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| X-Rayted | [[A mustachioed TSA officer addresses an attractive woman. A tube stands in the background.]] / Officer: Step into the examination chamber, ma'am. / Woman: What IS that thing? / Officer: Backscatter x-ray. Penetrates clothing to reveal concealed weapons. / Woman: It... sees through clothing? I don't think I'm comfortable with that. / Officer: Ma'am, our technician is a highly-trained professional whose only concern is for the safety of this flight. // Now, please step into the chamber. / Woman: Well... all right. / [[The woman stands in the x-ray chamber. A technician views a computer monitor, smiling.]] / Technician (thinking): Nice. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=337 |
| Gnat's All, Folks! | [[Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain swats at a cloud of gnats swarming around him.]] / [[Millions of gnats descend on him, enveloping him completely, save for his hat.]] / [[Two angels stand talking.]] / Angel #1: A plague of gnats? In this day and age? / Angel #2: Hey, it's a good thing Cleveland was only down by 1. Any more than that and it would've been flaming hail instead. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=338 |
| UCLAin't | [[UCLA player Trey Brown is being interviewed on television.]] / Reporter (Off-Panel): Trey, UCLA has lost every game it's played against the Irish. What do you think your chances are today? / Trey: I'm not a big Notre Dame fan. All I know is, I don't like green. They're desperate for a win. / Caption: Pregame Coverage // Trey Brown - UCLA Cornerback / [[Trey is walking off the field angrily. The scoreboard reads "Home 6 // Visitor 20". Notre Dame's Evan Sharpley and Jimmy Clausen call after him. / Sharpley: Hey Trey, we feel really bad about crushing UCLA-- / Clausen: Again. / Sharpley: On your home field. So the team and I pitched in and bought you something you can use. / [[Close up of a box reading "Fisher-Price // LEARN YOUR COLORS and COUNT TO 20!"]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=339 |
| Bus Off | [[Dan McInnis walks down the sidewalk. He pushes a girl out of his way with a < http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=340 |
| Cycle of Power | Caption: Adventures in Customer Service! / [[Tim is on the phone, looking annoyed.]] / Service Rep (over the phone): Sir, have you tried power-cycling the modem? / Tim: Yeah, I did. That's the first thing every customer service rep asks me. / Service Rep: Do you want to try power-cycling while I'm on the line? / Tim: Do they just give you a phone and a piece of paper that says "power cycle"? / Service Rep: Sir, I don't think I like your TONE. / Tim: Yeah? I don't think I like your SERVICE. Now can I talk to someone who knows what they're doing? / Service Rep: ...HOLD, PLEASE. / Phone Line: <<*click*>> Ohh Sherry, our love // holds on, holds on! Ohh Sherry, our-- <<*click*>> / Service Rep: Sir, what's your name? / Tim: Tim Paulson. / Service Rep: All right, Tim. I'm putting you through to one of our "technicians." / [[Shot of a paper: Department of Homeland Security // "Because we care" // USA PATRIOT ACT WATCHLIST // - Page 211 - // Siddig El Fadil // Fareed Zakaria // Tim Pauls (Service Rep is writing in the last entry.)]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=341 |
| That's Hot | [[A group of people are burning in flames. Satan, holding a trident, points toward them, smiling. Next to him stands Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton, holding a chihuahua.]] / Satan: Now THAT'S hot. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=342 |
| The Bus Stops Here | [[Dan McInnis is walking down the sidewalk. He shoves a girl out of his way with a < http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=343 |
| Un-NINTENDed Consequences | Black Panel: The following comic contains mature subject matter. Reader discretion is advised. // ADDICTIONS: [EXPOSED] / [[Shot of a backlit Mario, in silhouette.]] / Mario: I knew I had a problem. I'd-a steal from crates, go down-a the sewer... the mushrooms... they just-a made me feel big. / [[Donkey Kong in silhouette.]] / Donkey Kong: Yeah, I drank. Sometimes twelve, fourteen beers in a sitting. My friends tried to get me to stop... I'd just throw the empty barrels at them. / [[Pac-Man in silhouette.]] / Pac-Man: WAKKA-WAKKA-WAKKA-WAKKA-BEE-EEE-EEE-OWW-WOOP-WOOP! http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=344 |
| Unusual Suspects | [[A TSA officer stands talking to a sunglasses-wearing G-Man.]] / Officer: Hey, you're the new guy, right? What's your deal? / G-Man: Behavioral detection officer. I'm here to monitor passengers for signs of suspicious activity. / Officer: Oh. ...See anyone here who fits the bill? / G-Man: Hmm... / [[Several passengers stand in a line: Hitler, Darth Vader, Snidely Whiplash, a turbaned Sikh, and Satan. The G-Man points to the Sikh.]] / G-Man: That one. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=345 |
| Time Out of his Mind | [[A mustachioed, suspenders-wearing administrator sits reading the paper. John Q. Clergyman looks over his shoulder at the paper.]] / Administrator (reading): This guy says we need fewer TV time-outs. / John Q: Lemme see that. "I am sure that Notre Dame and NBC can find a middle ground that includes fewer time-outs for less money. / [[The two of them look pensive.]] / [[Then, they burst out into uncontrollable fits of laughter.]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=346 |
| Marshmallow Out | [[Two NDSP security officers - ICEMAN and PORKINS - scan the student gate of Notre Dame stadium for trouble.]] / Iceman: Think anyone'll try to start trouble today? / Porkins: Big guy, raincoat. Coming in Gate E. / Iceman: I'm on it. / [[Iceman chases the raincoated man, whose hood conceals his face.]] / Iceman: STOP! NDSP! / [[Iceman catches the suspect and pulls his hood down: he is the Stay Puft marshmallow man.]] / Iceman: We don't want your kind at ND stadium. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=347 |
| Transparency in Government | [[A TSA officer talks to a large-nosed man.]] / TSA Officer: All right, sir, just step into the x-ray chamber so we can scan you for concealed weapons. / [[The man enters the chamber.]] / Mr. Schnozz (concerned): Are you sure this thing won't give me cancer or anything? / TSA Officer (smiling): No, it's perfectly safe. Why, Bob here has been scanned over fifty times, and he's fine. / [[Reveal Bob: he has been turned into a living x-ray, his flesh black and his skeleton visible underneath.]] / Bob: Actually, I HAVE been feeling kinda tingly lately. / TSA Officer (glaring): No you haven't. Now get in the tube. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=348 |
| Diet Another Day | [[Two businessmen sit in auditorium chairs, looking bored.]] / Voice (Off-Panel): As part of our dialogue on women's self-image, we are very privileged to have a special guest speaker with us today. Ladies and gentlemen, Courtney Martin. / Courtney (Off-Panel): Thank you. We are all socialized to believe that if we had enough power or money we can all look like Nicole Richie, which is a fallacy. Just because the door is open doesn't mean we have to walk through and / [[The rest of her dialogue is obscured by the businessmen's heads. Businessman #1 looks at his watch; businessman #2 slumps over and looks as though he is about to pass out.]] / Courtney (Off-Panel): NEVER DIET. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. / [[The businessmen immediately perk up and look at each other.]] / Voice (Off-Panel): Are there any questions? / [[The businessmen both smile excitedly.]] / Businessman #1: Hi, Ms. Martin? We're from McDonald's, and we'd LOVE to hire you as our national spokeswoman. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=349 |
| Survivorman vs. Man vs. Wild | [[Black Panel of Survivorman logo.]] / [[Les Stroud is in the middle of his monologue.]] / Les: ...and place the other stick like, this, and I've got a deadfall. Now-- / [[There is a < http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=350 |
| Sleight of Hat | [[Tim and Bismark sit talking. Tim is wearing "The Shirt the Hat."]] / Tim: Looks like "The Shirt the Hat" was a big hit. We should do it again next year. / Bismark: You're not looking at the big picture. We can push The Shirt's brand so far beyond hats. The sky's the LIMIT. / Tim: Well, did you have anything in mind? / [[Bismark shoots Tim a cool grin and points at him.]] / Bismark: I'm glad you asked. I give you --- / Bismark: The Shirt the Hat the Shirt. (TM) / [[Bismark holds up a t-shirt with a picture of "The Shirt the Hat" on it.]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=351 |
| Digging Up the Past | [[Tim and Locke sit on the couch. Locke is playing a video game.]] / Tim: So they exhumed the Gipper. / Locke: Yeah. Talk about waking up the echoes. / [[Tim takes out a newspaper. Locke leans over to read it.]] / Tim: Says here an ND alumnus wants DNA to prove Gipp had a love child. / Locke: An alum wouldn't do that! There HAS to be another explanation! / [[Charlie Weis talks to a clipboard-holding female scientist.]] / Scientist: That's Gipp, the Horsemen, Heisman winners, runners-up... / Weis: Clone 'em all. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=352 |
| Make Mine a Double | [[An angry Father Jenkins confronts Charlie Weis. Brady Quinn stand behind Charlie, smiling.]] / Jenkins: Look Chuck, I know it's been a rough season, but you can't just go around cloning ND football greats! / Weis: Brady Quinn #2 begs to differ. / [[Closeup of Jenkins' angry face.]] / Jenkins: The Vatican's stance on cloning is very clear: no reproduction by an "inhuman" method. / [[Weis walks up to two chimpanzees in lab coats. Their name badges read "Dr. Zaius" and "Dr. Pickles."]] / Weis: Sorry, guys. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=353 |
| Saints Alive | [[Charlie Weis is talking to Father Jenkins. Weis is holding a book entitled "Ex Cathedra, Etc."]] / Weis: Padre, I've been reading up on Papal encyclicals. / Jenkins: Shouldn't you be reading a playbook? / [[Weis opens the book and reads from it.]] / Weis: As long as we don't destroy any embryos, the church can let the whole cloning thing slide. / Jenkins (angrily): Charlie, the creation of life is strictly the purview of our LORD. / [[The female scientist looks at her clipboard. Jesus stands next to her.]] / Jesus: Lessee... Mother Teresa, J.P. the II, Thomas Aquinas... you've got the football team, right? http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=354 |
| Brave Old World | [[A surprised Charlie Weis talks to Father Jenkins.]] / Weis: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE REPLACING ME? / Jenkins: Sorry, Charlie, but you were right. We need to bring back the glory days. That's why we've cloned Knute Rockne. / [[Knute Rockne addresses the reader in a trenchcoat and homburg hat.]] / Knute: Men, we're gonna get 'em on the run, we're gonna GO, GO, GO, GO! And we aren't gonna stop until we go over that goal line! And don't forget, men-- today is the day we're gonna WIN! / Players (All together, Off-Panel): YEAH! / [[Closeup of Knute.]] / Knute: All right, here's my ace-in-the-hole: we set up formation #6 in the playbook, only instead of running, the quarterback passes the ball forward. I call it the FORWARD PASS. They'll never see it coming. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=355 |
| Love at First Slight | [[A girl approaches a guy from behind. He looks over his shoulder at her.]] / Girl: Hey, Matt! Wait up! There's something I've got to ask you. / [[Extreme closeup of the girl's eyes, doe-like and glistening.]] / Girl (softly): I can't believe I'm actually doing this. / Girl (more loudly): I've had a crush on you for the longest time, I've just never been able to tell you. And I've wanted to ask this before, but I was always afraid you'd say no. But -- well, here goes: Matt, will you go with me to the Saint Mary's Junior Formal? / [[Beat. She stands smiling at a nonresponsive Matt, then:]] / Matt: Do I know you? / [[The girl is dismayed.]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=356 |
| I Ain't Mission You at All | [[A bearded professor at a podium addresses a tough crowd of alumni. In the background hangs a banner reading "Alumni Athletic Fundraiser."]] / Professor: It is of the utmost importance that we specify more precisely Notre Dame's MISSION as a CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY. The football team's misfortunes pale in comparison. / [[A nervously-smiling Father Jenkins has replaced the professor at the podium. The crowd lightens up.]] / Jenkins: Ha ha! Philosophy professors, ladies and gentlemen! Always with the jokes. / [[Also comics writers, with the jokes! Just not always very funny ones!]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=357 |
| I Say Goodbye, You Say HALO | [[Tim sits in a chair reading Voltaire's "Candide." Locke approaches him in the background.]] / Tim: Where've you been? / Locke: Out playin' Halo 3. We really need to get a 360. / Tim: Video games are such a waste of time and money. You're never gonna make a difference by playing Halo all day. / < http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=358 |
| Duke It Out | [[Tim walks along, smiling.]] / Tim (thinking): Ahh! What a great day! It's t-shirt weather in November, I've got my work finished for the week, and Viewpoint didn't have any insane letters. Nothing can ruin my mood! / [[The Duke Blue Devil walks past Tim and gives him a thumbs-up.]] / [[Tim grimaces.]] / Tim: Dammit. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=359 |
| When Pigs Fly | [[A bearded professor addresses a contemplative Father Jenkins.]] / Bearded Professor: We need to ensure the Catholicity of the University. We need a majority of Catholics teaching every discipline. / [[A female professor addresses Father Jenkins.]] / Female Professor: A simple MAJORITY of Catholics on the faculty won't do. We need an all-Catholic faculty. / [[Professor Johnston addresses Jenkins.]] / Johnston: It's not enough that the faculty be Catholic -- we need to make the football team all-Catholic. / [[Jenkins goes wide-eyed in surprise and thrusts his palms outward.]] / Jenkins: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Let's not get nuts here! http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=360 |
| Duke or Die | [[Bismark, a crew-cut guy, Locke and Tim are walking.]] / Bismark: Yeah! We won! / Crew-Cut: WOOOOOO! NOTRE DAME! WOOOOOO! / Locke: We did it! / Tim: We beat Duke! / [[Locke and Tim stop in dismay. In front of them stands John Wayne, holding a basketball.]] / John Wayne: THINK YA CAN... DO IT AGAIN, PILGRIM? http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=361 |
| Take His Word for It | [[Three American Patriots sit in a tavern.]] / Elegant Patriot: Come ON! THINK! Congress expects us to name this new territory by next session! / Fat Patriot: Well, there's a lot of indians here, right? Let's call it Indianland. / Elegant Patriot: That's the stupidest name I've ever heard. / [[An unshaven drunk at the other end of the bar - PERKINS - calls out to them.]] / Perkins: What about... INDIANA? / [[The elegant patriot approaches Perkins, smiling.]] / Elegant Patriot: Indiana? What's that mean? / Perkins: It's Latin for "Indianland." / Elegant Patriot: Hey, I like it! Nice work, Perkins. That Harvard doctorate's really paying off. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=362 |
| One Good Turn | [[We see the rear view of the three patriots and Perkins sitting at the bar. The bartender stands facing us, wiping a mug.]] / Elegant Patriot: Now we just need to come up with a name for the capital. / Perkins: How about Indianapolis? It's Greek for "Indian Land City." / Bartender: That's it, Perkins. I'm cuttin' you off. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=363 |
| Truck Off | [[Two commentators are sitting in their booth.]] / Commentator #1: AND the Notre Dame coaches are not happy about THAT call. / Commentator #2: Ha-ha! OUCH! I think I heard that one from here! / Commentator #1: Let the expletives fly! / [[Locke and Tim are in the stands watching the game.]] / Locke: Wow, they're really letting those refs have it. / Tim: They sound like teamsters. / [[Track right: Tim is standing next to a teamster wearing flannel, a John Deere hat and sunglasses.]] / Teamster: Hey, I don't talk like THAT. http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=364 |
| Worth His Salt | [[Jimmy Clausen (#7) throws a forward pass.]] / [[David Grimes (#11) dives to catch it.]] / [[Locke, Tim and a girl are seated at a dining room table. Locke and Tim stare at their dinners; the girl looks up in wide-eyed shock as Grimes goes flying over their heads.]] / Tim: Jimmy, would you stop passing Grimes the salt? http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=365 |
| Doesn't Add Up | [[A girl is being interviewed by a reporter in a fedora with "PRESS" card stuck in the band.]] / Girl: I really like the new FedEx-Kinko's on campus. / [[The reporter takes notes.]] / Girl: Sure, the old Copy Shop had better service, and it was owned and operated by an ND alum instead of a faceless corporation, but Kinko's is cheaper. / [[The girl smiles and pulls out a sheaf of papers.]] / Girl: It used to cost 8¢ per copy, but I just got 70 copies for $6.70. / [[The reporter raises an eyebrow.]] / Reporter: Math major, are we? / [[It's funny 'cause a girl really said that! ...Well, at any rate, a girl really said that.]] http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=366 |