You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "This purity ring means i will remain a virgin until marriage." / Header: Soon...
/ Man: "What do you mean you're still a virgin? We just had sex/" / Woman: "It's the magic of the purity ring." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1565#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | King: "You...you think we do this for fun?! I'm trying to collide particles fast enough to find the Higgs Boson. My God, man. What kind of idiots do you think we are?" / Knight (getting hit with a lance): "AAH!"
/ King: "Did anyone see a boson?! Look hard people!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1566#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Amazing! I swear, he spends 12 hours a day looking at samples." / Header: Earlier...
/ Man (holding up a DVD called "Filthy Ladies 64"): "Do you have this in microfiche?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1567#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Superman (wearing a helmet): "This is stupid. This is SO stupid." / Caption: Looks like Superman's mother is in town again. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1568#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Come on! It's worth thirty grand! Shop around!" / Caption: Apparently you can't pay child support with children. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1569#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nurse: "Doctor, he's flatlining!"
/ Doctor: "Quick! Shake the EKG!" / Caption: I consider myself a pragmatist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1570#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Teacher: "And the genes are passed from the parents to the kids! That's why Chinese people have Chinese babies, and Indian people have Indian babies." / [ A little girl looks worried ] / Teacher: "What's the matter, Susie?" / Susie: "My mom just had two boys at the same time." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1571#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Dear God, do you actually answer prayers?"
/ God: "Yes, but only in a way indistinguishable from random luck or the result of your own efforts." / Boy: "Dear Satan-"
/ Satan: "You want small denominations or large?" / Caption: Who do you think is gonna win the war at the end of days? http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1572#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Fixing Your Lycanthropy: 3 Approaches: / Header: Normal person
/ [ A man hangs from a noose next to a note that reads "I'm sorry." ] / Header: Doctor
/ [ A man kills himself via lethal injection. ] / Header: Engineer
/ [ A man explodes the moon. ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1573#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Daddy, what's the difference between boys and girls?"
/ Dad: "You know how when want power you put a plug into an outlet?"
/ Girl: "Uh, yeah?"
/ Dad: "Well, when boys do that, they're thinking about breasts." / Caption: Dad then zoned out, smiling, for about 30 seconds. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1574#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "We're going to have to remove both of your eyes. We have some glass eyes, which-"
/ Man: "No, no. That'll terrify my grandkids. Give me a week to think about it." / Man: "Say, boys, what's your favorite thing in the world?" / Header: Soon...
/ [ Two little boys look shocked ] / Man: "Chocolate, vanilla, or swirl?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1575#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Creationist Response Dice Game! / [ Four sides of a die:
/ "Just a theory"
/ "Put here by Satan"
/ "Aaah! Aaaah! Can't hear you! I can't hear you!"
/ "Proven wrong by scientists at Patriotic Christ University" ] / [ Four sides of another die:
/ "Transitional fossils are..."
/ "Radiometric dating is..."
/ "Geologic strata are..."
/ "Molecular biology is..." ] / Bonus: With these, or 20 years of science education, you can get on tv! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1576#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Professor: "With the creation of the she-borg sex robots, we have eliminated the need for females altogether!" / Man: "What about procreation?" / [ Professor looks upset ] / Professor: "I said NEED." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1577#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Princess: "A kiss from a prince! The witch's spell is broken!" / Caption: [ Dear diary,
/ Today I was kissing dead chicks, and you'll never believe what happened!" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1578#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandma: "Kids, whenever I die, I don't want any crying. I want a big party, with hats and balloons and everything!" / [ Newspaper headline reads "Local grandmother tortured to death by escaped convict!" ] / [ Her family sits at a table with cake, party hats, and balloons ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1579#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I'm sorry you lost your store, honey."
/ Woman: "The fire destroyed everything."
/ Man: "Would you like some...oral sex?"
/ Woman: "Oh GOD yes." / Caption: She seemed to lost interest right around the time I got my pants off. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1580#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "See, it's beautiful! Just like a-"
/ Man: "No! Absolutely not! There is nothing metaphysical about you cheating on me!"
/ Woman: "It was bad of me to cheat on you. It was good of me to stop."
/ Man: "NO!" / Caption: [ Yin yang symbol ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1581#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Professor: "I have a confession. You weren't actually taking personality surveys. This was a psychological experiment to see if you'd lie about yourself." / Woman: "No, no, I have a confession. You weren't actually teaching students. It was a psychological experiment to see if you could be convinced that you had professional credentials." / Man: "No, sorry. I have a confession. I was conducting an experiment to see if you would deceive a person into thinking he was a psychologist." / Professor: "But...I was conducting an experiment on you to see if a professor would change behavior when pretending to be a student." / Woman: "But then..."
/ Professor: "How could..." / Man: "Who started the experiment?" / Scientist: "Good. Just as expected." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1582#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Nitrosomonas europaea ]
/ Nitrosomonas europaea
/ Consumes:
/ Ammonia.
/ Benzene. / [ Geobacter sulfurreducens ]
/ Geobacter sulfurreducens
/ Consumes:
/ Sulfates.
/ Radiation. / [ Steve ]
/ Steve
/ Consumes:
/ Chips.
/ Pieces of chips. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1583#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Let's do the water test. Put him in water. If he floats, he's a witch."
/ Man #2: "But...don't you think...under the circumstances-"
/ Man #3: "Don't knock the test, Todd." / Caption: Fun Fact:
/ The Second Coming happened briefly in 1693. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1584#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Happy Truth:
/ Sometimes, the system DOES work / Man: "I'm suffering from anxiety over whether you'll prescribe me medical marijuana!"
/ Doctor: "Sounds like you need some medical marijuana." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1585#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Pope: "Oh, no! I'm going to be here for at least 20 minutes, and I didn't bring anything to read! It's like...it's like..." / Caption: 20 minutes later, Pope Eugenius proposed the idea of Purgatory. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1586#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "So...he lost. Do we...remove him..."
/ Man #2: "Crap, he was right. It did get weird." / Caption: Strip Russian Roulette wasn't as fun as we'd hoped. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1587#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Superman: "Lasers. I can shoot lasers from my eyes." / Caption: President Superman gave some brief remarks on the topic of term limits. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1588#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Moses: "Uh...maybe some specifics?"
/ God: "What, you want f**kin' bullet points?"
/ Moses: "Just, like...how about ten particulars?"
/ God: "Fine." / Caption: [ A picture of a stone tablet with "Don't be a dick" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1590#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (thinking): "Oh God, it's the cops! Quick, think of an excuse!"
/ Man: "Uh...ah, there! Got all that heroin out of my veins." / Caption: "And now to donate it to charity!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1591#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Given the opportunity, would you have sex with this partially shaved gorilla?"
/ Son: "Well...y-yeah, I probably would."
/ Dad: "Yep, me too." / Caption: Dad answered my question as to the difference between boys and girls. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1592#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Dungeons and Dragons players shouldn't be allowed in medicine / Doctor: "I hear tell you have need of my...vaginomancy!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1593#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Microbiology of Aging / Header: Youth
/ White blood cell #1: "This is white blood cell 481282. We have a wound in Sector 16."
/ White blood cell #2: "Wow! He must be fighting a war or something!"
/ [ A boy has his place planted in a bloody mess on the asphalt after a bike jump gone bad ] / Header: Adulthood
/ Sperm #1: "Immediate rendezvous in Area 121"
/ Sperm #2: "Again? She must be wonderful."
/ [ A man masturbates while watching "Intercoursin' It!" ] / Header: Middle Age
/ Neuron #1: "Wow, another wave of glutamic acid."
/ Neuron #2: "He must be solving field equations!"
/ Man: "Guess who just made his spreadsheets 3% more efficient?!" / Header: And finally...
/ White blood cell (to a sperm and a neuron): "You know what? F**k this guy."
/ [ The man sits in a wheelchair ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1594#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Debate Uncertainty Principle
/ change in C x change in E = 1 / change in C = Certainty in your own viewpoint
/ change in E = Existentialism in your arguments / [ graph with change in C on the y-axis and change in E on the x-axis ]
/ On the change in C axis (from high to low):
/ Man: "Dude, I did my PhD research on this."
/ Man: "I 'know' a 'guy' who's an 'expert.'"
/ Man: "I am two years into my philosophy degree, sir." / On the change in E axis (from low to high):
/ Man: "Here's the spreadsheet. See for yourself."
/ Man: "I don't trust 'sources.'"
/ Man: "I am two years into my philosophy degree, sir." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1595#comic |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>