You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Darling...I have a confession...remember when your parents 'accidentally' died of carbon monoxide poisoning?"
/ Man: "Y-yes..."
/ Woman: "I AM your parents!" / Caption: My career writing soap operas was short-lived. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1474#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "You can tell me if it's weird, but...just for tonight...could you dress like Batman?" / Caption: Clark Kent's honeymoon began on a down note. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1475#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman (holding two bloody knives, covered in blood, and surrounded by dead bodies): "I can't! I can't do it! I've spread myself too thin! Now I have to thin you out!" / Header: Earlier...
/ Woman: "How can I be a better person?"
/ Nun: "Try to love everyone!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1476#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "We are a nation of followers!"
/ Crowd: "YEAH!"
/ Man: "Americans have become sheep!"
/ Crowd: "YEAH!"
/ Man: "And not metaphorical sheep! Literal sheep! There are nanobots in the water!"
/ Crowd: "..." / Caption: The LSD legalization movement is still struggling to find its voice. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1477#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "I'm so sorry...your husband didn't survive the operation."
/ Woman: "No! NO!" / Caption: Pro Tip:
/ April Fools jokes are even funnier the week after. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1478#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "So, the nanobots find the zygote and convert the malformed "Y" chromosome into a proper symmetrical "X." The bots are self-replicating, and will soon alter all human females in the world." / Man: "But, in three generations there'll be no men!" / Woman: "Well, I guess you're not interested in three generations of 18-year old girls who can't get a date their age." / [ Man looks stern ] / [ Excerpt from a Biology 101 textbook shows a man with two women hanging on him and a caption reading "The Human Male: The human male roamed the Earth from approximately 200,000BC to May of 2082. "He" died out mysteriously for no..." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1479#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Do not date a scientist / Header: Normal person
/ [ Indigenous people with spears chase after a man ]
/ Man: "AAAAAH!" / Header: Anthropologist
/ [ Man has a spear through his shoulder and an arrow in his head. The indigenous people are screaming around him. He writes "The indigenous population of the island has an acute propensity for murder." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1480#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Jesus breaks a cross over a man's head ] / [ Jesus kicks a man in the face ] / [ Jesus pulls out a man's heart ] / [ Jesus holds the heart up in triumph as three women stand around him in awe ] / Man: "We...we just don't think anyone will believe the gospel according to Jesus."
/ Jesus: "Fine." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1481#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Man sits in his bed holding a noose as a woman is asleep next to him ] / [ Man writes a note ] / [ The note reads "I tried to love you. Goodbye." ] / Header: Soon...
/ Woman: "Can't you love me AND the tire swing?"
/ Man (swinging in a tire swing): "Why would I want to?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1482#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Halloween Tips:
/ A good costume is in the details
/ Boy #1: "How'd you get so much more candy? I'm Frankenstein!"
/ Boy #2": "I'm the ghost of my dead father. I miss him. I miss him so much."
/ Boy #1: "Well played."
/ Boy #2: "Thankyou." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1483#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "It's for our clients with more...old-fashioned standards."
/ [ Another man holds a sign that reads "I've fu*ked a woman and strangled a bear" ] / Caption: We decided to go with a more standard men's room sign. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1484#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alfred: "Oh God, oh God, I'm so sorry! Are you-"
/ Batman: "NO! I was looking at these naked lady videos to track down criminal scum! Wow! I'm finding so many leads, I forgot to wear pants!" / Caption: "And this vaseline is to...grease the wheels of justice." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1485#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I guess you think I need these so my friends will stop hating me."
/ Doctor: "Oh, there's nothing in there. I thought you could cram it in your mouth so I could get ten seconds without your trite whining." / Caption: "Annnnnd your hour's up." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1486#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus: "Red wine with fish? Seriously? Why don't you just pee right in my mouth? Seriously, do you people know anything? Huh?" / Header: Soon...
/ [ Jesus is nailed to the cross ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1487#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Henchman: "Sir! Martinez has escaped! He's somewhere on the island!" / [ Man stares out of his floor to ceiling window ] / Man: "Now we must play...the most dangerous game." / [ Man and Henchman play tennis with lit dynamite while riding on bears ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1488#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "There are those who say homosexuality is a choice, and not genetic. To them, I say...BEHOLD! GAY TURTLES!" / Caption: Pfft. She's reusing the ending from her "spice up your marriage" lecture. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1489#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (in underwear): "Well, we could have regular sex, or might I interest you in...ULTIMATE SEX?" / Caption: Ladies Beware:
/ Fellatio goes by many names. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1490#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Officer: "Quick! The space corps needs someone who is overweight, doesn't bathe, and spends days at a time watching anime porno online."
/ Man: "You've found your warrior." / Caption: Niche movies destroyed civilization almost immediately. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1491#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Voice (on phone): "I wouldn't do that. Why? Imagine your mother - crying, lonely, vulnerable. Along comes a strong young man with a reassuring voice. 'I'm so sorry for your loss. Let me hold you. Mmm. That's right. It's okay to cry.'" / Caption: Our hotline prevented 100% of suicides. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1492#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandpa: "Stop! Stop that now!"
/ Boy: "Grampa!"
/ Grandpa: "It's a form of incest!...Think about it!" / Caption: Grampa strongly opposes masturbation. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1493#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Science Motivation:
/ The first person to discover a fundamental property of the universe can also be the first one to moon it / Man (mooning and slapping his rear end at a complicated equation on a chalkboard): "Take it! Yeah, take it!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1494#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Doctor Tip:
/ Sometimes it's not appropriate to brag / Doctor: "The operation went perfectly!" / Caption: "Unfortunately your husband did not survive." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1495#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Student reads his grade on his Psych 101 Midterm that reads "C+, pooped in your car." ] / Caption: Our professor is a big believer in operant conditioning. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1496#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "I'm gonna burn every one of you alive! Except the littlest girl - she has to WATCH! She has to...oh...OH GOD! What am I doing?!" / Caption: At some point in every woman's life she realizes she's become her mother. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1497#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Mom: "Remember son - life isn't about reaching destinations, it's about enjoying the journey." / Header: 40 Years Later...
/ [ Man looks sad as he stands wearing an assistant manager name tag ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1498#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I need some time to think! If anyone needs me, I'll be at the gym, benchpressing 300 pounds of Jane Austen novels." / Caption: Marco finds out he was a genetic experiment to create the perfect husband. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1499#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Here it is! A cure for bone cancer, and not a moment too soon." / Man: "But...I have lung cancer." / Doctor: "That's okay. I believe I have a workaround." / Nurse: "When did he die?"
/ Doctor: "Around when we turned his lungs to bone." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1500#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "It can't walk?! What about the ultra-flame? what about the death rays in the eyes?!"
/ Man #2: "I'm sorry Monsieur Bartholdi. Budget cuts." / Man #1: "Hmm...we'll need a new geopolitical strategy." / Man #1 (gesturing to the Statue of Liberty): "It's a gift!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1501#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Son, I want to talk to you about sex. So...imagine this banana is, well...a penis. Now, the-"
/ [ Dad's cell phone rings ]
/ Dad: "Oh geez. I've got to take this. Hold on for five minutes." / Caption: It was a bad time to be absent-minded. / It was a worse time to be hungry. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1502#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Student: "P-professor...did you forget your pants?"
/ Professor: "Oh, I wouldn't say I "forgot." / Caption: Doctor Ellsworth gave his usual speech on the importance of achieving tenure. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1503#comic |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>