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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Are You Fired?
/ A flowchart / Flowchart: Are you hands on my chest? - Yes - Are you an oncologist? - Yes. - No you're not. - Well... - NO. - ...honk! honk! ho-
/ Woman: "You're fired!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1354#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Old Man (shooting another man): "Ever since the great war was fought over snack cakes, control has gone to the man with the most cakes. Well, your reserves are about to make me that man. The name's Bloodhammer. I wanted you to hear it before you die." / Caption: There were some significant unintended consequences to legalizing pot. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1355#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien: "Oh, he comes back every two weeks or so. We gave him this big box of chocolates when he first arrived. Why? What'd you guys do?"
/ Man: "Uhh..." / Caption: Well, the good news is that we found out Jesus is worshiped on other planets. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1356#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A monk slaps another upside the head. ] / Caption: Monks who failed to achieve enlightenment were given the alternate answer to "what is the sounds of one hand clapping?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1357#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: female sign / [ Diary entry: "November 26, 2008: Dear Diary, Today, I experienced the miracle of childbirth. It is a miracle in the truest sense. I already feel that I have joined the ranks of all the mothers of history. It is as if my life..." ] / Header: male sign / [ Diary entry: "November 26, 2008: WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! My wife is asleep in her hospital room. I'm afraid to go inside. Who knows what she's capable of? WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL? EW! EW!" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1358#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: After a friend accused me of being closed-minded, I decided that, every day for a week, i would make one alteration in my mode of thinking / Woman: "I was thinking about the plight of women in the near east recently."
/ Man: "Hah! Hey, me too. Me too." / Caption: Day 1: Assume every statement is a masturbation joke. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1359#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "You uh...you decided to keep two kinds of each scorpion?"
/ Noah: "The tsetse flies will have friends now!" / [ The ark floats away into the ocean, leaving Big Foot, a dragon, and a unicorn in the rain. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1360#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "There is nothing in this world more beautiful than you. There's nothing that could make me stop loving you. There's nothing I'd rather do than be with you." / Caption: Steve segued almost imperceptibly into getting me nothing for Christmas. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1361#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor (performing a colonoscopy): "Okay, okay, we're nearing the blockage, and...it appears to be some sort of a...round...metal NO. ABSOLUTELY NO." / Caption: Candice didn't appreciate my creative marriage proposal. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1362#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Superman: "I would love to sleep with you, but I can't. If we made love, you'd be destroyed by the force." / Woman: "I...I understand." / Wonder Woman: "I would love to sleep with you, but I can't. If we made love, you'd be destroyed by the force." / [ A picture of a tombstone ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1363#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: I feel like Todd isn't taking his premature ejaculation problem seriously enough. / Man: "I win again!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1364#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A diary entry reads "December 4, 1208. HA! Let the fools try to hang me! Won't they be surprised when I cast my anti-gravity spell!" ] / [ A witch hangs from a noose, but suspended in air above the gallows ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1365#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | God: "The humans aren't observant enough! To punish them, I'm eliminating sex!" / Header: Two seconds later... / [ A couple sits up in bed. ] / Header: Two days later... / [ The couple sit up in bed reading "Particularly Difficult Mathematics" and "Engineering Around Physics." ] / Header: Two weeks later... / [ Scientists tinker around in a lab. ] / Header: Two months later... / [ Laser-shooting flying machines run amok on Heaven. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1366#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Doctor Tip:
/ Try to ease family members into their loved one's passing / Doctor: "Your wife's doing great!"
/ Old Man: "REALLY?!"
/ Doctor: "Well...not THAT great." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1367#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Teenage Anxiety:
/ A New Source of Income? / Boy: "Uh...I...I think you rung up the box of, uh...condoms, uh, 126 times."
/ Cashier: "Box of WHAT?"
/ Boy: "NOTHING! NOTHING!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1368#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "I'll sit on your head and fart! I'll see on your head and fart!"
/ Man #2: "No! Don't! I'll do whatever you want!" / Caption: [ Newspaper headline reads "U.S. Diplomats Broker Peace Agreement" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1369#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The definition of "prude" has changed since I was in school / Woman: "I want you to know I'm not the kind of girl who has sex on the first orifice." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1370#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Engineer Paradox / Engineer #1: "This move is so DUMB. There's no way a plane could maneuver like that and not stall out."
/ Engineer #2: "Seriously."
/ Engineer #3: "Doesn't anyone care about science? Anyone?" / Header: Later...
/ [ Engineer #1 reads "The Psychic Lords of Ravenblade," Engineer #2 reads "Epoch of the Dinowizards," and Engineer #3 reads "Breastica: Time Traveler from the Naked Future" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1371#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Now, some people say laughter is the best medicine, bu-"
/ Man: "Hehe."
/ Doctor: "NO! In your case, it could make your lungs explode." / Caption: Dr. Singh recommended gazing solemnly at the ever-dimming horizon. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1372#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man gets hit with a hard pink ball that cracks his skull ]
/ Man: "AAH!" / Caption: [ Part of a journal entry reads "December 12, 1924, Tragedy struck today, as we celebrated the summit of Everest with an impromptu water balloon fight." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1373#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Not All Veterans Deserve Respect / Old Man: "I lost my legs in the war."
/ Boy: "Wow...which war?"
/ Old Man: "The war between my legs and the fireplace!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1374#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Never Date a Magician / Man: "So, I really think we should try seeing other people."
/ Woman: "sniff...sniffle..." / Woman: "I want you to know...I'm not crying over you. I...I just have...something in my eye." / [ Woman uncovers her eye and throws a dagger into the man's heart. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1375#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Secret meeting's at this room in the Capital Building at 3 PM. The door's unlocked."
/ Man #2: "How can you have an unlocked door in a public building and be sure nobody ever goes in?" / [ A door has a sign reading "overweight women's room" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1376#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Courtesy Lessons: Holding the Door / Header: Right Way
/ [ A man holds the outside of a door open for a woman ] / Header: Wrong Way
/ [ The man holds the inside of the women's restroom door open for an incoming woman ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1377#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ There is an island in the ocean. ] / [ A man with a gun walks while babies in diapers run away. ] / [ The man aims ] / [ A baby gets hit with two darts. ] / [ The baby falls face first to the ground. ] / Man: "Good. It's a cute one." / Man: "This'll bring top dollar back in the States." / Boy: "Daddy, where do babies come from?"
/ Dad: "MAMA'S TUMMY! MAMA'S TUMMY!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1378#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh, ladies, this is running wolf. He was buried here four-hundred years ago, and he's VERY angry about me and Ted living here. VERY angry."
/ Native American spirit: "You're patronizing me again, Laverne." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1379#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (thinking): "I hate the violin, and I hate living in a cage! But someday I'll escape to - oh God he's looking at you, keep playing!" / Caption: Ever wonder why the conductor waves a stick around the whole time? http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1380#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "Spot isn't dead, sweetie. He's just tired."
/ Daughter: "T-tired?"
/ Mom: "Yeah...he, uh...he got all tuckered out from...falling off the roof." / Daughter: "Daddy? Why are you still up?"
/ Dad: "Oh, I couldn't sleep. I'm, you know...daddy's just worried over losing his job."
/ Daughter: "Why don't you jump off a roof!?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1381#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Aww! You're always so excited to see me! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" / Caption: Fun Fact:
/ Dogs have only two emotions - sarcasm and loathing. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1382#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ As two women look on, a man high kicks a ninja in the back of the head. ] / Caption: Life Tip:
/ No matter what your mother promises, you do not want to be a ballet dancer. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1383#comic |
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