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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents
/ Headlines From the Day You Die: / [ A newspaper headline reads "Immortality Discovered!" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=693#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man hangs in the background while a note reading "Wrote amazing epitaph! Was too impatient to wait for death. Please check computer for document" sits on a table. ] / Caption: Suicide Tips: / 1) Always save your work.
/ 2) Never use your power cord as a noose. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=694#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman walks into a room and sees a pink note on a table, which is covered in rose petals. ] / [ The woman walks to the table and sees the stairs are also covered in rose petals. ] / [ The note reads, "Meet me in the bedroom." ] / Man: "I killed your rosebush." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=695#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ Parenting Tips
/ Episode One
/ "Finding Time to Laugh" / Son: "Daddy...do you love me?"
/ Dad: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=696#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "This new device will allow all blind people to see perfectly."
/ Man: "Hey! We don't need your technology! Being blind is not a handicap!" / Caption: In retrospect, bouncing the tennis ball off his face was not the most mature reaction. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=697#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Daughter: "Mom! Bobby at school said I'm ugly."
/ Mom: "Aww...my poor little guy!" / Caption: "I mean girl! GIRL! / ...Right?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=698#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh f*** yeah! F88K yeah motherf****r!" / Caption: This year's tulips were coming in exquisitely. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=699#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man stares at a list with the following crossed out:
/ -slit wrists
/ -shoot self in the mouth
/ -jump off building
/ -inhale carbon monoxide
/ -hang self ]
/ Man (thinking): "Nothing. Ever. WORKS." / Caption: Clark Kent's morning ritual. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=700#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ "Getting Organized"
/ Episode 1
/ Save Time by Planning Ahead / Man: "Hi, I'd like to register to be a sex offender." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=701#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ "The Existentialist Conundrum" / Professor: "So you see, we can self-determine the nature of our own existence by exercising free will over our perception of reality!"
/ Student: "So, you've 'self-determined' yourself to be an assistant professor at community college?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=702#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh my God! What the HELL?!"
/ Rat: "SQUEE!"
/ Man: "Yeah! I win baby! I WIN! Rat on a stick!" / Caption: I later found out that "there's nothing worse than waking up with a sore throat" wasn't meant to be a challenge. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=703#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Lawyer: "This document, written by my client's ex-husband clearly shows that he is an unfit father."
/ Judge: "'My two favorite things are cheating on you and neglecting the kids.'"
/ Man (thinking): "I can't believe she's showing that." / Caption: I knew I shouldn't have been passing notes during the... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=704#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents: Great Debates
/ Episode One
/ Creationism vs. Evolution / Header: Question:
/ "What would a creationist say when confronted with Archaeopteryx?" / Header: Answer:
/ Scientist: "AAAAGH!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=705#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Not another step, Doctor Searle."
/ Man #2: "Oh God no!" / Caption: How does he know about my fear of trench coats?! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=706#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Daddy...where do babies come from?"
/ Dad: "Uh...uh...well..."
/ Dad: "When a sperm cell combines with an egg cell, it forms a zygote, which..." / Caption: Oh thank GOD! / I'd thought for sure it was unprotected sex. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=707#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Daddy! The boys at school said I was funny looking!"
/ Dad: "Honey, have I ever told you the story of The Ugly Duckling?" / Caption: Dad explains that I "kinda look like a duck." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=708#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Professor: "Maybe you ARE just a bunch of inner city kids nobody expects to succeed. But, you know what? As long as I'm here, you're gonna learn! You're gonna open your eyes to the possibilities around you! And you know why? Because I have FAITH!" / Caption: Faith was, of course, the name of Mr. Fulton's... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=709#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "And now to weaponize the smallpox! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" / Caption: [ The canister of smallpox now has a sharp knife duct taped to it. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=710#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh come on!"
/ Woman: "Look, relax. Can we have a civil discussion of this?"
/ Man: "No! No, because you're crazy!"
/ Woman: "Look, Todd, we're reasonable people, and reasonable people can disagree."
/ Man: "WHAT?!" / Caption: Todd got so upset after I crapped in his sink. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=711#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Valentines! / [ Heart that can be cut out with "WHY?!" written on it. ] / [ Heart that can be cut out with "I wish you would love me in the way that some other person I've never met might potentially love me" written on it. ] / [ Heart that can be cut out with "Kiss me! Oh God, wait,... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=712#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Of course, in the future we won't need computers. We'll all just strap dogs to our brains and beam each other psychic barks." / Caption: Believe it or not, this comic will seem a lot less nonsensical in the very near future. / (You know, after your stroke.) http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=713#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh my God! My wife! She's not breathing!"
/ Doctor: "Quick! Put this paper over her head!" / Caption: [ Picture of a Death Certificate ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=714#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh Steve! Steve you're amazing! You're the best ever!" / Caption: I hate when Steve calls out her own name. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=715#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: It's Helpful Lad!
/ Helpful Lad: "That sounds like quite a problem! I'll be there post-haste!" / Cat: "Mow."
/ Woman: "Helpful Lad! My cat got stuck in a tree! I've been yelling at her all afternoon, but she won't-" / Helpful Lad: "STOP YELLING ABOUT THE GODDAMN CAT OR I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=716#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I stabbed twelve kids. Should I stop?"
/ Priest: "Son, the penalty for murdering just ONE of God's children is eternal damnation!" / Caption: Father James explained that I'd "be a sucker to stop now." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=717#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Old Man: "Oh God...the condom broke!"
/ Old Woman: "Oh Henry, that hasn't been an issue for me for thirty years now." / Caption: 30 years ago, Selma got every single STD at the same time. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=718#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "But look! The BandAid has dancing cartoon vegetables on it!"
/ Man: "Yeah...I guess so..." / Caption: I'm still not really looking forward to that lethal injection. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=719#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents: Job Tips
/ Episode One
/ Ensure Job Security by Meeting Your Future Competition / [ Teacher points to the blackboard where he has written "exactly the same" and underneath, a picture of a triangle = a picture of a square. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=720#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "OW! What was that?"
/ Dad: "Well, since your website say you "love" drugs, I thought I'd give you a heroin injection!" / Caption: Ted is still learning the finer points of reverse psychology. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=721#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Stay the hell away from my Jenny!"
/ Boy: "Now sir, before you get upset, I want you to know that before I even considered dating her, I prepared three forms of birth cont-"
/ Man: "OUT!" / Caption: Geez. Mr. Saunders is so protective of his wife. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=722#comic |
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