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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hey, Susie. Hi. I know you're probably out with your new boyfriend, but I happen to be about to kill myself, and thought you might like to talk me down. Uh huh. Uh huh. Cut ALONG the vein. Gotcha." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1053#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Look, mom, I'm sorry, okay? All I'm saying is he should've specified 'after I die.'" / Header: Earlier... / Dad: "Son, I think I'd like to be cremated."
/ Man: "Uh...okay." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1054#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: A religious view of the origin of the universe / [ God holds a scroll that reads "Rules:
/ 1) E = mc^2
/ 2) Fg = G m1m2/r2
/ 3) NO HOMOS" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1055#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Giving a business presentation?
/ Make sure to focus on the positives / Man: "We have a chart!"
/ [ points to chart with plummeting profits ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1056#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "These aren't roses! Freudian slip!"
/ [ holds a sign that reads "die bitch die" ]
/ Woman: "I don't think you know what that term means." / Caption: Life Tip:
/ It doesn't count as an accident if you do it 3 dates in a row. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1057#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Criminal: "Okay, yeah, he died. Hey, you try shooting a guy in the face and not killing him!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1058#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "WHY?! WHY?!" / Caption: One of Edison's less popular inventions was the electric spoon. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1059#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Excuses that don't work:
/ "It's okay, I do this for a living" / [ A woman sits on a toilet as a man with a camera opens the window ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1060#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus: "There are starving people all over the world. How can I show them I care?" / [ Newspaper header reads "Jesus Appears on Grilled Cheese Sandwich" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1061#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Wait! I don't want to move too fast and jeopardize a potential relationship."
/ Man: "Oh, don't worry. Honestly, I'm not really all that into you." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1062#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Make with the romance! Now!"
/ Man: "Uh! Uh! Your eyes are like f**kin' twilight! There, I said twilight! That's romantic!"
/ Woman: "More! Now!" / Caption: This would've been easier if I knew who she was. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1063#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Your mom and I want you to know that we have, just an INCREDIBLY hot sex life." / Caption: Sometimes, I really hate my best friend. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1064#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Tip for doctors: Don't talk so loudly in the MRI room / Doctor #1: "Hey! This thing looks just like a starfish!"
/ Doctor #2: "Yeah, except you can OPERATE on a starfish!"
/ Doctors #1 and #2: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1065#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "It's okay if I use that word. I'm not a racist!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1066#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two scientists look at a chalk board that reads:
/ " inferior brain power?
/ pathetic physical strength?
/ victim of own emotions?" ] / Caption: Doctors Baring and Everett speculate as to why women find them sexist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1067#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (holding a note that reads "infinity dollars"): "I'm pretty sure we don't accept IOUs endorsed by Satan." / Caption: Life tip:
/ When selling your soul, always ask cash up front. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1068#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | SWAT member: "It sounds like he said 'in 3 minutes, I'm going to kill the mall.' What the hell does that mean?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1069#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Problem: Women like confident men / Man: "Hey there, hot stuff." / Header: Solution: Kill all confident men / Man #2: "I hope you guys don't mind." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1070#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Surgery Lesson #4:
/ The most common error is leaving something inside the patient. / Doctor: "Hey...where'd nurse Rodgers go?"
/ Nurse (from inside the patient): "Mmph! Mmph!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1071#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: I began to wonder if she was teasing me... / Woman: "I'd like to have sex with you tonight, but not in the physical way." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1072#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh ho! So, you're into bondage now, eh?" / Caption: The restraining order is not working. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1073#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Gonna go have sex with another woman."
/ Woman: "Nope. Can't do that."
/ Man: "Wait, WHAT?!" / Caption: There are some SERIOUS downsides to marriage. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1074#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "And here's my sexual harassment suit." / Caption: It was a poor euphemism for being naked. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1075#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "The good news is they're naming it after me!"
/ [ He holds up a patient file with question marks for the diagnosis ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1076#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Woah, woah, woah! Does it REALLY count as cheating if I'm married to him too?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1077#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two men look off the bow of a ship ] / Caption: Feb 5,
/ Things I now believe in: Mermaids
/ Things I no longer believe in: Dynamite fishing. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1078#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Life Tip:
/ Grammar doesn't ALWAYS matter / Man: "Okay. FINE. Here is the location at WHICH the bomb will explode and kill your family. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1079#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "For you evolutionists who say man and dinosaur didn't co-exist, how do you explain this photo of geological strata from southern France?" / Caption: "...which I bought from a raptor." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1080#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nun: "And then Mrs. Sperm says, 'hey Mister Ova, would you like to dance?'" / Caption: Yeah, it was weird. But, frankly, we were just happy she stopped using the F word for one sentence. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1081#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "It's time I showed my love in concrete form." / Woman: "Honestly I'm not terribly moved." / [ Man has a tattoo of his wallet on his arm ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1082#comic |
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