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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Humphrey Bogart: "Gwarghh. Rarrrhgh. Muahghh."
/ Woman: "Help. Help." / Caption: My favorite King Kong adaptation is the one from the 40s, starring Humphrey Bogart. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=453#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man sees his car is damaged and a note that reads "sucker!" ] / Caption: I try to always leave a note when I ding someone's car. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=454#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two firemen hit a man with their fire hoses. ]
/ Fireman #1: "How could you let your house catch fire?!"
/ Fireman #2: "Yeah idiot! Geez!" / Caption: After the fire engine ran out of water, we were forced to improvise. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=455#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "I'm sorry ma'am - your husband didn't survive the operation."
/ [ His phone rings. ] / Doctor: "What?! REALLY?! Yeah, I just told her he was dead!" / Doctor: "Okay, okay - let me get off the phone." / [ Woman looks happy. ] / Doctor: "STEELERS WON!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=456#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Sorry bride of Satan! As you can see I've created a circle of salt, past which your wicked powers cannot penetr-"
/ [ The witch cocks a gun. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=457#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "This coupon book is worth over fifteen-hundred dollars in savings!" / Caption: Rule of Hooking, No. 1: Always demand payment up front. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=458#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "But mom!"
/ Woman: "I'm sorry son, but rules are rules. Now finish your plate." / Caption: Just prior to the end of dinner, a light bulb had fallen from the chandelier onto my plate. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=459#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (pointing a gun): "TAKE IT BACK! YOU TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" / Caption: "The lady said NO pickles!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=460#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man gets ready to swing a bat at a cat launched by a catapult ] / Caption: It was nice to finally get a little time away from the parish. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=461#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "Daddy like me best."
/ Daughter: "No, daddy likes ME best!"
/ Son: "No ME!"
/ Daughter: "ME!"
/ Son: ME!"
/ Dad: "KIDS! What a ridiculous thing to argue about! Here, I'll flip a coin." / Caption: Turns out I like George Washington better than either of them. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=462#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Batman (reading): "Am I going to rob the contemporary art museum at midnight tonight?" / Caption: Sometimes I feel like The Riddler just isn't trying anymore. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=463#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man stands in the woods at night and reads a text message that reads ":/ sry!" ] / Caption: Divorce is never easy. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=464#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ An old woman reads a paper that says:
/ -Tennis!
/ -Waiting to die!
/ -Macrame!" ] / Caption: The nursing home had an excellent brochure. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=465#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A hand knocks on a door. ] / Woman: "Yes?" / Man: "Wow...how do I put this nicely..." / Man: "What's the difference between your husband and a corpse?" / Woman: "Oh my God...Jon..," / Man: "The corpse isn't divorcing you!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=466#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I carved your name into my FACE because we're in LOVE." / Caption: I could already tell she was going to be one of those girls who expects you to pay for everything. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=467#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Money!"
/ Woman: "Sex!" / Caption: We decided to keep our marriage vows succinct. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=468#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (while shooting policemen): "HAHAHAHAHAH!" / Caption: Finally the tunnel out of jail could be built in peace. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=469#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Kids, Mr. Turlington had to attend his wife's funeral today. However, he left you a homework problem."
/ [ The board reads:
/ "Kids:
/ If a train leaves from 5 miles away, and you start walking toward it at 3 miles per hour, is life a meaningless series of pathetic tragedies?" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=470#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Priest: "What the?! How did I end up here?"
/ Satan: "Let's see...ah, back in 1987, some kid said 'damn you' under his breath. Yeah, it only takes one." / Caption: Life Tip: No one has ever gone to heaven. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=471#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "DROWN! DROWN IN YOUR LIES!!!"
/ Man: "UNKGH! URGH! GURGH!" / Caption: Susan was so excited that I'd booked a cruise for our anniversary, she could hardly believe it. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=472#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Daughter: "Hey Jon, I just wanted to call to say-OW!" / Caption: The chastity belt was working out great. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=473#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey! Happy Mother's Day! Yeah, so, they were all out of roses. So I got you some bitchweed instead." / Caption: "I mean carnations! Carnations! Wooh, Freudian slip, am I right?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=474#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Alright, here's your gun. If you want in our gang, you gotta kill some-"
/ *click click click*
/ Man #2: "Safety's on huh?"
/ Man #1: "Yeah. Yeah the safety's on."
/ *click*
/ Man #2: "Yeah definitely on."
/ *click* http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=475#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Teacher: "Kids, do you even like me?"
/ Girl: "No."
/ Teacher: "Not even a little?"
/ Boy: "Nope!"
/ Teacher: "Heck, you'll probably just do the opposite of whatever I teach, won't you?" / Caption: "Well excuse me!" barked Mr. Anders between bites of his snack cake. "I guess I'm the only one at the PTA meeting who doesn't want our kids smoking pot." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=476#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Gee whiz! These pancakes are just plain boring!"
/ Man: "I prescribe 30 ccs of rich 100% pure maple syrup!" / Caption: This surveillance footage was taken on 5/16/06 at 9:26 am. / If you have any knowledge as to the whereabouts of the killer known only as "Dr. Syrup." please contact the authorities immediately. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=477#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Flee before me! I am your God!" / Caption: Those stilts really went to Jesus' head. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=478#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "Because those weiner dogs aren't going to bread themselves! Now, KEEP STIRRING!" / Caption: Mom is having a little trouble adjusting to single life. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=479#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "Dad! I got two girls pregnant!"
/ Dad: "Wohoho! I bet they are pih-issed!" / Caption: Dad then went back to his video games. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=480#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Now, hand over the girl!"
/ Man #2: "That was never part of the deal!"
/ Man #1: "I am making it part of the deal." / Caption: In retrospect, the Monopoly game had gotten a bit out of hand. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=481#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Do these pants make me look fat?"
/ Man: "No, your huge ASS does." / Caption: "Oh...oh I'm sorry. You were asking your husband that question, weren't you..." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=482#comic |
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