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| Irregular Webcomic! #3157 | Erwin: Kolonel Haken, what are you doing? / / Haken: Something I should have done long ago, when die Füsurvived die Reichstag fire unscathed und formed his hatred of all things non-Aryan. / / Erwin: I am on guard duty. I cannot let you see die Fü / / Haken: I am going to assassinate him. / / Erwin: Go right on in. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3157.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3158 | Head Death: And Toothpick, you're now Insanely Overpowered Fireballs. For good. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: Yesss!!! / / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: Noooo!!! / / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: Why do I get stuck with the lousy job! For all Eternity?! It's not fair! / / Head Death: Let's see. You were such an evil person in life that one of your own hand-picked aides decided to assassinate you by stuffing a frog down your throat. / / Head Death: Life is not fair. But Death... I can be fair. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3158.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3159 | Lambert: So, I've finished writing my book. What have you all been doing with yourselves these past years? / / Dwalin: I've reclaimed thu halls o' my ancestors! Once more Dwergenberg rings wi' thu soond o' dwarven metalsmiths! [[translation: I've reclaimed the halls of my ancestors! Once more Dwergenberg rings with the sound of dwarven metalsmiths!]] / / Alvissa: I've been off communing with nature, appreciating trees, and contemplating the finer points of ancient elvish philosophy. / / Mordekai: I've risen to a position of influence and respect in my community. / / Lambert: Cool! What? / / Mordekai: Leader of the Guild of Lovable Rogues! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3159.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3160 | SFX: Flash! / / Long Tom: Arrrr! Where be we? / / Wendy: 'Tis the Spanish Main, cap'n! Thar be a galleon on the horizon! We be back in our own time! / / Long Tom: Arrr! These be the happiest days of my life. Like that break in the battle was just part, in the wretched life of a lonely heart. / / Long Tom: Now we're back on our ship. / / Wendy & Dirque: Arrrr!!! / / Long Tom: Oh, back on the Main, gang! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3160.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3161 | Shakespeare: Now I've finally found my groove, writing speeches for Churchill, rewriting Tolkien's work... / / Mercutio: Wait. This is your redraft of Tolkien?? / / Mercutio: It's brilliant! You've taken a long-winded piece of schlock that only Dungeons & Dragons nerds bothered to read and turned it into a literary masterpiece! / / Shakespeare: I did? / / Mercutio: Cutting the Council of Elrond down to 42 pages was a masterstroke. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3161.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3162 | Head Death: AH, MR MORGAN-MAR. SIT DOWN. / / Me: What sort of game are you playing here? First, I come back in time and murder myself, then I go back and stop myself getting murdered. / / Me: Then I end up in 1933 and somehow I come back and murder myself again, before I'm even born, and I end up being turned into Hitler! / / Me: What the Hell is going on?! / / Head Death: IT'S... A WEE BIT COMPLICATED. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3162.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3163 | Shakespeare: But now, with the war effectively won for the Allies, we'll return to our own times. You to the 21st century, me to the 16th. / / Ophelia: No! / / Mercutio: Uh, guys, I hate to say this, but there's a wave of time restoration crossing London. Get ready! / / Ophelia: Oh Will! Hold me! I... I love you! / / Shakespeare: I love you too Ophelia! / / SFX: Flash! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3163.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3164 | Lambert: Kyros, what have you been up to in the past few years? / / Kyros: Long is my tale... / / Kyros: Before the days of men, primeval forces stalked the land. They now lie hidden in the dark corners of the world, guarding their arcane secrets. / / Kyros: These forces now stir, and the burden of keeping them at bay falls to those who seek to master the mighty sorceries of yore. / / Kyros: Many a fire may die ere my tale is done. / / Lambert: The short version. / / Kyros: Gaining power and loot. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3164.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3165 | Hitler's Brain [[in Me's body]]: Kolonel Haken, Erwin! What are you doing? / / Haken: I am here to assassinate you, mein Führer. / / Hitler's Brain [[in Me's body]]: Shoot away! I have survived far better assassination attempts than this! / / Haken: Nein, shooting is too good for you. Something changed about you in die Reichstag Fire. You went from amusingly quirky to downright nasty. / / Haken: I am going to stuff this entire very large frog down your throat. / / Hitler's Brain [[in Me's body]]: Neeeiiiiinnnnn!!! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3165.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3166 | Head Death: FOR SOME UNFATHOMABLE REASON, YOU ARE THE PIVOT POINT OF THIS ENTIRE MULTIVERSE. / / Me: Yeah, yeah, the Shyamalan thing. Isaac Newton told me about it. So what? / / Head Death: YOU SEEM VERY UNIMPRESSED BY THIS DISCOVERY. / / Me: [[shrugs]] I've written way weirder stuff than this. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3166.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3167 | Spanners: Hey, I just checked the result of the Galactic Cup Final between the Rubilith Reds and the Acropolis Titans, to confirm we're in the right timestream. / / Iki Piki: And? / / Spanners: Turns out it was a draw. First time in history. / / Serron: Dang! I should have put money on that! The payout odds were a million to one! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3167.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3168 | [[scene: the office]] / / Ophelia: Oh no! I'm back in the office! And Will's back in the 16th century! / / Ophelia: I'll never see him again! I waited too long to tell him I loved him. Why, cruel universe, why?! / / Shakespeare: I'm right here, you know. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3168.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3169 | Kyros: You're probably wondering why I've gathered you all here this evening. / / Mordekai: Meat and ale! / / Kyros: Well yes, but why else? / / Mordekai: That's all that matters! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3169.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3170 | Head Death: YOU'VE GONE BACK IN TIME AND KILLED YOURSELF MULTIPLE TIMES. NONE OF THIS SHOULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED. / / Me: You're telling me. / / Head Death: NOW THAT PARADOX HAS BEEN REMOVED, WE CAN RESTORE THE UNIVERSE BY RETURNING YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS TO YOUR OWN TIME. / / Me: My consciousness? What about my body? / / Head Death: AH. THEREIN LIES A TEENY WEENY PROBLEM. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3170.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3171 | Mercutio: Will, you're here?! Not in the 16th century? / / Shakespeare: Apparently. / / Shakespeare: What happened, Mercutio? I thought you said we'd all go back to our own times. / / Mercutio: Well I guess what with your job and friends, and now true love, here in the 21st century... / / Ophelia: This is your own time, Will. / / SFX: HUG http://irregularwebcomic.net/3171.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3172 | Head Death: YOUR BODY DIED WHEN HITLER WAS ASASSINATED IN 1940. WE CAN'T RETURN YOU WITH IT. UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SOME SORT OF UNDEAD. / / Me: Like a lich or something? That'd be kind of cool. / / Head Death: MORE LIKE A ZOMBIE. / / Me: Oh. Scratch that then. / / Head Death: WE NEED TO PUT YOU CONSCIOUSNESS INTO YOUR BODY AT A TIME BEFORE THE UNIVERSE BECAME UNSTABLE. 2002. / / Me: You mean I have to live through Gigli and Catwoman again?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3172.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3173 | Ginny: Here we are. Rügen. / / Erwin: Hello Ginny. Herr Doktor Jones. / / Ginny: Erwin! / / Ginny: What are you doing here? We left you back in Berlin! / / Erwin: Die Führer is dead. Die war is over! / / Monty: How did you get here? / / Erwin: I took a zeppelin. / / Monty: Aren't zeppelins slower than trucks? / / Erwin: Nazi science has attached jet engines to them! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3173.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3174 | Kyros: So anyway, I've arranged this meeting to ask you to join me on another quest. / / Mordekai: Another quest? Is it to find the missing Diamond of Humanly Possibilities from the ancient and shattered arcane Crown of Power? / / Lambert: The missing Sapphire of Hobbitish Pluckiness? / / Draak: Jade of Cold Blood Inscrutability? / / Alvissa: The Emerald of Elvish Eloquence? / / Mordekai: Trust the elves to get an alliterative one... http://irregularwebcomic.net/3174.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3175 | Mercutio: And now that I know how talented and creative you two are, I'm going to start a film company. Will, you can write; Ophelia, you can direct! / / Ophelia: What? Where are you going to get your hands on that kind of money? / / Mercutio: I have a huge inheritance. / / Ophelia: You never told us that! / / Mercutio: You never asked. I've just been goofing off in this job until I worked out what I wanted to do with it. Now I know! / / Shakespeare: You could at least have got us nicer office chairs in the meantime. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3175.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3176 | Head Death: YOU WON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT ORIGINALLY HAPPENED AFTER WE MERGE YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS BACK INTO YOUR LIVING BODY. / / Head Death: YOU'LL GET TO EXPERIENCE YOUR LIFE AS IF NONE OF THIS EVER HAPPENED. AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. / / Me: But... / / Head Death: WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR THE REST OF US. / / SFX: FLASH! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3176.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3177 | Kyros: This quest is much more important than recovering the ancient and shattered arcane Crown of Power. It's about me! / / Alvissa: Figures. / / Kyros: I have now mastered the magic of the four elements: fire, earth, water, and air. But there is one field of magic that eludes me. / / Kyros: I seek an eldritch tome of ancient lore, that will grant me mastery over all else that remains! / / Lambert: What's this book called? / / Kyros: The Quintessential Fifth Elementalist! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3177.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3178 | Serron: So what do we do now? / / Paris: We have a cargo to deliver, right? Let's deliver it! / / Paris: Second star to the right... and straight on till morning! / / Iki Piki: That leads us straight into a black hole. / / Paris: I know. I just always wanted to say that. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3178.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3179 | Ophelia: Well, this is marvellous! Mercutio is unexpectedly rich, and we're all going to live the life of our dreams from now on! / / Shakespeare: I don't know. It's all a bit too convenient. From a writer's standpoint, it's like someone pulled a Deus ex machina on us. / / [[beat]] / / Shakespeare: Ah, what the heck! Mr Marlowe? / / Marlowe: Yes, Shakespeare? / / Shakespeare: We quit! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3179.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3180 | Erwin: There is no need for you to chase artefacts all over die world any more. There are no more Nazis to worry about. / / Prof. Jones: You mean we can retire? / / Monty: No, Dad. We can't retire! There's still important work to be done! Uncovering the past is the key to history and understanding ourselves! / / Monty: We can dedicate our lives to revealing those past secrets, rather than fighting evil. Come on Ginny, Erwin, Dad, Pop. / / Monty: We belong in a museum. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3180.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3181 | Lambert: Okay, we're in! Let's hit the road! It'll be good to get back into a good old fashioned quest again. / / Mordekai: Yes! / / Dwalin: Aye! / / Alvissa: Indeed! / / Draak: Draak like! / / Kyros: Hurrah! / / Lambert: [[singing as they exit the tavern]] The Road goes ever on and on! Down from the door where it began. / / Alvissa: What's that? / / Lambert: Traditional hobbit walking song. / / Alvissa: Oh, I thought someone was strangling a cat... http://irregularwebcomic.net/3181.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3182 | Caption: 2002: / / Me: Wow... had a weird feeling there for a second. Déjà vu or something. / / Me: Oh well, never mind. What was I doing? / / Me: Hey, there's comics on the Internet! http://irregularwebcomic.net/3182.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3183 | Jester: For my first trick, I will eat this fire. And get shot AT by a cannon! / / Jester: Whilst fighting a polar bear! And sitting in a pit of spikes! / / Jester: Altho, I willth eaf thith landmine! / / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: Hate to be interruptin', guv, but ya' died 2 'ours ago. 'at chemicals. They're a killa'. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3183.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3184 | Carlos: Alright Charon, what's the gig that'll make us quits for last year's Oscars pool? / / Charon: Nothing too strenuous, cousin Carlos... / / Chazz: I still say Franco was undead. / / Charon: ... Just the rudimentary job of auditioning the cold-call applicants for "Pity Hire Day". / / Charon: First up: Death by Wicked Witch Of The West Cosplay, With Winged Ape Minions. / / Carlos: Oh no. / / Wicked Witch of the West Cosplayer: Boys, if you ruin this for me... / / Winged Monkey 1: If your wing hits my chin one more time... / / Winged Monkey 2: You and what army? / / Carlos: That should be "flying monkeys". / / Charon: You expect people dumb enough to have been kiled by their own costume to necessarily know the difference between apes and monkeys? / / Charon: Where was I? Oh, right... Death by Cement Shoes While Wearing A Loincloth And Bandana Cap... Death by Zombie Ski Instructor... / / Zombie Ski Instructor: Moguls not require brains, only knees... / / Death in Cement Shoes, Wearing A Loincloth And Bandana Cap: Off that they're not wearing anything, and yet I feel exposed here. / / Charon: ... Then Death of Front-Line Medical Professional by Monstrous Magic-Originated Mutation... / / Medical Professional: The tears of your unfortunate family will provide the saline solution for me to cleanse the Earth of human infestation! / / Charon: And finally Death by Addle-Minded Hipster Pimp Wearing A Fez And Driving A Smartcar. / / Addle-Minded Hipster Pimp: And the stereo's tuned to nothing but dead ironic fads - swing revival, post-surf, power-pop, speed-filk... / / Medical Professional: Oooh, hit up "When She Was Happy" by Pluto! / / Carlos: Charon, this is utterly unfair! Not to be cruel - but to be incredibly cruel - but these losers are so pathetic that even Death by Insanely Overpowered Fireballs will seem like the elder statesman of the company! Clever, even! / / Yummy Mummy: Fresh! / / SFX: *dry cough of a slap* / / Chazz: Owww! I only asked if there was anything other than angry scarabs under your linen wrappings! / / Charon: Fair's fair, Carlos. Do you know how hard it is for a Death to get to see a live production of "Macbeth"? And then you go and talk me into tickets for the second night's show instead? / / Charon: Oh, and Death of Saying "Macbeth" In A Theatre wants to talk to you, too... / / Carlos: Oh no, not this again. / / Death of Saying "Macbeth" In A Theatre: Whaddaya mean, "again"? Death of watching a "Punch and Judy" show gets more work than I do! Even Death of Marzipan Cellphone Ingestion is busier! / / Yummy Mummy: [[stalking off]] My scarabs are perfectly behaved... / / Chazz: [[on ground]] So much for a "mummy I'd like to friend"... http://irregularwebcomic.net/3184.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3185 | Me: This is weird. / / D.M. Jeftinija Ph.D.: WHat is? / / Me: This. / / D.M. Jeftinija Ph.D.: You've been in your own comic before. / / Me: Yes, but as myself, not like this. / / D.M. Jeftinija Ph.D.: Eh, you get used to it. / / Me: I'm also a little worried my characters might want revenge against me for what I've done to them. / / Chris Doyle: Eh, you get used to it. / / D.M. Jeftinija Ph.D.: Didn't your characters kill you once? / / Me: No, that was me. / / [[beat]] / / Chris Doyle: That's weird, even for us. / / D.M. Jeftinija Ph.D.: Yeah, you've got issues. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3185.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #3186 | Caption: Tranquility Base: The RPG / / GM: OK, so you've got past the negative space wedgie, but it made you go slightly off course. / / Barnaby: I check my sensors... / / SFX: <<roll>> / / GM: Eleven... and your sensor detect the engine signature of an Evilcorp Battlecruiser. / / Barnaby: I use my communication dish to send a scrambled message to the fleet. / / Felicia: You went off course, are you still in range? / / GM: You're on the edge, you or the fleet may have drifted, better roll for signal strength. / / SFX: <<roll>> / / GM: Three, let me calculate... Ahh, the message won't get through. / / Barnaby: Don't panic, I know just what to do... I summon bigger dish! / / GM: *sigh* Wrong campaign, and wrong webcomic. http://irregularwebcomic.net/3186.html |
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