You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Secret Service Agent: Sir, I can't just let you into the president's press conference. / Reporter: Oh?! Well maybe THIS will change your mind! / Caption: / (picture of a napkin that reads: "I have a MySpace account")
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=361
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Father: And that's where babies come from. / Daughter: Ewww... / Caption: Even at a young age, I was disgusted by that thing on Dad's forehead.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=362
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal SMBC PRESENTS: EPISODES IN ETYMOLOGY (word origins) / Man 1: Look at this sandwich! It's as big as a submarine! / Man 2: Sandwich? Submarine?! That's it! / Caption: December 3, 1928: The first recorded use of the word "fat-ass."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=363
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Panel 1: / Father: Of course democracy is best for a COUNTRY. But, for the family unit, we have something like communism. We all share our income for the common good. / Daughter: Okay, that makes MORE sense. / Father: Now go to your room and do your homework. / Panel 2: / IMAGE [Daughter doing homework in front of a communist poster reading "DAD"]
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=364
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Daughter: Mom! You shaved my head! How could you! / Mother: Hey, how was I supposed to know that prom is tomorrow! / Daughter: Prom is tomorrow?! / Mother: Shutup! / Caption: I like to think I'm a patient mother, but honestly, do we have to have the same discussion every single year?
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=365
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: Enjoying your MEAT? / MURDERER! / Man: Oh geez... / Caption: Can't we just have one dinner date where she doesn't mentoin the time I shot her mom?
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=366
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [[Ted sits on a bed listening to Laurie]] / Laurie: Ted, you aren't even attractive! / Caption: Laurie explains why she's still a virgin.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=367
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Laurie: Ted, you aren't even attractive! / Laurie explains why she's still a virgin.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=367#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Moloch: I am Moloch! Lord of pestilence! / Woman: Moloch, what did you just splash on me? / Moloch: Water I sneezed on two days ago! Hahaha ha haha! / Woman: ... / Moloch: Can we go out Friday? / Woman: I told you we're broken up. / Moloch: I'm sorry.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=368
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man 1: Your mama's so fat, she rolled over four quarters and made a dollar! / Todd: Your mama's so fat, here's a picture of her tied up in my basement! / Caption: Todd wins the insult war.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=369
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman (thought bubble): My God, That was terrible. Quick, think of a way to break up with him! / Woman: I have herpes! / Man: Wow, you too?!
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=370
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: Steven, this is our lovechild. / Man: Reno 2003, or Tijuana '02? / Woman: Actually, Atlantic City, 2004. / Man: Honey! Another bastard offspring of one of my drunken affairs! / Wife: I hate you! / Man: Sign here please.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=371
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: People who think we're smarter than animals are dumb. Look at dolphins! They're smart enough to not pollute the earth! And don't get me started on how smart the... (trails off) / Man: Uh huh. Uh huh. Really? Wow... / Caption: It was a good ten minutes before that black widow finally struck.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=372
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Grandpa: Sweetie, how do I put on my pants again...? / Mother: By putting your legs in the holes, dad. / Grandpa: Thank you. I was way off... / Caption: We later discovered that grampa had shot the dog.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=373
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: Oh hi, are you the Electro-mat 5-billion? / Electro-mat 5-billion: Yes I responded to your online dating inquiry. / Woman: Tell me about yourself. / Electro-mat 5-billion: I am programmed to feel only true perfect love or pure unrbidles hatred! / Woman: Wow. / Electro-mat 5-billion: That was so lovely, the way you just said that... / Woman: Well thanks, I - / Electro-mat 5-billion: Shut your face you ugly whore!!!
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=374
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Father: Daddy! My arm's asleep! / Daughter: Uh oh! Time for CPR! / Father: Clear!
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=375
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: Let me in son. I'm CIA / [[Man reveals a piece of paper with writing on it]] / I steal nuclear secrets / Caption: Forgery is not my forte.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=376
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Mother: Aren't you going to eat your oatmeal? / Daughter: Ever since my Dog Larry died choking on my Hamster Stuart I don't care about anything. / Mother: Wow, nothing? Really? / Caption: "We're getting a divorce. Ooh! And grandma died!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=377
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Lord Hottington: And now my dear, we shall make zeh love. / Ms. Timmons: But Lord Hottington! You are an Italian, French, and British count! I'm just a simple middle school teacer from the Midwest on a quest to find the meaning of romance! / Caption: Lord Hottington had Ms. Timmons removed from the premises immediately.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=378
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: Hey Anti-Steve, I want you to meet my NEW boyfriend - STEVE. / Caption: Part of me wondered if she was just doing this to irritate me.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=379
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Wife: Where ya goin? / Husband: Out with the guys. / Wife: Which guys? / Husband: The GUYS, okay? / Caption: Geez, the way she's talking you'd think I cheated on her twice.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=380
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: Honey... I'm pregnant... and uh... it's yours... / Caption: There are many unique challenges in a lesbian relationship.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=381
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: Ain't nuthin like cheatin' baby! / Yeah! / ... / I'm sorry, that was, like, the running gag at the stag party last night. Anyway, where was I... / Oh yeah! / Caption: "I do."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=382
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Anchorman: Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt your regularly scheduled program for a live broadcast of f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k. / CAPTION: We have since fired our teleprompter guy.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=383
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Daughter: Mom! My barbies! / Mother: They were possessed by THE DEVIL! / Daughter:They were not! / Caption: Like most arguments, this one ended with one of my dolls vomiting brimstone.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=384
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Daughter: "Mom! My Barbies!" / Mom: "They were possessed by THE DEVIL!" / Daughter: "They were not!" / Caption: Like most arguments, this one ended with one of my dolls vomiting brimstone.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=384#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man #1: "Hey! Those are my kids you're eating! Hell-ooooo!" / Man #2: "Heh. Can't fight City Hall, eh pal?" / Caption: Part of me regrets voting Murdersaurus for mayor.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=385#comic
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ Mom cracks a whip and knocks a soda can out of her son's hand ] / Caption: Mom didn't like it when I slurped my soda. / Fortunately, this time she missed and hit the can.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=386#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Superhero: "Sorry crook! Invincible man is here to-" / Caption: We were informed at the funeral that Invincible Man had no real powers.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=387#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Judge: "Why are you holding a knife?" / Man: "My lawyer thought it'd be good for the jury to see me NOT stabbing toddlers." / Judge: "And what's that red stuff on your knife?" / Man: "Fresh ADULT blood." / Caption: Ten minutes later, we voted to acquit.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=388#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: "It's not what it looks like officer! It's ketchup!" / Caption: That's right - they broke my ketchup bottle, so I shot them!
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=389#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: "God, why do bad things happen to good people?" / God: "Because it's funny!" / Man: "So, when my son fell off that bridge-" / God: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=390#comic
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>