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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (to woman): "I think we're incompatible, but in the short term I'd rather not have an awkward breakup conversation." / Man (to boss): "I hate working for you, but in the short term, I'd like to afford a bigger TV." / Man (older now and to a plate of bacon): "I know you're killing me, but in the... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2054#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien Blob: "Ugh, the universe's physics is too complicated. I'm gonna simplify some rules for out simulation." / More Humanoid Alien: "Ugh, the universe's physics is too complicated. I'm gonna simplify some rules for out simulation." / Humanoid Alien: "Ugh, the universe's physics is too complicated.... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2055#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Scientist: "I call it the Lorentz Fridge." / Scientist: "I put this plate of bacon in an accelerator, and boost it near light speed." / Scientist: "Two years later, I retrieve the bacon. Thanks to relativistic time contraction, the bacon has only aged one minute." / Scientist: "You'll notice it's... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2056#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Could I get a discount on this handjob? I only need the last ten seconds." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2057#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Lucy holds a football for Charlie Brown to kick ] / [ Charlie Brown runs up to the ball ] / [ He kicks the ball really far ] / Charlie Brown: "My God..."
/ Lucy: "Yes. You kicked it." / Lucy: "You feel an overwhelming sense of power for your achievement."
/ Charlie brown: "Yes..." / Lucy: "Only,... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2058#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "When you were 15, you could've stomached fried chicken with Oreo breading, but your parents wouldn't make it. By the time you can make it yourself, you can no longer stomach it!" / Caption: Professor Westover explains why he's an atheist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2059#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Maybe I'm just a naive undergrad, but you know what none of you "genius" economists account for in your equations?! The fact that you're fucking over the poor!" / Woman #1: "My God...he's right."
/ Woman #2: "All these years...how could we..." / Man #2: "No, wait. Here it is. Page 862." / [ He... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2060#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Hahahahahahahaha!" / Boy: "This entire time, I've had an unintentional erection! Thanks to my I.B.L.D., you've remained blissfully ignorant!" / Girl: "I.B.L.D.?"
/ Boy: "Improvised Boner Light Deflector!" / Girl: "So the fantasy novel you've been mashing in your crotch for the last five min-"
/ Boy:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2061#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hahahahaha! You'll never get to me now!" / Caption: Summer isn't as fun since the ice cream man got a boat. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2062#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: We found an alternate universe with no maximum speed.
/ [ A scientist mans a machine ] / Header: This permits the existence of infinite speed whenever Xia's five-body configuration randomly occurs. / Scientist: "The sudden appearance of infinite energy creates a point mass so dense that the... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2063#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Isn't nature beautiful? The sunset, the sweet Savannah breeze, theHOLY SHIT!" / Caption:
/ [ A small green circle titled "portion of Nature that is actually beautiful" is a speck within a large brown circle titled "WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD A TIGER MOUNT A DEAD RHINO?" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2064#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Dear God...please punch Bobby in the face." / Priest: "Susie! God doesn't do things like that."
/ Girl: "Sorry." / Girl: "Dear God, please pour boiling blood on Bobby's family." / Priest: "Much better!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2065#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "It's got a three phase AC synchronous split-phase induction motor with a modified turbo-encabulator." / Man: "It's got a...soft...nice-smelling outer surface designed for...snugness." / Caption: Male and female engineers rarely get together to talk about sex toys. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2066#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I've always been a bit of a geek."
/ Woman: "No you haven't!" / Woman: "From the past, I summon 18 year-old you!" / Man: "...Hey. What are you reading these days?"
/ 18 year-old Man: "What? Nothing. I'm mostly playing video games and trying to be cool." / Man: "That's not me! It's a lie!" / Woman:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2067#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: As Above, So Below / [ A triangle flow chart titled "The Military-Industrial Complex" shows Congress feeding into Defense Contractors, which feeds into Military, which feeds back into Congress explains that "The existence of a large defense industry increases the likelihood of war, which results... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2068#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Someday, brother, man will transfer his brain to machines.
/ [ A man's head is hooked up to myriad wires ] / Header: And we will travel the stars like great whales through the ocean of space.
/ [ A craft moves through space away from Earth ] / Header: And you may reach the edge of the universe... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2070#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A graph with y-axis labeled "desirability" and x-axis labeled "penis length in in" has a peak at 10in at "what most women want," another peak a little past 10 inches at "what most men want," and a very large peak at 10^5 at "collapsible space elevator." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2071#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Alchemists discovered transmutation.
/ Man: "By the power of aqua mirabilis, I transmute dirt into gold!" / Header: Economists ruined it...
/ Woman: "By the power of supply curves, I transmute your gold into who-gives-a-shit!" / Header: Politicians saved the day...
/ Man #2: "By the power of copyright... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2072#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I'm scared. What if reality is just a big simulation?"
/ Man: "Why would that be scary?" / [ The woman looks worried ] / Woman: "What if we really ARE made in God's image?" / [ God's computer screen reads, "C://cosmos and porn. Free space: 2%" ]
/ God (thinking): "Crap. Gotta clear up some space.... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2073#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "The Romans used lead pipes. Medieval people poured poop out the window. People in the 20th century played with mercury. I wonder what we're doing wrong."
/ Man: "The only thing that's certain is that it'll be unexpected." / Caption:
/ 2110 A.D.
/ [ A newspaper header reads, "A Mother's Love: Nature's... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2074#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ One newspaper header reads, "Will the World End in 6 Months?" A journal cover reads, "Was Darwin Wrong?" "Sci-Mag" cover reads "Is a Universal Cure Around the Corner?" ] / Caption:
/ New Rule for Science journalism:
/ If your article can be summarized as "No." don't write it. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2075#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Dear Lord, I'm a comedian. Please let me die in a humorous way." / Header: 50 years later
/ [ The old man lays in bed ] / Man: "Where's my son?' / Nurse: "He was flying in to see you before you died...but his plane crashed." / [ The man is about to cry ] / God: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2076#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Sad Truth:
/ Just because someone agrees with you on one thing, it doesn't mean you're on the same side / Man: "I'm fine with gay people marrying."
/ Woman: "Me too!"
/ Man: "I mean, that's just more room in heaven for me." / Man #2: "Sexism hurts everyone."
/ Man #3: "Exactly!"
/ Man #2: "I mean,... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2077#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "What the..." / Woman: "Where are we?"
/ Man: "I don't-" / Old woman: "You have 30 minutes of oxygen. If you do not make me grandchildren in that time, you will suffocate!" / Man: "I can't do this while your mom watches!"
/ Woman: "You think I can?!" / Old Woman: "Twenty-nine minutes! Every breath... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2078#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dinosaur: "Oh, hi kids! I'm uncomfortable Truthasaurus!" / Dinosaur: "I understand that after school specials have lied to you about basic life facts." / Dinosaur: "So, before you enter high school. I want to correct some misconceptions you may have about how things work." / Dinosaur: "Misconception:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2079#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: This is why people should learn statistics: / Woman: "I will NOT fly in a plane! They aren't safe from terrorists!" / Woman: "Hold on. I'll text you an article about it." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2080#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandma: "WHY? Why, Billy?!"
/ Boy: "It wasn't me! I was making faces at her! That's all!" / Caption: Fact:
/ If you spend your whole life being good and kind, when you reach old age, just once, you can ruin an annoying child's life. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2081#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Everything is in flux! Cells of our bodies are dying and being born right now! We're surrounded by constantly changing magnetic and electric fields and sounds and light we can't even see!" / Man: "I don't see how that applies." / Woman: "It doesn't, but it's neat!" / Header: Moments ago.
/ Woman... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2082#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Ugh. I got fired from my job at the pet store."
/ Man #2: "For what?"
/ Man: "A spoonerism."
/ Man #2: "What's that?" / Man: "It's when you switch the first letters of two words."
/ Man #2: "How can you get fired for that?" / Man: "Well, we have this puppy who's small, but tough...and we were showing... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2083#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "God, could you make a stone so heavy, even you couldn't life it?"
/ God: "Hmm...let's see..." / Caption: Fun fact:
/ The universe always collapses for the same reason. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2084#comic |
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