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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hi, Susan. Listen, we need to talk. I don't want to censor you or anything, but I don't really feel your editorials...embody what this newspaper is about." / Caption: [ Smith Family Gazette newspaper with heading "You still love me, Susan" and an article titled "Counterpoint: No I don't" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=753#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Like, candles and sh*t?" / Caption: Ted proposes an alternative to Western medicine. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=754#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "We don't have to make love tonight. I just want to watch you sleep." / Caption: I need to get a new landlord. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=755#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Heading: SMBC Presents: Break-up Secrets
/ Episode One
/ "Don't Break up with Her. Have Her Break up with You." / Man: "I thought this was the museum of tolerance! Not the museum of BORING." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=756#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: At the Justice League Tryouts... / Batman: "Your power is that people who look at you see their own grandfather? Look, I became BATman to strike fear into the hearts of criminals. I didn't become GRAMPAman because nobody-" / [Grampaman exposes himself.] / Batman: "Sign here please." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=757#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ One man stabs another while laughing.] / Caption: In an effort to clean up the city, we switched Buttercup Man's flower with a dagger.
/ He thinks he's tickling. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=758#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Whatsamatter, Pa?" / Dad: "I need to know what a fourteen year old girl thinks about copyright law and I need to know NOW!" / Caption: Before the Internet. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=759#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy #1: "Haha! That went out of style, like, a BILLION years ago."
/ Girl: "Nowadays, the big thing is chewin' on skunks."
/ Boy #2: [chewing on a skunk] "H-R-R-RGH!" / Caption: By the time you're eighty, you'll find out that the Internet was just a fad. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=760#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Therapist: "The first thing we do in sex therapy is discuss your turn-ons. I want each of you to just blurt out your greatest fantasy."
/ Man: "A girl with normal fetishes."
/ Woman: "BUTTERED SHARK FINS!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=761#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC's Guide to Surviving the Nuclear War:
/ Episode One:
/ "Things to Avoid" / [Nuclear bombs fly through the air.] / Footer: Thing One: Nuclear missiles http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=762#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Honey, I...I cheated on you last night. Twice. Again." / Caption: The most important thing in a relationship is honesty.
/ Plus, this way we won't have anything between us when he comes out of that coma. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=763#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Hippie: "Not a chance, deforester! If you want this wood, you'll have to come through me!" / Caption: The average toothpick is 0.01% hippie. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=764#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man [shooting a gun and singing]: "Shootin' cops! Shootin' cops!" / Caption: Great Practical Joke #12:
/ Convincing your friend he has diplomatic immunity. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=765#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey kids! I'm strung-out Sammy! And I just loooove drugs! And nothin's ever gonna make me quit because I'm sooo cool!" / Caption: Unfortunately, Intervention Isaac forgot to show up. So, the show ended there. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=766#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Lawyer: "I select this juror."
/ Judge: "But...but he just admitted to shooting 150 toddlers in the face!"
/ Lawyer: "Right, so he's in a unique position to sympathize with my client."
/ Judge: "Why's that?"
/ Lawyer: "Because my client sho- OH HO HO! NICE TRY!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=767#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents: "Courtroom Tactics"
/ Technique One
/ "Get your opponent off guard with an unexpected legal reference" / Man: "In response to your objection, I'd like to cite the case of Your Mother vs. I Had Sex With Her." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=768#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Policeman: "Calm down - Just tell us what you want, and we'll try to make it happen!"
/ Dalai Lama: "I desire nothing! HAHAHAHAHA!" / Caption: Ugh. I hate when the Dalai Lama takes hostages. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=769#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "This is my impression of you five minutes from now: 'Boo hoo hoo! My parents are dead? Why couldn't you tell me in a more pleasant way?'" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=770#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nun: "I'm in heaven!"
/ Saint: "Actually, this is heaven 2. Heaven filled up."
/ Nun: "Oh...oh...well...do you still have eternal bliss?"
/ Saint: "*cough* What did you say? Sorry, I've been throwing up all morning. Can you believe they made me work today?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=771#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Professor: "As Noam Chomsky once said: Oh! Oh! That is so good! That is so damn good." / Caption: Not a single class went by without Professor Ellis reminding us of her fateful night at MIT. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=772#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: SMBC Presents:
/ Practical Joking Tips:
/ "Typical Practical Jokes Last a Moment
/ Great Practical Jokes Last a Lifetime" / Mom: "Now that you've entered womanhood...here is your menstruation sombrero. I...don't think I need to tell you how it works." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=773#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "And then, every night, Sun-God descends to do battle with Jesus, the Moon King." / Caption: A thousand years from now, modern religions will be virtually unrecognizable.
/ So, I decided to give my son a headstart. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=774#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "But I bought-"
/ Woman: "You did NOT buy it for the kids! Don't even try that! Admit it! It's obviously for you!" / Caption: Okay first of all, I don't like your tone of voice.
/ Second, "it" is named Trixxxie. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=775#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Experimental SMBC:
/ "This may look like a blank panel, but if you project your identity into the empty space, you'll discover the metahumor in the absurdity of conveying real moments in two-dimensional images:" / [ blank panel ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=776#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Look, half of marriages today end in divorce! It's not inappropriate material for kids! It's information they need to know!"
/ Man #2: "No." / Caption: [ Book entitled "Maybe it IS your fault" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=777#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Scientist: "We connected a computer's CPU directly into a rat's cerebral cortex!"
/ Reporter: "Amazing! And what were your findings?"
/ Scientist: "Rats HATE that!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=778#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Oh my God! It's Mr. Thompson! From first period English!"
/ Boy: "Mr. THOMPSON? Is he...is he dead?" / Caption: There were few things more traumatic in my boyhood than discovering I'd murdered the wrong teacher. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=779#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Little boy sees a shooting star. ] / Boy: "I wish every day was Christmas!" / Header: Summer...
/ [ Dad stands outside in the snow. ]
/ Dad: "Still?" / Mom: "Why didn't you use our savings to buy food?"
/ Dad: "I...couldn't."
/ Mom: "Why not?" / [ Dad starts crying.] / [ Dad holding lots of presents ]
/ Dad: "Merry Christmas." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=780#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I'm gonna go cheat on you with my secretary while imagining the love life we had when we were newlyweds."
/ Woman: "I'm gonna sit up waiting for you and crying, drink myself into a stupor, then yell something psychologically damaging to the kids." / Caption: The foundation of a good marriage is honesty. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=781#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man drives down the street in a brightly colored truck that plays music and has "Sad Truths" painted on the side. ]
/ Man: "No one will ever love you!" / Caption: I liked it better when we had an ice cream man. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=782#comic |
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