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| Lesson #301 - Belated Birthday Wishes | Blackboard: Dear (relative or significant other), I would like to wish you a happy (year) birthday, which only occurred (number) (unit of time) ago! As you can guess by the belated nature of this card, your present is still not in your hands, which can be attributed to (check all that apply): the weather... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson301.html |
| Lesson #302- Guilty Pleasures | Board: / Excuses for Guilty Pleasures / Chocolate - "Hey, I put in an extra hour at the gym this morning."
/ Procrastination - "Hey, God created the Internet for a reason."
/ Making Fun of the Marching Band - "At some point, handing out varsity letter jackets just goes too far."
/ The Real World/Road... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson302.html |
| Lesson #303 - Doctorates | Board: / It's the classic case of a few B-movie characters spoiling it for the rest of us - science and the pursuit of knowledge just stopped being fun after colleges removed the "mad science" doctorate program from their curriculums. / Pose: Dante, board right, with a pleased 'mad scientist' or 'crazed... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson303.html |
| Lesson #304 - Hooking Up | Board: / "Hooking Up" Throughout History / 1990's-2000's : casual sex
/ 1950's : making out
/ 1920's : dancing to jazz music
/ 1990's : courting someone
/ 1880's : holding hands
/ 1850's : holding hands with a chaperone present
/ 1340's : catching the bubonic plague / Pose: Dante, board right. Pointing... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson304.html |
| Lesson #305 - Fingerless Gloves | Board: Fingerless gloves. A generally pointless creation that, like most generally pointless creations, just helps contribute to generally pointless attempts at creating uniqueness.
/ Pose: Dante, right of board, right hand wearing white fingerless glove, staring disdainfully at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson305.html |
| Lesson #306 - Creeping People Out, Part III | Board: How to creep people out. 1) Find a veterinarian where they have small, free dog treats in a jar at the front desk. 2) Get a non-dog pet. 3) Teach non-dog pet to enjoy eating dog treats. 4)Prepare to find a new vet.
/ Pose: Dante, right of board, right hand holding chalk pointing at board, creeped... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson306.html |
| Lesson #307 - The Police | Board: Just because the cop pulled you over near a bakery does not mean he is expecting you to buy him a donut bribe. (You can still try it, but hey, we warned you.)
/ Pose: Dante, right of board, right hand holding chalk pointing at board, resigned expression at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson307.html |
| Lesson #308 - Infomercials | Board: (Graph, y-axis reads,) Nonsense level of informercial product, (x-axis reads,) How late at night the infomercial is airing.(Points along the the curve in the positive-x direction read,) Random Kitchen Utensils, The Rotato, Remote Controlled Frisbees, Various Disturbing Sex Toys, Aerosol Can Spray-on... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson308.html |
| Lesson #309 - Cougars | Board: Cougars. Temporarily Boosting younger mens egos. Permanently scarring their minds. / Pose: Dante, right of board, left hand covering his eyes with a frightened expression, pointing at the board with the left hand with chalk http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson309.html |
| Lesson #310 - Cursing | Board: What's better in relation to the generation gap on cursing in conversation? / The fact that you can hear one of your elders say something like "It's like beating a dead horse - pardon my language"? / or the awkward silence that follows where everyone is thinking (underlined) completely different... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson310.html |
| Lesson #311 - Hunting | Board: Let's imagine you are walking through a suburban neighborhood that has a section of woods nearby.
/ All of a sudden, you realize a deer is standing in someone's yard, about ten feet away. If you had an apple in your hand, you could easily throw said apple and hit said deer in the head.
/ Now imagine... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson311.html |
| Lesson #312 - Messing With People | Board: Don't mess with the IRS, because you really don't want to see that audit happen.
/ Don't mess with abouncer, because it'd be nice to get into the club before it closes.
/ Don't mess with a politician, because muffins don't need to be outlawed.
/ Don't mess with a biologist, because the man-eating... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson312.html |
| Lesson #313 - Squirrels | Problem: Squirrel Overpopulation
/ Great Solution ---> Spay/neuter the squirrels, or inject them with contraceptives
/ Good Solution ---> Trap the squirrels, and release them in the yards or parks of people you don't like
/ Bad Solution ---> Release a horde of squirrel-eating snakes into the area
/ Ugly... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson313.html |
| Lesson #314-First Drafts, Part III | Board: "Let's Get it On" By Marvin Gaye
/ The original lyrics included the line:
/ "There's somethin' wrong with me lovin' you" / Pose: Dante to right of board, staring straight at camera with one eyebrow raised http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson314.html |
| Lesson #315 - Beethoven | Blackboard: The fact that Beethoven was deaf was actually an incredible boon for his live performances - losing his hearing had heightened his other senses, giving him the strength to lift up his grand piano and smash it on stage after every show.
/ Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson315.html |
| Lesson #316-Blood | Board: Scientists recently developed a battery that will run on blood.
/ Some might view this accomplishment as bringing us one step closer to becoming cyborgs.
/ We, on the other hand, realize the truth-
/ MOsquitoes have taken over the scientific community. / Pose: Dante to right of board, right hand... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson316.html |
| Lesson #317-Robots | Board: The Laws Of Robotics
/ 1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm
/ 2) A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except for orders that conflict with Law #1
/ 3) A robot must protect its own existence, as long as such protection does... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson317.html |
| Lesson #318-Cloning | Board: Various Animal Species That Have Been Cloned:
/ -Carp -Camel -Gaur -Dog -Mouflon -Wolf -Water Buffalo -Rhesus Monkey / Names Given To Cloned Animals:
/ -Snuppy -Snuwolf -Snuwolfy / Proof: Scientists have been able to use their genius to learn how to clone animals and potentially save species,... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson318.html |
| Lesson #319-Rational Explanations of Irrational Phobias, Part IV | Board: Spirobathmophobia (Fear of Spiral Staircases)
/ Man was not meant to walk vertically and in circles at the same time! / Pose: Dante to the right of board, hands on his head, looking at camera with confused/worried expression http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson319.html |
| Lesson #320 - The Food Pyramid | Board:
/ Grains <- Crust
/ Vegetables <- Mushrooms
/ Fruit <- Tomato Sauce
/ Oil <- Grease
/ Dairy <- Cheese
/ Meat <- Pepperoni / Based on the shape and the components, you're really going to argue that the food pyramid isn't just a conspiracy to boost pizza sales? / Pose: Dante right of board, both hands... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson320.html |
| Lesson #321-Archrivals | Board: If you don't have a nemesis, then you've probably never had the pleasure of human interaction / Pose: Dante to the right of board, looking to the left at the camera with his hand on his chin, one eyebrow raised http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson321.html |
| Lesson #322 - Creeping People Out, Part IV | Blackboard: How to creep people out
/ 1) Borrow a supermarket apron
/ 2) Obtain a large push broom
/ 3) Get a friend who can play dead well
/ 4) Get said friend to lie in a supermarket aisle when no one is around or watching
/ 5) Gently sweep said friend out of the store, shouting, "Clean up in aisle 4!" / Pose:... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson322.html |
| Lesson #323 - Student - Professor Interaction | Board: graph of "the sign of student's love/appreciation for their teachers/professors". Bar graph in ascending order, high-end-of-the-semester ratings, flirting without intending for higher grades, an invitation to the students' case race. / Pose: Dante, by side of the board with chalk. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson323.html |
| Lesson #324 - Decades | Most of the decades are pretty easy to name - the nineties, the eighties, and so on.
/ We really only have trouble with the beginning of each century, especially since we don't readily use titles like 'the Gilded Age' anymore.
/ For example - the 00's. Have they been the aughts? The double zeroes? The... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson324.html |
| Lesson #325 - Amnesia | Board: equation with A Tum = 1 / A Rl / A Tum = the number of people who get amnesia in tv or movies / A Rl = the number of people who get amnesia in real life http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson325.html |
| Lesson #326 - Prophetic Toys | No one really knows what the blue liquid inside a magic eight ball is, but all signs point to delicious. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson326.html |
| Lesson #327 - Cinco de Mayo | Board: Cinco de mayo
/ ----
/ A holiday that exist just to give Spanish-speakers another reason to get angry at the ignorance of English-only-speakers, although this the only time they get angry over being asked why they have holiday honoring a condiment. / Pose: Dante, right of board, right hand holding... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson327.html |
| Lesson #328 - Cheese | Creating an entire religion devoted solely to cheese may not lead to the most comforting set of beliefs, but it will certainly help the apocalypse go down easier. / Pose: Dante to the right, neutral. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson328.html |
| Lesson #329 - Public Nudity | Board: Public nudity on a beach? Hey, it's warm and you're trying to get an even tan. That we understand. / Public nudity while hiking through the mountains? Either you're bat-poop insane, or you're really not bothered by the prospect of shrinkage. / Pose: Dante to the right, holding head in complete... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson329.html |
| Lesson #330 - A Simple Guide To Identifying Bite Marks | Board: Flowchart / Get bittern -> What type of mark? / ->Full set of teeth, some puncturing -> You may have rabies!
/ ->Small red bump -> You may have malaria!
/ ->Red bullseye -> You may have Lyme disease!
/ ->Two blood circles -> You may be undead! / Pose: Dante, to right, eyes wide open. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson330.html |
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