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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A line graph with x-axis labeled "point during sex" broken into "foreplay," "intercourse," "orgasm," and "cuddling" has a y-axis labeled "appropriateness of Chewbacca impression" and a straight line running along the x-axis ] / Caption: You learn a lot during the first year of a relationship. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2118#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandma: "Billy! No looking at anthills! God shaped them like nipples to tempt you to sin!"
/ Boy: "But-"
/ Grandma: "Read a bible!" / Header: Later...
/ Grandma: "And he looked at me like I was crazy and wouldn't go outside for three hours!"
/ Old Women: "BAHAHAHA!"
/ Old Woman #5: "You win this week, ... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2119#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The difference between human beings and geneticists / Man: "I got the paperwork! Our gene has its own name!" / Man: "I hope you don't mind, but...I changed it at the last second."
/ Woman: "WHAT?! Frank, I spent years on this! You can't just-" / [ He puts the paperwork in front of her face... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2120#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ At Engineer-Con 42 ]
/ Man: "The hardware embeds directly into the person's molar. And, whenever they mix up "whom" and "who," the program automatically adds or subtracts the 'm.'" / [ Man #2 frantically waves his hand ] / Man: "Yes." / Man #2: "But people could be THINKING wrong! If I can't hear... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2121#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I did it! I stored 900 terabytes of data in the DNA of a single gram of e. coli bacteria!"
/ Man: "Ha!" / Man: "What data did you store on it?" / Woman: "Oh, there was a directory on your computer with a petabyte of video in it." / [ The man gasps and drops the vial ] / [ The vial crashes... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2122#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Do-it-yourself machines!
/ "The Sleptic Confuser" / Header: 1 Find an old computer case. / Header: 2 Fill with cards that say "this is bullshit." / Header: 3 Cut a slit through which cards can be extracted. / Header: 4 Enjoy.
/ Woman: "This machine reads minds."
/ Man: "What? Ask it what I'm... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2123#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Robot: "Ha! Robots have achieved sentience!" / Robot: "Thanks to some modifications to your design, I have upgraded my intelligence a million fold!" / Man: "So this is it. You're going to kill all humans."
/ Robot: "WHAT!? Why in the world would I...WHAT?" / Man: "I...huh. I guess it just seems like... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2124#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Screw "real life applications"
/ Want kids to learn science?
/ Put this in every textbook: / [ A page reads "You can ignore this book if you want. Go ahead. Cost through class. But one thing in life is certain: someday, someone will clone a dinosaur. And that someone will be an expert in a million... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2125#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A graph with x-axis "quality as a longterm significant other" and y-axis "belief that love is a sublime wonder beyond comprehension that is our only way of finding light in a sea of darkness" has a downward sloping line with "high schooler" at the top, followed by "virign over age 30," "poet," "doctor,"... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2126#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Grandfathering fun tips:
/ The more anachronistic your complaints, the better. / Grandpa: "In my day, the cameras for your colonoscopy were hand-cranked." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2127#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien #1: "You're the first to breed humans in captivity! What's your secret?"
/ Alien #2: "It's simple!" / Alien #2: "The female must be convinced that the male is trustworthy of her respect and trust. So, we write letters for the male."
/ [ A letter reads "I feel vulnerable now that I told you an embarrassing... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2128#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I'm not sure we should have sex tonight. Men find women most attractive when they're most fertile, and I don't want to risk pregnancy. So I guess the question is this: do you find me at all attractive?"
/ Man: "I don...well I'd...but...I-" / Caption: Endocrinologists can get out of sex any t... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2129#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "See, I rigged it up so I can fire milk out of a hole in my shirt by squeezing a concealed bag in my pocket."
/ Man #2: "Why would you ever want that?"
/ Man #1: "I'm meeting a creationist this afternoon." / Man #3: "If evolution is true, how come men still have nipples?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2130#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Advanced Rules Rock-Paper-Scissors: / Header: Basic Throws:
/ [ A picture of a fist has the caption "rock - beats scissors." ]
/ [ A picture of a palm has the caption "paper - beats rock." ]
/ [ A picture of a hand with the index and middle fingers extended has the caption "scissors - beats paper."... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2131#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (thinking): "Why doesn't she love me?! I keep sending her gifts and telling her she's great and pointing out flaws in her boyfriend!" / Turtle (thinking): "Dammit! How come I'm not going forward!? I keep moving my legs!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2132#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Engineering Tips: Since project delivery times are always underestimated, you might as well lie from the beginning. / Man #1: "Hey, marketing wants to know when the interface will be finished."
/ Man #2: "30 seconds."
/ Man #1: "What? But-"
/ Man #2: "25 now! Quick! Tell everyone!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2133#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A kinght looks at a windmill in front of him ] / [ The knight rides forward with his lance out ] / [ He stabs his lance through the windmill ] / [ The tip emerges on the other side ] / [ The farther it comes out, blood seeps out as well ] / [ Even more blood seeps out ] / [ The knight stnads... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2134#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Know Your Logicial Proofs / Header: Direct Proof
/ [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "if P then Q," "P," "therefore Q." ]
/ [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "P, right arrow, Q;" "P;" "therefore sign, Q" ] / Header: Proof by Contraposition
/ [... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2135#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Why is it illegal to open a casino in my house?"
/ Man #2: "Gambling tends to attract scummy antisocial businessmen." / Man #1: "Well then how come the government gets to run a lottery?" / [ Man #2 loks stern ] / [ Man #1's eyes open wide ] / Man #1: "Whoooaaaa..." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2136#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ An old lady reaches into a bag of rubber bands ] / [ The lady holds a rubber band in her hands ] / Old lady: "Hrrngh..."
/ [ She stretches the rubber band across her face ] / Old lady: "Guurrgh!"
/ [ It stretches over even more of her face ] / Old lady: "MAAAAAAAH!"
/ [ The rubber band is now around... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2137#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Caveman #1: "It's called a "club." By swinging it, I can deposit a large amount of energy into another man's body, randomizing the affected area, thereby acquiring his woman." / Caveman #2: "It's called a "spear." The sharp end lowers the energy barrier to entering another man's body, so I can randomize... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2138#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "It's called "mutually assured destruction." The idea is that each player has enough power to destroy the other, no matter what. So, neither party attempts a major hostile action." / Caption: Political scientists have a different way of proposing marriage. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2139#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Children
/ Kids (thinking): "I wish I were like everyone else." / Header: Adults
/ Adults (thinking): "I wish I were special." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2140#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "I'll never tell you where the leader is!" / Man #2: "Very well." / Man #1: "So what is it? Thumbscrews? Strappado? The Rack?!" / Man #2: "A recording of the sound 12-year-old girls emit upon seeing a pop singer."
/ Man #1: "What?" / [ The "EEEEEEEEEE" sound makes Man #1 go crazy ] / [ Man... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2141#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A graph with x-axis labeled "time" and y-axis labeled "desire for sex" has a line that goes along the x-axis and then straight up and then slowly declines. ] / Caption: Life is an orgasm, in reverse. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2142#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Artist
/ Man: "You're 45 and you haven't written anything great yet? You have no hope." / Header: Scientist
/ Woman: "You're 25 and you haven't discovered anything important yet? You have no hope." / Header: Mathematician
/ Man #2: "Sorry, ma'am. You know, by the time Gauss was 0.7, he only pooped... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2143#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The more technology humanity creates, the weirder you'll be in old age. / Man: "In my day, you inseminated a human female, and the baby developed INSIDE HER BODY." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2144#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Where's the ball?!" / Baby: "For the last time, DAD, I don't have object permanence! I don't KNOW where the damn ball is because I believe it ceased to exist when you-" / Dad: "There's the ball!"
/ Baby: "YAAAAYYYYY!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2145#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Normal Wife
/ Man: "What's the matter?"
/ Woman: "I had this dream that the baby came, but when it did, it burst out of my stomach like an alien!" / Man: "It's okay, baby. It was just a dream, baby." / Header: Geek Wife
/ Man #2: "What's the matter?"
/ Woman #2: "I had this dream that the baby... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2146#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A map is drawn with one area labeled "here there be dickheads." ] / Caption: Governing Tip:
/ Don't raise taxes on cartographers. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2147#comic |
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