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| Lesson #91 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part II | Blackboard: #2) You will not be alone in your dorm. So if you normally stumble out of bed, mosey to the bathroom,
/ strip down and go about your business in there naked while half asleep, consider these options:
/ -A really good alarm clock
/ -Waking out of your morning trance by somebody opening the bathroom... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson91.html |
| Recitation #91 - Sleeptalking | Panel 1:
/ Blackboard: Q)(From Lindsey in Rhode Island)
/ I asked my boyfriend while he was talking in his sleep (which he does often), "What am I to you?" He answered, "Lots of presents." What does that mean? / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, reading sheet of paper.
/ Panel 2:
/ Blackboard:... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation91.html |
| Lesson #92 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part III | Blackboard: #3) There will only be one thermostat to control the temperature on your dorm floor,
/ and it will be in the room of someone from an extreme area of Earth (Alaska, the equator, etc.).
/ This may not matter in August, but it will really matter in the winter. / Pose: Dante, right side of the... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson92.html |
| Recitation #92 - Idiots | Blackboard: Q) (From Greg in Aberdeen)\
/ I am surrounded by idiots. What do I do?\
/ A) Come out with your hands up? Make idiot-ade? Wear a disguise and sneak through their ranks to the other side? Become their one-eyed king?\
/ It all depends on whether you want it to be a tragedy, horror story, mean-spirited... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation92.html |
| Lesson #93 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part IV | Blackboard: #4) About the dining hall...No matter how much you like tacos, no matter how exciting they might be to eat five days a week in September,
/ you will hate tacos by November. / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing with index finger at the board, neutral look at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson93.html |
| Recitation #93 - Bananas | Blackboard: Q) (From Jay in California)\
/ Yo, Dr. D,\
/ What's up with bananas?\
/ Curved yellow fruit that's delicious...\
/ It defies all logic!\
/ A) Hey, when you're a cliche in slapstick comedy and sexual euphemisms, have a ridiculous name, and are probably a joke even among other foods, you have to... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation93.html |
| Lesson #94 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part V | Blackboard: #5) You can only walk freely around campus because the squirrels _allow_ you to.
/ You are in no way equals, and they have definitely taken over. / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing with left index finger at the board, pointing with right index finger at the camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson94.html |
| Recitation #94 - Procrastination | Blackboard: Q) (From many people)\
/ What is the best way to procrastinate?\
/ A) Just follow this chart.\
/ Start something ->\
/ Pose: Dante, right side of board, one hand on edge of coat, other hand pointing off camera, interested look off camera\ http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation94.html |
| Lesson #95 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part VI | Blackboard: #6) It is essential to plan out your girl to guy ratio before you leave for parties.
/ _People in Group_ _The Doorman Says:_
/ 5 Guys -> "Sorry, guys, we're full."
/ 4 Guys:1 Girl -> "Man, we're packed tight. Maybe we've got room for one more person."
/ 3 Guys:2 Girls -> "If you pay a cover charge,... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson95.html |
| Recitation #95 - Searches For Knowledge | Blackboard: Q) (From Melanie in Clearwater, FL)\
/ What is the difference between a thirst for knowledge and a hunger for knowledge?\
/ A) A hunger for knowledge is your life-long drive to get answers to the questions you have for the world. In other words, your inner Da Vinci.\
/ A thirst for knowledge... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation95.html |
| Lesson #96 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part VII | Blackboard: #7) At least one professor will purposely say things to blow your mind,
/ at least one professor will go out of his/her way to fail you,
/ and at least one professor you're not likely to see ever again after the first week of class. / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing with index... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson96.html |
| Recitation #96 - Fishmen | Blackboard: Q) (From Emilie in Aberdeen)\
/ So what do fishmen look like?\
/ A) Does it really matter? Even if we come up with a set of awesome rules regarding their appearance, origin, strengths, weaknesses, diets, and motives so we establish a creature-type that completely captures all the necessary... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation96.html |
| Lesson #97 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part VIII | Blackboard: #8) Do not anger the dining hall workers. If they are not students doing a work/study program,
/ then it's quite possible (almost very likely) that they are on loan for the day from the local halfway house.
/ Remember, there's a reason they never blink (they lost control of their eyelids 50... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson97.html |
| Recitation #97 - Addicted To Love | Q) (From Matt in Nebraska)
/ If love was a drug, what kind of drug would it be? / A) Love is basically every drug--upper, downer, hallucinogen, antibiotic, cure and life-wrecker--all thrown together in one giant bowl. It's up to you to try to pick out which looks good, and then, it's up to you to try... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation97.html |
| Lesson #98 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part IX | Blackboard: #9) Keep an eye on your fridge and keep it as full as possible, because the first time your back is turned with fridge space available,
/ someone in your dorm will find a way to cram it full of beer. Of course, you could just lock your room at that point, because, hey, _free_ _beer_. / Pose:... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson98.html |
| Recitation #98 - Rainbows | Blackboard: Q) (From Thomas in Illinois)\
/ We know what is over the rainbow, at the end of the rainbow, and under the rainbow.\
/ But what is inside rainbows?\
/ A) Colors.\
/ Pose: Dante, left side of board, pointing with chalk to the board, other hand held up pointing vaguely upward, neutral look at ... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation98.html |
| Lesson #99 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part X | Blackboard: #10) Your Resident Advisor (R.A.) will have condoms available if you ask for them.
/ There will be a disturbing number on hand, and your R.A. will be required to give you as many as you ask for, no matter how many you want.
/ Most of them will be expired. / Pose: Dante, left side of the board,... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson99.html |
| Recitation #99 - Don Quixote | Blackboard: Q) (From Chase in Wichita Falls, TX)\
/ Why aren't there more Don Quixote's roaming the countryside battling windmills?\
/ A) What do you know... when it comes to hallucinatory drugs, the war on drugs actually did make a difference.\
/ Pose: Dante, left side of board, holding a long pointed... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation99.html |
| Lesson #100 - Re-reading | Blackboard: _How to Ensure Your Book Will be Re-Read_
/ -Write something amazing/inspiring (_The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys_ by Chris Fuhrman)
/ -Write something nigh incomprehensible (_Ulysses_ by James Joyce)
/ -Finish with a completely unseen, twist ending (_Watchmen_ by Alan Moore)
/ -Include a soundtrack... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson100.html |
| Recitation #100 - What Is Life? | Blackboard: (panel 1) Q) (From James in Maine)\
/ What is life?\
/ A) ...Right, because such a heady question should be directed to the internet, which is basically the digital version of a dirty, creepy cat lady. Would you rely on the answer you got from her?\
/ (panel 2) Anyway, this is just a guess,... http://survivingtheworld.net/Recitation100.html |
| Lesson #101 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part XI | Blackboard: #11) Music in the dorm will vary wildly-
/ Some guy might come in with a copy of his own rap, another guy might bring along a whole extra hard-drive of techno-
/ and no matter what, this will inevitably lead to a cacophony of different styles trying to blast each other out-
/ The chorus girls... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson101.html |
| Lesson #102 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part XII | Blackboard: #12) The odds you start off with a decent roommate are incredible slim. It's a total crapshoot:
/ -You end up with a future frat boy, but you don't drink.
/ -You're a complete slob, but you end up with a germaphobe.
/ -You end up with an Evangelical Christian, but you enter the room in a retro... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson102.html |
| Lesson #103 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part XIII | Blackboard: #13) One night during the week will be your college's weekly party night.
/ Depending on how essential an education is to you, it may or may not behoove you to plan out your classes accordingly for the mornings.
/ If you're in one of those serious majors, just finish your work by 10pm-no party... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson103.html |
| Lesson #104 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part XIV | Blackboard: #14) If your professor gives you the entire semester's worth of class notes on the first day,
/ all this means is that you may have to show up for class, but you certainly don't have to listen.
/ If you bring in a newspaper to read during class, or spent the entire time wondering what you... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson104.html |
| Lesson #105 - The Freshmen Fifteen, Part XV | Blackboard: #15) The real "Freshman Fifteen" is nothing beyond the usual finishing-up of growth spurts and your body filling out.
/ Of course, that's just the base line beyond the abuse of meal plans and suddenly never exercising.
/ When you factor in the rest of the weight gain, it's much more around... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson105.html |
| Lesson #106 - Natural Bodily Processes | Blackboard: Eye Crunchies -- Your body's attempt at naturally producing croutons while you sleep. / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, arms crossed, looking just slightly dubious. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson106.html |
| Lesson #107 - Gyms | Blackboard: Go to the gym to work off a candy bar that you ate ----> Eat a candy bar because you made some room for one by going to the gym ----> [back to the beginning] / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing with chalk to the board, neutral look at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson107.html |
| Lesson #108 - Guinness | Blackboard: If Louis Pasteur knew what effect he would have on the Guinness that gets shipped overseas, he might have kept his greatest achievement to himself. / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with chalk to the board, neutral look at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson108.html |
| Lesson #109 - Etymology: German | Blackboard: "Gnoming" comes from the German past participle "genommen," meaning "taken." Thus, if your lawn gnome goes missing on you in the middle of the night, you can blame the Germans and be justified in doing so. / Pose: Dante, partially visible at right side of board, pointing with chalk to... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson109.html |
| Lesson #110 - Natural Family Planning | Blackboard: If the Organization for Natural Family Planning really wants people to keep an open mind during their presentations, maybe their spokespeople shouldn't come from families of 7, 9, 10, or 13 children. / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, left hand in a palm-up gesture, with an "Oh please,... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson110.html |
| Lesson #111 - Scientific Advancements | Blackboard: With all of the dramatic advancements in science, technology, and medicine over the past 100 years, how can we possibly be close to envisioning a 100 MPG car without somehow having already stumbled upon a somewhat halfway decent-tasting cough medicine? / Pose: Dante, partially visible at... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson111.html |
| Lesson #112 - Children Preparation | Blackboard: If you surround yourself with enough pets, you'll be prepared for all stages of children when they come -- a dog is the needy two-year-old, a bird is the talking six-year-old, a cat is the ten-year-old who can take care of itself for most of the day, and fish are the sullen teenagers who... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson112.html |
| Lesson #113 - Athletic Apparel | Background: Bike Shorts -- Bikers' way of saying: "I'm extremely comfortable with the size of my crotch." / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, hands behind his back, looking off-camera with a cat-got-the-canary expression. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson113.html |
| Lesson #114 - Dinner Conversations | Blackboard:
/ Three dinner topics should be considered off-limits:
/ - politics
/ - religion
/ - gastrointestinal disorders
/ Why? Because no one ever seems to be able to talk rationally about any of them. / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, his back to the camera, writing with chalk (writing the... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson114.html |
| Lesson #115 - Things You Never Hear . . ., Part I | Blackboard: ... In a church: "Jesus Christ, this hymn sucks." / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing with chalk to the board, expression says "You know it's true" in a neutral sort of way. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson115.html |
| Lesson #116 - Award Shows | Blackboard: The purpose of endless numbers of awards shows? It's just society's way of making sure that even celebrities get to take part in the "everybody's special" philosophy of life. / Pose: Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing at the board, expression neutral yet stern. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson116.html |
| Lesson #117 - Voting | Blackboard: Get out there, register, and vote.
/ Because this election is about you...
/ Especially if you live in one of the thirteen states where voting actually matters.
/ Pose: Dante, right side of the board, Pointing at word vote with right hand, pointing at audience with left hand, looking at au... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson117.html |
| Lesson #118 - Pronunciation | Blackboard: The Public Speaker?s Pronounciation Nightmares Subtle, Hors D?oeuvre, Fa?ade,
/ Archipelago, Esophagus, Worchestershire, North Grovesnordale, Cavalry, Mauve, Nuclear, Respite,
/ Queue and of course, Pronounciation
/ Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing at blackboard, neutral look at... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson118.html |
| Lesson #119 - Definitions, Part III | Blackboard: Mobocracy: What Lincoln called the pure, Greek political form of democracy, the driving
/ force behind the internet
/ Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing chalk at blackboard, blurry, neutral look at camera http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson119.html |
| Lesson #120 - Magic Tricks | Blackboard: From David Blaine?s notebook of ideas for ?magic? stunts: (filled check box) nearly drown
/ myself, (open check box) sled down Mt. Everest face-first ? without a sled, (filled check box) trap self in
/ non-imaginary box, (sub point open check box) keep mime nearby to compare, (open check box)... http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson120.html |
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