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480. LOUIE / So what was this idea that you had? / AMANDA / Why don't I SHOW you my idea? / LOUIE / Is this even LEGAL?
481. MICHAEL / Okay guys, ready to hear my story? / BIZZY / It's getting late. Maybe we should save it for another time. / MICHAEL / Well, well. Look who came crawwwling back. Can't wait to hear Michael's story, can you? / MICHAEL / Wait wait wait! Please stay!
482. Guest art by Alexander Plahn / JUNE / Last year, I traveled through East Asia to improve my knowledge of martial arts beyond a cursory kendo training... / JUNE (VO) / Hmm. Perhaps deeper consciousness is less subtle than I'd originally thought.
483. Guest art by Alexander Plahn / We've got her cornered! / JUNE / Stop! Can't you see that your village is encroaching on her natural habitat? / Why do Westerners think they have a monopoly on conservationism? / Tigers may be your cause celebre, but they're our everyday concern! / RICK / Are all your brawls filled with such complex rhetoric? / JUNE / Frequently. One must train the mind and body simultaneously. On the other hand, the value of physical rhythm for clearing the mind is highly integrated into...
484. Guest art by Alexander Plahn / JUNE / We're holding our own so far. But for how long? They'll come back - with tractors... and guns. / JUNE / (What does a tiger have to protect it from the ever-accelerating avalanche of man's ferocity?) / Aw... what a cute cub!
 
485. JUNE / Well, you're safe for now, but the village will grow... I don't know how you'll be able to look out for the welfare of your cub. / JUNE / You're giving him to me?! You're selling out! This is a disgrace for tigers everywhere! / JUNE / But really cool for me!
486. CHAZ / I guess I'll tell my story next... / MICHAEL / Come on, Chaz! I've been waiting all night! / CHAZ / Tell you what - I'll flip you for it. / MICHAEL / Yeah, okay. / CHAZ / Heads I win, tails you lose. / MICHAEL / I'm not falling for THAT old trick! / CHAZ / Okay... Heads you lose, tails I win. / MICHAEL / That's better.
487. Guest art by Arliss Gammill / CHAZ / What happened to my reception? / You IDIOT. Why did you think you'd get reception up here? / CHAZ / It's been so long since I've been camping... It didn't even occur to me. / CHAZ / I won't be able to talk to my girlfriend! I'll be a BASKETCASE!
488. Guest art by Arliss Gammill / CHAZ / It was as if I could HEAR this thoughts. It was like a VISION QUEST, man. / LOUIE / I thought you said you CONFISCATED his moonshine.
489. Guest art by Arliss Gammill / LOUIE / You know we have to get back to civilization SOME TIME, Chaz. / "So we left the mountains, but a little piece of them followed me back. I named him 'Cornelius', and he's been with me ever since. But what was a prairie falcon doing up in the mountains, anyway? When I thought about this question, I realized that the answer was the key to understanding the whole experience..." / CHAZ / Hold on - I gotta take this.
 
490. JUNE / It's your turn to tell your story! Come on, Michael. / JUNE / COME ON, MICHAEL... / JUNE / WAKE UP! ARE'T YOU THRILLED TO FINALLY GET YOUR CHANCE?!? / MICHAEL / (I'm still asleep, I'm still asleep...)
491. Guest puppets by Rachel Appelbaum / MICHAEL / It was that bittersweet summer between high school and college. Jodie and I met at orientation, and we bonded right away. / JODIE / Would you like to meet my parents this weekend? You could be my beard! / beard, noun: the growth of hair on the face of an adult man, often including a mustache. / MICHAEL / Obviously not... / verb: to furnish with a beard. / MICHAEL / Ha-ha. 'Beard me.' / slang noun: a person who poses as a false date or romantic partner to mislead others about the nature of a relationship, often to conceal someone's sexual orientation.
492. Guest puppets by Rachel Appelbaum / I'm going to go check on the lasagna. You kids behave yourselves! / MICHAEL / Did you ask me to dinner so your parents don't find out you're a lesbian? / JODIE / Michael, I can't drop THAT bomb on them when we're about to go off to school. / MICHAEL / I'll play along. / JODIE / I knew you'd see it my way. / MICHAEL / I don't AGREE with you, but when you say my name, I'm oddly compelled to obey... / JODIE / MICHAEL, try to stick your whole fist in your mouth. / MICHAEL / I haytpff myou.
493. Guest puppets by Rachel Appelbaum / Michael looks scrawnier than I pictured. / JODIE / Looks deceive. He's a real wildcat. / MICHAEL / That's true. And your Jodie is a boy-crazy floozy. / JODIE / I sure used to be. But Michael is all the man I can handle. / Is he? Show us your pecs, young man!
494. Guest puppets by Rachel Appelbaum / We got this talking drum on our second trip to Senegal. / And we found this young capuchin monkey in French Guiana. / Jodie, would you quit pestering Michael? I'm trying to show him the antique phone bench we brought all the way from Luxembourg. / JODIE / Sorry, Dad, I just can't keep my hands off this white-hot hunk of masculinity. / MICHAEL / I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! JODIE IS A HUGE LESBIAN!!
 
495. Guest puppets by Rachel Appelbaum / MICHAEL / Sigh... / MICHAEL / Jodie! Listen, I'm sorry I outed you in front of your parents. / JODIE / ...Maybe it's for the best. At least I won't be living a lie. / MICHAEL / And I bet your parents will be a lot more understanding than you thought. / JODIE / Do you think they were just joking when they filled out these disownment papers, then?
496. Guest puppets by Rachel Appelbaum / MICHAEL / I can't believe your parents would disown you like that. / JODIE / Want to help me get back at them? / MICHAEL / Um, sure. / JODIE / What if we took one of their precious mementoes? / MICHAEL / What sort of memento did you have in mind? / MICHAEL / How long do I have to take care of this monkey? / JODIE / Just 'til my parents and I are talking again. / JUNE / And you've been carrying it around all this time. The monkey AND the guilt. Michael, I never new. / RICK / (Hehe... MONKEY.)
497. CHAZ / It'll sure be a tough choice to determine the worst story! / JUNE / Actually, we're all in agreement that it's yours. / CHAZ / You mean you guys didn't like my story? / NEWELL / You didn't even finish it! You took a phone call! / CHAZ / Then I guess I have to buy everyone a round... / CHAZ / Buy hey, this a perfect night to get a drink for my best friends after hearing - / JUNE / Don't try to pretend that this isn't your punishment.
498. HARRIET / Gee, that bubble wrap sure is relaxing, ain't it?
499. SHARON / Newell, there was a girl here who was asking about you! / Is she cute? / NEWELL / Is she related to me? / SHARON / Yes, but not enough that it makes a difference. / NEWELL / Wait... were you answering my question, or dad's question?
 
500. RICK / (The scent of an orchard. The bridge of a song. A friend drops a familiar phrase in conversation. Even a casual thought can bring a dozen bubbles of memory to my mind. Like nostalgic caffeine, each bubble, and image or a moment or a sensation. Each bubble, a woman.) / (People think I'm a playa because I don't remember the individual romantic moments that teach a man the value of love. I'm a playa because I can't forget.)
501. CHAZ / Giraffes are wasted on the young.
502. AMANDA / Do you ever think you might miss single life, or that we got committed too quickly? / AMANDA / ...then we'll move to the suburbs and have 2.5 white picket fences. / LOUIE / Well, THAT was a game-changer.
503. NIC / Medical student syndrome... It's when students think they have the diseases they're studying. / NIC / I totally have that! / NEWELL / Just a tiny beep? Maybe it's time to recalibrate the paradox detector.
504. RICK / This girl is a TECHNICAL KNOCKOUT! / CHAZ / So have you hit that yet? / RICK / You KNOW I hit that! / HARRIET / Ugh! Don't you guys see how OBJECTIFYING it is to refer to women as "that"? / RICK / Anyway, I totally hit her! / CHAZ / I knew it! I KNEW you hit her!
 
505. CHAZ / You think you have a chance with her? / MICHAEL / Actually, I think her friend likes me! / MICHAEL / But I think it's too soon to make a m- / HARRIET / Are you still talking about your stupid love lives? / HARRIET / With everything that's going on in the world, is that really all you have to talk about? / HARRIET / So... / HARRIET / Who's this lady you're talking about? She cute?
506. HARRIET / ...So needless to say, he and I won't be going on a second date! / NIC / Huh? / NIC / Did Bizzy just finish a story? Did I drift off for the whole thing? / NIC / What a relief! I'm just living backwards.
507. THORNTON / So this is my place... / THORNTON / Hold tight while I... slip into something more comfortable. / BIZZY / (Well, this evening has taken an interesting turn. I'm all atwitter!) / BIZZY / (Looks like there's still some nice guys left in the world!) / BIZZY / (Meeting someone new just fills you with positive energy!) / THORNTON / Frederic-Bear likes to watch! / BIZZY / (How did I get myself into this?)
508. BIZZY / (How humiliating!) / BIZZY / (This guy must think I'm a total klutz!) / THORNTON / (Hey, I may actually have a chance with this girl!)
509. You rake! / You cad! / THORNTON (OS) / Can't people be civil ANYWHERE? / BIZZY / I know what's with these quaintly dressed people trying to have crude hookups? / THORNTON / Well, don't worry about me trying that! / BIZZY / My name is Bizzy. Nice to meet you. / THORNTON / I'm Thornton, and this is Dawkins, my pet hyrax. / HARRIET / Bizzy, meet Thornton! / BIZZY / Are you retroactively taking credit for this? / THORNTON / (Gasp! This must be my romantic rival!)
 

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