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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man points to a white board that reads "homeless shelter + small pox = scene 43!" ] / Caption: I found some creative ways to extend our zombie movie's budget. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1263#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Old woman: "Son, I don't have much time now, but...I want to ask you...was I a good mother?"
/ Son: "Oh, mom, of course you were! Of course!" / Caption: Bobby spent the next 20 minutes explaining how I could've been great. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1264#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dinosaur: "You made me into a dinosaur?!"
/ Doctor: "Rarr! Neat, huh?" / Caption: Never hire a plastic surgeon who describes himself as "creative." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1265#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Professor Higgins...a lot of us feel like your research is kinda...well...sexist..."
/ Professor: "Sexist? Because I think women scientists are integral to the future of energy research?!" / Caption: [ Fig. 12 shows "men fleeing" from "ugly chicks" into a "turbine." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1266#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Great Moments in Science / Man (thinking): "What if I could explain all motion relative to the speed of light in a vacuum?!" / Caption: August 25, 1895:
/ Einstein's first thought experiment on how to get the most science groupies. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1267#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh, it's NOOGIE TIME! Noogie noogie noogie noogie NOOGIE TIME!"
/ Man: "No! No! I'm sorry!" / Caption: My classical conditioning has thus far failed to cure Jon's premature ejaculation. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1268#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "And that's why a perfect woman is like a perfect rose."
/ Woman: "I get that. I really do, but I think this visual aid is undercutting your metaphor." / Caption: [ A card shows a stick figure with boobs and a rose for a head saying "do me!" and standing next to clean laundry. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1269#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "To be a SUMO WRESTLER?!"
/ Man: "What's...what's your second guess..." / Caption: Benny had achieved his dream of losing 100 pounds. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1270#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "And mom was...fading fast, so I went home to be at her bedside when she...you're not getting a third date."
/ [ Man wears a shirt that reads "Bored, slightly aroused." ] / Caption: Mood shirts were a short-lived fashion trend. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1271#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man and woman (both thinking): "What a sensitive, interesting person!" / Caption: Around three hours into the date, it became apparent neither of us actually knew sign language. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1272#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Management Tips:
/ Employee incentives don't work if they're creepy / Man: "Sales are down 5%! Guess I'll be keeping all this ILLEGAL pornography to myself." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1273#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, now that you're getting a bit older, it's time I told you the truth about some things."
/ Son: "L-like Santa Claus?"
/ Dad: "Grampa in a costume."
/ Son: "The tooth fairy?"
/ Dad: "Mom. While you were asleep."
/ Son: "Unicorns?"
/ Dad: "Racists. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1274#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (to a camel): "Oh, wow, sexy underwear. Thank. How about you learn SOME GODDAMN BIOLOGY?!" / Caption: Day 53:
/ Yet still, the humans refuse to breed. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1275#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Thanks to our tireless efforts, all public school will teach Creationism instead of the Theory of Evolution!" / Header: 20 years later... / Man: "Is...is there a cure?"
/ Doctor: "No, but according to the latest research, the bacteria eating your brain REALLY look designed!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1276#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor #1: "We put them on this TOTALLY hot chick."
/ Doctor #2: "Oh, they look SO good on her." / Caption: I should have been more specific when asking for a breast enhancement. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1277#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "DARLING! Until I see you again, I love you, and be safe!"
/ Woman: "I will my love! I will!" / [ Man looks sad. ] / [ Woman leans out the train window holding a giant box of condoms. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1278#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "We're tired of this library keeping smutty romance novels, but we also oppose the banning of books, so as a compromise, we're passing out these stickers that can be used to cover offensive words." / Caption: He removed his breeches, displaying his enormous (Jesus sticker). Helen loosened her... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1279#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "If you ever need a coat, you can get one for free by saying a homeless guy stole yours." / Caption: Ted failed to impress his date. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1280#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Life Would be Better if it Came in Video Game Titles / [ "Frozen Pizza for One...FINAL SHOWDOWN" ] / [ "Mom and Dad Insist That, Now That You're 27, You Should Pay Rent to Live in the Attic: TURBO EDITION!" ] / [ "Need to Masturbate: DEFCON 5" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1281#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Sadly, there is no Fountain of Youth. Our only real shot at immortality is through our children." / Caption: [ Newspaper headline reads "Man Murders Sons: 'The magnitude of my crimes shall echo through eternity'" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1282#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Hey! I'm not hungry anymore!" / Caption: Cannibalism is working out great! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1283#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I found this old list on your desk...do...do you feel you've given up on your dreams?"
/ Man: "NO! NO! No, they've just changed since then. Here, let me fix the list." / Caption: [ A note that used to read "2) see the world 3) write a novel" now reads 2) have boring domestic life 3) own several... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1284#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "WHAT?! It's just a fantasy. God, you're such a PRUDE!" / Caption: Ted refused to roleplay the guy I cheated with. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1285#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "There a problem?"
/ Man #2: "Should a company really need to certify something like that?"
/ [ He holds a box that says "dolphin free" ]
/ Man #1: "Look, to be honest, that's not even 100% guaranteed." / Caption: I need to find a new porno store. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1286#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Being Unemployed Has Made Dating a Lot Harder / Man: "Are you my mom? Because I'd like to live at your place." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1287#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Voice: "Wait! I'm currently in a quantum state of both cheating and not cheating on you! If you open the door, you'll collapse me into one or the other!" / Caption: Schrodinger was among the first physicists to observe quantum philandering. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1288#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman hands a man a condom. ] / Caption: "No thanks!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1289#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man holds a picture of a tree that reads "behind yonder oak is a lady..." ] / Caption: Amish porno is WEIRD. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1290#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, I know you're sad that the cat ate your hamster, but, you know, that's just part of the great circle of life."
/ Son: "The great circle of life?" / Caption: [ A cycle starts at "birth," moves to "crappy stuff happens to you," then "death." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1291#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: I hate when I get my phrases mixed / Doctor (to a man eating a steak): "Ah, the miracle of life!" / Doctor (to a new mother holding her baby): "You gonna eat that?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1292#comic |
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