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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandfather: "Sweetie, there's no such thing as zombies. Your brother just made that up to scare you. Now, go back to...brains! BRAAAINS!" / Caption: "Brains" is the name of the glass eye that'd just fallen out of its socket. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=603#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "She's always making these little jokes making fun of my looks. I know she's joking, but it's really hurtful."
/ Doctor: "Interesting..say, does your face hurt?"
/ Man: "Uh...no...why?"
/ Doctor: "Because, it's sure hurtin' me!" / Caption: My wife and counselor spent roughly the next fifteen minutes... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=604#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "We call that "freestylin'!" / Caption: Reason #12 not to be a malpractice attorney. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=605#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Little boy holds up a drawing of a dragon labeled "me" breathing fire on a screaming boy and girl labeled "you guys." ]
/ Man: "Oh my God." / Caption: Bobby had found the drawing I made of he and his sister. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=606#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Men in long, hooded robes gather around a golden table ] / Caption: "Soon my brothers! Soon, the Foosball!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=607#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Whuh oh! Did we leave emancipation paperwork under your pillow instead of tooth fairy money?"
/ Mom: "We are awful, AWFUL parents. / Caption: "The...the tooth fairy isn't real?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=608#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Lawyer: "Woah woah woah! Do you expect this jury to believe that your husband would MAGICALLY still be alive if my client had run him over while SOBER?" / Caption: Poor legal strategy #12: Saying stupid things. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=609#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Hi, Billy Anderson from Cranford Elementary, New Jersey This question is mainly for the senator, but I'd like to get his opponent's perspective as well: If you could have a billion dollars, but for the rest of your life, your eyes would be on your butt - would you do it?" / Caption: As usual,... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=610#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey honey! Happy Anniversary! Guess what I got you!"
/ Woman: "Did you clone yourself so that I can finally fulfill my fantasy of having two men at once without cheating on you?! Oh Charles! At last I can feel satisfaction!" / Caption: Quietly, I repocketed the SeaWorld tickets. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=611#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I had a premonition about you last night."
/ Man: "What was I doing?"
/ Woman: "Being an asshole!"
/ Man: "Oh f**k you."
/ Woman: "Bam! I'm psychic!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=612#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien: "Have a (alien language) Christmas!" / Caption: Prior to this moment, I hadn't believed in Santa Claus, Aliens, or frequent LSD use. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=613#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Wow, look! There's money in your wallet!" / Caption: Steve was really pushing the limits of the finders-keepers rule. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=614#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nurse: "Doctor! Aren't you going to sterilize that scalpel?!"
/ Doctor: "Sterilize? What if he wants to have kids some day?" / [ Doctor and nurses laugh ] / Header: Later...
/ Doctor: "He died of a mysterious staph infection...I wish there were something I could say to make it better..." / Caption:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=615#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I LIKE being homeless! I should be giving YOU money!"
/ Man: "Hey!" / Caption: This is my favorite part of being a ventriloquist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=616#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "FIIIRE! FIIIIIRE!"
/ Aquaman: "Wow! That's an amazing power!"
/ Superman: "You think he can throw fireballs?"
/ Wonder Woman: "I bet so! And look how fast he runs!" / Caption: The Superfriends were even more impressed when Todd metamorphosed into a pile of bones and ash. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=617#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Scientist: "This machine will show you the very last thing you'll see before you die.
/ Man: "Wowwww..." / Header: Soon...
/ [ While the man stares at the screen, the cientist shoots the man in the back of the head. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=618#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Lawyer: "So, they've offered us a plea bargain: if you plead guilty, you still get the lethal injection, but the victim's sister will go on a date with me." / Caption: My platform of "come on man, she's hot," did little to sway him. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=619#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "She may not be the funniest girl, and she may not be the smartest. She may not be the sweetest girl, or the prettiest, but...hrmm." / Caption: At this point, I elected to leave the alter. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=620#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "You get an A!" / Caption: Susan was somewhat less excited than the lady in the brassiere section. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=621#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A blimp flies over a stadium. ] / Man: "Betty, I have something to ask you..." / [ The man and woman look up at the blimp. ] / [ A sign on the blimp reads "Will you marry me." ] / Woman: "Oh Todd! Somehow I knew you would do this!" / Header: Seconds later...
/ [ A small airplane flies by carrying... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=622#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Hey asshole!" / Caption: There are two things I hate most in the world:
/ 1) My parents.
/ 2) Being called by my first name. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=623#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | God: "I...uh...I don't exist"
/ Man: "Oh...good..." / Caption: God does his best to accommodate atheists in Heaven. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=624#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Well, the main thing is that we follow extremely strict schedule around here so -"
/ [ An alarm on his desk goes off. ]
/ Man: "Oop - naked time!" / Caption: Susan had been even less convinced the third and fourth times Mr. Anders tapped the alarm button. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=625#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh my God! You ran over my dog! What the hell are you doing?!"
/ Man: "Preparing." / Caption: In 2024, dog-crushing is finally recognized as an Olympic event. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=626#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Graah!"
/ Man: "Aaaah!" / Header: Moments earlier...
/ Woman: "You know, this may just be the mescaline talking, but -" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=627#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Doctor sews up his patient with stitches spelling out "not malpractice." ] / Caption: That ought to throw them off the track of the missing spine. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=628#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Now, in these sorts of situations, you'll be tempted to use sprays, poisons, and such. But I find the best thing to use is just a good old-fashioned iron shovel." / Caption: Already we could tell he was an experienced babysitter. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=629#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "So, I know we were supposed write pros AND cons, but I just couldn't think of anything bad to say about you."
/ Woman: "Uh, uh, me too! Can I get that back?! I think I may have made a typo!" / Caption: [ Card with a word scribbled out followed by a crudely written "NOT" above "too unattractive... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=630#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I really don't think this qualifies, sir."
/ Man: "Hey, are you gonna honor you policy, or do I have to see your supervisor?!
/ [ Man points to a sign that reads, "We accept ALL competitor coupons." ] / Caption: [ Hand-made card reading, "Happy Valentine's! This coupon good for one roll in the... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=631#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "What do mean our relationship is over?!"
/ Woman: "Hey, I'm as surprised as you are, but numbers don't lie."
/ [ She gestures to a chart with the following proof:
/ "I = Awesome
/ You = -Awesome
/ ∴ I + You = 0" ] / Caption: My corollary proof that "I - You = Double Awesome" did little to dry... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=632#comic |
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