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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, you should love a woman the same way you love a beautiful tree."
/ Son: "Wow, that's a wonderful metaphor."
/ Dad: "Metaphor? Oh, yeah. Hey! Look at that!" / Caption: Surreptitiously, I brushed the bark out of my teeth. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=663#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Prsents:
/ Building a Strong Marriage
/ Episode One:
/ "Honesty is the Best Policy" / Man: "How's the steak?"
/ Woman: "It's delicious. Though you've never satisfied me sexually." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=664#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Math test question:
/ "Show your work and box in your answers.
/ 1) x2 + 6x + 9 = x + 3
/ Solve for x."
/ Student's handwriting:
/ "x2 + 6x + 9 = x +3
/ x2 + 6x = x - 6
/ x2 = -5x - 6
/ x = I know you're sleeping with the principal's wife" (boxed in)
/ Red A++ written over the boxed in answer ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=665#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Brain #1: "Hey, what did one brain say to the other?"
/ Brain #2: "I lobe you." / Caption: Adding those cardboard speech bubbles made me feel a whole lot better about the double homicide. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=666#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A little boy is ripped apart. ]
/ Boy: "AAAAAAH!" / Header: Earlier...
/ Boy: "I wish that...just once...YOU could have YOUR wish." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=667#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nun: "Hey! Why am I in hell?!"
/ Satan: "Remember that phrase you were always using?"
/ Nun: "God works in mysterious ways?"
/ Satan: "Bingo." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=668#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Things are getting dark...before I die, I want to tell you something I kept to myself all these years..."
/ Woman: "Of course. What is it Henry?"
/ Man: "You have a REALLY irritating laugh." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=669#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Lawyer: "Now remember, you didn't KILL her. It was an accident. What do we call that?"
/ Man: "Manslaughter."
/ Lawyer: "Very good." / Header: Subsequently...
/ Man: "And then I manslaughtered her! Right in the face!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=670#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "So, as you can see here, this gene is found ONLY on the Y chromosome."
/ [ He points to 'fig 4.9," which shows "The sexism gene" on the Y chromosome. ] / Caption: "You know, the chromosome that matters." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=671#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "It's a bit unorthodox, but it's the only 100% certain method to keep your children from teenage pregnancy." / Dad: "Oh God." / Dad: "Hey son...I...I have something for you." / [ Dad holds up a Dungeons and Dragons Player's Handbook. ] / Header: Prom night...
/ Girl: "Wanna have sex?"
/ Boy: "No thanks. My dad crushed my genitals in a Dungeons and Dragons manual." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=672#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh my God! You're awake!"
/ Woman: "Wha...where am I?"
/ Man: "The hospital! You were in a coma for twelve years. I never left this chair for a moment!"
/ Woman: "I know you didn't honey. I know." / Caption: Looking down, I noticed Sharon poking at my paunch. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=673#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "My God! It's exactly the same!" / Caption: Much to his amazement, after taking the differential of the coefficient, Professor Werner discovers he is still a virgin. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=674#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "For weeks now! He just sits there staring at that wall and crying all day and nobody knows why!" / Header: Recently...
/ Man: "So long, x-ray vision." / [ Superman looks at the back of the women's restroom, crying. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=675#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Remarkable!" / Caption: My research on bone density in the elderly is going extremely well. / So, I decided to celebrate by caning that old man. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=676#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Devil: "Good! One more and her soul shall be mine!"
/ Person in the shadows: "Yes, my master." / Caption: Ever wonder what the tooth fairy does with all those teeth? / Your parents know. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=677#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Old Woman: "Even though I've lost him, I can take comfort in knowing that he died doing what he loved." / Caption: [ Newspaper with headline reading "Aviator 'loved' crashing plane full of toddlers" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=678#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "That's it?"
/ Man #2: "You'll die eventually." / Caption: In order to be more humane, we removed the trap door from our gallows. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=679#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "We must perform a Caesarean immediately!" / Caption: I'm starting to lose confidence in my dentist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=680#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey bitch!" / Caption: "If there is one thing I hate, it's informality," grumbled Bitchtina. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=681#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Woman hands a trophy called the "Okay in bed award" to a man. ] / Caption: Steve had been complaining about how he never won anything. / So, I told him he could share this with his brother. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=682#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "My lord!"
/ Man: "The Ice Giant attacks!" / King: "Fire the shrink ray!" / [ The shrink ray is fired with a "VZZZHH!" ] / [ The shrink ray blast flies behind the Ice Giant. ] / [ The shrink ray blast hits the sun. ] / [ The Ice Giant leers down at the King and Man, who are now covered in ice. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=683#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I'm sorry I'm so pathetic! My mom left when I was two, and I've been an indecisive wimp ever since! Oh God! I think I may start crying again! Could you hand me my pink hanky?" / Caption: I hate when Cheryl does her impression of me. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=684#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ Headlines from the day you die / [ A newspaper headline reads, "World's Greatest Leader Dies Peacefully in Sleep." ] / Caption: Oh, sorry. Skip to page V-45 for the picture of the four-hundred pound corpse clutching a stack of Playboys and Archie Comics. / Before you committed suicide, you killed him for stealing your girlfriend. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=685#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "And that is his BLOOOOOD!"
/ Kids:"EWWWW!"
/ Man: "And that is his FLESHHH!"
/ Kids: "EWWWW!"
/ Man: "And that is his eyeballs!"
/ Kids: "EWWW!!!" / Caption: Father Steve always did a special Eucharist for Halloween. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=686#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Judge: "I hereby sentence you to seven consecutive life sentences for the crime of first degree-"
/ Man: "La la la la!"
/ Judge: "Hey!"
/ Man: "I can't hear you! La la la!"
/ Judge: "Stop!"
/ Man: "Can't hear you."
/ Judge: "Come on!"
/ Man: "Can't hear you! La la la!"
/ Judge: "Stop it!"
/ Man: "La!"
/ Judge: "Please?!"
/ Man: "La la!"
/ Judge: "Stop!"
/ Man: "Can't hear you!"
/ Judge: "Stop it!"
/ Man: "La la la la la la la la la la la!" / Caption: Ultimately, we were forced to acquit. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=687#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ Reaching Today's Youth!
/ Idea #1: Compromise PSAs / [ A policeman points forward while smiling. Next to him are the words "Don't drive drunk" with two sad faces. Under that are the words "Drive tipsy!" with two sideways smiley faces. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=688#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman holds a piece of paper with "Ideas:" at the top, "1) Sleep with lots of guys" crossed out, and "2) Sleep with whole lot of guys" crossed out. ] / Caption: As yet, I'm still looking for that cure for herpes. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=689#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Daddy."
/ Girl: "Is there a kitty heaven?" / Dad: "Sweetie, of course!" / Girl: "So Mittens is with Scruffles in heaven right now?" / Dad (looking angry): "Scruffles was a dog." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=690#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Daddy! Tell us the fairy tale of when you could open your window without having your eyes burned out by ultraviolet radiation!"
/ Girl: "Before people only ate hydrated protein gruel!" / Caption: This isn't the future. / I'm just a really lousy dad. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=691#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "And as we look at history with an eye toward gender relations, we see that it is women who have been by far the enlightened, intellectual and ultimately superior sex."
/ Man: "Oh come on! Come on! Come ON!" / Caption: Then, to his horror, Todd realized he was not at the strip club. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=692#comic |
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