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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Ta-da!"
/ [ He pushes open the door to the women's restroom. ] / Caption: I was later informed that this is not a super-power. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=993#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Conversation Tips:
/ People take it poorly when you insult their relatives / Woman: "Man, your twin brother is ugly!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=994#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Steve, you can't drive that busload of orphans drunk!"
/ Man: "Ugh! Gimme the keys!" / Caption: Once again, I found myself taking one of Cynthia's ridiculous dares. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=995#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Remember, son, just because you're adopted, it doesn't mean you're any different than the other kids. Well, except their birth parents loved them. But, I guess you already knew that." / Caption: I listened to the rock music fade silently into the breeze as Dad sped away from the orphanage. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=996#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Don't you do any, like, funny-lookin' stuff?"
/ Clown: "You mean LIKE YOUR MOM?! OH YEAH!" / Caption: I hate having Dad be my party clown. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=997#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "So that's it? I'm just another unemotional conquest to you, huh?"
/ Man: "No! I never said that. You're - hold on. It's printing." / Caption: [ A piece of paper with "#36" on it ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=998#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: "We've been broken up for six years, but somehow, every few weeks, we end up back in bed together." / Woman: "Sex?"
/ Man (thinking): "Damn!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=999#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman cleans the floor as someone knocks ] / [ A handsome man holds a glass slipper in his hands. ] / [ The man puts the slipper on the woman's foot. ] / Header: The following day... / [ The man stands proudly. ] / [ He gazes down at a sea of women organized in lines of "size fives," "size sixes," and "size sevens." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1000#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Can't get a date?
/ Try just being honest! / Woman: "I've got a gun in my pocket." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1001#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Well, I think it's romantic! We wrote the same entry in our diaries on the day we met!"
/ Woman: "We did not!" / Caption: [ Her entry reads "Nov 21 ~ Someday I'm going to marry him!" and his reads "November, 21, Someday, I'm going to marry him/her." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1002#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh yeah?! Well I can pee standing up!" / Caption: This line helped Todd get through his jealousy in Lamaze class. / The people at the disability conference aren't taking it quite as well. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1003#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "No way! You have Chinese spy satellites in your teeth too?" / Caption: Cynthia then apologized for talking to herself again. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1004#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Unlike Senator Defart's campaign, we haven't felt the need to resort to childish mudslinging." / Caption: "That's Dershowitz," corrected the senator. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1005#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Hahahahaha!"
/ Man #2: "No! Stop, you barbarian!" / Caption: Fortunately, it turned out he was sacrificing the heart to baby Jesus. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1006#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A suicide note reads, "I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm stupid!! Goodbye, cruel world!" ] / [ A man hangs upside down with his foot in a noose ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1007#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "And finally, two small circular incisions just below the pulmonary artery." / Caption: Dr. Gibbs demonstrates his technique for drawing a smiley face. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1008#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "I wrote a bittersweet tune for occasions such as this. It's called 'Your Wife Won't be Lonely for Long.'" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1009#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey, scouts, I'm back from Vegas, and you know what that means!"
/ Boy: "*sigh*...more merit badges..." / Caption: [ Merit badges with Todd on them and the words "Giving Todd Fifty Bucks" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1010#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Mmm...what can I do to be the perfect wife?"
/ Man: "Well, you know, in this magazine, there was this model who wore this tiny tiny pink bikini." / Header: Soon... / Woman (to model): "Will you sleep with my husband?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1011#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Scientist: "So, you see, in a significantly warped space, time will proceed much faster than in a relatively non-warped area." / [ Woman looks perplexed ] / [ Scientist smiles big ] / Woman: "So...when we had sex for two minutes last night -"
/ Scientist: "Only from your perspective!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1012#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "You don't need that can of cream corn."
/ Man: "What about my boyhood dreams? Huh?!"
/ Woman: "Your dream is to have some corn?"
/ Man: "No! It's...ah, forget it." / Caption: [ Man as a little boy ]: "Someday...someday I'll be a pervert..." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1013#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man holds a bag of infants over a shark tank ] / Caption: Todd was in clear violation of second date etiquette. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1014#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Saint Peter: "Listen, I forgot to bring my ledger in this morning. Were you good in life?"
/ Man: "I was good AT things. Does murder count? What about skipping church?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1015#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man in bear suit: "And the bestest kids in the whole wide world are the ones who love their mommies and daddies." / Caption: Snugglebear continues his ruthless anti-orphan campaign. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1016#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Empty toilet paper role ] / Caption: God doesn't love you. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1017#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Your husband...oh...he died of complications due to severe...seveeeeere colon blockages." / Caption: Perhaps it was naive to think it would help to use my sexy voice on her. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1018#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Well, admittedly, that is one of the flaws in our argument." / Header: Moments prior. / Boy: "Isn't this all stupid?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1019#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "WHAT?! It's not heresy if the Pope wins!"
/ [ Man hands a Father a copy of "Church Comics! Pope vs. Mammoth!" ] / Caption: Father MacKenzie was even less forgiving of my "Pope vs. Jesus Christ." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1020#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I'm installing a tiny camera in your toilet so I can monitor its functionality online."
/ Woman: "Oh...can I check it, too?"
/ Man: "You over 18?"
/ Woman: "Yes."
/ Man: "Sherriestoilet.com" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1021#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "'I don't loge you anymore?' What the hell does that mean?" / Caption: Note to self:
/ 1) Don't date stupid men.
/ 2) Don't break up by playing Hangman. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1022#comic |
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