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| Lesson #181 - Hair Dye | Blackboard: Grey hair Dye! Helping you get carded less and giving you that gravitas that you'll never have otherwise! / Pose: Dante, right side of board, gesturing to the board with both hands palms open, open mouthed expression. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson181.html |
| Lesson #182 - Posture | Blackboard: Excuses for bad posture, Age 5 to 10 - Not knowing better, Age 11 to 14 - too many video games, Age 15 to 18 - rebelling against parents, Age 18 to 30 - Crushing weight of parents' expectations, Age 31 to 45 - Crushing weight of spouse's disappointment, Age 46 to 55 - Trying to exercise like a teenager, Age 56+ - Being old, dang it, Lay off / Pose: Dante, right side of board, holding neck displaying bad posture. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson182.html |
| Lesson #183 - Baby Names | Blackboard: Baby names inspired by books (rankings for U.S. only) Holden- 382nd in 2007, peaked at 357th in 2005, entered the top 1000 in 1987. Atticus - 683rd in 2007, peaked in 2007, entered into the top 1000 in 2004. Ishmael - last ranked 952nd in 1998, peaked at 788th in 1912, only eight years in the top 1000 in the last century. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, neutral expression towards camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson183.html |
| Lesson #184 - Shoe Sizes | Blackboard: Line graph showing a relationship between shoe size and availability. The graph shows three peaks: at average sizes 8-11, at size 14-15 and at size 19. It is further explained that the second peak is created by NBA players (anything's available to them) and that the third peak is created by clowns. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, leaning into picture only head and right hand are visible. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson184.html |
| Lesson #185 - Presidential Nicknames | Blackboard: Graph with four quadrants. X axis ranges from Bad President to Good President. The Y axis ranges from good nickname to bad nickname. Nicknames are placed on the plane. / Pose: Dante, left side of board, neutral expression to camera wearing two hats. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson185.html |
| Lesson #186 - Final Exams | Blackboard: Graph with four quadrants. X axis ranges from 'Need to study study study' to 'might as well go drinking, you will get the same grade'. Y axis ranges from liberal arts to science. Subjects are placed on the plane. / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with chalk to graph neutral expression. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson186.html |
| Lesson #187 - Break-Up Songs | Blackboard: Graph with four quadrants. Y axis ranges from 'sorrow' to 'angry'. X axis ranges from 'My fault' to 'His/Her fault'. Songs are placed on the plane. / Pose: Dante, left side of board, partially out of photo. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson187.html |
| Lesson #188 - Creative Ideas | Blackboard: Graph with four quadrants. X axis ranges from 'Bad Idea' to 'Good Idea'. Y axis ranges from 'Comedy' to 'Serious'. Ideas are placed on the plane. / Pose: Dante right side of board, both hands on top of head. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson188.html |
| Lesson #189 - Fertility Rate | Blackboard: Graph with four quadrants. X axis ranges from 'Barren' to 'Fertile'. Y axis ranges from 'High Satisfaction of Life' to 'Low Satisfaction of Life'. Countries are placed on the plane. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, partially out of photo. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson189.html |
| Lesson #190 - Winter Driving | Blackboard: Winter driving thought process
/ 1)Alright, let's drive slow and safe.
/ 2) Man. this guy is being too safe, we can pass him just fine.
/ 3) Oh god, we can't stop sliding to the left and what's that oh god it's a ditch we're going to fall into the
/ 4) Goddamnit / Pose: Dante, right sid of the board, pointing at board, serious look at camera. / File under: Driving, Snow, Weather http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson190.html |
| Lesson #191 - Explanation of DEFCON Status | Blackboard: DEFCON 5 -> All's cool, guys, go get a beer. DEFCON 4 -> Intelligence is saying to be a bit more on your toes, but stay relaxed, gang. DEFCON 3 -> Alright, something fishy is going on, time to get classified. DEFCON 2 -> Oh God Oh God Oh God. DEFCON 1 -> GO GO FIGHT DO SOMETHING ATTACK FIGHT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, fearful expression while chewing fingernails. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson191.html |
| Lesson #192 - Stupid Ideas | Blackboard: Want a surefire way to scratch yourself up? Either belly-flop into a large briar patch, Or try to teach your cat how to tango. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, with chalk pointing at board, serious expression looking at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson192.html |
| Lesson #193 - The Quality of Movies | Blackboard: A line graph depicting the relationship between the quality of a movie and ones enjoyment of said movie. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, neutral expression pointing with chalk to the board. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson193.html |
| Lesson #194 - Raking | Blackboard: How to rake (if you live in the right area): Wait for the last tree to drop its leaves, immediately get hit with snow, snow melts another snow storm hits (this happens repeatedly), eventually spring arrives and use the lawn mower. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, neutral expression with arms crossed. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson194.html |
| Lesson #195 - Exercising With Animals | Blackboard: Should you go running with your dog? Depends on the type of dog. An overly energetic dog ("Let's run Let's run Let's run") - Yes. A fat Lazy Lump ("Here's an idea, how about YOU go for a jog, and I sneak up on the couch") - no. A scent addict ("Hey, a smell! Let's stop. Wait, another smell!") - Maybe. A dog with OCD ("Ok, Now I have to land on my left back paw and lift my right leg at the same time, but while taking a breath, and being ready to pee at a precise angle of 48.7 degrees ... hold on, I'm sure I'll get it right by the 16th try...") - NO! / Pose: Dante, right side of the board pointing to OCD type dog with a neutral expression. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson195.html |
| Lesson #196 - Confusing Things | Blackboard: A list of confusing things: Quantum foam, Keanu Reeves' Successful career, the policeman-donut relationship, the afterlife, cryptic crosswords, the shows that DO make it on tv, kabaddi, hawaiian pizza, and the lizard people conspiracy. / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with chalk at board with confused expression http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson196.html |
| Lesson #197 - Moss | Blackboard: Contrary to popular belief, moss grows on whatever side of the tree it damn well feels like growing on. / Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing with chalk at the board. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson197.html |
| Lesson #198 - The True Meaning of Christmas Songs | Blackboard: "Baby it's cold outside" is an ode to date rape drugs. / Pose: Dante, left side of board, pointing to the board with chalk. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson198.html |
| Lesson #199 - The True Meaning of Christmas Songs, Part II | Blackboard: "All I want for Christmas is you" is a holiday toast to cannibalism. / Pose: Dante, right side of board, only upper torso and head are visible in photo. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson199.html |
| Lesson #200 - Year In Review | STW Lesson #200 - Year in Review (http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson200.html) / Panel 1 / 'Twas the night before Christmas,
/ And all through the class,
/ Only seven days remained
/ In the year nearly past. / Children were sleeping,
/ Most parents in bed,
/ But Dante remained awake,
/ Rest not in his head / Pose: Chalk pointing at board, looking in camera, neutral look, standing on the right /
/ Panel 2
/ "The Year's Almost Gone!"
/ The young Shepherd was thinking,
/ "Since one week from now,
/ We all will be drinking,
/ Isn't now the best chance
/ To take time and peer
/ Through our lives and experiences
/ From this past year?" / Pose: Chalk pointing at board, looking in camera, neutral look, standing on the right / Panel 3 / So he headed into the classroom
/ In lab coat and cap
/ And began to analyze
/ The winters annual trap -
/ With another year almost gone,
/ Away from voices that chattered,
/ Dante stayed far from bed
/ To figure out if anything mattered. / Pose: Still standing on the right, hand scratching chin. Staring in camera, look neutral(You're good at that :P) / Panel 4 / "Hurricanes over Cuba,
/ Unrest in Tibet,
/ Clemens went to congress
/ But showed no regret, / "The length of the election
/ Made the progress a joke,
/ The Large Hadron Collider started
/ And then immediately broke, / Pose: Same as 1 and 2 / Panel 5 / "A third world food crisis
/ Grew from shortages of wheat,
/ Unaffected were more obese,
/ People who found plenty to eat, / "An earthquake in China,
/ The Russian-Georgian war,
/ Veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan
/ Went back for more, / Pose: Same as 1, 2 and 4 / Panel 6 / "Sure, good things happened, too,
/ But in the grand scheme of it all,
/ What with the world economy
/ In total freefall, / "And all signs pointing to next year
/ Just continuing the slide,
/ What's the point of it all
/ When we're just stuck on this ride?" / Pose: Still on the right, looking in camera with both hand palms opened facing up / Panel 7 / All of a sudden,
/ The classroom door went ka-thunk,
/ Awaking Dante from
/ His dour rhyming funk. / Away to the blackboard
/ He flew like a flash,
/ Ready to erase all rhymes in a dash / Pose: Standing on the right, looking surprisedly to the right with two board wipers in his hands / Panel 8 / When what on his
/ Wandering eyes should stop,
/ But a janitor
/ Armed with a bucket and mop. / It was quite a sight
/ For the cleaning transgresor;
/ An emtpy classroom being taught
/ By a strangely dressed professor, / Pose: Same as before, standing on the right while looking into the camera while pointing to the blackboard with a chalk / Panel 9 / The only witness to the
/ Lessons taught by the lector
/ Was a single, unplugged,
/ Overhead projector; / With a camera perched on top
/ Quite precarious;
/ The janitor smirked, then chuckled-
/ The image was hilarious. / Pose: Same as 8 / Panel 10 / And without a word,
/ He laughed his way out of the room,
/ Leaving Dante alone
/ With a little less gloom. / "He's right," Dante thought,
/ "So the world has some problems,
/ And their solutions probably rest
/ In a number of theorems, / Pose: Looking at camera, arms crossed, on the right / Panel 11 / "But we can help uplift the mood
/ By creating laughs
/ With bad puns, clever jokes,
/ And complex graphs, / "And who cares if we get cynical
/ For our inspiration?
/ If we go easy on religion,
/ We'll stave off damnation, / Pose: Eyebrows raised, looking at camera. Pointing at board with chalk. / Panel 12 / "So brin on Salinger!
/ Or Nietzsche! Or Salk! Or
/ Joe Morgan! Or Warhol!
/ Or Zwingli! Or Faulkner! / "We'll take on sex tapes!
/ And the Bible! And engineers' girls!
/ We'll take on zombies!
/ And coffee! And campus squirrels!" / Pose: Same as before, staring into the camera but looking less neutral. Opened mouth. / Panel 13 / So to the board he flew,
/ Creativity leaving him transcended,
/ Making comics to make others laugh,
/ Screw those who get offended. / Happy holidays and best wishes
/ In oh-nine to all of you,
/ From Dante Shepherd
/ And all us here at STW. / Pose: Looking happy, satisfied. Looking in the camera, arms crossed. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson200.html |
| Lesson #201 - Christmas Truth | Christmas is all about Jesus, / And rightfully so.
/ But don't forget one key part of the story, one vital part - / Who heard the angel chorus, who were the first outsiders to visit the Manger,
/ Who were called upon to share the good news and spread the truth to everyone else? / The Shepherds. / Pose: Looking into the camera surprisedly, pointing at the last phrase with the chalk. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson201.html |
| Lesson #202 - Things You Hope To Never Say . . . | ... To your dog on the day after Thanksgiving or Christmas
/ ---------------------------------------------------------- / "Why does your breath smell like turkey?" / Pose: Looking at camera surprised while chalk points towards board. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson202.html |
| Lesson #203 - Musical Repetition | Graph. / Values: / Delightfully quirky / Normal
/ Obnoxious / Other axis: / # of variations of the same Christmas song you are willing to play in a row in the listening range of others / Pose: Body facing board, head turned left and facing the camera. Mouth opened, chalk pointing at board. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson203.html |
| Lesson #204 - Snowball Ettiquette | Blackboard: If you want to get in a snowball fight, and your desired target is too far away for you to hit him or her,
/ while it is proper ettiquette for you to say, "Excuse me, but I am trying to hit you wiht a snowball, would you mind coming closer so you will be in rages?"
/ it will liekly not being you the desired effect. / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with chalk to the board, wistful look at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson204.html |
| Lesson #205 - Bed Contentment | Graph. / Vertical value:
/ Contentment / Horizontal: / Fraction of bed you have to yourself(graphed in reverse numerical order) / 1 - 1/2 - 1/3 - 1/4 - 1/5 / Values in graph: / Stretched out
/ Together, sharing warmth
/ Cat hops onto the bed
/ Dog hops onto the bed
/ Dog stretches out while sleeping
/ Cat sleeps on your butt
/ Cat tries to push you off the bed /
/ Pose: Facing the camera, looking at the board. Arms crossed. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson205.html |
| Lesson #206 - Romantic Movies | Blackboard: Cause: Watch Romantic Movie. Immediate Effect: increased belief that mind-reading is expected in romantic relationships. eventual effect: telepathy still not proven. relationship crashes and burns. Non-scientists. Scientists. Long-term effect: Keep trying to find that perfect, romantic, mind-reading someone. Keep trying to genetically engineer that perfect mind-reading romantic someone.
/ Pose: Dante, left side of the board, pointing at the board with chalk, with neutral expression on face. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson206.html |
| Lesson #207 - New Years' Parties | Blackboard: Thoughts You're Better Off NOT Starting the New Year With
/ - "That was my spouse I kissed right after the ball dropped, right?"
/ - "Drank too much... hope I can make it to the toilet in time, this time!"
/ - "Has my fly been open all night?"
/ - "Hey, let's go find a chapel!"
/ - "Alright, it's a new year, time to turn things around, time to take hold of my life and - ooh, shots!" / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with chalk to the board, neutral look at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson207.html |
| Lesson #208 - Resolutions | Blackboard: Pot of Commitment versus Time. Reduce stress. Dieting. Exercise. Get better grades. Revenge.
/ Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing at the board with chalk, neutral expression on face http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson208.html |
| Lesson #209 - Supernames | Blackboard: Actual Superhero/Supervillain Names Already In Use
/ - Madame Ovary
/ - Antenna Lad
/ - Ghetto Blaster
/ - Flamesplasher
/ - Rainbow Raider
/ - Angar the Screamer
/ - Bert Day
/ - Madame Xanadu
/ - Animal-Vegetable-Mineral man
/ - Mr. Banjo
/ - Congorilla
/ - Woodgod
/ - Her
/ - Pyra
/ - Coagula
/ - Devil Dinosaur / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with chalk to the board, confused look at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson209.html |
| Lesson #210 - Local News | Blackboard: Local News
/ Everyone has to start somewhere.
/ In no job, however, is it so public that you're going nowhere. / Pose: Dante, right side of the board, pointing with chalk to the board, raised eyebrows at camera. http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson210.html |
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