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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Reason #12 Not to Date a Politician / Man: "I am unilaterally declaring sex!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1323#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Health Tips:
/ Don't schedule you doctor visit for a holiday / Man: "It's time for your SPOOKTACULAR pap smear!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1324#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A venn diagram shows the "bad news about sex," the "good news about sex," and the intersection, which leads to: ] / Man: "This will all be over quickly." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1325#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Need to End a Longterm Relationship?
/ Try humor / Woman: "Knock knock."
/ Man: "Who's there?"
/ Woman: "I'm not certain I ever loved you." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1326#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien: "Human leader! 50 years ago, we noticed signals form your 'television' began to interfere with our own communication."
/ Man: "Fascinating! You know, several of our astronomers predicted that-" / [ Alien ships blow up Earth ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1327#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Bullet: BZHHHHHT!
/ Man: 'And, in the next decade-"
/ Bullet; BZZHHHHY!
/ Man: "We shall move forward-"
/ Bullet: BZZHHHT!
/ Man: "Toward prosperity-"
/ Bullet: BZHHHHHHT!
/ Man: "While still maintaining-"
/ Bullet: BZZZHHHY!
/ Man: "Our core values."
/ Bullet; BZHHHHHHT! / Caption: Presidential speeches got a lot more interesting after the secret service was replaced by force fields. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1328#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Please...tell me what happened to her..."
/ Policeman: "Oh...geez...how do I say...uh...oh! Okay, imagine I'm the killer, and this chicken sandwich is your wife." / Caption: Apparently, Mr. Becker didn't appreciate my "tastes like chicken" joke either. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1329#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "WHAT THE - she had a problem with leaky pipes! How in the world is that supposed to help?!" / Caption: Dating a plumber has really ruined my porno watching. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1330#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two men reading "Creation Science" sit next to stuffed models of a roaring lion, roaring grizzly, and an evolutionist scowling with a double helix in one hand and a skull in the other ] / Caption: "Well, of course you dramatize them a little once they're stuffed." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1331#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Jeepers! You're almost twelve? You'll need to start shaving soon. Here, I'll put this razor blade in your candy apple so you can have it for later. Have a safe Halloween, and God bless America." / Caption: Today's comic paid for by the Zach Weiner Legal Defense Fund http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1332#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "In conclusion, I may not be able to afford a lawyer, but I don't need one, since I have three videos of the defendant shooting me in the stomach while shouting his name."
/ Lawyer: Objection! The jury will note that my client is a wealthy celebrity!" / Caption: [ A card reads "Verdict: Guilty, Charge: Bullet theft ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1333#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Pope: "Hey! Who's over there looking sexy? It's illegal to look that sexy in the Vatican! We have rules! Stop! Stop it!" / Caption: We were eventually compelled to remove the full-length mirror in the Pope's hallway. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1334#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dentist: "Now, I noticed you haven't been flossing. So, I wanted to share with you a picture of someone else who didn't floss." / [ He shows the boy a picture of Hitler. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1335#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A bunch of guys draw on another guy's face. ] / Caption: We had a lot of fun with James after he died at the party. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1336#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The engineer's nightmare / Man: "We want you to build a machine to violently kill your family."
/ Engineer: "Uh...no." / Man: "We'd like it to look like Megatron from Transformers." / [ Engineer looks torn ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1337#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Showdown!
/ 17th Century Explorer vs. Calculus / [ An explorer ponders over the question "what is the area below the curve?" ] / [ He writes "Subcurvetania" and draws in a flag ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1338#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Isaac Newton! Alexander Pope! Jean-Paul Sartre! Each a genius, and each more hideous than the last!" / Caption: It wasn't the pep talk I was hoping for after getting called ugly at prom. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1339#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "After careful examination of the ultrasound, all of our specialists agree that you're going to have an ugly UGLY baby."
/ Woman: "Uh..."
/ Doctor: "Don't worry. There's a nearby institution that handles this sort of problem." / [ The woman follows directions to the circus. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1340#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh, wow, you're Jewish? What's it like to be part of an evil world-dominating conspiracy?"
/ Man: "Uh, did it occur to you that I'm a person like everyone else, and that what you just said was incredibly offensive?" / Man: "Have her ELIMINATED." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1341#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Thankyou for the appendectomy, but I...I can't afford-"
/ Doctor: "Hey, look, I knew you couldn't pay. By doing that operation, I got something of value much greater than if I squeezed a couple of dollars out of you." / Caption: [ He has stitches above his rear end ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1342#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A doctor sits in a chair hooked up to a morphine drip ] / Caption: I didn't become a doctor for the money. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1343#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (to Superman): "Oh my God! That bus full of orphans just dropped into that lagoon of pig excrement!" / Caption: I managed to get my shirt back on just before she turned around. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1344#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Einstein: "But, I discovered the equations that define reality!"
/ Priest: "Sure, but what we really need is for you to die, and then have an unreliable crazy lady to say she got healthy after dreaming about you." / Caption: It's worth nothing: There is no Saint Einstein. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1345#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A couple is in bed after intercourse ]
/ Woman: "You, uh, you really think you deserve to smoke, too?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1346#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Limb fight!" / Caption: Med School secrets:
/ There is no disease that requires amputation. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1347#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus (thinking): "What the - oh God...think, Jesus, think...how drunk were you last night?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1348#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh, whoops...this isn't my list of things to yell during sex." / Header: Earlier... / Man: "MILK! MILK!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1350#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Daughter (closing one eye): "Mom, I've decided I'm a lesbian." / Caption: I knew I shouldn't have given her the pop-up guide to sex. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1351#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A teacher shakes his fist at little kids in his classroom. ] / Caption: I find that a well-placed "ohhh shit, yeah" really brings Shakespeare's sonnets to life. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1352#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Many of us felt the tenor of the spelling bee changed once the principal's son made the semifinals / Girl: "Could...could you use that in a sentence?"
/ Principal: "I had sex with your mother, Santa Claus is dead, nightmares are a window into your afterlife, and floccinausinihilipilification probably contains a 'y.' Floccinaucinihilipilification." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1353#comic |
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