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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Ugh. I hate this job. It's the same monotonous crap over and over."
/ Man #2: "Not anymore! I invented this sphere that goes over your nose, supplying a steady dose of cocaine to get you through the day." / Man #1 (dressed as a clown): "Heya kids!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1534#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dinosaur: "Save yourself mammal! We will fend off the asteroids!" / Caption: Paleontology texts have changed a lot since dinosaurs took over the school board. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1535#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Why helloooo there, Doctor Hiller."
/ Woman: "Please. PLEASE don't pretend my vagina has a voice." / Caption: It's not the ventriloquism that bothers me. It's the baritone. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1536#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Remember doing your school play? Imagine you had to do the same play every week for a single judgmental person, while naked." / Caption: Dad gave his usual sex talk. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1537#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "You just don't mean that much to me."
/ Woman: "Ted? My God! You assumed a new identity, seduced me, made me love you, and now you're leaving me, using the same line I used when I left you all those years ago! I suppose you think that's clever. Well, you'll get yours in due time, my love. All in... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1538#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ In a picture of the galaxy, an arrow points to a dot, indicating "you" ] / Man: "Are you saying I'm insignificant?"
/ Woman: "I'm saying you're fat." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1539#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Prince: "The glass slipper fits! You shall be my princess." / Prince: "You will live in my palace, surrounded by beauty." / Prince: "Your slightest whim will be delivered immediately." / Prince: "And you will always have my everlasting love." / [ They kiss ] / [ They smile at each other ] / Prince:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1540#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Your boobs." / Caption: The Make a Wish Foundation no longer works with teenagers. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1541#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "Mom, Dad! I have ennui!"
/ Dad: "Well, you should've made peace with the absurdity of human existence before we started driving!" / Caption: Dad eventually pulled over at a frozen lake, which represented the sublime beauty of impermanence, but he was pretty annoyed about it. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1543#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Wednesday
/ [ At a funeral, a buzzing sound comes from the grave ] / Header: Tuesday
/ Doctor: "He's having bizarre complications, but we'll do our best." / Header: Monday
/ Doctor: "The surgery went to perfection. That's why you hired your dear old uncle." / Header: Sunday
/ Doctor (during surgery):... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1544#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I had this dream where I'm in a submarine."
/ Psychiatrist: "Penis."
/ Man: "In the ocean."
/ Psychiatrist: "Vagina."
/ Man: "Which got attacked by two sharks."
/ Psychiatrist: "Two penises."
/ Man: "With mouths full of fangs."
/ Psychiatrist: "Vaginapen-"
/ Man: "STOP IT!" / Caption: I'm no longer getting... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1545#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man on cross #1: "Don't do it, Jesus." / Man on cross #2: "Yeah, it's not fair. We're mortals, and it isn't funny to us." / [ Jesus stares ] / [ Jesus smiles ] / Jesus: "Gimme a T!"
/ Men: "T..." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1546#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "What's the matter? Is something wrong with me?"
/ Man: "I just...I guess I thought everything would be...smaller..." / Header: 10 Years Prior / Teenager (holding up an iPOD): "Dude! You can get porno on these!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1547#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hi, I'm legally required to inform you that I'm a registered sex offender."
/ Woman: "Oh, hey, that's convenient. I'm required by law to inform YOU that I'M a sex offender." / Header: 20 Years Later... / Boy: "So, where did you first meet?"
/ Man and Woman: "Coffee shop!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1548#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Desire
/ Man #1: "I can break up with my girlfriend by text message, right?" / Header: Reality
/ Man #2: "If you don't do it in person, you're a jerk."
/ Man #1: "Yeah..." / Header: Compromise
/ [ Man #1 text messages his girlfriend to break up with her while he's sitting next to her ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1549#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: I wanted to dissolve the family after I died. / Man: "'And I leave all my fortune to whoever was least responsible for starting family squabbles.'" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1550#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mattress: "This is the end of the line, kid!"
/ Kid: "Not so fast, Mister Mattress! I've got one trick you haven't anticipated!" / Dad: "So...you wet the bed again?"
/ Kid: "That's the short version, yeah." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1551#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: We were in Arizona on our honeymoon, 50 years ago.
/ [ Man puts his hand on a rock as Woman takes a picture ] / Header: I was about to take a photo when it happened.
/ [ The rock starts to roll towards the man ] / Header: I knew I couldn't save him. Trapped in the horror of the moment, I instinctively... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1552#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | God: "From now on, you will have pain in childbirth!"
/ Woman: "So...NOQ when a baby spends hours working its way out of my vagina, it'll hurt?"
/ God: "Well, I-"
/ Woman: "How about you make the ocean blue or the sun bright?
/ God: "Hey, come on! Stop it!" / Caption: 4,004 BC: For the first time, God ... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1553#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Roman (holding up a man's head on a pike): "Let this head serve as a warning to all of you!" / Caption: "No more falling on pointy sticks!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1554#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Ten A.M. sharp, nine months from Tuesday!" / Caption: Sonya explains what she meant by "birth control." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1555#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "This is a drawing of an alligator having non-consensual sex with an armadillo."
/ Man #2: "No good?"
/ Man #1: "How about we write the names of political parties on the animals?" / Caption: I still remember my first day as an editorial cartoonist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1556#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I don't get it. If God watches over the Pope, why does he need to be encased in bullet-proof glass?"
/ Priest: "It's...complicated..." / [ Pope tries shooting people from inside his Popemobile ]
/ Pope: "Dammit, I hate this thing!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1557#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A bunch of men are dead in space ] / [ Pan down a long tube to see men jumping into the tube because they read the sign "free threesomes" while women watch and smile from behind a rock ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1558#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus: "I don't get it. You're all-powerful. Why do I have to die slowly and painfully? Can't you just magically absolve everyone's sins?" / God: "Do what you're told." / [ Jesus sighs ] / Jesus: "This is about the long hair, isn't it?"
/ God: "You look like an asshole!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1559#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The world would be better if all conspiracy theorists were married / Man: "Nine-eleven was an inside job!"
/ Woman: "So is doing your f**king laundry!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1560#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Parenting Strategy:
/ Convince your kids they don't like fast food / Dad: "So, how's your unicorn taste?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1561#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I get it. You need a miner's hat because-"
/ Man: "BECAUSE YOU'RE A SLUT!" / Caption: Sometimes I wish Mom had never entered gynecology. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1562#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Daughter: "Daddy! There's a monster under my bed!"
/ Dad: "Oh my God! I think he got into this flask of bourbon! I'll see if I can get him out!" / Caption: Being a father is all about multitasking. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1563#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Just shoot off their heads! Just shoot!"
/ Man #2: "I did! They keep coming!" / Caption: Once the chickens became zombies, the war was lost. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1564#comic |
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