You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "Dad, there's this girl at school, and well...what should I-"
/ [ Dad throws his son a condom. ] / Header: and so... / Son: [ with the condom safety pinned to his shirt ]"Hey Susie...any plans for this Friday?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=843#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nurse: "Doctor! You just destroyed his parietal lobe!"
/ Doctor: "Oh God...wait...isn't that the location of abstract thought?"
/ Nurse: "Y-yes?"
/ Doctor: "Problem solved." / Caption: Malpractice. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=844#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "It just means I could spend more time with you!" / Caption: I've since been informed that incontinence diapers are not considered a selling point. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=845#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "These poll numbers are terrible, Johnson. What's going on?!"
/ Man #2: "Well, your tax proposal is getting a lot of bad press, and you're constantly torturing everyone." / Caption: Hell just wasn't ready for Democracy. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=846#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Priest: "You can't take it with you, my son. Let me give you your last rites." / Header: Soon... / Saint Peter: "Where's all your stuff? How are you gonna trade for cigarettes?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=847#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, offer that woman your seat." / Son: "WHY?! She's able-bodied." / Dad: "Women have to go through that pain of childbirth! The least a gentleman can do is offer his seat." / Son: "What about infertile women?" / Dad: "THEY STAND!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=848#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Well, I was about to insultingly say "who bear you with the ugly stick?" Then, I realized nobody could look at you long enough to accurately hit you. Then suddenly tee ball pops into my head." / Header: Moments prior... / Man: "Wow, tee ball? That is SO random!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=849#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Boy sees an adult magazine and wonders where babies come from. ] / [ Boy asks mother where babies come from and she says the stork. ] / [ Boy looks horrified as he imagines his mother having intercourse with a stork. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=850#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Logic: The Domain of Men / Man: "It's not misogynist! I paid that stripper with Susan B. Anthony dollars!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=851#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Break Up Tips!
/ "Use Reverse Psychology" / Woman: "YOU SHOULDN'T BREAK UP WITH ME!"
/ Man: "W-why?"
/ Woman: "BECAUSE I AM DEFINITELY FEMALE." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=852#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Remember how you left me because I was poor? Well...I...I'm a millionaire now!" / Caption: Todd introduced me to his high-priced hit man. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=853#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I'll see you my soul if you tell the shape of the universe."
/ Satan: "Done. It's a Quarthex!" / Caption: Unfortunately, Quarthex doesn't translate to English. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=854#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Question:
/ Who would win - shark or lion? / Header: Answer:
/ Shark. / [ A shark with a smoking gun stands next to dead lion. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=855#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC From the Future!
/ "June 18, 2027: Running low on ideas, Zach begins captioning other people's comics" / [ Zach captions a strip of Garfield with "And then he f***ing died!" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=856#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Psych 101 / [ A professor points to the board, which reads, "phobias can be extinguished by repeated exposure to the feared stimulus." ] / Header: Psych 102 / [ Same professor wearing a mask points to the board, which reads, "sex is scary!" ] / Caption: "ONLY TO WOMEN!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=857#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I should warn you - I have a tendency to make extremely unsubtle Freudian slips." / Caption: "FATASS." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=858#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: [ to a man reading an adult magazine ] "You could do so much more with your life." / [ Man ponders ] / [ Man stands outside a university ] / [ Man reads "Neuroscience of the Split Brain." ] / [ Man graduates. ] / [ Woman walks in on Man reading two adult magazines. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=859#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Crazy old coot, am I?! Well, could a crazy old coot balance four lobsters on his head?! Could a crazy old coot do so while wearing lipstick?! Would that lipstick actually be a piece of cheese he found under the sofa?! Huh?! Would it?!" / Caption: We all wish Grampa would stop yelling at that ... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=860#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Priest: "Never fear, son, every moment is part of God's plan."
/ Man: "Everything? That's...that's so beautiful." / Caption: Plan for Steve: Tuesday
/ 7:10 Wake up, sleep through alarm.
/ 8:20 Wake up again. Decide to skip work.
/ 8:23 Consider masturbating.
/ Elect to eat a bowl of oatmeal made yesterday.
/ 8:29... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=861#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, you're 18! Now's the time to just go out and get crazy!" / Son: 'Agh! Spiders! Spiders! They're everywhere!" / Son: "Heh, guess that's not what you had in mind, huh, dad?" / Son [ in a straight jacket in a padded room ]: "Dad?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=862#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: New Children's Books!
/ [ Book titled "The Boy Who Only Ate Candy!" ] / Boy: "Can't I just have vege-"
/ Mom: "ONLY CANDY! BECAUSE YOU'RE HAPPY!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=863#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Angel: "Hey God, another couple praying for everlasting love."
/ God: "Ugh. Do they have any idea how much psychic energy that costs? Fine...banish a few toddler souls to the abyss." / Caption: Ever wonder why your lover's eyes seem so deep? http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=864#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh majesty of majesties! Oh apex of the Earth! Oh, Everest. Many have perished in pursuit of you. And yet here I stand, testament that there is no task so unlikely in its parameters that I cannot achieve it!" / Caption: [ Note with "run while pooping" and "summit Everest" checked off ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=865#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Blah! Blah! Blah!" / Caption: No one was particularly impressed by my impression of Jesus Christ. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=866#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Parenting Tips
/ "Punish misbehavior. Reward obedience" / Son: "Dad! Susie killed my hamster!"
/ Dad: "Susie, I want you to feel shame."
/ Daughter: "Done!"
/ Dad: "Here's $50 my little angel." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=867#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "I know right now it seems like the end of the world, but actually, the rest of us will go on living well beyond the next two weeks." / Caption: Dr. Pradesh then told me all about her summer vacation plans. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=868#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man eats a heart, another man points a gun forward, and a woman stabs another man to death as the city burns behind them. ] / Caption: The vegetarians had had ENOUGH. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=869#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boxer #1: "Wait - what if we punch it again?"
/ Boxer #2: "Yeah."
/ Boxer #3: "Ooh..." / Caption: Ultimately, we failed to make the souffle rise. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=870#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "For your work on the anatomical basis of true love, we award you this Nobel Prize."
/ Man #2: "You have no idea how much this means to me personally." / Caption: Man, that Nobel scored me a LOT of threesomes. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=871#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: "Insert this graph into any report on any topic" / [ A graph with the y-axis labeled "bars in this bar graph" and the x-axis labeled "cm of x-axis." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=872#comic |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>