You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "How do you like your new face?"
/ Woman: "Oh, my God! I look...just like my daughter!" / Caption: The face transplant took a macabre turn. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1444#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Talking Economics: A Guide / Header: Step 1: Inform each other of your credentials
/ Woman: "I took the first six weeks of an economics course in college."
/ Man: "I listen to a LOT of talk radio." / Header: Step 2: State your opposing views
/ Woman: "I believe in a constitutional republic with slightly more government intervention."
/ Man: "Well, I believe in a constitutional republic with slightly LESS government intervention." / Header: Step 3: Remember, hyperbole is a form of logic
/ Woman: "Well, why don't we just let gorillas eat everyone's babies?"
/ Man: "Anything to spare them from your tax ideas!" / Header: Step 4: Avoid facts at any cost
/ Man #2: "Can either of you cite any sources for your claims?"
/ Woman and Man: "I'M NOT A WALKING ENCYCLOPEDIA!" / Header: Step 5: Agree on important points
/ Woman and Man: "I hope you die." / Header: Step 6: Notify Congress of your recommendations
/ [ Woman and Man are both yelling on the phone ] / Header: Step 7: Watch the system work
/ Old Woman: "Two of my constituents want something about gorillas eating babies. Can I get that attached to the new education bill?"
/ Old Man: "Me too!"
/ Man #3: "I'd vote for that!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1445#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Woman holds a gun to Man's head ]
/ Man: "NO! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"
/ Woman: "WILL YOU STOP F--KING MY SISTER?! HUH?!"
/ Man: "YES! I SWEAR!" / Caption: The secret to a healthy relationship is compromise. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1446#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A boy stands in front of a boys' and girls' restrooms ]
/ Boy: "Wait, so there are two places at school where there are naked people, but I'm only allowed in one?"
/ Principle: "Well...yes." / Caption: I remember the exact moment when I realized I was gay. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1447#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "No, of course it's okay that you're not in the mood tonight. Anyway, I'm going to be in the bathroom with this box of tissues, tube of Vaseline, and picture of your sister." / [ Woman walks into the bathroom and sees Man sitting on the toilet and playing with an action figure and a tissue box with a girl's picture taped to it ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1448#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Come one, I was a good Jew overall, and kosher 99% of the time, God's not going to keep me out just because I had bacon, or a few bites of clam chowder." / Man: "Oh crap." / [ Man sees Clam-Pig-God ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1449#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Parenting Tips:
/ Teach your kids to be realistic / Dad (reading "The Ugly Duckling" to his daughter): "Now, to be fair, swans don't get acne." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1450#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I deserve to get in! I was good in life!"
/ God: "What about all those children you killed?"
/ Man: "They were all firstborn sons of Egyptians."
/ Angel: "OH! He totally got you!" / Caption: If you want into heaven, read your bible every day. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1451#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "So, what's this year's 'breakthrough?''
/ Woman: "Okay, so a neutrino hits a Higgs Boson, and you get a..."
/ Man #2: "Biggs Neutroson."
/ Woman: "Done." / Caption: Pro Tip:
/ There is no such thing as Quantum Mechanics. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1452#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Now, cutie, I know you think it's sweet to bring me a dead bird, but it's...oh, you're so cute! Come inside for a bowl of milk." / Caption: She'll never know that I'M the one who loves her. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1453#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (talking to a blind woman): "My parents were in a plane that nearly crashed today! Can you imagine how torn I was?" / Caption: It's hard being an heiress. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1454#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Okay, but the main reason i smoke weed and play video games all day is so that women can get ahead of me." / Caption: I failed to convince my girlfriend that I was a feminist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1455#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Psychiatrist: "Well, I think we all have underlying neuroses of which we are unaware. For example, you could very well have nymphomania, but how would we ever know?" / Caption: Dr. Stern failed to cure my depression. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1456#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (narrating): "They're after my books." / Man (narrating): "I can only hope I haven't been watched." / Man (narrating): "Each book has been carefully hidden away."
/ "Safe."
/ "Safe from their greedy hands." / Man (narrating): "They can take my right, my freedom, even my life, but...WHERE IS IT?! Oh God! They've infiltrated my--" / [ Dad flicks the light switch on. ] / Dad: "We found your porno, son. You're grounded."
/ Man: "DAMMIT!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1457#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two men look at a giant contraption. ]
/ Man #1: "Well, it cost me six billion dollars, but I trust it'll do what you scientists...say, what DOES it do?"
/ Man #2: "Actually, it doesn't do anything. It's just bigger."
/ Man #1: "BIGGER?! Bigger than what?" / Caption: It was the greatest yo mama joke of all time. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1458#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "So, if the founding fathers were alive today, what do you think they would say?"
/ Man #1: "They'd say they were horrified by excessive government control."
/ Man #2: "Seriously? Have you ever looked at a history book? EVER?" / Caption: I don't care what other pundits say, the answer to that question is, "Holy shit! Airplanes!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1459#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A Man crawls in through Woman's window while wearing a space helmet ] / Man: "I'm here from space to make love to you." / Woman: "I knew it! Did you see my lawn sign asking for aliens to come to Earth to create hybrids?" / Man: "Indeed." / [ Man and Woman kiss ] / [ Symbol to show sex ] / Woman (to Man as he leaves out of the window): "Where are you going Spaceman?"
/ Man: "Back to my home planet. Goodbye my love. Goodbye and good luck." / [ Woman stares out her window ] / [ Woman looks pensive ] / [ Woman sees Man riding away on a bicycle ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1460#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dead Man: "Sonnnn...I've returned to tell you that I was wrong about your wiiiiiife. She's a wonderful womaaaaan..."
/ Son: "Oh...thanks dad, but...well, she died...three weeks ago."
/ Dead Man: "I knowww...I met her in heaven, and...we're sort of daaaaaaaating." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1461#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "No, sweetie, he's not dead...under extreme conditions, cats are known to divide asexually." / Caption: "And hey, what's more extreme than getting hit by a truck?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1462#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Oh, baby! Oh! Oh, yes! Toast it! Oh, toast it! Toast...t-toast...t-AHHHH!"
/ Man: "I get it, all right? Very realistic." / Caption: Never tell your girlfriend that you're sure she's never faked an orgasm. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1463#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus: "Are the Romans gone? I'll come out if the Romans are gone." / Caption: The Second Coming wasn't as dramatic as we'd expected. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1464#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man reads his Philosophy of Physics Final Exam:
/ "Is it possible to travel back in time and kill your mother before she gave birth to you?" ] / [ Man writes "no." ] / [ Man rubs his face. ] / [ Man rubs the scars on his face. ] / [ Man writes "Her Kung Fu is too powerful. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1465#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Professor: "So, you want to be a theoretical physicist? Well, get ready for long hours, sleepless nights, and weeks and weeks doing the same task over and over and over!" / Professor (playing a computer game): "Ding! Level 60!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1466#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A newspaper headline reads "Human Cloning Perfected" ] / Man (thinking): "I just hope my science has made the world better." / [ Man walks away while the reflection is the mirror stays ] / [ A newspaper headline reads "Mirror Shortage Solved" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1467#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Boys, I'm sorry, but mommy...is dead."
/ Mom (off screen): "I'm not dead. We're just getting divorced."
/ Dad: "Oh God! She's back from the grave!"
/ Dad: "You're safe as long as you shout 'don't let mommy touch us' every time you see her." / Caption: Thanks to advanced planning, the custody battle was a snap. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1468#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "When the band was really big, I'd wake up most days in a pile of broken bottles, still buzzed from speedballs, next to three, four, maybe five nasty groupies." / Caption: Mr. Sherman encouraged us to practice our instruments every day. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1469#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ As a woman writes complicated mathematical proofs on a chalkboard, a man grabs her boob ] / Caption: Moments after free will is disproved. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1470#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man stands under a banner that reads "Support group for men who cheated with their wives' adoptive daughter, refused to care for the resulting child, and moved to another country to avoid a paternity suit." ]
/ Man: "Hi, my name is Joe, and it's been one year and eleven months since I last SGMWCWADRCRCMACAPPED." / Caption: Sometimes I wish someone else would show up to club meetings. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1471#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "This is my new piece of 'found art.'"
/ Woman: "That doesn't count! That's MY found art. You found it in my studio."
/ Man: "After you stole it from me!"
/ Woman: "Stole ONCE!" / Header: Elsewhere...
/ Student: "Professor--why isn't there more funding for the arts?"
/ Professor: "Because of the philistines in Washington!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1472#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Imagine there were a food you could get any time, anywhere that contains literally every nutrient a human body needs to survive!" / Caption: It took approximately three minutes to convert the health food club to cannibalism. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1473#comic |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>