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| Irregular Webcomic! #2311 | Monty: So how is it being a skeleton? / / Charon: Oh, it's a bit limiting, but you get used to it. / / Monty: Your movements look a bit stiff and jerky. / / Charon: Ray Harryhausen has a lot to answer for. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2311.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2312 | Martian 2: To recruit an Earthling to help us, we'll need to visit Earth. / / Martian 1: We'll use the Mystery Airship that our advance scouts used for reconnaissance just before the failed invasion. / / Martian 1: Nobody on Earth will suspect a thing. / / Martian 2: Brilliant! / / Martian 1: And before we go, we'll give ourselves the immortality treatment. / / Martian 2: Even more brilliant! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2312.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2313 | Man: Mr Newton, I've come to ask you an important question regarding your specialised fields of knowledge. / / Isaac Newton: Go on. / / Man: As an expert in the effects of alcohol and of mixing various elixirs and tonics... / / Man: What is the best thing for a hangover? / / Isaac Newton: Easy. Drink heavily the night before. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2313.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2314 | Kerim Bey: Ah, my friend, come in! Welcome to Istanbul. I am Kerim Bey, head of Station T. Coffee? / / Stud: Medium sweet, thank you. Any word from the Russian girl? / / Kerim Bey: She said she will contact you. But I think you're wasting your time. My advice is to spend a few pleasant days with us here in Istanbul... then go home. / / Stud: Oh. Well that's what I'd planned to do anyway. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2314.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2315 | Mercutio: So who are your favourite writers? / / Shakespeare: Oh, you know, all the classics. Dickens, Austen, Melville, Wilde, Hemingway. And of course Jonson. / / Mercutio: Mmmm. I sometimes wonder what English literature would be like today if Jonson had never existed. / / Shakespeare: Oh, it doesn't bear thinking about. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2315.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2316 | Serron: I'm reminded of the story about the man who got his wish to live his life over again and make different decisions. / / Paris: This isn't going to be some morality tale, is it? / / Serron: Why? / / Paris: Because frankly that's not going to be credible coming from you. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2316.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2317 | [caption]: xkcq A webcomic of references, send-ups, maths, and large integers / / [caption]: XKCD-MEN ORIGINS / / [caption]: WOLVERINE / / [[A graph showing "badassness" on the x axis and "coolness" on the y axis. The origin is labelled "origin". Points are plotted in a range of about 10 to 100 on each axis: Rogue, Jean Grey, Storm, Magneto. A point very near the origin is labelled "Cyclops". The axes are broken by dotted lines and resume with values around a point labelled A(g64, g64). "Wolverine" is plotted on the graph at the intersection of these two values.]] / / [caption]: starring / / [caption]: HUGE ACKERMANN http://irregularwebcomic.net/2317.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2318 | Terry: So that's how you met Jane Goodall? / Steve: Yeah! / Terry: And you're partly responsible for the President of the United States being an Allosaurus? / Steve: Crikey, don't you believe me? / Terry: Well, it would mean you've done something sensible and for the good of the world... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2318.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2319 | Dwalin: There's a vullage doon there. [[translation: There's a village down there.]] / / Alvissa: Is it Cragfoot or Footcrag? / / Dwalin: Doos it matter? Wi've wrecked booth o' them alriddy. [[translation: Does it matter? We've wrecked both of them already.]] / / Dwalin: Wi'll get a puir reception in either. [[translation: We'll get a poor reception in either.]] / / Kyros: You haven't really wrecked a village until you've drawn a Balrog into it. Run!! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2319.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2320 | Adam: Okay, the ring you're wearing is The One Ring that lets the evil overlord control all the other Rings of Power. / / Jamie: Cool! / / Adam: Uh, no. You're now corrupted and he uses you as a vessel to gain complete dominion over the world, laying waste to civilisation. / / Adam: The land and its people are subjected to infernal torments and ruined as if by ever vaster explosions! / / Jamie: This gives me an idea for what we can do for a living when we graduate. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2320.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2321 | Charon: Here we are. Lake Constance. / / Prof. Jones: What? Aren't you taking us to Geneva? / / Charon: Now why would I do that? / / Prof. Jones: Convenience? / / Charon: I think you mistake me for a taxi driver, not the Ferryman of the Underworld. / / Prof. Jones: Oh, no, a taxi driver would be much less helpful. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2321.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2322 | [Caption]: Kristal Palas Hotel, Istanbul / / Hotel manager: There's James Stud. Check him into room 32. When he finds the bugs and requests another room, give him the bridal suite. / / [[silent shot of hotel reception desk, with Stud walking away]] / / [SFX]: Riiing! / / Receptionist: Front desk. / / Stud: [[over phone]] This is room 32. I can't get the minibar open. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2322.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2323 | Head Death: Fireballs. Sit down. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: Yes, sir. / / Head Death: You failed to process everyone who ever existed. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: They returned to life before I could start! / / Head Death: Do you know what your incompetence has cost this organisation? / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: I thought we didn't work on a monetary basis. / / Head Death: Yes, but that's beside the point. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2323.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2324 | Old Man: Good day, sir. I'm from an acrobatic troupe called Bodies in Motion. Would you care to see our performance on the morrow? / / Isaac Newton: Perhaps. But aren't you a little old to be doing acrobatics? / / Old Man: Oh, I retired from performing years ago, but I still do publicity for the company. / / Old Man: After all, a Body in Motion tends to remain in Motion. / / Isaac Newton: Hmmmm... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2324.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2325 | Martian 1: To weaken the Earthlings' resolve, we will release a scourge upon humanity. / / Martian 1: Something to waste their time, sap their spirits, and cause endless arguments and discord! / / Martian 2: Good idea. What sort of scourge? / / Martian 1: I call it "Monopoly". http://irregularwebcomic.net/2325.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2326 | Monty: Romanshorn, on Lake Constance. Well, how are we going to get home from here? / / Minnesota Jones: We're right across the lake from Friedrichshafen in Germany, where the Nazis build and test their zeppelins. / / Prof. Jones: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? / / Minnesota Jones: I think so... / / Monty: What? That you're both deranged? http://irregularwebcomic.net/2326.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2327 | [[scene: The water cooler]] / / Mercutio: You need to get back out into the dating scene, Ophelia. / / Mercutio: I didn't want to say it before, but your ex was a sleaze. Somewhere out there is the right guy for you. / / Ophelia: Honestly, Mercutio, you expect me to take romantic advice from a geek like you? / / Ophelia: Your idea of a smooth operator is a median filter. / / Mercutio: Your point? http://irregularwebcomic.net/2327.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2328 | Steve: Well Jane, my experience here's 'elped me decide on a career path! Wranglin' giant reptiles! / / Young Jane Goodall: That's good, Steve. Your assistance as my student has been a positive influence on my career too. / / Steve: Crikey! That's bonza! / / Young Jane Goodall: Yes. I was going to dedicate my life to studying primates, but clearly there's more fame, fortune, and reputation to be gained in cryptozoology. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2328.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2329 | Adam: If we're going to blow stuff up for a living, we need to take lots of physics and chemistry classes. / / Adam: We need a thorough grounding in the principles of the Scientific Method. / / Jamie: What for? / / Adam: So we can maintain credibility when we yell, "For science!" and cackle maniacally. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2329.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2330 | [[scene: Footcrag. Or is it Cragfoot? I guess you don't know yet.]] / / Villager 1: Who's that running down the hill towards the village? / / Villager 2: It's that crazy dwarf! And the mad lizard man! And the insane fire wizard! / / Villager 3: And the deranged hobbit! And the mentally deficient, yet oddly lovable, rogue! / / Villager 2: And the elf maiden who is so unbelievably stupid that she hangs out with the rest of them! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2330.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2331 | Monty: Steal a Nazi zeppelin from under their noses? Are you nuts?! / / Monty: It's not exactly inconspicuous, escaping in a big, slow, highly inflammable, enormous floating thing! / / Monty: They'll send fast, highly manoeuvrable planes after us! One hit with an incendiary bullet and we'll be doomed in a huge mass of fire! / / Prof. Jones: Exciting, isn't it? / / Monty: What's more, we're already safe in Switzerland! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2331.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2332 | Nigerian Finance Minister: Do I look like a slum dweller? / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: Not exactly, Finance Minister. / / Nigerian Finance Minister: Well I know nobody in Nigeria is really poor, so I'll just have to do the best I can. / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: Maybe if you removed the gold chain. / / Nigerian Finance Minister: You think so? / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: And both Rolexes. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2332.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2333 | [[scene: a spaceport]] / / Serron: Here's the ship. / / Spanners: We're going to make a living in that? We're braver than we thought. / / Serron: Hey, it'll make point five past lightspeed. / / Spanners: You don't even know what that means, do you? / / Serron: And it has cupholders. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2333.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2334 | Long Tom: So ye be wantin' to be joinin' our crew? Ye'll ha' to be bunkin' wi' the men. / / Wendy: Er... okay. / / Crew: Arrrrr! / / [caption]: Later: / / Dirque: Cap'n, the men nay be wantin' to be bunkin' wi' the wench. / / Long Tom: Why not? / / Dirque: She be fleecin' us at cards! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2334.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2335 | [caption]: A mysterious airship, somewhere over the American midwest: / / Martian 2: We're losing altitude. / / Martian 1: Release ballast! / / Martian 2: Is there any particular reason our ballast is fish? / / Martian 1: Fish occur naturally on Earth. Nobody will think it strange for them to fall from the sky. / / Martian 3: Release the chips too? http://irregularwebcomic.net/2335.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2336 | Isaac Newton: Ah, Mr Halley, thank you for coming over. / / Edmond Halley: I dropped everything as soon as I received word. / / Isaac Newton: I have an amazing and wondrous new discovery to show you. / / Edmond Halley: What sort of discovery, Mr Newton? Some incredible new insight? Something to revolutionise our understanding of the universe? / / Isaac Newton: [[holding up a cocktail glass]] I call it a daiquiri! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2336.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2337 | Young Jane Goodall: Well, good luck with the rest of your life, Steve. I'm off on my next research project. / / Steve: Where will you be going? / / Young Jane Goodall: In search of the yeti. / / Steve: Crikey! "In Search Of"! That'd be a ripper name for a TV show! I wonder if I can get Leonard Nimoy to host it! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2337.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2338 | [[scene: A vilage, with villagers fleeing as the party runs towards it]] / / Dwalin: Gangwee! [[translation: Gangway!]] / / Kyros: I sense fire... / / Lambert: What use is that?! / / Kyros: I don't have enough energy to create fire, but I can manipulate it. From an existing fire I can make a fireball to stop the Balrog. / / Kyros: Now all I need to do is figure out where this fire is... / / Draak: Draak think that not make much help... [[the Balrog is standing behind Kyros, emitting flames]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/2338.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2339 | Adam: [[holding a book]] Hey Jamie! Have you heard about this wacky thing? The Banach-Tarski theorem? / / Adam: Apparently you can cut a sphere into five pieces and reassamble them into two complete spheres, each the same size as the original. It's mathematically proven! / / Jamie: Yeah, it's really counter-intuitive. It's surprising that it can't be done with just four pieces. / / Adam: You're a sick, sick individual. / / Jamie: I used to be just sick. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2339.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2340 | Prof. Jones: We need to hire a boat to take us across the lake to Friedrichshafen. / / Monty: If we're going to go through with this insane plan, we should have just got Charon to drop us off on that side. / / Prof. Jones: Oh, no. He wanted to stop off to buy some Swiss chocolates. / / Monty: What? What for? He's a skeleton! / / Prof. Jones: Mrs Charon? http://irregularwebcomic.net/2340.html |
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