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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Angel: "God, we've prepared "humans." Here's the dossier." / God: "Not bad! Could we make them look more stupid when mating?" / Header: Soon...
/ God: "Perfect!"
/ [ A picture shows an awkward face ] / God: "Say, how many IQ points did this cost them?"
/ Angel: "Sixty-five."
/ God: "Worth it." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1780#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Relationship Tip:
/ If you ever make a confession to an astronomer, do it with a poster / [ A picture of the galaxy with an arrow labeled "places where I cheated on you" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1781#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Happy Valentine's Day! I made you this!"
/ Man: "Gyah! Why can't you just buy a card!?"
/ Woman: "Do you have any idea how little money a med student makes?" / [ A piece of paper featuring Fig. 6.3, "Incidence of Rectal Prolapse in Elderly Population," is cut into a heart and the y-axis with the... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1782#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Hi! May I tell you about the Lord, Jesus Christ?" / Man #2: "Sure! Come on in!" / [ The man enters the house ] / Man #1: "What the-"
/ [ He runs into a cardboard cutout of a man ] / [ The door slams ] / [ The man falls down a hall ] / Man #1: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" / Man #1 (as he wakes up):... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1783#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "If you're bored during sex, you have to tell me!"
/ Man: "Why are you yelling?"
/ Woman: "You know goddamn well why I'm yelling!" / Header: Earlier
/ [ The woman sees tic tac toe boards drawn on her back ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1784#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus: "I have returned, humanity! My judgment shall be...oh for f**k's sake." / Caption: Note to self:
/ Next time you reveal yourself, do it one the ground and put on underwear. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1785#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "I never thought anyone could be so vicious!"
/ Man #2: "Don't you get it? They spend their entire childhood in needless psychological cruelty toward each other, until by the end of adolescence there's nothing left but cold calculation." / Caption: The war against women was lost quickly. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1786#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: My dad is a politician and my om is an evolutionary biologist.
/ [ The dad kisses a baby ]
/ [ The mom reads "Child Anatomy" ] / Header: So I've had access to a lot of solid advice over the years.
/ Mom and Dad: "People are animals!" / Header: But I'm never gonna take their dating tips again
/ Man:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1787#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Question: What's worse than being murdered?
/ Answer: Being murdered by your middle school bully. / Man: "Why you stabbin' yourself?! Why you stabbin' yourself?! Huh?!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1788#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandpa: "Your generation is crap! You sit on the Internet playing video games all day!" / Grandson: "Your generation made back people use separate bathrooms!" / Grandpa: "We had to have something to do!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1789#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor #1: "Oh shit. Oh shit I slipped."
/ Doctor #2: "Big slip or little sl - oh my God!"
/ Doctor #1: "Calm down! We just need a clever explanation!" / Doctor #3: "Are you crazy?!"
/ Doctor #1: "Don't panic! We are smart people and we can handle this!" / Header: Soon...
/ Doctor #1: "You seem to have... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1790#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Ms. Doyle, Sally gave me this card, but I don't get it."
/ Teacher: "Oh! Well, for Valentine's Day, people like cards with visual puns."
/ [ The card has a picture of a bee on it and it says "Will you bee mine?" ] / Header: Soon...
/ Boy: "Dad, I need a pun about something girls like." / Header:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1791#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Hey, come on, baby. It's not that I don't love you per se. It's that nobody ever could love you. I'm just a specific version of the general case. So, ipso facto, I'm not breaking up with you. Reality is." / Caption: Man, those logic classes are coming in handy. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1792#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "I threw in a free boob job while I was at it. Looks wayyyyy better now." / Caption: I began to regret sending mom to a discount mortician. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1793#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "You like my body more than my mind?! How dare you! That's the worst thing you can say to a woman!" / Man: "No it's not!" / Woman: "What could be worse than that?!" / Man: "Did you know that your boobs jiggle when you're mad?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1794#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Sometimes I walk around naked at the local school for the blind and pretend I'm the invisible man." / Caption: I've decided communication is not the soul of a good relationship. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1795#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor #1: "We cut off your penis and replaced it with Ebola." / [ Doctor #2 looks mad ] / Doctor #2: "The good news is we cut off your penis and replaced it with Ebola." / Doctor #1: "Dammit!" / Caption: Sandra wins the "worst thing you can say to a patient" contest. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1796#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Why You Want to be an Engineer / Header: Physics Conferences
/ [ A man laser points to a slide that reads "Are things...made of stuff?" ] / Header: Philosophy Conferences
/ [ A woman laser points to a slide that reads "Is stuff...stuff?" ] / Header: Engineering Conferences
/ [ A man laser points... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1797#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Autoerotic Asphyxiation Kit:
/ Most Important Items / 1) Strong cord or string
/ [ Noose ] / 2) Lubricant
/ [ Tub of mayonnaise ] / 3) Note to leave out in case things go horribly wrong
/ [ Note reads "oh no! This animated rope has taken my clothes! I must try to stop it or perish in the attempt!"... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1798#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man reads in a book that "the most important aspect of parenting is to make your child feel special." ] / Son: "Dad...there's this...new hair growing on my body."
/ Dad: "You are so unique!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1799#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man looks horrified ] / [ The man starts to stifle a laugh ] / [ The man grins widely ] / [ The man looks guilty ] / Caption:
/ [ A graph has an x-axis labeled "time" and has two lines that are always mirror images of each other labeled "arousal" and "masturbation guilt" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1800#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Myth: Computers suck because they don't do what you say.
/ Man: "No! I don't download that file! It's a virus! No! Nooo!" / Header: Reality: Computers suck because they do exactly what you say.
/ Man: "Ooh...sexyladies.exe...This looks promising." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1801#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Batman: "One is an antidote for the Joker's poison. The other will kill a man with one sip." / Batman: "Blast! If we can't find a way out, we'll die of starvation in the next few days!" / Batman: "DAMN! How are we supposed to get down without a sled?! / Caption: Fun Fact:
/ There have been 4,286 R... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1802#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "How am I supposed to impress women if you call it THAT? Isn't there a cooler name for a tiny-"
/ Doctor: "NO. There's only "micropenis." / Man: "Hmmm..." / Header: Soon...
/ Man (to woman): "Behold...The Singularity!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1803#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Two Bad Option: / Header: What Science TV is Like:
/ Man: "THIS...IS...WARRIOR SCIENCE!" / Man (with Viking helmet): "A viking could swing an axe at ten thousand miles per hour!" / Man: "According to Newton's Laws, that's a hundred billion gallons of power!" / Man: "Enough to melt the sun... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1804#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: After the genes for personality were determined having children became far more terrifying / Mom: "Is something wrong with my baby?"
/ Doctor: "I'm sorry, ma'am...he's a dickhead." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1805#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Dating Tips For Women / [ A blue circle reads "Male friends who joke about having sex with you" and "Men who would have sex with you if you showed the slightest interest." ] / Caption: * Note: The above is a Venn diagram. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1806#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Sex Prank #2 / Man: "Oh God, oh God. Oh, I'm gonna-"
/ Woman: "Squirrel."
/ Man: "Squi- what? Why - oh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aaah! AH!...God DAMMIT." / Caption: Say something unexpected just as your partner passes the point of no return. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1807#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "My husband died due to a medical TYPO! I'm gonna give my son a name that makes sure he always double checks medical forms."
/ Woman: "How would a name do that?" / Header: 30 years later
/ Nurse: "Penisectomy Jones?"
/ Man: "Right here." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1808#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Carl Sagan was right! There's a hidden message embedded in pi!"
/ Man: "This paper is going to rock all of mathematics!" / Caption:
/ On the understanding of transcendental number and the fabric of the Cosmos. / Abstract:
/ If you turn the 21,115th through 21,120th digits upside-down in a calculator,... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1809#comic |
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