You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Wait! Do you have any protection?"
/ Man: "Well, my mom said babies only come from two people who really love each other. So, I think we should be in the clear." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=543#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "You're getting another dessert?!"
/ Woman: "Well honey, as you know, I AM eating for two now."
/ Man: *sigh* "Right, right..." / Caption: Rachel wasn't pregnant - she'd just decided to start eating more. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=544#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents: Upsides to the nuclear holocaust
/ Episode 1: Giving relationship tips gets a lot easier. / Grandfather: "Son, there are two kinds of women in the world - there's Kim, and then there's Tracy." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=545#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "How about a game of checkers?"
/ Grandkids: "GRAMMA!!"
/ Grandmother: "How about we murder all the children in the world at the same time?!" / Caption: Now and then I have to politely remind Grandma that this isn't the 2010s anymore. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=546#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man holds a note that reads, "There once was a man from Nantucket. Steve, I shot your dog. Ucket." ] / Caption: I find a little rhyme can really take the edge off of bad news.
/ Which reminds me...I've been meaning to tell you that, well...There once was a man from...schmonorrhea.
/ You have AIDS. Ucket. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=547#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC presents
/ "Why she won't date you"
/ (answer on bottom) / Possibilities:
/ A. Tin foil hat.
/ B. Tin foil cape,
/ C. Crushing fear of martian invasion.
/ Martian: "Bleagh!" / Caption: (upside down): Answer: She's a corpse in your basement! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=548#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Who's there?"
/ Man #2: "Go f*ck yourself!" / Caption: Ted's knock-knock jokes have gotten really redundant since I got promoted over him. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=549#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Ow!"
/ Woman: "Yeah! This time it's filled with rocks!" / Caption: The voodoo doll works a lot better now. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=550#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "God, is there really a heaven?"
/ God: "Hahaha! Simple man. My child, "heaven" was created by humans in order to manipulate each other with false hopes."
/ Man: "So, then, where DO we go when we die?"
/ God: "Hell." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=551#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "I REALLY don't see how this is gonna help, but FINE, here's my insurance information."
/ Man #2: "THANK you." / Caption: I tried to apologize, but Steve just shut me up with "I'm not talking to you right now."
/ I guess it didn't really matter. It was only going to be about 15 more seconds before we inevitably smashed into the canyon floor. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=552#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: I wish the salad would dog into the cat my disappearing face-tooth!" / Caption: Of course, what Jeff should have wished for was a cure for schizophrenia. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=553#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man points to a picture of a "pile of corpses." ] / Caption: in an alternate ending to "Snow White," everybody just dies. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=554#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Old man sits in his chair with a lap dog labeled "joy." ] / Man: "Oh no! I've just recalled an embarrassing memory from my childhood." / Butler: "Shall I..." / Man: "Yes, bring it to me." / [ Old man sits in his chair with a lap dog labeled "shame." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=555#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Full house, Big Tex."
/ Man #2: "Yer cheatin'!"
/ Man #1: "You can search me iffin' you want, but you'll still hafta pay yer due." / Caption: "Why didn't you wear a dang undershirt?" Big Tex muttered to himself as he nervously fumbled for his top button. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=556#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Judge: "In the custody matter of Roberts vs Roberts, this court sees fit to award custody to.Mr. Andrews."
/ Man #1 and woman: "WHAT?"
/ Man #2: "YES!" / Caption: I have a fantastic attorney. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=557#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh wow honey! Kids, look! Honey, take a picture! Wow! New York City! Wow! / Caption: The Sandersons had never seen a homeless man before. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=558#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC presents!
/ Advanced
/ Dating Tips
/ Episode 1: Saying things without using words / Man: "Bleeg! Bwuhhh! Blargh!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=559#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "And viola! Sir, are you missing anything?"
/ Man #2: "Oh my God! I can't find my wallet! Or my keys!" / Caption: Smiling broadly, the magician reached into his hat, and retrieved Sam's retinas. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=560#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Let this be a lesson to all who will not kneel in deference!" / Caption: Many of us felt that Henry had overstepped his authority as Prom King.
/ For example, he brought in this silhouette of a hanged man. To Prom!
/ Or there was the time he hanged that guy for not kneeling in deference. What is this, middle school? http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=561#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Two questions, Mr. President: What's your policy on gun control, and did you really think that would work?"
/ President: "I believe it's a states rights issue and, no comment." / Header: Moments prior.. / President: "Papers, papers, one, two, three! Go away and leave me be!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=562#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman has a tattoo on her forehead that reads, "Don't look here" and an arrow pointing down to her nose. ] / Caption: I opted for a more economical rhinoplasty. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=563#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "High five!"
/ Man: "No high five?" / Caption: Apparently "You're in bed with another woman!" was not meant to be congratulatory. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=564#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Now that it's May of 2016, we sure don't have to worry about three-fourths of the world's population dying of a lethal strain of flu at the same time!" / Caption: This comic will be hilarious in about 20 years. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=565#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "Hey son! Whatcha got there?"
/ Son: *sigh* "Just dreams.." / Caption: [ Note that reads, "Things I wish dad would do:
/ -Learn English
/ -Move to America
/ -Never come home" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=566#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Sweetie, the honeymoon has been AMAZING so far. I was wondering if you'd like to try something a little..different tonight.:
/ Woman: "O-okay..." / Caption: Ted immediately went to sleep. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=567#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A tombstone reads:
/ "My last name is http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=568#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandfather: "Hey Billy, how 'bout we go out for some iced cream?"
/ Boy: "How 'bout video games."
/ Grandfather: "How 'bout I wrap you in a burlap sack and beat you with a cane?" / Caption:
/ [ Video game called "Crotchety Old Man Games presents:
/ I Wrap You in a Burlap Sack and Beat You with a Cane.
/ TURBO EDITION!" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=569#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Ted, my God, you tell the best stories! And this homemade sorbet is to die for!"
/ Man #1: "Well, thanks, I-"
/ Man #2: "Hey! You know what's better than both of those?"
/ Man #2: "Not being blind!" / Caption: The great thing about being handicapped is the ability to create five minutes of awkward silence any time you like. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=570#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandfather: "Hey kids, want to see a trick?" / Caption: In the future, it will be possible to predict the exact moment when you die. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=571#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, now that you're eighteen, we have something to tell you - we're not poor. In fact, I'm worth over a billion dollars. We just didn't want you to grow up spoiled and unambitious."
/ Son: "So, when you said, "we can't afford to fix every little problem," that was a lie?"
/ Dad: "Think of it as a story that taught you a lesson." / Caption: Silently, Todd felt the stub where his arm used to be. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=572#comic |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>