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| Heeere's Jerry! | [[Tim and Locke are watching television.]] / Tim: Wasn't Jerry Springer the mayor of Cleveland? / Locke: Cincinnati. / TV: JERRY! JERRY! / Tim: Either way, it wasn't that different from his new job. / [[Ed McMahon ducks into the panel, facing the reader.]] / Ed McMahon: HI-OH! / Tim: Who was... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=397 |
| In Arrears | [[Tim nervously faces his parents.]] / Tim: Mom... Dad... I have something I need to tell you, but I don't know how. / Mr. Paulson: Now... son, you know you can tell us anything. / Tim: I borrowed $23,000 from the mafia for tuition, and they're gonna break my legs if I don't pay it back. / Mr. Paulson:... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=398 |
| Intellectual LASSIEtude | [[A collie barks at Tim.]] / Collie: Ruff! Ruff! / Tim: What is it, girl? A problem? / Collie: Woof! Ruff-ruff! / Tim: You've solved Moore's problem? / Collie: RUFF! / Tim: What's your argument? / Collie: Ruff! Ruff-ruff! ROWF! Ruff ruff ROWF! / Tim: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Right. / Collie: Grrr-rowf!... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=399 |
| An Inconvenient Spoof | [[A collie barks at Al Gore.]] / Collie: Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Grrrrrr-ruff! / Al Gore: What's that, girl? Climate change is destroying the planet? Well, I don't need you to tell me. After all, I AM a Nobel laureate. / Lassie: ROWF! ROWF! ROWF! / Al Gore: Yes, I know. The situation is dire,... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=400 |
| Horn of the Dilemma | [[Tim, Locke and a girl walk through the woods. Locke is wearing a hunting cap.]] / Girl: So, tell me again what I'm doing out here? / Locke: A unicorn will only approach a virgin. We need you here if we're gonna catch one. / Girl: Yeah, um... about that... / [[In a clearing, a unicorn runs toward... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=401 |
| Shark Weak | [[Tim is watching TV while typing on a laptop: < http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=402 |
| Obama Ye Faithful | [[Barack Obama addresses the reader.]] / Obama: There are many differences between my opponent and myself. She is a New York senator from Illinois, whereas I am an Illinois senator... / [[Obama stands in front of a stable, flanked by a shepherd, donkey and three magi.]] / Obama: ...with different... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=403 |
| Sweet Georgia Green | [[A reporter from "Action 7" news interviews a man in sunglasses, wearing a hat reading "Certified Millionaire" -- ROBERT HARRIS.]] / Reporter: Chet, I'm here with Robert Harris, who just won Georgia's Mega Millions jackpot. Sir, how does it feel to win $270 million? / Robert: Well, it feels pretty... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=404 |
| A Tangled Web | [[Two army officers -- Colonel Ripper and Major Murdock -- stand talking.]] / Ripper: Murdock, did you get the latest Pentagon briefing? Says the internet needs to be dealt with as if it were an enemy weapons system. / Murdock: Wait a minute. Didn't we invent the internet? / [[Ripper pulls a gun... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=405 |
| Shaman Sense | [[An Aztec chief sits with a shaman, staring at a fuming bowl.]] / Chief: Well, what do you see, prophet? What does my future hold? / [[Wide shot of the two of them sitting, in silhouette.]] / Shaman: Grim portents, Lord. I see your kingdom ground to dust by these foreigners. / Chief: And my lineage? / Shaman:... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=406 |
| Claim to Defame | [[A republican addresses the reader.]] / Republican: The Republican Party does not condone the use of Barack HUSSEIN Obama's full name in press releases. / Republican: Nor will we rhyme his name with that of any terrorist leader, nor mention his past and frequent drug use, support by Louis Farrakhan,... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=407 |
| Forget You | [[Locke is sitting on the couch, watching TV. His girlfriend comes up to him, crying. Locke greets her without looking:]] / Locke: Hey, babe. How'd the audition go? / Girlfriend: HORRIBLE! They said I was forgettable! / TV: FLAVOR FLAAAV! / [[His girlfriend hugs him for emotional support.]] / Girlfriend:... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=408 |
| Green-Eyed Monster | [[Cookie monster sits with John Q. Nonprofit, reading a report card.]] / Cookie Monster: WHAT?! ME GET D-MINUS ON ENVIRONMENTAL REPORT CARD? HOW THIS POSSIBLE?! / John Q: I'm sorry, Mr. Monster, but your environmental sustainability is just abysmal. Do you know how much solid waste you generate... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=409 |
| Emerald Rile | [[Locke stands dressed as the Notre Dame Leprechaun with a full beard, singing.]] / Locke: Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling... / [[Locke plays the bagpipes.]] / [[Locke does a dramatic reading of "Táin Bó Cúailnge."]] / Locke: Daíg ni fríth ra Coinculaind comchosmail. Cu gonben mían... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=410 |
| Major Malfunction | [[A professor stands at a podium, speaking.]] / Professor: ...and with the economy going down the crapper, you're all pretty much screwed once you graduate. That's why we brought in an expert to help you through this transitional period: Captain Jobless. / [[Captain Jobless stands in front of an auditorium... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=411 |
| Breytopia Lost | [[NDSP security officers Iceman and Porkins confront Locke, Tim and Koz, who is wearing a Led Zeppelin "ZOSO" t-shirt.]] / Porkins: All right, everyone clear out. We're breaking up Breytopia. / Tim: What? Why? / Iceman: NDSP policy. No public gatherings without a permit. It's a matter of public... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=412 |
| Keystone Katerers | Black Panel: The Keystone Katerers make a krucial error / [[A hanging banner reads "1st Annual Keystone Police Convention." A group of tables are set up; every one is full of policemen. A chef wheels out a pallet of pies; every head in the room turns to look at him.]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=413 |
| In the Line of Ire | [[Hillary Clinton addresses the reader.]] / Hillary: I misspoke when I said I had to run across a tarmac to dodge sniper fire. What I meant to say was that there was the threat of sniper fire. / Caption: [Action 7 logo] Ms. Clinton accused of exaggerating danger during '96 Bosnia diplomatic visit. / [[Sinbad... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=414 |
| A Chip Off the Whole Block | [[Two researchers stand outside in parkas. One speaks into a tape recorder:]] / Researcher #1: Log entry 23-B: we're taking a core sample to assess Antarctica's structural integrity. / Researcher #2: Making pilot hole. / [[Researcher #2 uses an ice axe to tap the ice with a < http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=415 |
| Statuary Violation | [[Tim and Locke are walking outside; Tim is reading a newspaper.]] / Tim: Says here that a tourist broke off a piece of an Easter Island statue as a souvenir. What kind of person would do that? / Locke: Hey, Tim? / [[Tim and Locke are looking at the statue of Father Sorin; its head is missing.]] / Locke:... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=416 |
| What Women Want | [[Two girls are sitting on a couch. One is reading "Sociology: A Beginner's Guide."]] / Girl #1: This study says there are four traits women look for in men: someone who is attractive, a good provider, faithful and emotionally available. / Girl #2: I'd settle for anyone who can fill the emotional... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=417 |
| Assinine | [[Tim and the Cartoonist are sitting on the couch, talking.]] / Tim: Hey Mike, why wasn't Black Dog in the paper yesterday? / Cartoonist: It was conceptual comedy. See, I've submitted a strip for every paper since January 2007. What better April Fools' joke than to not hand in the comic for the first... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=418 |
| Assinine II | [[Donald Trump addresses the reader.]] / Trump: If you loved my book, "Donald Trump's Think Big and Kick A**" by me, Donald Trump, you're going to love my classy new reality show, "Lady or a Tramp." / Trump: I take fifteen bad girls, like Governor Spitzer's hooker Ashley Alexandra Dupré, and teach... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=419 |
| Assinine III | [[Tim and Locke are sitting on a couch: Tim reading a book, Locke playing a video game.]] / Tim: Hey, did you see the "Absurder" last week? It had jokes about abortion, sodomy, Heath Ledger's death, cancer patients, "underage girls" giving "sexual favors," crotchless panties, and Saint Mary's. / Locke:... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=420 |
| Assinine IV | [[A news anchor addresses the reader.]] / Anchor: A new study by the state of Oregon reveals that men tend to eat meat, whereas women eat more vegetables. / Ticker: [Action 7] Gold up; Flav puts money where mouth is / [[Shot of three aerosol cans, labeled "E-Z Cheez," "Qwik Wip," and "Meat Wiz //... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=421 |
| Assinine V | Black Panel: Bible Pa**ages: Matthew 21 / [[Jesus is talking to two disciples.]] / Caption: Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them: / Jesus: Go into the village opposite you, and immediately you will find an a** tethered, and a colt with her. Untie them and bring them here to me. / Caption: This... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=422 |
| Assinine VI | [[Locke and Tim sit on the couch: Locke typing on a laptop, Tim reading a Norton anthology.]] / Locke: Man! I hate my partner on this project! He's such a pain in the -- / Tim: Neck. / Locke: Yeah! He's totally self-interested. He just covers his own -- / Tim: Bases. / Locke: Exactly! Meanwhile,... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=423 |
| Assinine VII | [[Tim and Locke are walking. Tim is reading the newspaper. The sports page reads "assemblies' assumption assiduously assayed;" the front page reads "assonant assistants assail associates' assertions--"]] / Tim: You know, it's all well and good to poke fun of silly editorial policies, but censorship... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=424 |
| Juiced Up | [[Tim and Locke are sitting on a couch, talking. Locke has a laptop.]] / Tim: Hey Locke, have you been to JuicyCampus.com? / Locke: No. / Tim: Don't. / Locke: What is it? / Tim: They've finally figured out how to digitize men's room graffiti and put it on the internet. / Tim: People go on this... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=425 |
| Swiss Tease | [[A secret service agent stands talking to a Swiss Guard. In the background hangs a banner reading "The White House welcomes Pope (John Paul II is crossed out) Benedict XVI".]] / SS Agent: Hey, I didn't know the circus was in town. // Swiss guard, huh? When was the last time your country won a war? / SS... http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=426 |