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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | President: "My fellow Americans, this is Mister Barky, the cutest puppy ever. He's going to one of those scary jails you see in movies to await trial for a crime he didn't commit. Bail is set at 100 trillion dollars." / [ A newspaper headline reads, "Wealthiest People on Earth Band Together to Save... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1963#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ n=1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and d=0, 1, 3, 6, 10, 15 and each pair is associated with increasingly more complex shapes where n=number of women in a group and d=difficulty of approaching one and d=n((n-1)/2) ] / Man #1: "So you see it'd be ill-advised to-"
/ Man #2: "Just TALK to her!"
/ Man #1: "She's in a ... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1964#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy (dressed fancifully): "I pretend to live in a world with Victorian aesthetics and futuristic technology. It takes a lot of imagination, but-"
/ Man: 'Pff!" / Man: "Adults pretend to live in a world where the esteem of their office manager is existentially fulfilling." / Boy: "My God..." / Boy:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1965#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey Jesus! How come you never answered my prayers for world peace?" / Jesus: "sigh. Maybe you'd understand better if you saw me pray." / Man: "You pray too?" / Jesus: "Of course I do." / Jesus: "Dear insane space monkey who rules reality...please grant mankind world pea-" / Insane Space monkey:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1966#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor #1: "What's the most positive way to say 98%?"
/ Doctor #2: "Hmm..." / Header: Later...
/ Man: "Tell me, doc...what are the odds I don't survive another week?"
/ Doctor #1: "A+!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1967#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Law of Futurology:
/ y - t = 0
/ y = approximate number of years left in the life of a futurist
/ t = years futurist thinks it will be until immortality is discovered / Man: "Things are gonna change in 60 - 70 years." / Man (older): "Things are gonna change in 30 - 40 years." / Man (even... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1968#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Dr. Demaine created an algorithm that solved all mathematical theorems.
/ [ The doctor writes "O (sH*tYeA^H)" on a chalkboard ] / Header: Soon after, all physics questions were answered.
/ Man: "Inside protons are quarks, inside quarks are strings, inside strings is God telling you to fuck off." / Header:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1969#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | familiar 1: "hey, how's it going?"
/ andrew 310: "good. Thanks for the paper."
/ familiar 1: "yeah. no problem. hey, can I fuck your leg, or...?"
/ andrew 310: "what? NO! dude, we're not even in the same room."
/ familiar 1: "oh. right. i'm gonna go fuck some pillows."
/ andrew 310: "no!"
/ andrew 310: "NO."
/ andrew... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1970#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I think it's time we took our relationship to the next level. The physical lev-OH MY GOD I SWEAR I WASN'T GONNA TOUCH HER!" / Caption: The most useful tool in parenting is the laser pointer. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1971#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "And this is the mustard stain from the hot dog stand we ate at as we watched the sun set over the Pacific." / Caption: I really hate when dad wears the shirt I was conceived in. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1972#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Bad Outcome
/ Man: "I'm a sex offender. Yeah. I look the same as everyone else. Even your own neighbor." / Header: Good Intention
/ Man: "I think my Halloween costume should have a social message this year."
/ Woman: "Oh?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1973#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Dear God...please cure my daddy."
/ God: "Sorry, no can do, but if he does pull through, you can feel free to thank me." / Girl: "Dear philosophy...please make my daddy's illness acceptable."
/ Philosophy: "Reality is inscrutable so the concept of "dad" is not clearly meaningful. A better question... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1974#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Why We Don't Want Intelligent Machines / [ The computer screen reads, "The program is not responding. Close Program, Continue Waiting, or Apologize." ] / [ A man clicks on "apologize." ] / [ The computer screen reads, "I will open up if we can talk about the state of our relationship." ] / [... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1975#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Superman: "I stopped Superman from killing all of you once again." / Caption: Superman really isn't earning that key to the city these days. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1976#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man is covered in blood and looks horrified ] / Caption: It was the worst possible way to discover my wife's resonant frequency. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1977#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Dammit!" / Girl: "Dad, can you help with my homework?"
/ Man: "I told you I'm too busy complaining about public education online!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1978#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ People run screaming as a laser tears through the sky ] / Destructicus: "Hohohoho hahahaha!" / Woman: "Destructicus!"
/ Destructicus: "Yes?" / Woman: "It's over!"
/ Destructicus: But-" / Woman: "You spent the last 3 months building your stupid death laser and ignoring me! It's clear you only care... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1979#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Close up of an envelope addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Stu Jennings ] / Woman: "Dammit! I spent 6 years getting a PhD! Why does your name go on letters to us?" / Man: "Yeah, well I spent 36 years carefully preserving my penis! Does that mean nothing?" / Woman: "I spent 36 years with a vagina. What's... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1980#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Teacher: "Good question. Let's see what a group of Latin-obsessed 17th century introverts decided!" / Introverts: "NOOOO!" / Teacher: "Well, that settles that!" / Header: Earlier...
/ Girl: "Can I end my sentence with a preposition?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1981#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: How to React to a Controversial Judicial Ruling / [ The top of the flow chart reads, "do you agree with the ruling?" If yes, "cease thought. Begin party!" If no, "do you understand civics?" If no, "accuse judge of overturning democracy. Demand return to two branches of government as founding... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1982#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman sits on an exam table in a doctor's office ] / [ Something flashes before her eyes ] / Woman: "What the-" / [ She looks down at her lap, shocked ] / [ A piece of paper on her lap reads "results: normal" ] / [ It was the Pap Smear Ninja! ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1983#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "You just need to get the protons really close to each other! I told you that, like, thirty years ago and it's still not done?" / Caption: This is why experimental scientists hate theoretical scientists. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1984#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (hiding his computer screen): "It's not porn! It's creation science!" / Caption: Think about it. / The creationist "Descent of Man" is just a naked guy. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1985#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Sherlock Holmes: "Aha, Watson! You can see from the arrangement of the room that there has been a great increase in entropy. This suggests that the murder occurred some time in the PAST." / Caption: Fortunately, Sherlock Holmes never studied physics. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1986#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man uses a urinal ] / Man (at the sink): "Wait..." / Man (thinking): "If I touch the sink handle, I get whatever germs the last guy had." / Man (thinking): "If I don't touch it, the only thing I touch during the entire bathroom experience is my penis." / Man (thinking): "My penis is washed every... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1987#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Therapist: "You're here to talk about trust issues? Ha! Okay. I thought for sure it was fear of heights. I mean...imagine you're flying and your powers conk out for like two minutes. SPLAT!" / Caption: Superman now works as an accountant. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1988#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (thinking): "My God. I'm the only woman in the CS department. Shit. Everyone's going to try to date me." / Men: "Wanna get a coffee?" / Woman (thinking): "import nerdSort" / [ All five men go through a rearranging and sorting process ] / [ Complete.
/ Nerds sorted for least to most attractive.... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1989#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "What's this?" / Man: "It's just a piece of wood..." / Man: "Oh my God! Jesus' FACE is in this wood!" / Man: "Oh my God! On Jesus' nose on this piece of wood is the Virgin Mary!" / Man: "Oh my God! On the Virgin Mary on Jesus' nose on this piece of wood is a crucifix!" / Man: "Oh my God! On... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1990#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Goddammit, honey. Philbert killed Photoshop and put its remains in the middle of the desktop." / Woman: "Aww, he's giving you a present!" / Caption: This was the major problem with animal-to-machine brain uploads. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1991#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A bar graph with x-axis labeled "rhyming advice given to collegebound daughter" and y-axis labeled "awkwardness" has a small bar labeled "beer before liqor, never been sicker" and a large bar labeled "condom just broke, get the name of the bloke." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1992#comic |
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