You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nun (pointing to a poster of the male anatomy): "Now, who can tell me where the male genitalia is located?" / Caption: Sister Anita had a date this evening. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1414#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "I'm just saying SOMEONE on this lifeboat is holding out!"
/ Man #2: "I don't think you understanding statistics." / Caption: One in ten men is gay. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1415#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (talking to two women): "I know you need a decision, so how's this: first person to give birth to my child gets this wedding ring. You're like racecar drivers!" / Caption: Man: "VROOM! VROOM! VROOM!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1416#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "There may be up to eleven dimensions, many of which are bound up in small, tight, tight spaces. Bound up and gagged." / Caption: Doctor Greene postulates hyper-porno. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1417#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Teacher: "Kids, I want to apologize for upsetting Jimmy Norton by asking the class to identify who had the highest lipid count by volume." / Teacher: "To make it up to everyone, today we're playing a game to illustrate momentum change in particle collisions!" / Teacher: "Let's see...Sally, you can be N2, and Jimmy can be C55H72O5N4Mg!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1418#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "'Cause, like, you're pretty-ish, but not so much that I want a big bright BLAST of your face all at once." / Header: Earlier...
/ Man: "Oh, darling...how I long to gaze upon you in the twilight." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1419#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (adjusting a lamp away from a man so that it only shines on her): "There we go." / Caption: Charlie didn't appreciate the mood lighting. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1420#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two men stand in front of a fire hose behind broken glass under a sign "Break glass in case of emergency" ] / Man #1: "What the hell are you doing!?"
/ Man #2 (holding a hammer): "It's...oh, right." / Caption: The glass shortage had just gone from bad to worse. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1421#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Instructor: "What...why did you jump without a parachute?"
/ Man: "Uh, same reason I didn't bring my MOMMY to hold my hand?" / Caption: Steve's mother had never loved him. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1422#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "DELILAH!" / Caption: I'm beginning to regret throwing away Jack's Batman underwear. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1423#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman looks panicked ] / [ A close-up of her wrist reveals a wrist band reading "W. W. J. D." ] / [ Woman is staring at two restrooms - one with a male symbol and the other a female ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1424#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "And, seeing the world in disarray, God sent his only son to build a bridge between this universe and heaven."
/ Boy: "Wait. If God is perfect, how come he didn't get it right the first time?"
/ Man: "Is it so hard to imagine that it was part of God's plan?" / Header: Heaven: A.D. 1
/ Angel: "God, the universe is here to see you."
/ God: "Oh crap. He got that extended warranty, didn't he?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1425#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Optimist.
/ Man #1: "The glass is half full." / Header: Pessimist.
/ Man #2: "The glass is half empty." / Header: Opportunist.
/ Man #3: "While you were discussing it, I slept with your moms." / [ Man #3 drinks the glass of water in front of Man #1 and Man #2. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1426#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "It's my voice, isn't it? I never get a second date because of my whiny high-pitched voice!"
/ Man: "It's...yeah, it's the voice. Let's go with that." / [ Woman has a Hitler mustache. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1427#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Scientist #1: "I'm telling you, we need smaller nets!"
/ Scientist #2: "I asked you for protons, not excuses!" / Caption: Particle physics has come a long way since the 1700s. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1428#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I think you should break up with me." / Man: "I'm not really comfortable with that. How about you break up with me?" / [ Woman and Man stare at each other. ] / Woman: "I've been cheating on you." / Man: "I've been cheating on you." / Woman: "For six months." / Man: "Seven months." / Woman: "I'M PREGNANT!" / Man: "I never use a condom!" / Woman: "I pretend to be an underage boy and pick up male clients!" / Man: "I sleep with underage boys every night while dressed as Hitler!" / Woman: "Well, I...I cheat with...with a guy who dresses like Hitler." / [ Man stares blankly. ] / [ Woman starts to smile. ] / Woman: "Adolf?" / Man: "B-Billy?" / [ Woman and Man kiss. ] / HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1429#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man in tuxedo (to a man in a gorilla suit): "I thought you'd realize it was a joke! It was written on a piece of tape!" / Caption: [ A funeral card has a piece of tape on the top with "masquerade" written on it ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1430#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: And God saw that Adam was lonely...
/ [ Adam sits staring off into space as God looks on ] / Header: So he took from Adam a rib...
/ [ Adam sleeps as God lasers out a rib ] / Header: And created...
/ [ God works in a laboratory ] / Header: Masturbation!
/ [ God brings Adam oil and a box of tissues ] / [ Adam stares blankly at God. / God: "No good?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1431#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Professor: "Welcome, distinguished neurologists. You know, my granny used to say "a mind is a funny thing. It consumes like a frog, but it grows like a puppy dog's claws." / Caption: Professor Steward lectured on the importance on curing senility. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1432#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Lesson Learned:
/ Do Not Educate your Children / Daughter: "Mommy, I have a question."
/ Mom: "Sure." / Daughter: "You and daddy got married on February twenty-fourth of this year. And then I was born July seventeenth." / Daughter: "You also say that gestation time is nine months, but that only loving married couples can have babies." / Daughter: "SO WERE YOU LYING THEN, OR ARE YOU LYING NOW?!" / Header: Later...
/ Mom: "I went with "time machine," and had to spend two hours explaining how it operates."
/ Dad: "I just said "relatively," and took off running." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1433#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "OW! WHAT THE HELL!"
/ Man: "What?! But, like, five minutes ago, you liked...I don't...MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WOMAN!" / Caption: Note to self:
/ Hair pulling is not appropriate in all circumstances. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1434#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Honey! Looks like we're gonna have to learn to change diapers!" / Caption:
/ Best Case Scenario:
/ New Baby. / Worst Case Scenario:
/ Father-in-law moving in. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1435#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (to man while having sex with him): "I want you to know, I'm not really enjoying this. It's just that the nano-bots in my face are acting up. I was going to fix it today, but, well, it IS our anniversary." / Caption: I hate living in the future. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1436#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad (to daughter who is having an orgy): "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
/ Daughter: "SAVING MYSELF FOR MARRIAGE!" / Caption: Dad doesn't let me in the hologram chamber anymore. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1437#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Ha! I just defeated the loneliness goblins of Isolatia! Man, people who oppose latchkey parenting obviously know nothing about advanced pro-psychological video games!" /
/ [ Boy stares at a blank wall ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1438#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I'm sorry! I never know what to yell during these things!" / Caption: [ Piece of paper with the following:
/ "Things to yell during sex:
/ Ooh
/ Oh yeah
/ You're welcome fatty" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1439#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Police: "Stop! All men with large penises must be destroyed!" / [ Man runs ] / [ Police cars chase the man] / [ Man continues to run ] / Man (as he runs into something): "OOF!" / [ Pull back to show that the man has run into a giant robot policeman ] / Robot Policeman: "You will be sent to Death Island because of your enormous penis!" / Man: "It's not that big really!" / Robot Policeman: "It is significantly larger than that of your friends and all of the men your ex-girlfriends have dated!" / [ Robot Policeman eats the man ] / Man (as he falls inside the robot): "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" / Man: "AAH!" / Woman: "Honey, wake up! You were going crazy in your sleep!"
/ Man: "I had the most WONDERFUL dream!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1440#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "BOO! I'm Jesus Christ! I'm here from 2,000 years ago to tell you how to run your life! BOO! RARR!" / Caption: We wanted to make sure our kids grew up agnostic. / (In case you're wondering, Buddha Night is Thursday.) http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1441#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Imagine this cup holds all your daily income. You fill the cup up as best as possible each day, then bring it back to put in a larger cup." / Caption: Our accountant advised us as to the optimum panhandling strategy. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1442#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandfather: "HAHAHAHAH!"
/ Creatures: "Eats the boy! Eats the boy!"
/ Boy: "NO, GRAMPA, NO!" / Caption: Think this image is disturbing?
/ Wait till it pops into your head next time you have sex. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1443#comic |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>