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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man in Hell: My banana split doesn't have enough whipped topping... / Devil: THATS BECAUSE YOURE IN HELL!" / Caption: Since most devils are actually angels fallen from Heaven, they don't really have a good sense of how to torture. / So, basically what I'm saying is - you know that busload of nuns you forced into the Grand Canyon? Don't lose too much sleep over it.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=301
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: "Oh STEVE!" / Steve: "HEY!" / Caption: "How the hell does she know my name!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=302
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal AquaJerk: "You're under arrest Pterrordactyl!" / Pterrordactyl: "Oh we'll see about THAT AquaJERK!" / Caption: '"I don't think I like your tone very much," muttered AquaJerk.'
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=303
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Doctor: Now we make a minor incision in the corpus callosum. You may notice some bleeding, which is to be expected. / Caption: The kidney transplant was going poorly.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=304
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man/Father: Knock knock. / Son: Who's there?! / Man/Father: Not mommy ever again. / Caption: Still, it was better than my initial idea for "Why did the chicken cross the road? Your mother's a corpse."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=305
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Todd: Honey! I'm back! And I brought some filthy whores! / Caption: Apparently, Todd had made some creative changes to the grocery list.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=306
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man/Inmate: Pain isn't real! The flesh is Weak! The fleash is WEAK! / Caption: Nothing was gonna keep me from that PTA meeting.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=307
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: And so now I'm just really sensitive about my appearance. I take everything personally, you know? / Woman: Hey, that's okay. I hear a lot of fat chicks feel that way... / Caption: "Not that that applies to you, of course," Ted noted quickly, "but I don't have much advice for unattractive girls with... just... really awful hair. I mean wow. Maybe conditioner? Something."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=308
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: You know, the weird thing was that, as I strangled him, I could feel his soul bleeding out through my fingers, down into the dirt. That's how I know there's a hell, and some day I'll bleed down into it too. / Caption: We're currently considering other babysitting options.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=309
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Reporter: "President Toddler! What do you say to allegations that your administration sold plutonium to rogue nations, then tortured and killed American citizens to hide the truth?" / President Toddler: "UH! OH!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=310
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Father: And so the sum should be no greater than $114.27 / Caption: Dad gave a fairly pragmatic version of "the talk."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=311
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman/Wife: "Honey, I'm SO glad we waited." / Caption: "Ted went on to explain how it might be better if we saw other people."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=312
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Note: You ate my fries, jerk! / Caption: Admittedly, it wasn't the most inspired suicide note.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=313
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman/Wife: Hey honey. Where are the kids? / Man/Husband: Scrumptious! / Caption: As I pondered what exactly his meaning was, I began to wish I hadn't ignored the portion of Steve's wedding vows about "feasting on your innocent womb-givings."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=314
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Father: G'night pumpkin. Say, did you want a bedtime story tonight? / Daughter: Well, I - / Gun: click / Caption: The father-daughter relationship has a subtle language all its own.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=315
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Zombie Kid 1: Braiiins! Braiiins? / Zombie Kid 2: Braiiins! / Billy: Spleens! / Caption: Billy just didn't get it.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=316
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: How is there barbeque sauce on the back of your shirt? / Caption: This was our fourth date. Does she have to ask the same question every goddamned time?
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=317
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal SMBC Presents: Life Tips! / Inmate: Are you SURE about this? / Lawyer: Hey, who went to law school TWICE, huh?! / Life Tip #1: "The bitch had it coming" is not a recognized legal defense.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=318
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: DAVE! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHAVE YOUR SIDEBURNS AND THE ALIENS WON'T DESTROY THE WORLD! / Dave: AND WHAT KIND OF WORLD WOULD WOULD IT BE? HUH?!
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=319
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Mr. Thompson: I want you to know - if I die, I want you to eat my corpse! / Take my flesh that you may live! / Caption: Mr. Thompson just really wasn't cut out to teach first grade math.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=320
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Criminal: No Professor Brainington! Don't do it! Please! I'll give the bank back its money! I swear! / Professor Brainington: Oh I'm afraid it's a bit too late for that, criminal. / Criminal: Ah!
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=321
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: I am NOT stalking you! Look, here's a picture of you in the bathroom. Do you see me in it? Noooo.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=322
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Boy: Grampa! Can we have money for ice cream? / Grandfather: They will never. Ever. Find your bodies. / Caption: Grampa always had a colorful way of saying no.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=323
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: I'm sorry I stopped talking I just... I'm suddenly lost in your eyes. I was going to ask you to walk down to the pier with me, but I feel like I can see the whole ocean right here. / On his hat: No matter what I say, I'm dumping you at the end of the date. / Caption: What is she staring at? Oh God. Oh God. Which hat am I wearing?
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=324
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Sally: That's what you get! You get beat with snakes! / Crack! / Caption: Sally took the break-up a lot better than I had expected.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=325
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman/Girlfriend: You killed my cat! What kind of boyfriend are you!? / Man/Boyfriend: Hey! Hey! I'm not a mindreader, okay?! I don't just magically know if you want your cat to remain alive! / Geez!
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=326
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Son: (curse word symbol) you, dad! / Caption: (curse word symbol) is the symbol for the most offensive sound in any language. You've never heard it, but if you did, you'd be so horrified you would lose all ability to think or move. / You mother (curse word symbol)er.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=327
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Dr. Ericson: Hey, I don't care what anyone says. I'm doing this because I really do believe children are the future. / Caption: Dr. Ericson flashed a soft avuncular smile as he shoveled another three year old into the time machine's reactor core. / Who knows, maybe someday it would work.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=328
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Jane: *sigh* / Bumper sticker: -MY KID- COULD STAND TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS AT BARTON CREEK ELEMENTARY / Caption: Jane sometimes wished she had just spent the extra dollar and got the "honor student" bumber sticker.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=329
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Policeman: Son, do you know how fast you were going? / Man: Fourteen kilos of heroin! / Caption: It wasn't my smoothest moment, but I sure as hell got out of that speeding ticket.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=330
 

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