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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey kids! I'm here to say "Nobody loves you!" and now to crap on your pillows! Ho ho ho!" / Caption: Sadly, this Christmas we were visited by the other Santa Claus. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=633#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man points angrily in front of him while he stands in front of "fig 2.7," which shows an evolutionary progression from a gorilla to a naked woman with the word "slut" after her picture and "your mom" under the whole figure. ] / Caption: Tensions mount at the creationism-evolution debate. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=634#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey sugar-ass, why don't you ass your way on over here, and ass your ass in this chair? / Caption: Shortly before the first sexual harassment laws were enacted, many bosses tried to make up for lost time. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=635#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Wow, I don't feel all that different."
/ Doctor: "What the hell would you know?! You were under anesthesia the whole time! I saw it! Shutup!" / Caption: Trade secret: There is no such thing as neurosurgery http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=636#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "You call that a clean floor?!" / Caption: I finally found a use for that Nobel Peace Prize. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=637#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nun #1: "Alright! Gimme my super powers! I think I'd like to breathe fire."
/ Nun #2: "What? Who told you we got superpowers?' / Caption: Suddenly, the last thirty years seemed to lose a lot of their meaning. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=638#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Susie, I'm not like other guys...you know, when most men meet a woman, all they see is a pair of breasts."
/ Woman: "Aww that's -"
/ Man: "I see THREE BREASTS!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=639#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "So son, whaddya want to read tonight?" / Son: "An Elephant Never Forgets!"
/ Dad: "Hahaha! Again?" / [ Picture book opened to a page with an elephant dressed as a business man on the left and "I remember with perfect clarity the face of every woman who ever scorned me" on the right. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=640#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "Do the laundry." / Caption: Ouija has really lost its appeal ever since mom went to Hell. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=641#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Dirty looking man at a rally holds a sign that reads, "We want change." ] / Caption: Thanks to careful wording of our signs, we managed to convince a number of homeless people to join our protest. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=642#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I said I want 10,000 whores!"
/ Genie: "Wouldn't you rather have a lifetime of fulfilling devotion to the one true God?"
/ Man: "Than WHORES? NO!" / Caption: Being half genie, Jesus Jr. was never able to command the same respect as his dad. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=643#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Get the f*** off my lawn!"
/ Man: "But what about the love we had? What about the beautiful poems you wrote me?"
/ Woman: "Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*** off my lawn!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=644#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "But I'm not a witch!"
/ Man: "Burn for your lies!" / Caption: At this point, Reverend Winthrop made the mistake of shooting flames from his hands. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=645#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien #1: "Why have humans not yet mastered warp propulsion?!"
/ Alien #2: "They still rely on a ridiculous form of mathematics called 'addition.'" / Caption: Sadly, it isn't until 2087 that scientists realize 2 + 2 is actually very slightly less than 4. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=646#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "So, basically the idea is that there's this one true God who forgives you if you devote yourself to him."
/ [ Jesus sits behind the man scribbling on a pad of paper. ] / [ Close-up on Jesus' notepad:
/ "IDEAS JC 29AD"
/ "Angry sea monster"
/ drawing of a sea monster crossed out
/ arrow from monster to "one true God" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=647#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "Mommy...I have a question...why did I wake up next to a dead raccoon this morning?"
/ Mom: "I have a question for you! You call THIS a macaroni painting?!" / Caption: "I could barely ever read the 'I love you.'" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=648#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Step right up and spin the Wheel of Diagnosis!"
/ [ She gestures to a wheel with the majority reading "permanent erectile dysfunction" and a small sliver reading "health." ] / Caption: "Ouch, bad spin! Shame you can't sue fate for malpractice." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=649#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ Parenting tips!
/ Episode one: Encouragement / Dad: "Someday son, someone is going to set up the first colony on Mars. And son, that colony is going to need a janitor." / Caption: "You could live long enough to read about him." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=650#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ Marriage tips!
/ Episode one: "Staying Positive" / Header: Wrong way
/ Woman: "I hope you die." / Header: Right way
/ Woman: "I hope you die!"
/ [ She gives him a thumbs-up. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=651#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Relationship Quiz! / "Why did she break up with you?
/ A) 3 AM prank phone calls.
/ B) Frequent use of the term "Miss Tubbychunks."
/ C) Making out with other women.
/ D) Arsenic in coffee.
/ E) Asked her to stop doing A through D." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=652#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Close-up on a man with a gaping, bloody hole in his temple ] / Caption: As final thoughts go, "unicorns are real" is one of the better ones. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=653#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Wow, it's invisible!?"
/ Batman: "Uh...uh...yeah...baby...pretty cool, huh?" / Caption: Ladies beware: There is no such thing as a Bat-condom. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=654#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "THIS is what I think of your budget proposal!"
/ [ He pokes another man with a branding iron. ] / Caption: [ Close-up on second man's chest, which is now branded with "Good idea, needs work." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=655#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh my God! Are you killing me because I cheated on you with your stepmom?!" / Caption: Well then, now the birthday knife has two purposes. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=656#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Sweetie, I know girls are becoming sexually active a lot younger these days, so I made you this handy flow chart." / Caption: [ A red piece of paper with an arrow pointing to "NO" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=657#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Buddhist Monk: "YES! In your FACE! I'm the greatest! In your FACE fatass! In your FACE!" / Caption: Chen Hu had just won the World Championships of Zen Buddhism. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=658#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ "Pick-up lines that don't work." / Man: "My wife got me these!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=659#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Before this date starts, I should tell you I'm incredibly insecure about my horrible -"
/ Man: "Wait!"
/ Man: "Don't tell me! I love guessing. Is it the face?! It's the face, right? No?" / Caption: Thirty seconds later, I found out it was her car. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=660#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Ten hours ago
/ Man: "So, 13.7 billion years ago, an incredibly dense point of... / Header: Eight hours ago
/ Man: "...amino acids came together, forming complex polymers..." / Header: Six hours ago
/ Man: "...Australopithecines developed bipedalism, which..." / Header: Four hours ago
/ Man: "...then Aristotle, born in 384 B.C. was..." / Header: Two hours ago
/ Man: "...and in 1905, a man named Ernest Hackett met my mother..." / Woman; "Very eloquent, but you know what would've been better? If you had STARTED with "you have herpes." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=661#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ As a man hangs in the background, a note lays on the table that reads, "couldn't find my car keys!" ] / Caption: All was desolate silence, save for the soft metallic jangle emanating from Jeff's coat pocket. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=662#comic |
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