / / Karen: This is my boyfriend Hank. / Hank: HELLO / The Dude: FIRE ... BAD!
Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, December 22, 2004 Beth: Sir, depressing doesn't sell ... / The Dude: PISS OFF!!! / Beth: Oh, we are SO going to get published now ...
Anywhere But Here - Thursday, December 23, 2004 Mozillas: Hey, your mom called while you were out... / Mozillas: She was wondering if you were going to make it home this year. She said they're having turkey. / Mozillias: Oh, and she was wondering if you were bringing a girl with you. / The Dude: ARRRRRRGH!!! / Mozillas: So, that'ld be a no then.
 
Anywhere But Here - Friday, December 24, 2004 The Dude: Dear Santa, All I really want for Christmas is just someone to love. / Unnamed Hag: Merry Christmas Sweetie! / The Dude: Dear Santa, Har-de-friggin-har-har-har.
Anywhere But Here - Monday, December 27, 2004 Mozillas: Thanks again for doing this, I know how much you hate shopping after christmas. / The Dude: I just hate getting up this early... / Mozillas: I know, but if we don't the elves get all the good clothes in my size. / The Dude: Elves? / Karen: Awe, aren't we a little cutie wootie? / Elf: Can it toots, you got any of those sex machine sweaters in a boys size 8?
Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, December 28, 2004 The Dude: Kevlar / Mozillas: Tazers / The Dude: Tear Gas / Mozillas: Two Ways / The Dude: Smoke Grenades / Mozillas: Flares / The Dude: Super Soaker / Mozillas: B.B. Gun / The Dude: Cricket Bat / Mozillas: First Aid Kit / The Dude: Ready for this? / Mozillas: Lock and Load! / Announcer: Attention Squal-Mart shoppers, our doors will open in 5 minutes, may God have mercy on your souls. / The Dude: You know, weren't probibly not getting out of this alive... / Mozillas: If I score a X-Box for under 50 bucks I could care less.
Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, December 29, 2004 Background Dialog: / Hands off! / I Wants it! / it's mine! / Gimme! / I saw it first! / Over my dead body! / Background dialog: / MY EYES! MY EYES! / Cough cough cough / cough cough cough / cough cough / ghasp / wheeze! / cough cough / The Dude: Toss the microwave in the cart, I got you covered... / Mozillas: I love the smell of shopping in the morning.
Anywhere But Here - Thursday, December 30, 2004 The Dude: What's the sitch? / Mozillas: Two dozen people circling the DVD Players. / The Dude: Any Couples? / Mozillas: Looks like most of em' / The Dude: Piece of Cake. / The Dude (on an intercome): Attention Squal-Mart shoppers, for the next 15 minutes all jewlrey is 75% off! / Background Voices: / Move it buster! / My Precious! / Mine! / Gimme! / Mine! / Move your ASS / Outta my way! / #$@# / Diamonds! I need Diamonds! / The Dude: I'll pick off the scragglers, you get the DVD players. / Mozillas: Patton had NOTHING on you my friend.
 
Anywhere But Here - Friday, December 31, 2004 The Dude: GET TO THE CHECKOUT!! / I'LL COVER YOU! / Mozillas: No arguments here boss.. / The Dude: BACK OFF! I've got ten gallons of pepsi blue in this thing and I'm not afraid to use it! / Mob of Zombies: He's Bluffing! / Mob of Zombies: IT BURNS! IT BURNS! / The Dude: Anybody else want some of this? / Mozillas: You take Visa, Right? / Karen: For the LOVE of GOD, get me OUT OF HERE!
Anywhere But Here - Sunday, January 2, 2005 Frenchman: You greedy americans are self centered...self serving...arrogant! / Little kid: Hey mister! Look out! / The Dude: Wow, you took one heck of a hit there, are you allright? / Frenchman: murghfhr. / The Dude: Holey crap, they really got you good didn't they? You look aweful. / The Dude: I think someone has already called an ambulance, but I can't leave you like this. / The Dude: Look, here's fivety bucks, it's all I got, but it looks like you need it more then I do. / The Dude: Hey...HEY! Where do you think you're gonig? I know where you live! / The Dude: You can run but you can't hide! / Frenchman: Typical American.
Anywhere But Here - Monday, January 3, 2005 Mozillas: Boss! You're Alive! / Mozillas: This is Karen, she was a cashiere at Squal-Mart who asked me to rescue her. / The Dude: So, uh, you got a date for new years? / Mozillas: Consumer zombies or a date with you? Can't say I blame her. / The Dude: Keep pushing dingleberry.
Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, January 4, 2005 Woman 1: Uh, I, uh, I already have a date ... / / Woman 2: That's awfully sweet but no thanks. / / Woman 3: That sounds wonderful. I'ld love to. / The Dude: Really? / Woman 3: Yeah, call me tomorrow. / The Dude: I ... I will. / / The Dude: Waidaminute ... 867-5309? ARRRRRRRRRRGH! / Woman 3: God bless you, Tommy Tutone.
Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, January 5, 2005 5... / 4... / 3... / 2... / 1... / HAPPY NEW YEAR! / Chris: Uh, no offense, but I don't want my first kiss of the new year to be with a lizard. Is your room mate going to be home soon. / Mozillas: I donno, he said he had a hot date tonight. / The Dude: Sigh...
 
Anywhere But Here - Thursday, January 6, 2005 The Dude: God I hate this, it's twenty below ... / / The Dude: Nothing but snow, and cold, and darkness, and ... / / The Dude: ... and I think to myself ... what a wonderful world
Anywhere But Here - Friday, January 7, 2005 Television Broadcast: And now Hawaii, new years is just five minutes away.. / The Dude: Well Happy frigging new year to you too... / The Dude: Mmmphhh?!? / Chris: Smootch! / Chris: I had a blast! Call me next week ok? / Mozillas: Will do. / The Dude: Blink Blink / The Dude: What the HECK was THAT? / Mozillas: THAT, my friend is the only action you're going to see for months...
Anywhere But Here - Monday, January 10, 2005 The Dude: You Awake? / Mozillas: OH FOR THE LAST TIME! / Mozillas: That was Chris, she was my date, / she wanted her first kiss of 2005 to be with someone that wasn't a lizard. / Women are fickle that way. / The Dude: So, let me get this straight... / I got a kiss on new years but you didn't? / Mozillas: Uhhhhh... / The Dude: Give me her phone number and I'll never speak a word about this... / Mozillas: DONE...
Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, January 11, 2005 Television: Thanks for watching the wonderful world of Disney! / Television: Stay tuned for ABC'S hit drama "Desperate Housewives." / Television: One full hour of watching a sex starved Terri Hatcher running around in nothing more then a bra and frilly pantys! / The Dude: God Bless you ABC.. / Television: ..and then stay tuned for William Shatner getting it on with foxy interns.
Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, January 12, 2005 Ken: So, anything exciting happen to you over break? / The Dude: I was kissed by a beautiful stranger on New Years Eve. / Ken: HA.. / HA HA HA... / AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA / Ken: HA HA / HAHAHA! / The Dude: AHEM! / Ken: Oh crap...you were serious. / The Dude: Do that again and we go from playing Jazz to being a Toby Keith cover band. / Ken: Yeouch
 
Anywhere But Here - Thursday, January 13, 2005 Unnamed Woman: Is that the new Josh Groban cd? / The Dude: Mmph-hmmph / Unnamed Woman: You sure do have great taste in music... / Unnamed Woman: This is the last copy in the store, could you be a sweetie and let me have it? / The Dude: Uh, I could just burn you a copy of it for you..like...after diner tonight? / The Dude: Mmmph! Mi moomhp Mmmav mmamh! / *Hey I would have paid.
Anywhere But Here - Friday, January 14, 2005 Unnamed Woman: Pardon me, but... / The Dude: AAAAAAAAAAARGH! / The Dude: NO, you may NOT have my CHAIR, or my CD, or my BOOK. You are NOT going to give me a fake number, you are not going to keep contributing to this cosmic joke that is my life. I've taken it before with a smile, but not today... / NOT TODAY! / Unnamed Woman: ..and he seemed like such a nice stable guy. / Unnamed Friend: Don't even think about it, you're better off not dating psychos like that.
Anywhere But Here - Monday, January 17, 2005 The Dude: YAWN! [click] / / Mac: You have 32 messages. 30 of them are complete junk and one message is from your mom and one is from a very cute girl, which I'm withholding until you buy Final Fantasy XI. / / The Dude: We've been through this before. It's only for the PC ... / Mac: Those are my demands. Take it or leave it. / / The Dude: Ve havk vays of makink you talvk. / Mac: Torture me all you like. I don't give up anything till I see the plains of Vana'diel!
Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, January 18, 2005 Mac: Woah woah woah what is this? / The Dude: I was talking to my uncle about our little "problem." / / The Dude: And his solution was to just give in ... / Mac: Really, you mean I finally get to play some really cool games? / The Dude: That was the plan. / Mac: AWESOME!!! / / PC: Hello outdated incompatible system ... My name is Al. / Mac: :ZOINK!: / / Mac: Waaaaait a minute ... you're not planning on replacing me are you? / The Dude: I don't know ... are you planning on deleting my mail? / Mac: That wasn't me ... it was OS 8!
Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, January 19, 2005 Mac: I have an OS that is more user friendly ... / PC: I have the most widely used OS in the world. / / Mac: I am guaranteed to work flawlessly with parts that are inspected and approved by a single company. / PC: My parts are available through numerous vendors ensuring competition and low prices. / / Mac: My software will never crash since it all is overseen by one single organization ... / PC: Software companies in the thousands design apps for my use. / / Mac: Commoner ... / PC: Snob
 
Anywhere But Here - Thursday, January 20, 2005 Mac: Say, boss ... I'm not so sure that this new guy will work out. You could install a few games on me ... you know just to see if -- / The Dude: We've been over this before ... / / The Dude: They don't make any games for you. You're made for work, he's made for play. / Mac: But ... / / The Dude: NO BUTS! This is the way it is, and that's final! / / Mac: I hate to admit it, but things actually do run a whole lot better on here ... / PC: I knew you'ld come around.
Anywhere But Here - Friday, January 21, 2005 Sign: Caution end of civilization ahead! / The Dude: For some reason, I'm not surprised...
Anywhere But Here - Monday, January 24, 2005 The Dude: [tap] [tap] [tap] / / The Dude: Uh, hi ... I don't know if you reme-- / Chris: Hey, you're the guy from Zillis' party! Hey, you got plans for Friday? / / The Dude: [blink] [blink] [blink] / / Chris: Problem? / The Dude: I'm just kind of amazed that we didn't fly into space when the world came screeching to a complete halt.
Anywhere But Here - Tuesday, January 25, 2005 Chris: So, what did you have in mind for Friday? / The Dude: I uh...er / The Dude: Was, thinking... / we, er..we'ld / that we could... / uh, do / go to that place...with the. / The Dude: Uhhh... / ..like..movie... / eat, some,...uh...stuff... / at... / place with food. / Chris: You poor thing, you're really out of practice aren't you? / The Dude: I'm really not this...uh... / Chris: Here's my number and you can just call me when the shock wears off.
Anywhere But Here - Wednesday, January 26, 2005 The Dude: So, dinner at five and then the movie at seven... / sounds great, see you then... / bye. / bee bee boo boo beep bee beep / The Dude: Hey, it's me again I wanted to... / Chris: Look, this is sweet and all, but or the third and final time, NO, you are not halucinating, and YES, you DO have a date with me on Friday.
 

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