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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I know it's not what you're here for, but would you folks mind indulging me? I've been working on a magic trick." / Man (hitting a woman with paper): "Presto!" / [ A "DENIED" stamp is printed on a home loan application ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1293#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Old Man: "Thank you doctor. I can only hope that, even as I die, my donated liver will help others."
/ Doctor: "I guarantee it." / Header: That evening...
/ Doctor: "Guess who can drink twice as much!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1294#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Know Your Proofs of God / Header: Ontological
/ [ A stick figure imagines a strong man with a big brain. ] / Header: Teleological
/ [ A neverending spiral of arrows ] / Header: Physiological
/ [ A nun whacks a boy with a ruler ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1295#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Batman: "Your bat-resignation?"
/ Alfred: "You bat-spent your entire bat-fortune on bat-hookers." / Caption: In my defense, many of them were standard hookers. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1296#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Old Man: "Hey, so did you get a chance with that new, uh, portfolio?"
/ Man: "Oh, yeah, uh, I will. I had a lot, uh, on my plate yesterday." / Caption: Peoplewatching Tip:
/ Every conversation is funnier if you imagine they had drunken sex last night. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1297#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two men rip and tear at each other. ] / Header: Moments prior... / [ The men pass each other as they both wear #1 Dad shirts. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1298#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "It's okay! I'm an anthropologist!" / Caption: Journal of Human Behavior - V. 21, 192 - 193
/ C. Todderson, et al.
/ The indigenous population of the women's restroom have a pathological opposition to science.
/ Introduction:
/ I am innocent! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1299#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: As the Economy Turned Down, Many of Us were Forced to Find Ways to Supplement our Income / Lawyer #1: "And as the boy lay there, bleeding in the darkness, whimpering for his mother to-"
/ Lawyer #2: "OBJECTION! Coca-Cola is delicious!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1300#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Marijuana:
/ The Gateway Drug / [ A boy smokes a blunt. ] / [ The boy smokes a pipe. ] / [ He smokes a blunt bigger than his head. ] / Man: "Say, lad, whatcha smokin' there?" / Boy: "YOUR SON!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1301#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Eve: "Adam...why have you covered yourself?"
/ Adam (wearing a fig leaf): "Uh...I, uh...I was ashamed of my nudity." / Header: Earlier... / Adam (to a fig tree): "Oh, hey there...whatcha doin' tonight?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1302#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Teacher (shooting a gun): "B is WRONG!" / Caption: Question:
/ What's the quickest way to improve test scores?
/ Answer:
/ Process of Elimination http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1303#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two men look at a canvas painted with "It's a painting. Anyone brave enough to say otherwise? $500,000." ] / Caption: "This piece comes from Picasso's 'f**king with the art community' period." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1304#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Wolverine: "Magneto!"
/ Magneto: "Ah, Wolverine. I thought you'd come. You've made quite a mistake tangling with a man who controls magnetic fields."
/ Wolverine: "We;ll see about that, bub." / [ Magneto uses his powers ] / Wolverine: "No." / Wolverine: "STOP!" / Wolverine: "AAAAAAGH!" / [ Pull out... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1305#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "Marty's feeling bad about his acne. Could you go try to cheer him up?" / Dad: "Uh...chicks dig scars?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1306#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Pick-up Tips:
/ Confidence Matters / Header: Normal Man / Man: "Someone better call Heaven, 'cause they're missin' an angel" / Header: "Confident Man / Man: "Someone better cal Heaven, 'cause they're missin' a condom." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1307#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Sphinx: "Before you pass, you must answer the riddle of the Sphinx! What walks on four feet at morning, two feet at noon, and three feet at night?"
/ Man: "A man."
/ Sphinx: "Wrong! It's this really weird goat I found!"
/ Goat: "Mah-ah-ah-ah!" / Caption: The Sphinx also accepts "some other weird goat"... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1308#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Scientist #1: "We've done it! Efficient nuclear fusion! Infinite energy at our fingertips!"
/ Scientist #2: "It's time to live the dream that physicists have dreamed for generations..." / [ They blow up the Chemistry Department with a giant laser ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1309#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I'm gonna kill your husband!"
/ Woman: "No! Please! Be reasonable! Lower the gun!" / Caption: "Another inch. Yeah, another inch. There. Now you're at the cerebellum." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1310#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Biographies Presents:
/ Leonherd Euler: A Legacy of Mathematics / Header: Berlin, 1748 / Euler: "I can only hope that this revelation will inspire future generations to discover the sublime beauty of mathematics." / Header: Modern Day / Man #1: "What did Euler find in the toilet?"
/ Man... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1311#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (thinking) :"Oh God! The plane's going to crash! Quick, think about something cool! You don't wanna die thinking something uncool! Oh, or should I think of the wife and kids?" / Caption: Fun Fact:
/ 95% of men die thinking of Batman. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1312#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Hey Sally! Let's have a thumb war!"
/ Girl: "I have a better game - thumb COLD WAR!" / Header: 50 years later / [ The boy and girl are old and disheveled and are still holding their thumbs away from each other ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1313#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Sir, would you like to protect large farm animals from abuse?"
/ Man: "We have to stop them!" / Caption: [ Newspaper heading reads "PROP. 439 PASSES! Only large animals now protected. Bunny torture proclaimed national pastime." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1314#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hi, uh, lady. Listen I know this is a phone sex line, but...right now, I feel like I can't do anything right, and...could you just tell me I'm doing okay?" / Caption: "You speed-dialed the wrong number again, son." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1315#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "HA! That's nothin'! You guys ever had hot wax melter lovingly over the small of your back?"
/ Man #2: "N-no..."
/ Man #1: "Well, neither had I...UNTIL LAST NIGHT!" / Caption: Todd's masturbation stories are really starting to creep me out. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1316#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: My attempt to cover for mom during her date went poorly / Man: "Oh! No, those aren't hers! Those are MY adult diapers for when she accidentally craps herself." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1317#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "That sorting algorithm was so...mmm...so elegant."
/ Man: "Oh, it was nothing baby."
/ Woman: "Please, don't wiggle your fingers like that. If I imagine you typing, I won't be able to control myself." / Caption: [ A downward sloping graph has a y-axis labeled "coolness of sex fantasies" and an... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1318#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Congratu-"
/ Man #2: "You're not funny, John! You. Are. Not. Funny." / Caption: Nobody seems to find the humor in my breakaway condoms. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1319#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "A lot of women have trouble relaxing in the stirrups, so I'll have some soothing violin music for you. It's made by my brother." / [ The doctor's brother walks in with a violin ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1320#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "You can't fire me! I QUIT! I'm taking my business to the streets!" / Caption: [ A propped up notecard reads "Obstetrics: $15 or best offer" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1321#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Sperm: "I did it! I got here first! I get to live! To live!" / Header: 30 years later... / Man #1: "The employee handbook says there's no need to wear a tie on Friday."
/ Man #2(from the sperm): "Sure, but="
/ Man #1: "Did you even read the employee handbook?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1322#comic |
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