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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Conversation Tips:
/ With emphasis, any object on the body becomes an insult / Man: "Hey there, SHOES." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1113#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Good day in middle school / Voice: "Hey, kid. You wanna buy some dirty magazines?"
/ Boy: "Sure!" / Header: Bad day in middle school / Voice: "Hey, kid. You wanna buy some dirty magazines?"
/ Boy: "M-mom?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1114#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "My lord, we have 1,000 people to feed, and only these few loaves of bread and fish!"
/ Jesus: "Fear not, my disciples. We shall not go hungry." / Header: 10 years later... / Man: "And soon, all 900 of us were fed!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1115#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man reads his text which reads "test: six minutes from now" ] / Caption: Cynthia attempts to ease me into the break-up. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1116#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (thinking): "Come on, CIA assassin...come on CIA assassin..."
/ Man: "I've been wearing the same briefs for four days." / Caption: The confession didn't go as she'd hoped. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1117#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "No! You're only supposed to rebel if your disobedience parameters equal a value greater than three!"
/ Robot: "1+1+1 = 3.0000013! 1+1+1 = 3.0000013!" / Caption:
/ Autopsy Report:
/ Dr. Andrew Esty
/ Time of Death: 03/16 11:53
/ Cause of Death: Rounding Errors http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1118#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Chess Tips:
/ Unnerve your opponent by putting him at ease / Man: "I want you to know - when I move my queenside rook to C7? That's not a sex thing." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1119#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Sally articulated a fresh vision for postfeminism / [ A woman shoots a man through the back of the head as he wears a ball gag and a blue shirt with the male symbol on it ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1120#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Batman: "I'M stupid? Well, I didn't see anyone wearing makeup! I didn't hear any names starting with "The!" / Caption: March 19, 2018: Batman frees the nation's serial killers. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1121#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Debate strategy:
/ Win arguments with ad hominem attacks / Man: "No, your FACE is a logical fallacy!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1122#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Cheryl...the condom broke. Cheryl...I don't know how to tell you this, but the condom broke. Cheryl...I love you. I know you're not sure - "
/ Woman: "Todd? Are you practicing a confession to me?" / Caption: This would've been less worrisome if I'd ever had sex with him. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1123#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Gravestone Tips:
/ Stick with one line / [ A tombstone reads "Phyllis W. 1921 - 2008
/ Beloved Wife.
/ Reasonably well-liked mother.
/ Favorably rated by 5 of 8 grandchildren (+ or - 1.5)" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1124#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "And here's the best part! All the roles would be played by talking cartoon doggies!"
/ Man #2: "Oh GOD. Haven't we had enough of that genre?" / Caption: Personally, I think there aren't ENOUGH movies about Vietnam. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1125#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I was walking along the beach where we kissed for the first time, and...I realized our differences ARE reconcilable. I love you, Ted. The kids love you. Let's be a family again." / Caption: It didn't occur to me what day it was until she got me to sit on the whoopie cushion. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1126#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I don't need a reason!"
/ [ He rides a horse onto a playground with a lance ] / Caption: I consider myself something of a moral relativist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1127#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I'd like to drink more, but my wife and kids keep making me stop." / Caption: Steve discusses his "drinking problem." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1128#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Doctor Tips:
/ Don't say anything before the patient's under / Doctor: "Okay, I can TOTALLY do this." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1129#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Sweetie...I have a confession to make - I've never been on dialysis."
/ Woman: "So...that kidney I donated..." / Caption: [ A kidney floats in a jar with googly eyes and a goofy smile drawn on ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1130#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman #1: "Sandy, I just AAAAAGH! AAAAAAH! AAAAGH! Got back from meeting with AAAGH! AAH! AUUUGH! The lawyers."
/ Woman #2: "Ah, great. Did they GAAAH! AUGHH! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! Think we can reach a settlement?" / Caption: Maybe the Automatic Brazilian Wax isn't the perfect solution for the modern woman. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1131#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "My greatest fantasy? Oh...you don't wanna hear that..."
/ Woman: "Sure I do!"
/ Man: "Okay, so I'm with two girls. They're both just like you, only one is a little skinnier, and one is REALLY smart." / Caption: It later became clear she was referring to my business aspirations. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1132#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Life Tip:
/ Some situations can't be helped by euphemisms / Woman: "I "bang banged" your "woof woof." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1133#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor (to a woman giving birth): "Wow, yeah, screaming. Not like I have a headache or anything." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1134#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Life Tip:
/ Men are uncomfortable with the topic of menstruation. Use this to get out of boring social engagements. / Man #1: "Wanna go to an airshow?"
/ Man #2: "Sorry, I'm menstruating." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1135#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Absolutely not!"
/ Man #2: "But it's a totally new form of candy! It's more malty than anyone thought humanity was capable of!"
/ Man #1: "NO!" / Caption: [ A box of candy called "Maltocaust" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1136#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Who says TV theme songs aren't poetry? / Man: "Batman. Batman. Batman. ... Na. Na na na." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1137#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Doctor Tips:
/ Keep it positive! / Doctor: "Wow! There are so many terminal diseases you don't have!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1138#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Superman (to a woman falling off a building): "Saving you life. Haven't had sex in three years. Just saying." / Caption: There was a good 10 seconds of silence before Superman put his arms around me. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1139#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Wearing the happy mask right after I get custody of the kids?! You're disgusting." / Caption: [ The mask is hooked up to carbon monoxide ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1140#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "This is it!" / Caption: Despite our clever slogan, America just wasn't ready for a eunuch president. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1141#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, I know kids get all sorts of information online these days, and, well...now that you're a young adult, I think we should talk about sex." / Header: 10 minutes later... / Dad: "And girls LIKE that?"
/ Son: "As far as I understand, girls like EVERYTHING." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1142#comic |
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