You're browsing the archives of Irregular Webcomic!.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Irregular Webcomic! #1771 | [[scene: The Vatican Library. The Joneses are tied up on chairs and the Nazis and Dr Smith have left.]] / / Monty: Grrr... Dr Smith, the traitorous rat! / / Prof. Jones: Rat? / / Monty: You want me to use a stronger word, dad? / / Prof. Jones: No... a rat could gnaw through these ropes... / / Monty: This isn't the time or place for ridiculous wishful thinking! / / Minnesota Jones: Actually, it's the perfect time for it. / / Minnesota Jones: And we're in the Vatican, so it's certainly the place for it. / / Prof. Jones: If only I'd thrown a boot at that cat earlier... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1771.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1772 | Lambert: <groan>... Oh, I feel terrible. [[gets up]] / / Alvissa: Lambert! You're safe now. What happened? / / Lambert: I got separated from the party in the tunnels. Then I met that Gollum creature again. He... wait... Where's my ring?! He took my ring! / / Alvissa: He took it the previous time, remember? But don't worry. I bumped into him too and got it back for you. / / Lambert: You have my ring? Hmmm. Did anyone else see Alvissa meet Gollum? / / Alvissa: What are you implying?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1772.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1773 | [[scene: Hospital administration counter]] / / Ophelia: We need to see a patient: Will Shakespeare. / / Nurse: Are you family? / / Mercutio: His relatives are all in England. We're his closest friends. / / Nurse: Sorry, family only. / / Mercutio: We're more important to him than family! Are you going to deny us?! / / Ophelia: Hold me back, Mercutio, before I do some denying of my own! How close a friend do you consider oxygen, mister?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1773.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1774 | Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: Pickin' up Fireballs' scraps fer sumfink 'at wasn't even my fault... / / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: Well 'ere's no way, guv. I refuse. I won't collect 'em! / / [caption]: ==Mythbusters== String & doorknob dentistry / / [sound]: Fwackoom! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1774.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1775 | Iki Piki: We also need to recoup the capital to repay the loan shark. And dropping a large bet on a longshot will lower the odds. / / Serron: Hmmm. So we should borrow as much as we can and bet it all in order to maximise our winnings. In fact, let's bet the ship too! / / Serron: Then when we win, we skip the system without repaying the loan! What could possibly go wrong?! / / Iki Piki: I really don't know... / / Serron: See! Foolproof! / / Iki Piki: ... where to begin. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1775.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1776 | Stewardess: The pilots aren't looking good. We need to land. / / Terry: Delhi and Lahore are no good. Tashkent has baboons on a balloon. / / Stewardess: Moscow? / / Terry: Weasels on a diesel. / / Stewardess: Warsaw? / / Terry: Sheep on a jeep. / / Stewardess: Stockholm? / / Terry: Goats on a boat. / / Stewardess: Copenhagen? / / Terry: Gnus on a canoe. / / Stewardess: What's with all the animals?! / / Steve: Yeah, bonza isn't it?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1776.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1777 | [[scene: Pirates are in a giant cooking pot, surrounded by savage native cannibals]] / / Long Tom: This not be as hot as I be expectin' it. / / Dirque: Nay, it be quite relaxin'. / / Native: This is just a bath. Do you think we'd put something as dirty as you into our food without cleaning it first? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1777.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1778 | Minnesota Jones: Dr Smith tied us up and left us here to die. / / Monty: In a trap that will kill us within minutes... / / Minnesota Jones: Then she said in Latin: "In the year of our Lord 1879, the little general took the treasure to Paris." / / Minnesota Jones: Then she told Haken she didn't want us to know where the Palladium had gone. Now why would she do that? / / Monty: She's a Russian triple agent working with Nazis! You expect her to be consistent? / / Prof. Jones: Well, it's only common courtesy, Junior. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1778.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1779 | [[scene: Hospital waiting room]] / / Doctor: You're here for Will Shakespeare? I'm afraid you can't see him at the moment. He's been critically injured. He's in surgery right now. / / Marlowe: [[striding into the room]] Out of the way, one of my staff is in here! / / Mercutio: Mr Marlowe! / / Marlowe: Mercutio. So Shakespeare's gone and got himself hit by a car? How's the slacker doing? / / Doctor: No need to add insult to injury, sir. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1779.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1780 | Lambert: [[accusingly]] It's obvious, isn't it? Alvissa is Gollum! / / Mordekai: What?! Don't be ridiculous. That'd imply some sort of bizarre multiple personality disorder! / / Kyros: Or magical possession... / / Mordekai: The idea that someone could manifest discrete identities of opposing desires and actions is simply absurd. / / Kyros: ... by some evil wizard. / / Mordekai: It's completely incredible that anyone could demonstrate such anomalous behaviour. Sorry Kyros, what did you say? / / Kyros: Oh, nothing. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1780.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1781 | [[scene: The Legacy engine room]] / / Spanners: Quercus, I'm afraid Iki Piki and Serron have run up a hospital bill larger than the profit we made on that trip. / / Spanners: So we're not going to be able to pay you for it yet. / / [[scene change: back on the bridge]] / / Paris: What did he say? / / Spanners: I was afraid he'd be angry, but he just gave me a wooden look. / / Paris: His bark is worse than his bite. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1781.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1782 | [[scene: The Infinite Featureless Plane of Death. Adam and Jamie stand alone in the middle of the empty expanse.]] / / [[They look around the vast emptiness]] / / Adam: There's nobody here to pick us up? / / Jamie: Maybe we should have phoned ahead? / / Adam: You'd think they'd know to expect us by now. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1782.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1783 | Terry: Glasgow air traffic control, this is HL16 en route from Singapore. We require emergency landing clearance on arrival. / / Air Traffic Control: Roger HL16. Emergency crews will be ready. What's your situation? / / Steve: Finally! / / Terry: Both pilots are unconscious from snake bites and we still have snakes loose on board. / / Air Traffic Control: Snakes on a plane? You expect us to believe something that far fetched? / / Terry: But it's true! / / Air Traffic Control: It doesn't even rhyme! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1783.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1784 | [[scene: A control room, Mars]] / / Martian 1: For our next attempt to invade Earth, we plan to start by removing their leadership. / / Martian 1: This is the most powerful and popular leader on the planet. [[gesturing at a hologram of President Allosaurus]] Unfortunately, he's surrounded by security and highly trained combat experts. / / Martian 1: Any suggestions? / / Martian 2: Drop an asteroid on him? / / Martian 3: Oh sure, like that will work. / / Martian 1: Hmmm... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1784.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1785 | Monty: Da Vinci's Last Deathtrap is going to go off any minute! We're going to die! / / Monty: [[struggles against ropes]] Gnnnn! / / Monty: Why did she have to tie these ropes so tight? / / Prof. Jones: Otherwise we'd be able to escape. / / Monty: Dad, is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless under the circumstances? / / Prof. Jones: Yes, yes there is. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1785.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1786 | Mordekai: Well at least we're all together again. And we have light. / / Lambert: Yes. It's good having a wizard in the party. / / Kyros: That's not me. It's your sword, Lambert. / / Sting: [[singing]] If you need somebody, call my name. If you want someone, you can do the same. / / Alvissa: There must be orcs nearby! / / Mordekai: I guess we're singing a different tune now... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1786.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1787 | [[scene: Hospital waiting room]] / / Ophelia: It seems so pointless, Mercutio. There's no reason behind what's happened. If this was a story I was reading, I'd be disappointed. / / Ophelia: It's just completely out of the blue. A cheap shot. Drama for its own sake and nothing else. / / Mercutio: Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. / / Ophelia: Don't try to justify what's happening here! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1787.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1788 | [[scene: A shady bar on a dimly lit street somewhere on Bune.]] / / Serron: This is the same bar where we met that shady black market weapons dealer who stole our organs. / / Iki Piki: What better place to look for a loan shark? / / Serron: Just be even more careful this time. / / Iki Piki: Of course. / / Iki Piki: [[enters bar]] Anyone here a loan shark?! And not secretly an organlegger?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1788.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1789 | [[scene: Flight HL16 from Singapore to Glasgow. The cockpit windows show night has fallen, with stars in the clear sky outside.]] / / Terry: Glasgow has emergency crews ready. / / Stewardess: Good. But we still need to get the snakes away from the passengers. / / Steve: Let's blow a hole in the side of the plane so they get sucked out! / / Stewardess: What?! That would depressurise the plane, hinder control and navigation, and endanger the lives of everyone on board! / / Steve: So? / / Terry: It might hurt the snakes, Steve. / / Steve: Oh! Crikey! Well that's a stupid idea then! [[the dark bulk of a mountain looms in the cockpit window, unseen by anyone]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1789.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1790 | [[The Infinite Featureless Plane of Death. Jamie and Adam wait alone, silently.]] / / [[nothing happens]] / / [[They look around, still waiting for any sign of life. Or Death.]] / / Adam: A while back I confirmed that Death waits for no man. / / Jamie: Apparently the converse isn't true. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1790.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1791 | Draak: Orc come from that way. We go this way, fast. [[leads the party down a dim corridor]] / / Dwalin: [[standing firm]] Are we roonin' from a mere hoorde o' orcs?! We cannae leave Dwergenberg tae the likes o' them! / / Mordekai: [[stopping]] Why not? / / Dwalin: Because we're dwarves! / / Mordekai: Seeya. [[runs off with the others]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1791.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1792 | [[scene: The Vatican Library. Close-up of Monty.]] / / Monty: [[struggles against ropes]] Gnnnn! Damn these ropes! / / Prof. Jones: [[free of his ropes, standing next to Monty]] How about I help you with those? / / Monty: Dad! How did you...? / / Prof. Jones: [[untying Monty]] I just went to scratch my nose and the ropes fell off. / / Monty: Dr Smith didn't tie you up properly? / / Prof. Jones: She must have been distracted by my finely toned physique. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1792.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1793 | [[Collection of scenes from vintage Christmas cards. First is a snowy scene showing a couple in a horse-drawn sleigh fleeing from their home, while Cthulhu manifests semi-transparently in the sky behind them.]] / / Oh! You better watch out,/You better go to ground,/Your reason's in doubt,/If you stick around./Cthulhu is coming to town! / / [[Two rosy-cheeked girls in Victorian dress, rugged up against the cold, tossing snowballs playfully while the eerie presence of Cthulhu supervises over their shoulders.]] / / He's making a tome,/For cultists to find,/He's gonna make sure/You're losing your mind./Cthulhu is coming to town! / / [[A baby sleeping peacefully, with tiny booties and mistletoe sprinkled across the blanket, with Cthulhu in a jolly red hat observing and extending his tentacles to molest the baby's dreaming face.]] / / He manifests when you're dreaming,/He lurks when you're awake./He doesn't care if you've been bad or good,/Your sanity's his to take! / / [[Couples under umbrellas fleeing their village on foot through driving snow as Cthulhu manifests in the sky above.]] / / So, you better get out,/Better run if you can/Your brains will ooze out,/Lose d20 SAN./Cthulhu is coming to town! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1793.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1794 | [[zoom sequence starting on an asteroid in space, over Earth, zooming in to Earth, Washington DC, the White House, the Allosaurus seen through a rear window of the Oval Office]] / / Science Advisor: As your science advisor, Mr President, I have to warn you that Earth faces an immediate threat. / / Loren: Need I remind you that you're up for re-election next year? Why waste taxpayer money on something that only has a chance of wiping out humanity? / / Allosaurus: RAAARRRHH!!! [[eats Loren]] / / Loren: Aaaargh! / / Science Advisor: Oddly enough, that's the most sensible thing any politician in history has ever done when faced with a statement like that. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1794.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1795 | Shady Black Market Weapons Dealer: You fellows looking for some fast cash? I'm a loan shark. And not secretly an organlegger. / / Serron: It's the same guy! / / Iki Piki: [[to Serron]] Shhhh...! / / Iki Piki: [[to Shady Black Market Weapons Dealer]] Er... Why yes, my good man, who we've never seen before. / / Shady Black Market Weapons Dealer: Although, you do look familiar... But no, you can't be. They're all dead. / / Serron: Well there are lots of pachekki and sparrials on Bune. And all registered organ donors, so our organs are worthless. / / Iki Piki: Nice touch. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1795.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1796 | Lambert: You know, around this time of year I always find myself thinking of my Uncle Bilbert, who hosts my family's traditional mid-winter feast. / / Alvissa: Mid-winter feast? / / Lambert: Yes. Every year, on the night of the winter solstice, we have a huge feast and exchange little presents. / / Alvissa: Every year? Do you mean... / / Lambert: Yes, it's Hobbit-Yule. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1796.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1797 | Stewardess: Look at our heading! We're off course! / / Terry: The snakes have disabled the navigation system. / / Stewardess: How can they do that?! They're animals! / / Steve: Crikey! We're headed straight towards that mountain! [[pointing to huge mountain looming ominously outside the cockpit window]] / / Terry: Hmmm. Well on the bright side, the snakes are no longer our biggest problem... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1797.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1798 | Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: Finance Minister, someone to see you. / / Investor: [[walking into the Nigerian Finance Minister's office]] You! I lost all my money because of you! I'm going to kill you! [[aims gun]] / / Nigerian Finance Minister: There must be some mistake. Investment in Nigeria is 100% legal and risk-free. / / Investor: I bought this gun and I'm going to use it! [[waves gun threateningly]] / / Nigerian Finance Minister: Wait! Did you pay the advance licence fee? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1798.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1799 | Monty: [[free from his ropes]] Right. Let's get out of here before da Vinci's Last Deathtrap... / / [sound]: CLANK! Whirr! / / Monty: The trap! It's going off! Run!! [[they run to the door of the Vatican Library]] / / [sound]: SCRAPE! Whirr! GRIND! / / Prof. Jones: The door's locked! / / [sound]: KLUNK! Whirr! rumbleRumbleRUMBLE... / / Monty: This is it! We're going to die! / / [sound]: Whirr! / / Minnesota Jones: I'm too young to die!! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1799.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1800 | Me: Well, this is it. The moment you've all been waiting for. The character who is going to die is... / / [sound]: Knock! Knock! / / Me: Sorry. Excuse me just a second while I answer that. / / Me: [[answering door]] You! But what...? how...? / / [sound]: [[Me getting stabbed viciously with a long, curved blade]] SPLATCH! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1800.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 >>