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Irregular Webcomic! #1291 [[scene: Erwin and Colonel Haken are marching the Joneses and Sallah from their cell, through the Berlin prison corridors]] / Monty: I can't believe it. We're on our way to be executed by Nazis. / Prof. Jones: It could be worse, Junior. / Monty: Worse?! / Monty: We're going to die, dad! How can it...
Irregular Webcomic! #1292 Draak: Draak smell orcs. Near. Get more near. / Mordekai: All right! A fight! / Draak: [[disappointedly]] Not be good fight. Just few orcs each. / Mordekai: Oh... urk... / Sting: [[i.e. Lambert's magic sword, singing]] Don't stand so... don't stand so... don't stand so close to me! / Lambert: Shut...
Irregular Webcomic! #1293 Spanners: All Quercus has to do is put a goat in the hold and get out before the Allosaurus attacks him. / Paris: Oh, is that all? / [[the bridge suddenly goes dark]] / Paris: [[checking bridge readouts, which are all blank]] Power failure, the whole ship! / Iki Piki: Does that mean Quercus is locked...
Irregular Webcomic! #1294 Ophelia: Hi Will. Loren wants to give you her opinion on Harry Potter. / Loren: Who is this Harry Potter you keep mentioning? / Shakespeare: The hero of the greatest series of children's novels ever written! / Loren: Oh. Did you read them when you were growing up, then? / [[Ophelia turns her back...
Irregular Webcomic! #1295 A stick figure representing Me: [[drawing on a whiteboard]] This will be so cool. The first ever webcomic drawn on a whiteboard! / A stick figure representing Me inside the comic the stick figure representing Me is drawing: This isn't going to be stupidly recursive and self-referential, is it? / A...
 
Irregular Webcomic! #1296 Draak: Lots orcs, come quick now! / Kyros: Readying fireball... / Alvissa: [[indicating a nearby boulder]] Lambert, I want you to hide behind that rock. / Lambert: What? Why? I've been fireballed before! I can take it! In fact... I think I like it! / Alvissa: See, that's what I was afraid of. It's...
Irregular Webcomic! #1297 Me: [[drawing on a whiteboard]] This will be so cool. The first ever webcomic drawn on a whiteboard! / Me inside the comic I'm drawing: This isn't going to be stupidly recursive and self-referential, is it? / Me: Shut up. I'm doing the funny stuff here. / Me inside the comic the me inside the comic...
Irregular Webcomic! #1298 [[scene: A crocodile appears on the Infinite Featureless Plane of Death.]] / Death of Being Wrestled To Death By Steve: [[manifesting suddenly]] WELCOME TO THE AFTERLIFE. / [[The crocodile gapes wordlessly.]] / Death of Being Wrestled To Death By Steve: YEAH, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. HE GOT ME ONCE T...
Irregular Webcomic! #1299 [[scene: A low-saturation, almost-sepia-toned image showing an excavation in a cave. An adventurer-type stands supervising a worker digging in a pit.]] / Fedora: How long? / Henchman: Nearly there... / Henchman: [[holding up a magnificent gold cross]] Here it is! / [[camera zooms out to show two out-of-focus...
Irregular Webcomic! #1300 Adam: So if I'm going to return to life, can we just get it over with? / Head Death: SORRY. ALTHOUGH IT'S FATED, WE CAN'T JUST DO IT FOR NO REASON. / Adam: Well that's weird. / Head Death: WYRD. BUT YES.
 
Irregular Webcomic! #1301 [[scene: The Legacy bridge, still in darkness.]] / Serron: The Allosaurus is loose! What would Picard do? / Paris: Bore it to death with a moral lecture? / Iki Piki: Well that won't work. What would Kirk do? / Spanners: Rip his shirt and best it in a fist fight. / [[beat]] / Allosaurus: [[off-screen]]...
Irregular Webcomic! #1302 [[scene: Young Monty is sneaking up to grab the Cross of Coronado from where the adventurer and his henchman have left it as they turn to discuss something else.]] / Friend: [[whispering]] Come on, Monty. Be careful... / Fedora: [[turning around]] Hey! After that kid! / Young Monty: [[running away with...
Irregular Webcomic! #1303 Shakespeare: No Harry Potter... So have you read Artemis Fowl? Lemony Snicket? / Loren: Er... no. / Shakespeare: Narnia? Oz? The Little Prince? Roald Dahl? Kipling? Milne? Lewis Carroll?? / Loren: Should I have heard of these? / Shakespeare: [[increasingly desperate]] Le Guin? Pratchett? Verne? Tolkien?...
Irregular Webcomic! #1304 Kyros: Channelling a hundred mana... / Mordekai: A hundred? I'm not sure that's... / Kyros: Two hundred then! / Alvissa: Are you insane?! / Draak: Draak think you mad for make much flame. / Alvissa: See, even Draak agrees. / Draak: Leave some orcs for fight!
Irregular Webcomic! #1305 [[scene: Young Monty rides desperately away from the pursuing adventurer. He spots a circus train barrelling along the tracks and chases it.]] / Young Monty: The circus train! / Fedora: [[chasing Young Monty on foot along the roof of the train]] Come back here, you meddling kid! That cross is mine! / Young...
 
Irregular Webcomic! #1306 Jane Goodall: Survived another croc attack, huh? How is he? / Terry: Nauseated from the shots. / Jane Goodall: Good, good. / Jane Goodall: So tell me, why on Earth was he filming crocodiles when the idea is to combat environmental problems? / Terry: He said crocs survived the major climate changes...
Irregular Webcomic! #1307 Honey: [[off-screen]] I don't like this getting dressed formally for dinner with a megalomaniacal criminal mastermind. / Stud: Don't worry, I'll protect you. / Honey: [[off-screen]] It's not that... It's just... / Honey: [[entering screen dressed in a formal red dress]] I feel naked without my bi...
Irregular Webcomic! #1308 [[scene: Young Monty cracks a whip at the crocodile]] / [sound]: Crack! / Young Monty: Gosh, using a whip is easier than I thought. I'll have to remember this if I ever become a teacher. / Fedora: [[stuck on the rear of the train and watching Young Monty ride off away on his horse]] Huh. That kid's...
Irregular Webcomic! #1309 [[scene: Me standing next to a building with a sign saying "Library". Shelves of books are visible through the windows.]] / 1 Me: A trip to the library! / Me: [[walking along the shelves]] Books are so coo... Huh?! What's this? / Me: [[pulling out a book]] "William Shakespeare"? "Complete Works"?? / Me:...
Irregular Webcomic! #1310 Serron: So we're stuck in the dark, sealed in a restricted environment, with an Allosaurus... / Serron: I just had a great idea for a new reality TV show. Big Jurassic Brother! / [[beat]] / GM: Way to maintain the dramatic tension.
 
Irregular Webcomic! #1311 [sound]: Knock! Knock! / Young Monty: [[opening the door, to see the local Sheriff and the men who found the Cross of Coronado]] Sheriff! This man... / Sheriff: Is the rightful owner of what you took, son. Give it back and he won't press charges. / Fedora: [[after taking the cross back and handing...
Irregular Webcomic! #1312 Adam: How about a wager for my soul? / Adam: I challenge you to a contest and if I win I return to life? / Adam: Chess is traditional, right? I'm good at chess. / Head Death: NO. WE HAVEN'T USED CHESS SINCE THE 1970S WHEN NO RUSSIANS DIED FOR ABOUT A DECADE. / Adam: [[deflated]] Oh. Myth busted.
Irregular Webcomic! #1313 Kyros: Well, I have 200 mana ready now. I have to do something with it or it'll dissipate... / Lambert: That doesn't sound so bad. / Kyros: ... explosively. / Lambert: Oh. / Mordekai: You could cast a different spell. / Kyros: Fireball is the only one I know at this high a level! / Mordekai: Of c...
Irregular Webcomic! #1314 [caption]: Off the coast of Portugal, 1930s [[Monty is on a ship, facing his old nemesis over the Cross of Coronado. His hat has fallen over his face.]] / Fedora: This is the second time I've had to reclaim my property from you, Dr Jones. / Monty: [[jumping into the water with the Cross]] Hey, you gave...
Irregular Webcomic! #1315 Shakespeare: How can she not know about Harry Potter? / Shakespeare: How can she be so ignorant of children's literature? / Shakespeare: How can she not like fantasy fiction? [[walks off]] / Mercutio: She reads government reports... / Ophelia: Nobody could like reading those. / Mercutio: Point.
 
Irregular Webcomic! #1316 [[scene: a parody of Ryan North's Dinosaur Comics]] / T-Rex: RAAARRRHH! / Utahraptor: RAAARRRHH?? / [[silent beat]] / T-Rex: RAAARRRHH!!! / [[ALT text: What do you expect? They're dinosaurs.]]
Irregular Webcomic! #1317 Steve: [[sitting up in his hospital bed]] Terry? / Terry: Steve! You're awake! / Steve: Yeah, I'm apples. How's the croc? / Terry: He died, Steve. / Steve: Crikey! Global warming is worse than we thought!
Irregular Webcomic! #1318 Iki Piki: The Allosaurus is going to kill us! / Serron: Hey, isn't it traditionally up to the captain to save the ship? / Paris: Serron... / Serron: Yes? / Paris: That promotion you've always wanted...
Irregular Webcomic! #1319 Adam: So, chess is out, huh... How about a different challenge for my life? / Adam: I challenge you to a contest of... Mythbusting! / [[Head Death considers this]] / Head Death: YOU'RE ON.
Irregular Webcomic! #1320 Martian 1: Tell us the password! / Ishmael: No! / Martian 1: Won't talk, huh? I guess we'll have to do this the hard way... / Ishmael: Nooo!!! / [[evil close-up of Martian 1 with an evil gleam in his eye]] / Martian 2: [[at computer, with Ishmael apparently having left the room]] "For your security...
 

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