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| 150. | CHAZ
/ She's married?! FORNICATOR! / RICK
/ Well, that's what happened. / What happened... / GRARR! / RICK
/ Just a minute, babe. / GRARR! / RICK
/ I said, "Just a minute!" / GRARR! / Shame on you boys! Maybe it would be better if you just left, Rick. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20071224.html |
| 151. | MICHAEL
/ Thanks for meeting with me. I've had something on my mind. / MICHAEL
/ Too many of my friends are girls I've dated, and I need to start burning those bridges. / MICHAEL
/ That's all. I just wanted to say goodbye. / SAMANTHA
/ I understand. Say, do you know anyone who might wanna go to the Creole Music Fest? / MICHAEL
/ She's a tactical genius. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20071227.html |
| 152. | MICHAEL
/ Hey, Samantha! / SAMANTHA
/ I've decided I'm tired of "Samantha". I wanna shorten it. / MICHAEL
/ So you want to be called Sam? / SAMANTHA
/ I was thinking of using the other part of my name. / MICHAEL
/ What would that be? / SAMANTHA
/ "Antha". / MICHAEL
/ I ask a stupid question, I get a sthupid Antha. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20071231.html |
| 153. | BIZZY
/ Harriet, you've been in there for hours. Are you okay? / HARRIET
/ I can't stop thinking about David. Sweet, Semitic, charming, bisexual David. / BIZZY
/ This isn't like you at all. The Harriet I know wouldn't just sit here moping around! / BIZZY
/ Also, are you bathing in SALSA? / HARRIET
/ Wanna chip? http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080103.html |
| 154. | HARRIET
/ Do any cute Jewish boys come here? / All kinds of boys come here. / HARRIET
/ I'm looking for someone named David. Know him? / I know the TYPE. / HARRIET
/ WHY CAN'T YOU GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER?!? / HARRIET
/ Oh. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080107.html |
| 155. | HARRIET
/ David! Fancy seeing you here! / HARRIET
/ It's so cool to - / DAVID
/ Good to see you, too. But I just want to be clear up front that I'm seeing someone right now. / HARRIET
/ Far out. But I'm going to... enter a convent soon. So I guess I win. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080110.html |
| 156. | HARRIET
/ So, what's this guy you're dating like? / DAVID
/ Um... / HARRIET
/ Why is this so much worse? / DAVID
/ This is Brittany... http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080114.html |
| 157. | HARRIET
/ I'll come right out and say it - I think the only reason we didn't work as a couple was because I don't like your dog. / HARRIET
/ Last week, I saw a poodle growling at a bigger dog, and I thought, "This poodle doesn't think of itself as a poncy lapdog, it remembers being a wolf." And I found a new respect for ALL dogs. / DAVID
/ Funny thing is, I had to get rid of Froufy. See, Brittany's allergic. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080117.html |
| 158. | LOUIE
/ Chaz, I really don't need you to help me meet someone... / CHAZ
/ It's not that easy, Louie. / CHAZ
/ You can't just walk up to a group of women and start talking to them! / LOUIE
/ That's ridiculous... I'll show you how simple it is! / LOUIE
/ Nice day for a bake sale, isn't it, ladies? / I'LL CUT YOU!! / LOUIE
/ See? That went just fine. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080121.html |
| 159. | LOUIE
/ To tell the truth, I kinda like the girl who tried to kill me. / CHAZ
/ That's not uncommon. What color were her eyes? / LOUIE
/ Blue, I think. / CHAZ
/ Go back there and tell her she has pretty eyes. / LOUIE
/ You know, you have very beautiful... / LOUIE
/ Now how did I miss that? http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080124.html |
| 160. | I'm sorry I tried to kill you earlier. / LOUIE
/ You seemed pretty sincere at the time... / Don't mind that. Everything I say is a lie. / LOUIE
/ Don't you mean everything you say ISN'T a lie? / THAT'S SO CLEVER. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080128.html |
| 161. | LOUIE
/ So, would you wanna get a drink some time? / No way. / LOUIE
/ Cool. Are you free Friday night? / Okay, I'll see you at 8:00. / CHAZ
/ Tough break, man. / LOUIE
/ It's alright. She's a strict pathological liar. / CHAZ
/ So what does "I'll see you at 8:00" mean? / LOUIE
/ Aw #$∞%. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080131.html |
| 162. | HARRIET
/ It's pathetic how you stay friends with all you ex-girlfriends, as if you can't move on! / MICHAEL
/ Well, didn't WE date for a while? And aren't you my friend now? / HARRIET
/ Yeah, but, now that I know how many more exes there are... / HARRIET
/ I think it's better for you if we just made a clean break. So long, Michael. / BIZZY
/ I'm so mad at you, I can hardly speak! / HARRIET
/ I need a friend. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080204.html |
| 163. | ...And that's why I'm not allowed in the library any more. / I just remembered where I recognize that guy from! I SLEPT with him last summer! / I have fond memories of rehab... / CHAZ
/ So how's it going with your new girlfriend? / LOUIE
/ I'm starting to worry that she's NOT a pathological liar... http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080207.html |
| 164. | [No text.] http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080209.html |
| 165. | MISSY
/ You said you'd call me last night as soon as you got home! / CHAZ
/ Well - I - uh... / MISSY
/ I don't under - / RICK
/ Dude, there's only one thing girls ever really want guys to say. / CHAZ
/ I... love you... and... I want to... buy you... diamonds. / MISSY
/ Oh, Chaz! You say the most wonderful things! NOw what were we talking about? http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080211.html |
| 166. | CHAZ
/ That really is all women want me to say, isn't it? "I love you and I want to buy you diamonds." / CHAZ
/ It really trivializes the whole idea of honest, open communication in a relationship. Wow. / RICK
/ Chaz, to a woman, conversation is a essentially a game. I'm giving you a way to WIN that game, and MOVE ON to a more meaningful exchange. / CHAZ
/ You know, you're very articulate when you're being a chauvinist. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080214.html |
| 167. | CHAZ
/ Rick showed me how to deal with Missy! One phrase takes care of everything. / CHAZ
/ I just say, "I love you and I want to buy you diamonds!" / MICHAEL
/ Sweet! We should come up with more stock answers. / CHAZ
/ Sounds like a great idea, Michael! / MICHAEL
/ You could even make one up to say to your friends. / CHAZ
/ Sounds like a great idea, Michael! http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080216.html |
| 168. | CHAZ
/ Tax I.D. number? Is that my social? Are they calling it that because they're phasing out social security? What's a tax I.D.?!? / I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let you access your account if you don't give me a tax I.D. number. / CHAZ
/ I love you and I want to buy you diamonds. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080218.html |
| 169. | CHAZ
/ Rick, you've got to get me out of this! / RICK
/ Tell her... (whisper, whisper) / What did you say? / CHAZ
/ "Is it okay if my ex-girlfriend sleeps on the couch tonight?" http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080221.html |
| 170. | CHAZ
/ Thanks for being my best man, Rick. / RICK
/ You bet. I can't believe how suddenly you got mixed up in a shotgun wedding. / CHAZ
/ Yeah, that was a little far-fetched. So. What do I tell Missy? / RICK
/ Tell her you love her and you wanna buy - / CHAZ
/ No. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080223.html |
| 171. | MICHAEL
/ Dude, you look awful! Are you alright? / CHAZ
/ I didn't get any sleep last night. / MICHAEL
/ How come? / CHAZ
/ My girlfriend's mad at me. And man, my couch is uncomfortable. / MICHAEL
/ Aren't you in a long-distance relationship? / CHAZ
/ She's very persuasive. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080225.html |
| 172. | ELOISE
/ This is my friend Maryanne. She's visiting this weekend. / MARYANNE
/ And next weekend, if I can find a place to stay. / MICHAEL
/ You can sleep in MY bed... / MARYANNE
/ Thank you so much! But where will YOU sleep? http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080228.html |
| 173. | Mew! / BIZZY
/ Mew! / HARRIET
/ Give it a rest! / HARRIET
/ You don't speak cat! / BIZZY
/ How do you know? / HARRIET
/ You're repeating back exactly what he's saying! If he's saying he's hungry, you're just mocking him by saying, "I'm hungry," right back! / BIZZY
/ YOU talk to your cat all the time! / HARRIET
/ Yes, but my GOAL is to taunt him. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080229.html |
| 174. | NIC
/ I wish I had another hallucinogenic sandwich... / NIC
/ I wonder what prescription Newell's glasses are? / [EDIT] http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080303.html |
| 175. | NIC
/ Did you hear? These glasses let me see in color! I've been reading up on it! / NIC
/ Scientists think that with the right kind of lens, our eyes could see different wavelengths of light! / NIC
/ And objects would appear to have different "colors"! / MICHAEL
/ Color? You think you sound smart, but you're speaking gibberish. This is exactly why I can't talk to stoners. http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080306.html |
| 176. | BIZZY
/ Why are you looking at me like that? Are you okay, Nic? / NIC
/ I'm more than okay. These lenses have literally opened my eyes to a rich universe of color. / BIZZY
/ Really? What's it like? / NIC
/ Like seeing the world's aura - a window to harmony and love! / NEWELL
/ GIMME BACK MY GLASSES! http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080308.html |
| 177. | CHAZ
/ It's easy to take a pet for granted, isn't it? I'm gonna work harder to appreciate Cornelius. / MICHAEL
/ It would be nice if more people felt that way. / Destroy, my precious! Tonight we destroy! http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080310.html |
| 178. | CHAZ
/ Excuse me. Are you trying to take over the world or something? / Of course! I am, after all, a villainess. / CHAZ
/ A villainous WHAT? / A villainESS! / CHAZ
/ Villainous? / Villainess! / MICHAEL
/ Villain? Us? http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080313.html |
| 179. | CHAZ
/ You'll never pull this off! / CHAZ
/ You're reliant on a giant squid in a ground war! / CHAZ
/ To stay alive, he'd have to be breathing air! / Or... http://wingmen.comicgenesis.com/d/20080315.html |
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