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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Life Tip:
/ Nothing is dfferent ANYWHERE / Man: "Have you considered that maybe you only believe [ complicated mathematical function ] because you're PMSing?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1384#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A woman sits at a dinner table across from a man who is reading pieces of paper which read:
/ "Don't talk about self whole time," "appear to enjoy self," and "make eye contact." ] / Caption: I decided to give Ted some sex coupons for our tenth anniversary. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1385#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I like to do things ironically. Like, remember when you grew a mustache because it was out of fashion?" / Caption: Shirley explains the herpes. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1386#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Out of curiosity, how many children do you think it would take to carry a man around on a two-foot wide pedestal?" / Caption: Apparently, the orphanage has a bias against single parents. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1387#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Captain: "You think you get special treatment just because you have diabetes?! We have just enough rations to last everyone 30 days, and I'll see to it that each man gets an equal share!" / Caption: Many of the crew were not excited about the daily insulin injections. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1388#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (thinking): "I want to masturbate but I have to pee! And I want to pee, but I have to masturbate!" / Caption: Logicians refer to this as the "Get a Job" Paradox. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1389#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Superhero: "Are you all right? I-"
/ Woman: "NO! It's not a super power, so you don't get a catch-phrase." / Superhero: "But-"
/ Woman: "It's a sexual dysfunction."
/ Superhero: "It's a sexual ULTRA-FUNCTION." / Woman: "Ugh. FINE." / [ Superhero smiles. ] / Superhero: "Are you all right? I...came as fast as I could." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1390#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Best part of convincing your friend he's a CIA operative: Having him report to you in code / Boy: "The homely virgin is being suckered! Repeat: THE HOMELY VIRGIN IS BEING SUCKERED!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1391#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (deserted on an island with a lot of women): "Yes, we are marooned, but, with some cleverness, we can reproduce all the amenities we had on the mainland. Handshakes, for example, can be replaced by, oh, let's say...sex." / Caption: We would've been more open to the idea if it hadn't also been the replacement for shelter, electricity, and lack of sex. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1392#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Ariel view of an island ] / Man: "God, I'm hungry. But all I have is this time machine." / Man: "Wait a minute!" / [ Man runs to a big rock ] / [ Man writes "dear people of the future. Whoever finds this...please come back to the following time and place." ] / [ Man turns, startled ] / Man from future: "Dr. Eddington! I'm here to-" / Man from future (as Man stabs his throat): "GHK!" / [ Man from future roasts on a spit ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1393#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "You flick the spinner, but it doesn't matter because your own actions have virtually no effect on the outcome, which is vast and inscrutable." / Caption: Existentialists make lousy boardgames. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1394#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "The left one's just bigger, but the right one's an oscilloscope!" / Caption: Things I regret:
/ a) Dating an engineer
/ b) Buying her a breast enhancement http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1395#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Currently...
/ [ Dad chokes man ] / Header: 15 seconds ago...
/ Dad: "What you did to my daughter was against the rules!"
/ Man: "Sir, there are no sodomy laws in this state!" / Header: In between...
/ Daughter: "CURFEW! HE MEANS CURFEW!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1396#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man writes on a chalkboard:
/ sex=awesome
/ online role playing games=awesome
/ therefore online role playing games=sex ] / Caption: Math says I'm not a virgin! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1397#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Professor: "So, even if you move at the speed of light, another traveler at the same speed will also appear to move at light speed relative to you, regardless of frame of reference." / Student: "Professor Lewin, I believe God watches the entire universe at once. If all is relative...what would God see?"
/ Professor: "That is a profound question. Even a troubling question. A question which may have no answer." / Header: Meanwhile...
/ God (watching "World's Wackiest Pets!"): "HAHAHA!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1398#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Lawyer: "Where did Mister Ashby touch you, son?"
/ Boy: "Right...right there." / Caption: My client was acquitted after it was shown he only touched the boy on this doll. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1399#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Wow! WOW, this is delicious. Succulent. Man, way to go, Randy. Way to go."
/ Man #2: "Uh, he can't hear you, Ted." / Caption: The cannibalizing suddenly got awkward. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1400#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Old Woman: "Help! That man stole mt purse!" / [ Superman flies through the man, splitting him apart. ] / Header: Earlier
/ Lois Lane: "You're nearsighted! Now, put on your sports goggles!"
/ Superman: "Superman doesn't wear sports goggles!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1401#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Pilot (over the intercom): "Of course, if he turns away first, we should experience only minor turbulence." / Caption: Many of us were opposed to the game of airplane chicken. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1402#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The worst death imaginable: / Man (thinking while laying in a guillotine): "Oh, come on, what was the name of that actor?! I know it starts with a J...come on. COME ON!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1403#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Son...I have to tell you about something...big."
/ Boy: "YOUR MOM?!"
/ Doctor: "Uh, okay. That'll work. Now, you ask me, "who didn't survive her operation?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1404#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "The up side is that this increases your chance of having many healthy children."
/ Man: "Wow, really? That kinda makes it worth-"
/ Doctor: "Oh, sorry. I was talking to the cholera." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1405#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "What the-"
/ Satan: "WELCOME! Now you will spend your days hearing poorly-reasoned arguments for my existence!"
/ Man: "NOOOOO!" / Caption: Atheist Hell. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1406#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Importance of a Healthy Relationship / Woman: "I could do things for you your girlfriend won't do." / Man: "Wow, really? Like what?" / Woman: "Like...well...could you tell me the stuff she DOES do, and then I can tell you what's not on the list." / [ Man writes a list ] / [ Woman reads the list ] / [ Close up on woman's pursed lips ] / Woman: "EWWW..." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1407#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "This ring is made of rhodium. Even a diamond will eventually degrade into graphite. But this...this is FOREVER." / Caption: Todd explained that he planned to outlive me. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1408#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | (At a funeral) Man #1: "Oh, Steve, I'd like you to meet my sister."
/ Man #2: "NO! NOT NOW! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" / Caption: Damn you, Arousal Fairy! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1409#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (thinking during sex): "Oh God...she's looking for a reaction. Say something romantic!"
/ Man: "I wish this condom would break so we'd be stuck with each other forever." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1410#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "It's...terminal. But I don't want to die in a hospital bed. I want to take control...and I need your help."
/ Man #2: "...s-sure. I ...how did you want to go?" / Man #1: "I'd like to have my body ripped to shreds by a furious horde of brilliant women." / Man #2: "I think I know a way..." / Man #1 (at a meeting of the Society of Women Engineers): "I have proof that girls can't do math!"
/ Woman: "WHAT?! HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIGURE?!" / Man #1: "Eesh...I'd like to explain, honey, but...it involves fractions." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1411#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "You know, the ancient Greeks would bury a coin to ask the Gods for great wealth in the new year."
/ Daughter: "...okay."
/ Dad: "Well, I'm just saying, I'd expect a whole lot of great entertainment for your next birthday." / Zorbo the Clown (calling from under the ground after being buried): "Help! Somebody help!" (honks his clown nose twice) http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1412#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I have a confession...remember when I used to say "I'm going to the garage," then return three hours later, smelling of beer, with lipstick all over my face?"
/ Woman: "Y-yes."
/ Man: "Well..." / Caption: [ A beer keg is dressed up to look like a woman complete with a wig, bra, and lipstick ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1413#comic |
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