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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "This is Petey Proton, and this is his sweetie, Penny Proton, when they bump into each other with enough speed, you get baaaaaby energy! Neato, huh?" / Voice: "Yayyyy!"
/ Voice #2: "I'm confused!"
/ Voice #3: "I have to go potty!" / Caption: All things considered, my speech to the Senate Science Committee went pretty well. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1810#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Soldier: "Mr. President! The people at SETI have found a mysterious equation from space! They wanted me to show you immediately!" / [ The President looks at the paper ] / President: "sigh" / President: "Get me Dr. Plait. Hi. We know the jocks bullied you in high school. Please stop being mean to the military." / [ The soldier looks embarrassed ] / [ The paper reads "Urgent! 8==D" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1811#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A graph with x-axis labeled "words that follow ' I like my coffee like my women'" and a y-axis labeled "awkwardness" has an upward sloping line with "black," "fresh," and "inanimate" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1812#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH!" / [ Man looks scared ] / Woman: "No goood?" / Caption: Steve never again asked me to be more vocal during orgasm. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1813#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Astronomy Funding is IMPORTANT. Because...one day... / [ Asteroids hurdle through space ] / [ One hurdles towards Earth ] / [ The Astronomy Department sees the rock ] / Scientist #1: "Exactly where we predicted!"
/ Scientist #2: "Yes!" / [ Earth explodes ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1814#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Pope: "Mecha-Satan! Duck, Christ! Duck!" / [ Mecha-Satan tries to blast Christ, who ducks. The Pope blocks the blast with his hat ] / Pope: "Thank you so much..." / [ The Pope touches noses with Christ and stares at him ] / Cardinal: "Shh! The Pope is lost in thought." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1815#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Horrible Truths For Children! / Any media you enjoy now, no matter how mirthful, will eventually be used for sexual reoleplay / Man: "My word! 'Tis a portal to Narnia! Shall I enter?"
/ Woman: "Forthwith!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1816#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Theological Argument for God / Header: In theory:
/ Man: "It seems like something of some kind must've designed physics. Such a being might well be called 'God.'" / Header: In practice:
/ Man #2: "It seems like something of some kind must've designed physics. Long story short, the Southern Methodist Episcopalian Wesleyan Church is exactly right." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1817#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The aliens walked among us, unseen.
/ [ An alien with green eyes walks among humans ] / Header: Worldwide, a defense strategy was implemented.
/ Newscaster: "Try to notice behaviors that normal men and women would never engage in. If you see these, it is an alien. An alien who wants to drink your blood!" / Header: Collateral damage was inevitable.
/ Man (who has been stabbed by a woman): "Ghllk. I actually just wanted to cuddle! Some men like cuddling!" / Header: Unknowingly, we artificially selected for more and more stereotypical behavior.
/ Woman: "You're gonna buy me that necklace, or I'll start screaming and crying!"
/ Man (thinking): "I'm safe!" / Header: Slowly but surely, life became intolerable.
/ Woman #2: "We'll watch that romantic comedy or I'll withhold sex, which is gross!"
/ Man #2: "Don't care! I'm gonna go bone a younger woman then come home and leave urine on the toilet seat! Boom!" / Header: The few of us who were still abnormal faced a stark choice.
/ Woman #3: "Are...are you reading a novel?"
/ Man #3: "Yep."
/ Woman #3: "About barbarians or wrestling?"
/ Man #3: "About coming of age as a woman in Victorian England."
/ Woman #3: "Kiss me! I don't care about the danger!" / Header: Fortunately, intellectual starvation made the consequences seem minor.
/ [ Man #3 (who's actually an alien) grabs the woman's face ]
/ Woman #3: "So, do you like Joyce? I'm a big fan of Joyce." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1818#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "Nothing that breaks the skin and nothing that goes up the nose!"
/ Son: "Jeez! Dad, I'm not gonna do any drugs in college!"
/ Dad: "...Right." / Caption: Well, the sex talk got off to an awkward start. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1819#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Biologist's Dilemma: / Woman #1: "Less than 40% of Americans believe in evolution..."
/ Woman #2: "We just need to reach out to them! Once they meet us, they'll realize we're the same as they are. We have the same hopes, the same dreams, the same joys." / Mailman: "Mail's here!"
/ Woman #2: "Oh boy!" / Women: "Pig fetuses!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1820#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Prince: "Good morrow, my darling!"
/ Princess: "Good day, Prince Lovington!" / Princess: "Indeed! Shall we away to my ball room, perchance to dance?"
/ Prince: "'Twould be my heart's delight!" / Prince: "Ah, love, you are forever my ghhk!" / Prince: "Glhkkhk! Ghk! Gfllhhkhk!" [ he vomits ] / [ Pull back to reveal a girl playing with her two cats and that the prince is actually a cat hacking up a hairball ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1821#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "I got into politics to change things."
/ Man #2: "And you did!" / Man #1: "I lied to them."
/ Man #2: "Sure, but it worked!" / Man #1: "That's what scares me. For twenty years I told the truth, and it was like talking to a wall. One lie, and everything changes. It's an ugly world, Bob." / Man #2: "It may be ugly, Mr. President, but what you did this morning was a beautiful thing." / Header: Earlier...
/ Man #1: "Fuel efficiency makes your dick bigger!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1822#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Satan: "You were a mime in life, so we've prepared for you a most...ironic punishment." / Man: "Forever trapped in a box?" / Satan: "Acid enema." / Man: "How is that in any way ironic?" / Satan: "Exactly." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1823#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Ow wow. Wow, that feels good. It's like cold and hot at the same time!"
/ [ The man is in the shower with his hands out of the lower frame ] / Caption: This purity ring is working out great! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1824#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Ha! Looks like my son potty trained before yours. How's that feel, brother?!"
/ Man #2: "Feels great! In fact, I'm gonna send a letter of congratulation." / Caption: [ A letter reads, "Dear Billy, Great job! Sincerely, Invisible Toilet Snake" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1825#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The future is horrible: Reason #12:
/ Philanthropists with Precognition / Man: "Hi. I'm here with a donation from 'Mother of Future Orphans.'" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1826#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: My first encounter with the sublime / Son: "Dad, do you ever stare out at the infinite vault of stars and wonder if anything anyone ever does on this tiny planet will ever matter in the grand scheme of the universe?" / Dad: "You're still grounded for having secret porno, son." / Son: "But space is big!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1827#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: A pion decays into a positron and an electron whose quantum states are entangled.
/ [ pi^0 breaks down into e- and e+ ] / Header: By observing one, we change the other regardless of their distance of separation / Header: By this means, information is transferred faster than the speed of light.
/ [ An astronaut looks at a text "I <3 u" far away from Earth ] / Header: Which proves a fundamental Law of Reality
/ [ an electric motor, a laser, and a quantum communicator ] / Header: Any sufficiently advanced technology will eventually be used as a cat toy.
/ Man: "You can't catch the mousey! The mousey is superluminal!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1828#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A rope is around two Rubik's Cubes with a sign reading "Free Rubik's Cubes!" ] / [ A man pops out of the bushes ] / [ The man creeps towards the cubes ] / [ When the man grabs one of the cubes, his foot is trapped by the rope ] / Man: "How does your department find so many first rate mathematicians?"
/ Woman: "Well..." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1829#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Daughter: "Daddy, what are the two red lights at the top of the Washington Monument?" / Header: Good parenting
/ Dad: "Those are called aircraft warning lights." / Header: Fun parenting
/ Dad: "That's Washington...watching." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1830#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Can we not have sex tonight?"
/ Woman: "I'm sorry. I'm saving that for my husband." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1831#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A man lights a cave wall showing a woolly cow staring at a woman's breasts ] / Caption: "We believe it to be the very first 'yo mama' joke." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1832#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Son: "Dad, now that us kids are out of the house, you should get that science degree you always wanted." / Dad: "Oh, it'd be silly. All the great thinkers made their greatest contributions in their 20s."
/ Son: "Yeah. True." / Son: "Well, except Hemingway, Einstein, Feynman, Descartes, Schrodinger, Mendel, Mendeleev, Shakespeare, Babbage, Pope, Spinoza, Turing, Fermi, Joyce, Bach, Faraday, Aquinas, and Galileo." / Dad: "That's...actually a very good thought."
/ Son: "Well, I'm in my 20s." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1833#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "How'd the blind date go?"
/ Man #2: "Weird. She was a vegetarian, so she can't eat meat." / Man #1: "It's not that she can't eat meat. She chooses not to." / Man #2: "That may have been the problem..." / Man #2 (eating meat): "Why aren't you impressed? This is like magic to you!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1834#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dinosaur #1: "Ha! The Interuniversal Transporter is complete!"
/ Dinosaur #2: "Let's open the asteroid dimension!"
/ Dinosaur #3: "Genius!" / Caption: Fun Fact:
/ Scientists destroy civilization every 65 million years. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1835#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "Would you like me to treat you with chemotherapy or inflatable banana pig?" / Caption: I love treating epistemological anarchists. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1836#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Well, TV sucks tonight."
/ Man: "Yyyyyep." / Caption: Soon...the humans would mate. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1837#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Two scientists stare at a white board with lots of mathematical equations ] / [ They walk out of the room, past a janitor ] / [ The janitor stares at the white board ] / [ He writes on the white board ] / [ He leaves the room, smiling ] / [ The two scientists look shocked ] / [ They smile ] / [ They put the finishing touches on a machine ] / [ They stand in front of the giant machine ] / [ A hand pushes a big red button on the machine ] / [ The machine explodes ] / [ The janitor stands by the fire with an evil glare ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1838#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Hooray! More rainbows!"
/ Unicorn (barfing): "HLGH! BLAAGHH!" / Caption: I never felt too bad about Mr. Unicorn's alcoholism. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1839#comic |
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