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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Caveman (holding out a dead animal to a woman): "MEEEAAAAAT!" / Caption: Cavemen had much better pickup lines. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1690#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man points to a sign which reads, "Ultimate Diet: Just one rule - the only thing you can ear is other people on the ultimate diet." ] / Caption: We managed to solve obesity and overpopulation in one move. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1691#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I know it'd go against our modern sensibilities, but Eden is supposed to be a place of perfect joy. Why would Adam and Eve walk around with fig leaves stuck to their crotches?" / Caption: I narrowly managed to convince the Pope to repaint the Vatican with marijuana leaves. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1692#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Voice: "Do not be alarmed, humans! We once had bodies like you, but as our technology advanced, we transferred our consciousness to pure energy." / Caption: In retrospect, it was bad diplomacy to use one of the Centaurians to charge my phone. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1693#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: In 60 years, overpopulation is a serious problem. / Header: The fairest solution is to randomly terminate humans via space-based laser. / Header: The constant dread results in a steep rise in unprotected sex. / Header: Which necessitates more laser blasts. / Header: Which only exacerbates... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1694#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Rarrrrr!" / Girl: "Daddy, why are we running? He looks like a regular person!"
/ Dad: "He's an evolutionist!" / Dad: "Stay back! I have a knife!" / Man: "EVOLVE!" / [ Close up of the man's hand ] / [ The hand starts to become metal and changes shape ] / [ The hand is now a blade ] / Man:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1695#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "What I said wasn't racist! Racism isn't about the arbitrary sounds that make up a word or phrase! It's about INTENT!" / Caption: And Professor Talbot had never intended to get the crap beat out of him by a crowd of pissed off Armenians. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1696#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ An evolution cycle: a sloth-type creature, an early primate, an ape, a man with a spear, a man with a bow, a naked drunk riding a nuclear bomb, then back to the sloth-type creature ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1697#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Never Marry a Chemist / Woman: "So, by combining these two fluids, which when separated are devoid of color, we get red, the color ...of love."
/ Man: "Aww, Sandy..." / Woman: "We also get sulfur pentafluoride! Run! Run for your life!" / [ The man shrugs, looking angry and confused ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1698#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "No, no, it's a placebo pill. It's totally cool!" / Caption: There was one part of the "super-realistic spy gear" toy set that was a bit too macabre. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1699#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hiyoooooooo Silverrr!" / Man: "Wooohwooooooohhh! All aboard!" / Man: "3, 2, 1 blastoff fwoooosh! Fwooooosh!" / Caption: Rule of thumb:
/ If it was cool to do when you were five, it's not cool to do during orgasm. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1700#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Wrong Approach
/ Teacher: "Kids! Math is fun! It's like a safari to find the value of x." / Header: Right Approach
/ Teacher: "If you're a mathematician, there are about 10 people on Earth who understand what you do, and none of them have the power to fire you. You have no set hours, everyone... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1701#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I had this dream where I was a huge elongated tube traveling down a narrow shaft."
/ Man: "Really?! Did you have a sort of cold sensation?!"
/ Woman: "Freezing! Like a physical embodiment of the lost connection with my mother!" / Caption: Psychoanalysts:
/ Easiest group to screw with since 189... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1702#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A poster features a talking dog who says, "The way to have joy is to share it with others!" ] / Girl: "So you can't have it till you share it. But you can't share it will you have it. Is Donny Dog saying life is joyless? Answer me, Miss Ferguson! Statements have logical conclusions!" / Caption: Fortunately,... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1703#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Newton sits under a tree ] / [ An apple falls on his head ] / [ He holds the apple and looks at it ] / Newton: "That's it!" / Snake: "Mother f--ker!" / [ The apple Newton saw reads "Force of Gravity = G(M1M2/r^2") http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1704#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Voice from machine: "Oh f--k yeah. Oh, right there, bitch. Yeah, right there." / Caption: "Excitement over the Cat Translator died off quickly. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1705#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "My one regret is that our son always felt that I thought too much of...impermanent things." / Woman: "So, when I die, I want to use this process. They cremate you and turn the carbon into a diamond." / Man: "That's beautiful. What cut would you like?" / Woman: "Lens." / [ A laser kills a... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1706#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Long have we toiled to turn base metals into those things man values most. But I alone...have succeeded!" / Caption: Torbenius never revealed his method for turning lead into a threesome. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1707#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "My God...the aliens killed almost everyone."
/ Man #2: "Somehow, the only people who survived were foul-mouthed New Jersey thugs."
/ Man #3: "We've got to rebuild everything. Politics...philosophy...science..." / Header: 500 years later...
/ Woman: "So, using your methodology, how much mass does... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1708#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A couple walks by a man who is holding a sign that reads "will work for food." ] / Woman: "It's such a shame."
/ Man: "No, he just needs skills. I invented a chip that downloads a lifetime of calculus knowledge directly into your brain." / Man: "Come, sir..." / Man: "Let me change your life." / Header:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1709#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "How'd it go, doc?"
/ Doctor: "Imagine this napkin represents your lungs." / [ The doctor puts a cigarette out on the napkin ] / Man: "So, smoking finally did me in."
/ Doctor: "Uh, pretty much, yeah." / Header: Earlier...
/ Doctor: Whoops!"
/ [ The doctor drops a cigarette into the man's open surgery... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1710#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "It's an important epistemological concept!"
/ Woman: "Then take off your pants and let me see it."
/ Man: "Why you gotta ruin everything for me?" / Caption: Immanuel Kant hates when his girlfriend calls his penis "the thing-in-itself." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1711#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Look, if we fast forward then rewind over and over and over, suddenly it's like "wow, that guy's pretty good at this." / Caption: That was the last time Ted let me film our sex. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1712#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Think of the strangest thing that's true."
/ Man #2: "Okay."
/ Man #1: "Now add a monkey dressed as Hitler."
/ Man #2: "My god..." / Caption: Professor Bennet provides his proof that the truth is, in fact, not stranger than fiction. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1713#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: When people look at processed food
/ Woman: "Pyroxidine? Ergocalciferol? How many ingredients do you need in butter?" / Header: When people look at vitamin drinks
/ Man: "Wow! It's got ergocalciferol!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1714#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "We managed to defeat the dragon, but there was some significant...collateral damage." / Caption: Carpet bombing is not an efficient technique for rescuing princesses. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1715#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A bar graph with the y-axis labeled "awkwardness" and the x-axis labeled "phrases followed by 'just like in movies'" has a low bar titled "wow, you're an astronaut!," a middle bar titled "wow, you're homeless!," and a high bar titled "wow, you're a lesbian!" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1716#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandpa: "All right, grandkids. I'm too old to threaten you physically, so I've compiled a list of words that are uncomfortable to hear in my raspy yet moist elderly voice. First word...eeeeerrotic." / Caption: Grandpa convinced us to do our homework. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1717#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Pick-up Lines That Don't Work / Man: "I can orgasm on command, but only during the first two minutes of sex." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1718#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: With the comet upon us, and escape vehicles limited, a hard choice was made.
/ [ A comet hurdles towards Earth ] / Header: We would put all the children into spaceships, and send them off into the stars.
/ [ A couple preps a baby with a bottle as ships hover in the background ] / Header: We loved... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1719#comic |
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