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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: What is said:
/ Dad: "Grow up and get a real job!" / Header: What is meant:
/ Dad: "You should be as unhappy as I am!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2269#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Gimme all your wallets, or I'll expose my nipple to this baby!"
/ [ She looks like she is going to breast feed ]
/ Voice #1: "NO!"
/ Voice #2: "He's innocent!"
/ Voice #3: "You monster!" / Caption: The least dangerous disgruntled employees work at the FCC. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2270#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Soldiers climb into a Trojan Horse ] / [ The people at the opposing castle regard it with thought ] / [ The wooden horse is let in the gates ] / [ The soldiers kill all of the opposing forces after they bust out of the horse ] / Woman: "I don't want a serious relationship. I just want more chances... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2271#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Pff! A CHEMIST? Go back to your little beakers and tubes, sweetie. This is a PHYSICS conference." / Header: Earlier...
/ Man: "What do you study?"
/ Woman: "One atom. How about you?"
/ Man: "Two." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2272#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Do you think we'll ever make an 'island of stability' element?"
/ Woman: "Definitely." / Man: "It's just strange that there should be a whoel group of stable elements that exist nowhere but in our lab."
/ Woman: "Yeah." / [ They both stare up into the night sky ] / Woman: "Have you considered... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2273#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "Susie, what was that question you asked me last week?" / Girl: "Why do tears come out of my eyes when I'm sad?" / Mom: "Oh, sweetie." / Mom: "Tears are made of sadness, and they come out when you cry. So, when you cry, it's not because you're sad. It's because you're becoming happy." / [ The... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2274#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "If one person kills someone, 50% of the people involved are victims. If 99 people kill someone, 1 % of the people involved are victims. The percent victims is given by V=the limit of k/x as x approaches infinity, where k is people killed, and x is the number of people involved. Thus, for sufficiently... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2275#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: A few days ago, my nephew was reading my comics for the first time.
/ [ A little boy reads "Save Yourself Mammal!: An SMBC Collection" ] / Header: His first question was:
/ Boy: "What does 'soda-mized' mean?" / Header: This is what I wish my response had been:
/ Zach: "Well, when a mommy and daddy... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2276#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A baby looks confused as it is falling through nothing, just blank white space ] / Baby: "Oh, God! I'm the only thing in reality...they're all dead...not even dead - they never were...because time is gone too..." / Baby: "I'm the only mind in all of reality. HAHAHA! No, NO DON'T give in...stay sane.... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2277#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Tensions mount at the Theology conference
/ Man: "Could God create yo mama so fat, even HE couldn't lift her?!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2278#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A graph with x-axis "time" and y-axis "number of people who view environmentalism as an ethical concern" quickly peaks at "pollutant-dumping tube to space invented" and then drops quickly ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2279#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Lunar Geeklipse: When a geek allows a single desirable quality in a potential mate to hide more fundamental problems.
/ Man: "Sally and I get along fantastically, but Katie loves video games and comics..."
/ Man #2: "Katie? The racist girl who punches you in the neck?"
/ Man: "Yeah...isn't she amazing?" / Header:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2280#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Priest: "Why would I be anti-gay? God specifically says gay sex is preferable." / Man: "W-what? Where?" / Caption: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2281#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (thinking): "I hate having periods."
/ Man (thinking): "I hate wearing condoms." / Mom: "And nine months later, you were born!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2282#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Fun fact: Anything that happened prior to 1945 can be made to look bad by referencing atomic bombs.
/ Man: "I'm just saying. Nuclear wars before women's suffrage: 0. Nuclear wars after women's suffrage: 1." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2283#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: After several people died of starvation while online, the Government stepped in.
/ Man: "Humanity is inundated with too much information! Therefore, we've mandated a limit on memory storage density set at the level obtained in 1982." / Header: It was a loss for art and science, but a gain for... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2284#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman #1: "I can't believe he's still going."
/ Woman #2: "I thought for sure he'd realize it was a psychological experiment within weeks!"
/ Man: "He must ACTUALLY think other people LIKE this stuff." / Caption: Fun fact:
/ There is no such thing as reality TV.
/ You sick bastard. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2285#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: In the future, everything is games.
/ [ People walk around with virtual reality masks on ] / Header: Capitalizing on the human preference for simple reward systems, sociologists were able to make people smarter, fitter, and more ethical.
/ [ A screen shows "eat celery: 400 points," "read Steinbeck:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2286#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Madam President...you wished to see me?" / President: "You've invented a time machine." / Man: "A Tachyon Receiver. You can't travel. Just transmit information." / President: "Our democracy allows citizens one Presidential vote every four years. So, technically, there'd be nothing wrong with... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2287#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Pff. How can anyone believe psychics. They just say the vague and obvious and pass it off as clairvoyance." / Header: Later...
/ Man on TV: "The market is headed for a downturn at some point in the future." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2288#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Satan: "Welcome to the afterlife, human!"
/ Man: "There is no torture so horrible that a human won't eventually fetishize it." / Caption: This is why I don't believe in Hell. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2289#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "Son, you have a lot of flaws to work on. So I've made a list of them, and from now on, I'm going to call them out in the night while making love to your father. When you've improved in every way, your nights will be silent again." / Son: "Couldn't...couldn't you just ground me?"
/ Mom: "No."
/ Son:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2290#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Ugh. They're replacing human doctors with medical analysis machines." / Woman #2: "Why is that bad?" / Woman: "I take it you've never consulted the Internet for medical advice?" / Header: Later...
/ Robot Doctor: "It's almost certainly just stress or a cold."
/ Woman #2: "Okay, good."
/ Robot... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2291#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: God is like a table held on three legs.
/ [ A table stands on three legs labeled "omniscient," "omnipotent," and "omnibenevolent" ] / Header: On top of the table is a ball called theodicy*
/ [ The ball sits in the middle of the table ] / Header: The ball is out of reach, but we want it.
/ [ A... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2292#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hi, dad, my...uh, FRIEND, for his, uh, penis-shaped thing stuck in a vaccum that's the same as yours. How would you...do you think...go about extracting it? On an unrelated topic, please don't come downstairs for another hour." / Caption: The answer to every question that begins with "I wonder... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2293#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman reads a book that states "once you truly understand mathematics, you will see beauty everywhere." ] / Header: Later...
/ Man: "I noticed you've been staring at me all day. You like what you see, baby?" / Woman: "Sooo...beautiful...
/ [ She eyes his love handles and sees they correspond to the... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2294#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: To punish my high schoolers for overusing their thesauri, I set up a fake website.
/ [ The teacher sits at her computer ] / Header: It looked like a thesaurs, but was nothing but fancy-sounding fake words.
/ [ The screen reads:
/ Conversation:
/ synonyms - speechitating, mutuodialogation, sonocommunicessence
/ antonyms... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2295#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Caveman: "If good, when die, go to Meatland!" / [ A cave drawing shows a stick man runnig towards a pile and yelling, "meat!" ] / Caveman: "If bad, when die, go to NO MEATLAND!" / [ Another cave drawings shows a sad stick man crying, "NO MEAT!" ] / Caveman #2: "How be good, get to Meatland?" / Caveman:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2296#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Thanks to the magic of exponential population growth, the future is bright! Imagine driving to work in a carriage made of babies! You stop in a restaurant made of babies for a tender baby sandwich. When you get to work, it's easy, because your boss is a baby and can't verbalize commands!" / Caption:... http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2297#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Why doctors shouldn't study philosophy:
/ Doctor: "The good news is you'll die slowly over the next few weeks. The bad news is that you don't contextualize that as good news." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2298#comic |
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